“Perfect,” Tracey said. “I was coming back here to see if you could drop me off at my sister’s. I’m watching her kids tonight and there’s never a place for me to park in her development.”
“Fine,” Andie said, walking around her friend. “But we need to leave now.”
Tracey made a face before she brought her hand up to her forehead in a salute. “Sir, yes sir!” she said, following her friend to the door.
Andie laughed, rolling her eyes as she pulled the door open and walked out through the restaurant. She weaved her way around the bar area and out through the side door, not even checking to see if Tracey was behind her.
As soon as both girls were inside the car, Andie saw Tracey turn in the passenger seat to face her. “Alright, Weber. Spill it.”
“Spill it?” Andie asked as she backed out of the space.
“Seriously, what the hell is going on with you?” Tracey asked, the concern prevailing over the playfulness in her voice.
“What? Nothing. I’m fine,” Andie said, and when Tracey responded with silence, she glanced over to see her friend staring at her.
“I call bullshit.”
Andie sighed heavily; she didn’t know who she was kidding trying to evade her best friend of nearly twenty years. “Fine,” she said softly. “I just realized that I might…I mean that I do…” She shook her head, taking a breath. “I have feelings for Chase.”
“God, you suck,” Tracey laughed. “I can’t get a good guy, and here you are lining them up.”
Andie kept her eyes on the road, saying nothing.
“Wait, hold on, are you seriously considering doing something about this?” Tracey asked, the humor now gone from her voice.
She licked her lips before she nodded, her eyes straight ahead.
A stillness fell over the car, and Andie felt a tightening in her chest as she waited for Tracey’s response.
“Andie,” she finally said. “Colin is great.”
“I know,” Andie responded softly.
There was another silence before Tracey said, “I mean, do you even know this Chase guy? Does he have feelings for you too? Or does he just want you? How much thought have you put into this? It’s just that…Colin is a lot to throw away.”
Andie exhaled heavily as she dropped her head back against the seat. “I’ve thought about it, Trace. It’s all I’ve been able to think about for the past month.”
Tracey said nothing, but out of the corner of her eye, Andie could see her shift so that she was facing the road again.
“It’s just that I chose wrong. And I want you to be sure you’re not doing the same thing.”
“You chose wrong?” Andie asked, her brow furrowed. “What are you talking about?”
“Nate.”
“But Trace,” she said, trying to choose her words carefully. “That wasn’t about you making a poor choice. Nate…” She paused, not wanting to say the words. “Nate broke up with you. You didn’t have a choice about that.”
“I cheated on him, Andie.”
She felt her eyes go wide before she whipped her head toward her friend. “You cheated on Nate?” she asked, unable to keep the shock out of her voice.
Tracey nodded.
Andie opened her mouth to respond, but no words would come. Tracey had said that Nate broke up with her because he felt they were too young to be so serious, that he wanted to experience college life.
“Why didn’t you ever—”
“I was too embarrassed to tell you,” she said quietly, cutting her off.
It was quiet for a beat before Andie said, “So…he broke up with you because he found out?”
“His roommate found out. He said that either I had to tell Nate, or he would.”
Andie fell silent, trying to make sense of everything she had just been told. Only one thought kept coming to the forefront of her mind, loud and clear; why in the hell would she have ever cheated on Nate?
“I was stupid,” Tracey said, as if she had read Andie’s mind. “Things were basically perfect with him. I know that now. But at the time, I just couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe…I don’t know…maybe the grass was greener somewhere else. He was my first real boyfriend. The thought of only being with him…it just made me feel like, I don’t know…like maybe I was settling and not even realizing it.”
Andie took a deep breath, glancing over at her friend.
“But you know how that story ends,” Tracey said with a sad smile before she shook her head. “Nothing was ever as good as him.” She was quiet before she turned toward Andie. “I ruined everything. And I’m probably going to spend the rest of my life regretting my decision.” She looked down before she added, “Sometimes when you make a mistake, you can’t go back and fix it, you can’t undo it as much as you might want to. Are you sure this isn’t going to be one of those mistakes?”
Andie exhaled slowly, saying nothing.
Because the truth was, she wasn’t sure. She had no idea what the future held for her and Chase.
They drove on in silence, both of them clearly lost in their thoughts. Andie tried to imagine herself in Tracey’s situation; could she see herself telling this story, years from now, and referring to it as the biggest mistake of her life? Could she see herself lamenting the fact that no one who followed Colin could ever measure up?
And just as she stopped the car on the street in front of Tracey’s sister’s house, it hit her. No matter what the future held for her, there was no way she could be truly happy with Colin now. She realized she wanted more than he could give, and staying with him just because she was afraid of the unknown would be just as unfair to him as it would be to her.
Tracey turned to her. “Before you do anything, just…be sure that you’re sure,” she said as she unbuckled her seat belt. “Thanks for the ride. I love you,” she added, leaning over and kissing Andie’s cheek.
“Trace?” Andie said just as her friend was about to exit the car, and she stopped, looking over her shoulder.
“I don’t want what my parents have. I want the couple in the park.”
Tracey pulled her brow together. “You want the what?”
Andie smiled. “I gotta go,” she said as she put the car in drive, the urgency back in her voice and her movements. “I love you too. And thank you.”
Tracey looked at her friend for a moment before she smiled sadly. “Good luck,” she said before she exited the car and walked up to her sister’s front door.
Andie sped down the road, the adrenalin coursing through her as her conviction grew stronger. Colin deserved someone who loved him, who really loved him, not someone who stayed with him because it made sense.
She was doing the right thing for both of them. She knew she was.
Andie reached over and pulled her cell phone out of the cup holder in the console, holding down the speed dial for Colin. He answered on the first ring.
“Hey babe, I was just about to call you.”
“Hi,” she said, her resolve faltering a little when she heard his voice. “Um, where are you?”
“I just got home. Where are you?”
“I just dropped Tracey off at her sister’s.”
“You okay?” he asked. “You sound frazzled.”
Andie swallowed, trying to remember what made her think she could do this. “No, I’m good…I just…I wanted to come over. I need to talk to you.”
“Okay,” he said. “I wanted to talk to you about something too.”
For a second, Andie’s heart dropped. Did he know? Could he possibly know? Her stomach rolled at the thought.
It shouldn’t matter. She was going to his apartment with every intention of breaking things off. But still, if he knew about what had happened between her and Chase, he would hate her. She didn’t want him to hate her. Maybe she was incredibly naïve, but she was hoping that after all was said and done, they could remain friends.
“Okay, well, I’m about ten minutes away.”
“Alright. See
you in a few,” he said before he ended the call, and Andie spent the remainder of the drive to his apartment trying to analyze his tone, his words, in an attempt to prepare herself for what might be coming her way.
She approached his front door and stopped, closing her eyes and taking a long, deep breath before blowing it out slowly through her mouth.
This is the right thing to do.
And with that thought, she opened her eyes and turned the knob.
“Colin?” she called softly as she entered. The living room was dark.
“In here,” she heard him say, and she followed his voice into the kitchen.
There were candles on the table, their soft light flickering around him as he stood at the counter, still dressed in his suit from work, opening a bottle of wine. He looked up at her and smiled. “Hi.”
“Hi,” she said softly, her eyes scanning the room as her heartbeat increased slightly. “What is this?” she asked after a pause, nodding toward the candles.
His smile grew wider. “We’re celebrating,” he said, handing her the glass of wine he had just poured. He lifted his own, clinking it softly to hers.
“Okay,” Andie said with a small laugh, looking down at her glass. She swirled it gently, and she was sure she looked as uneasy as she felt. “Can I ask what we’re celebrating?”
Colin took a slow sip of wine before he placed it on the counter, and Andie gently placed hers down next to his without having taken a sip. He turned toward her then, and his smile was stunning.
“I got the Davis account.”
Andie gasped. “Oh my God!” she squealed, completely losing herself in the moment as she jumped up and wrapped her arms around Colin. “I’m so proud of you!”
He tightened his arms around her, laughing softly.
She froze in his embrace, realizing how counterproductive her behavior was, but she couldn’t help her visceral reaction to the news; she was genuinely excited for him. The Davis account was huge, and Andie knew that pretty much everyone in Colin’s firm had been after it for months.
She felt him rub his hands over her back, and she chewed fretfully on her lower lip, gradually loosening her hold around his neck. It was pointless to even try to refocus her purpose for coming now; she knew there was no way she could do it tonight, not after what he had just told her. There was no way she would ever allow herself to sully this moment for him.
“Congratulations,” she said with a soft smile as she pulled away from him.
“I’m the luckiest son of a bitch on the planet,” he said, loosening his tie with one hand as he reached for his wine with the other.
“Don’t say that,” Andie reprimanded softly. “This isn’t about luck. You worked really hard for that account.”
Colin nodded as he took another sip of wine. “I know,” he said, putting the glass down. “I just mean in general. Everything in my life is working out the way I’d hoped. I have everything I want.”
Andie swallowed, looking down as her stomach rolled uneasily.
“Well, almost everything,” she heard him say as he bent down to pick something up off the floor. When a few seconds passed and he hadn’t stood back up, she lifted her eyes to look at him, and her breath stopped her throat.
He was kneeling before her.
The glass of wine slipped from her hands, shattering on the floor in front of him.
“Oh God,” Andie sputtered, leaning over and reaching frantically for the paper towels.
His hand came up, gripping her wrist and stilling her movements. “Leave it,” he said softly, and she stopped, taking a trembling breath before she forced herself to look down at him.
She felt as if she might be sick, and she swallowed convulsively, unable to remove her eyes from the box in his hand, the diamond inside glittering delicately with refracted candlelight.
“When I got this account today, all I wanted to do was come home and share it with you. And I know that’s all I’m ever going to want.” He reached forward, taking her left hand gently. “Any experience I have, good or bad…I want it to be with you.” He looked up at her from under his lashes. “Marry me, Andie.”
In the split second that the words left his mouth, all the possible scenarios ran through her mind.
She could accept. She thought of her mother, choosing to marry a man because he was kind and intelligent and responsible, one who would make a good partner, a good father. It had all turned out well for her, hadn’t it? Would it really be so awful if Andie made the same choice?
She could say yes now, so as not to ruin the moment, and then tell him the truth about her feelings after things settled down. She could find a reason to break off the engagement once she had time to think it through.
She closed her eyes, swallowing forcefully again, because she already knew she wouldn’t do either of those things. There was no way she could agree to marry him knowing she wasn’t in love with him, and she didn’t have it in her to say yes only to call it off down the road. In their own way, both options were equally as cruel.
She found herself struggling to take a breath as her heart plummeted.
He was kneeling before her, offering her a future.
And in doing so, he was leaving her no choice.
“Colin,” she said, and her voice sounded far away, like it didn’t belong to her. “It’s beautiful.”
He smiled up at her, and she felt the stinging begin behind her eyes.
“I just,” she said, her voice barely a whisper, “I’m sorry…I can’t.”
His smile slowly faded, his eyes on hers, and he shifted his weight slightly, remaining on one knee. “I know it seems fast, Andie,” he said, his voice soft with persuasion, “but we love each other. What more is there?”
Andie dropped her eyes to the broken glass on the floor, shimmering with candlelight like the diamond in Colin’s hand.
“We could live together first,” he offered. “We don’t have to get married right away. Our engagement can be as long as you want it to be.”
A heavy silence descended over them, and Andie felt as though she might suffocate under the weight of it. She inhaled a quivering breath and lifted her eyes just in time to see Colin’s expression change; she watched the hope drain from his eyes like tears, and she had to look away again as her own began to well.
“Do you mean you can’t marry me now? Or you can’t marry me ever?” he asked, his voice hoarse.
She felt the tears rush down her cheeks before she looked back at him, his image immediately blurring as her eyes brimmed over once again. “I’m so sorry,” was all she could manage.
Colin looked down, his brow pulled together as he shook his head slightly. After a stunned second, he slowly raised his eyes back to Andie. “Is there someone else?”
Andie exhaled.
“No,” she said weakly.
“Well then, what is it?” he asked, his voice taking on a desperate quality as he stood and placed the ring box on the counter. “I mean, what’s happening here?”
“I…I just…” She trailed off, covering her face with both hands as she shook her head. This was not how she wanted to do this. She wanted to sit down with him, talk it out, try to show him how this was the best decision for both of them. She didn’t want to just blurt it out because she felt cornered.
How could she break his heart as he stood before her, offering her a lifetime with him?
“You just what?” Colin asked, his voice hollow.
She kept her hands over her face, the tears running hot and fast down her cheeks.
“You just what?” Colin repeated, a hint of anger creeping into his tone.
She opened her mouth, even though her mind hadn’t formulated a response, and she felt him grip her wrists and pull her hands away from her face.
“Jesus Christ, Andie, just say it,” he said, his voice full of frustration and his eyes full of hurt. “I deserve that much.”
Andie stood there, her wrists in his hands and the tears dripping off h
er chin. “I care about you. So much,” she said, her breath hitching between the words.
He stared at her face, his eyes searching hers, desperately needing his answer, and suddenly she felt something click inside her, leaving in its wake an eerie detachment, removing her from the moment long enough to say the words.
“But…I’m not in love with you.”
He stared at her for a second before he released her wrists, turning away and gripping the edge of the counter as he dropped his head.
Instinctively, she reached out to comfort him, but before she made contact, he leaned forward and grabbed the ring box with an abruptness that caused Andie to flinch.
She stood motionless, her hand still outstretched toward him, a combination of helplessness and contrition washing over her. Her eyes dropped to his hand, cradling the box that only moments ago held his future, and with a quick curl of his fingers, he snapped it closed, the sharp sound of it echoing through the apartment.
The door closing on them for good.
“Leave.”
Andie exhaled softly, finally dropping her outstretched hand. “Colin—”
“Leave.”
He turned from the counter so that his back was to her, his fist clenched around the ring box.
Her eyes brimmed over again as she whispered, “Can I just—”
“Get the fuck out of my apartment, Andie,” he said with a cold formality that caused a sharp pang in her chest.
She deserved it. She knew she did.
Her breath hitched again as she backed away from him, the broken glass crunching beneath her feet.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered before she turned and stumbled out of the kitchen. She felt clumsy and inept, almost like she was running underwater as she approached his door, and as soon as she was outside, her hand flew to her mouth as the first sob ripped from her throat with startling force. She staggered away from his apartment and back to her car, earning several stares from people passing by.
One teenage boy actually stopped, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “Are you…are you okay?” he asked uneasily.
Andie nodded, trying to force a smile but turning away from him as another sob broke from her lips.