I suddenly felt deeply depressed, then recognized that I was experiencing Rand’s reaction to my words. I glanced at him quickly and smiled, letting him know exactly how much he meant to me. Even though Sinjin had in a way tricked me into falling in love with him, it wasn’t something that would ever be long-term. No, I would beat this. I knew I would because I loved Rand and always had, and ours was the type of love that was forged by fate, set by the fires of destiny.
“That was not my intention,” Mercedes said as she eyed Sinjin suspiciously. “But apparently it was a by-product?”
A by-product.
If only my feelings for Sinjin could be dissected and archived as nothing more than a “by-product.” I said nothing, though, since I recognized the situation for what it was. Mercedes just didn’t understand the language of emotions—she was one of those people who lived only for the facts; there were moments when I envied her for that.
“I do not believe any of this,” Rand spat out at last. “And I have never trusted you,” he finished, glaring at Mercedes. “What you did was in no way defensible. You changed Jolie’s life when it was not your right.”
And Rand was correct. One hundred percent. Whatever their reasoning, I couldn’t deny that the wool had been pulled right over my eyes, that I’d had no say whatsoever.
And then something interesting happened. Mercedes’ eyes narrowed as she faced Rand, and I could see heat building in her face, staining the apples of her cheeks to a handsome shade of cherry. Mercedes is very pretty—she has long dark hair and the most gorgeous green eyes you’ve ever seen. At the moment, though, those eyes looked like they were about to resurrect World War II.
“Perhaps there was one other reason I sent the vampire back in time, warlock,” she said between gritted teeth. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen her so upset.
“And what was that?” Rand persisted, seemingly unconcerned that she was so angry, which hinted at his courage. The prophetess could have made a peanut butter and warlock sandwich out of him in two seconds flat.
“It was a test,” she finished squarely.
“A test?” he repeated, and I felt my heart rate increase. Tests are never good, particularly when you haven’t studied.
“What do you mean?” I demanded.
She glanced at me and frowned. “You have admitted yourself that your feelings for Rand have caused you pain. As far as I was concerned, your feelings for him were getting in the way of your duty to your kingdom and your people.”
I swallowed even harder. This was going to end badly. I could see it already. “That was not your place—” I started.
“It was and is my place,” Mercedes interrupted, her eyes ablaze. “I am responsible for your safety and your happiness. And as far as I could tell, Rand has caused you nothing but agony.”
“But—” I started, but she wouldn’t be silenced.
“Do you recall the time when you begged me to send you back to 1878 because, in your own words, you ‘hated your life’?”
Damn, I did, and now those words were coming back to haunt me. But it’s not like I’d really meant them. I mean, at the time, Rand was being his usual obstinate self and I was having a pity party for myself, remembering 1878, when he and I had loved each other openly. But it wasn’t like I really wanted Mercedes to send me back … or was it?
You asked her to send you back to 1878? Rand’s words echoed through me, but I couldn’t face him. His voice sounded too hollow, surprised in its sadness.
Yes, but I didn’t … I didn’t mean it, I responded, feeling guilty. Looking back on it, I was happy that Mercedes hadn’t sent me back. Somehow I hoped all those thoughts translated over to Rand.
“I wished to spare you the heartache inflicted upon you by this man,” Mercedes finished. She crossed her arms against her chest as if daring any of us to argue with her. I couldn’t really find it in myself to be that angry with her because I did believe her. And somehow it’s hard to be super irate with someone when they can’t see the full picture, since they probably had good intentions. As it was, I actually felt sorry for her.
“That’s just life, Mercedes,” I said, shaking my head. “You can’t control people’s destinies. You aren’t God.”
She swallowed hard. “I was only doing what I thought right.”
“Well it wasn’t right,” Rand insisted. “And Jolie is much more forgiving than I’m willing to be.” He gritted his teeth. “Because of you, I nearly lost her.”
“But you didn’t,” Mercedes snapped. “I had to ensure your worthiness to court my Queen,” she continued. “This was a test of your loyalty and affection for her and of whether you were the ideal recipient for her love.”
I watched Rand swallow hard as his arms tightened around me, his anger suddenly consuming me.
“Then you knew I would go after her? That I would time-travel just as Sinjin did?” he asked.
Mercedes glared at him for a few seconds before responding. “I did not know, but I suspected, or rather, hoped you would.”
“And?”
She cocked a brow and frowned. “Obviously, you passed the test. That is proven not only by the fact that you are standing here, but also that you are bond mates again.”
There really wasn’t anything Mercedes didn’t know. I’d reached that conclusion a long time ago. She had an uncanny ability to detect things, our bonding status being a prime example. I mean, it wasn’t like bond mates had to wear matching shirts. It was just one of those things Mercedes inexplicably knew.
“You are bonded?” Sinjin asked, turning to me. His expression was tight, his fangs indenting his lower lip. He didn’t look happy. Instead, he seemed surprised, yes, but more than that—hurt.
“Yes,” Rand responded before I could. “You lost, Sinjin,” he said, his eyes angry as he took a few steps closer to the vampire. “Even though you did everything in your power to ensure that I would lose Jolie, you failed.”
Sinjin said nothing, and I faced forward again. I didn’t want to see pain in his eyes. I just couldn’t believe it—couldn’t believe he’d ever cared for me.
You know he cared for you, a small voice piped up from within me. Don’t try to kid yourself, Jolie.
Sinjin tricked me, I responded. I don’t care what Mercedes says or what excuses Sinjin makes—he isn’t being honest. Yes, he wanted to protect me but he also hungers for power, and I’ve always known that. Everyone knows that.
“At any rate,” Rand continued. “Punishment must be doled out to those who transgressed against the Queen. I will not allow this to be swept under the proverbial rug.”
I gulped as I considered it. It wasn’t like Mercedes could be punished. Or could she? She was like this supreme being—way more powerful than any of us—so how could we hope to punish her? I wasn’t sure. Which left one person. I couldn’t help it—I glanced back at Sinjin, only to find his eyes trained on me.
“I await my punishment with bells on,” he said as he disappeared into the cold night air.
I just couldn’t stay at Kinloch Kirk that night. I wasn’t sure why. Maybe it had something to do with Sinjin, who was also staying there, back in his room in the basement. It was like things were just the same as they’d always been, only now Sinjin was being held in confinement with a guard posted outside his door. Or maybe it was just that I needed a little alone time and my house was teeming with people, busy doing this and that. Either way, I had this irrepressible desire to hide away at Pelham Manor, Rand’s home in Alnwick, England. Luckily for me, it was just a hop, skip, and a jump away (otherwise known as a thirty-minute trek straight down the A1 from Kinloch Kirk).
Rand didn’t seem averse to the idea of spending the night at his place either, so we agreed to regroup in thirty minutes, giving me ample time to pack. Yes, as a witch, I could have just magicked myself a clean outfit, toothbrush, and hair tie for the night, but I felt drained and didn’t want to waste my energy. Sometimes it was just easier to act human.
&
nbsp; I plopped my backpack on my bed, zipped it open and piled my pink-and-black pjs inside as I watched my cat, Plum, loop herself between my feet.
“You’re on your own tonight,” I said, and smiled as she purred up at me. Reaching down, I picked her up and snuggled her against my cheek, loving the feel of her soft fur. She started spreading her paws against my neck, like she was kneading bread, and I giggled against her, suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling of gratitude. Why? Because I loved my life, as complicated as it was. And everything I’d worked so hard for had almost been torn away from me. In fact, if it hadn’t been for Rand, I wouldn’t be here now. I’d be in a parallel life, with no knowledge of what I was missing.
And that was when it struck me. Even if Mercedes and Sinjin believed they were acting in my best interests, even if they were convinced that they were saving me from a death at the hands of the Lurkers, they had gone about it in entirely the wrong way. And for that they deserved to be reprimanded. Because in the end all anyone has is control over his or her own destiny, the ability to make his or her own decisions. And that innate right had been snatched from me.
I walked over to the window, feeling suddenly claustrophobic. I had this sudden and blinding desire to lose myself in the beauty of the clouds as they eclipsed the moon. Even though I hadn’t done any time-traveling myself—well not since I’d traveled to and from 1878 months ago—I still felt exhausted. It was as if the strata of memories I now had from two separate realities were constantly in conflict with one another, and it was hard to remember what was true. It was pretty damn confusing when you had two sets of memories about the same events. It was taxing—no, exhausting, to say the least.
And what was even more exhausting was trying to catalog my feelings toward Sinjin. I still cared about him, a lot. And, yes, I was still hurt over what happened between us. Did I love him still? I wasn’t sure. Ever since I’d bonded with Rand, the feelings I harbored toward Sinjin had been somehow numbed. I mean, they were still there—it wasn’t as if they’d disappeared—but there was a general detachment that just felt strange to me. Strange because it was as if my feelings and emotions had been papered over rather than fully dealt with.
I just wished, more than ever before, that things between Sinjin and me could be the way they were before he changed the course of history. The sad truth of the whole stupid thing was that I missed his friendship. I missed his witty banter and the fact that I could always rely on him for a laugh. But more than that, I’d felt I could always rely on Sinjin … period. He had been my protector and guardian, yes, but he’d also been so much more than that. He’d been my friend, and the loss of his friendship was impossible for me to accept. Especially because I couldn’t feel the ache and void of losing him.
But what about his ulterior motives, Jolie? A voice inside me piped up. You’re remembering the good times and none of the bad.
I always knew Sinjin was selfish and power hungry, but I had accepted those shortcomings, figuring they were just part of the enigma known as Sinjin—part of what made him who he was. His imperfections had almost been endearing, charming in their limitations. But after this whole time-traveling mess had reared its ugly head, it was suddenly clear that his imperfections weren’t quite so harmless …
Maybe he was telling the truth when he said his sole purpose was to protect me, I argued with myself.
You know there’s more to it than that. Sinjin is admittedly selfish, so really, what would he gain by purely doing it to protect you? Nothing. No, he wanted you to fall in love with him so he could control you, and in doing so, control the crown.
Maybe, but maybe not. That just sounds so cut-and-dried, and you know Sinjin is anything but easy to figure out. No, he’s the most frustratingly complex person you’ve ever met—well, aside from Rand.
Don’t give him the benefit of the doubt. You’ve always given him the benefit of the doubt, and look where that’s gotten you.
Well, I’m also not about to believe that he cares only about himself. Not when he’s proven his goodness on multiple occasions.
There you go, trying to give him human attributes again. He’s not human, dummy!
I know that! I insisted, irritated with myself for the name calling. But what if there weren’t more to the time-travel bit? What if Sinjin’s reasons were purely selfless? What if Sinjin really loves me?
Seriously? Wow, you’re dumber than I thought!
“Jolie?” Rand’s voice came from the doorway. I turned to face him and smiled with embarrassment, realizing I hadn’t finished packing before I’d started arguing with myself. And then something horrifying occurred to me.
“Could you hear any of that?” I asked, hoping—no praying—that the answer was no. I knew Rand wouldn’t take any of it well—his stance on Sinjin was pretty obvious.
“Any of what?”
I took a deep breath. “My argument with myself?”
Rand chuckled and shook his head, his eyes warm as he smiled down at me. “No. Rest assured that you can keep your lunacy to yourself.”
I laughed, and then just gazed at him for a few seconds, still not quite able to believe he was fully mine. Through the course of our relationship, we’d endured so many ups and downs, so much back-and-forth, that it almost didn’t seem real.
“Are you still arguing with yourself?” Rand asked with an amused grin as he crossed his arms against his expansive chest and leaned against the wall.
I shook my head and felt my cheeks color. “No.”
“Well then?” he asked, gesturing toward my half-packed backpack.
“Okay, I’ll just be a minute, promise,” I said with a smile. Rand approached me and took the cat from my arms, pausing to give her a pat on the head. Then he set her down and we both watched her scamper out of the room.
“Jolie,” he said, and I brought my attention to his handsome face. “You realize we can’t avoid this situation forever?”
I exhaled. “Yeah, I know, but I don’t think it will be a big deal for one night.”
He nodded, and I walked into the adjoining bathroom to fill my toiletry case. Emerging, I dropped the case into my backpack and zipped it up. I felt Rand behind me as he reached his arms around me, pulling me into him. He was so warm, an electrical pulse shot through me at his touch. It reminded me of the first time we met—how he touched me and I instantly knew he was some kind of ethereal being.
“I know you’ve been through a lot,” he whispered into my ear, and squeezed me reassuringly. “Are you okay?”
I thought about it. Was I? I wasn’t sure. I mean, I was happy that we were all back in the proper time, and that I had all of my memories back. So that was a plus. But as far as the future went? That part wasn’t all roses and chocolates. “I’m honestly worried about the Lurker threat,” I said, and turned to face him, running my hands down his shirtfront. “If what Mercedes said was true, then we might be on the cusp of something huge.”
Rand nodded and sighed, tracing the outline of my cheek with his index finger. “If the Lurkers attack us, they attack us.”
I frowned, thinking it wasn’t quite that simple. ’Course, maybe it was. I mean, there was only so much we could do to thwart the danger, only so much we could do to prepare. And the scary part was, everything we’d been doing still wasn’t enough. “Maybe it would have been better for all of us to seek asylum in the past?” I asked, swallowing down the fear that was suddenly choking me.
Rand shook his head. “It would be merely prolonging the inevitable, and as you witnessed yourself, the Lurker threat was just as real two years ago as it is now.”
I nodded. The Lurkers seemed to have the power to reach me no matter where I was in the spectrum of time. “Then what can we do?”
He cocked his head to the side and frowned. “What we’ve been doing, I suppose. Continuing reconnaissance missions and hoping to uncover any information about them that we can get.”
It didn’t seem like much. But therein was the problem—we just di
dn’t know what we were up against with the Lurkers. It wasn’t anywhere near as cut-and-dried as the war with Bella had been. Then, we’d known exactly how many were fighting with her, and more exactly, what they were capable of. We didn’t even really know what the Lurkers were—half-vampire, half-witch, or both. And speaking of Bella … “Is Bella still in confinement here?”
Rand nodded. “Everything is as it was when Sinjin was sent back, Jolie.”
Which meant that Bella was still my prisoner. And since she had refused to take a loyalty oath to become one of my subjects, she was still as much of a threat as she had always been. Well, at least she no longer had an army to command. But she still wasn’t exactly a ray of sunshine.
“We can worry about all of this tomorrow, Jolie,” Rand said with a small laugh, then smiled down at me. “Tonight, you need to focus on you and nothing else.”
I nodded and accepted his hand, throwing my overnight bag over my arm, only to have him pull it free, hoisting it over his shoulder. Then he escorted me from my bedroom and down the stairs. When we reached the vestibule, I recognized his black Range Rover just beyond the front doors.
“Your chariot awaits, my lady,” he said with a smile, holding open the front door for me. Glancing at the SUV, I was suddenly overcome with memories—memories of when I first moved to England with Rand, and how he’d trained me to become the witch I was today. It just seemed that every part of me, every facet of what made me who I was, had something to do with this man. It was nice to know that I’d have him by my side as I faced the biggest threat to myself and my kingdom.
He opened the door for me and I threw myself into the plush black leather of the Rover. I buckled up and leaned back in the seat, enjoying the classical music piped from the speakers. In many ways Rand had never outgrown his nineteenth-century roots. It was evident from his manners to the antiquated way he sometimes spoke to his musical tastes.