I stop in place, spinning around.
“I’m really sorry we weren’t there for you,” she says, her eyes filling with tears.
“Oh, Mom!” I race to her, throwing my arms around her small figure. “Please don’t blame yourself. It’s finally over, and that’s all I could really ask for.”
She cries into my hair for a few seconds before pushing me toward the door. “Go. Tyson is worried about you.”
I heed her advice and head straight for my car which my parents brought back for me last night. I’m thankful I didn’t have to return to the scene of the crime right away. I could use some distance for a bit.
When I make it to the hospital, Tyson is shifted away from the door, watching television. His chest is rising and falling with his peaceful breaths and I take a moment to just admire him. I don’t know why I was so stubborn before. Even though he’s a bit younger than me, I feel like he’s made for me. He’s handsome, charismatic, charming, and tough. I wouldn’t have had the chance to get to know him if it weren’t for everything Robbie did to make my life a living hell. So while I wish we had met under different circumstances, I know that he entered my life for a reason. I guess we can call it fate. He was brought into my life to remind me that I didn’t have to be a slave to my fear, and I believe I was brought into his to show him what true love could really feel like.
He shifts his eyes lazily to me when I accidentally knock a paper to the ground and hurriedly pick it up, putting it back in its rightful place. Tyson’s eyes widen the moment he realizes it’s me. “Are you okay?” he asks, concerned.
I don’t bother responding, instead just run to him and carefully embrace him. I just want to savor the moment. “So, funny thing about your iPod and clothes…” I trail off, choking on a sob.
He pulls me in tighter, comforting me in his warm embrace. I’m still a mess from everything that went down in the last couple of days.
“Is it over?” he asks as he releases me.
I nod as he swipes a tear from under my eye. He pulls me into him, pressing his lips gently against mine. I can feel warm tears trailing down his face which are landing on our lips. I’ve never felt closer to him in my entire life.
* * *
One Month Later – December
“You look happy,” Linda says, pointing at my wide grin.
“I am happy,” I reply, sucking in a deep breath. “I’m not a victim anymore. I got my life back.”
“You got the boy,” Linda adds.
“That too.” I smile even brighter. I never thought in a million years my life could be this incredible. I never thought I could ever feel this way again.
“Bryce, I am so impressed and overjoyed by the progress you’ve made in such a short amount of time. I am really going to miss you, but I finally feel like you are ready to move forward with your life.” Tears are forming at the back of her eyes and I jump up and race to embrace her.
“Thank you so much for everything. If it weren’t for you, I’d still be hiding out in my room.” I hug her tightly, meaning every word.
She rubs her hand up and down my back similar to the way my mom does. It’s comforting and familiar. “Alright, goodbye Bryce,” Linda says with a solemn expression as she packs up her notepad and pen for which will be her last time.
I follow her out to the front door where my mother and father are waiting. My mother and father share a mix of expressions: fear, happiness, and confliction. My mother wraps her arms around Linda without giving her time to prepare. Her arms are pinned to her side awkwardly. “Thank you so much for everything.”
My father stands beside her tall and proud. He looks over at me winking. “Thank you, Linda,” he says as my mother releases her. She nods and then glances back at me. “It’s your turn now. Don’t forget to live.”
I breathe in her words, closing my eyes. When I open them again, she’s gone. I’m really going to miss Linda. She’s one of the only people who know what really happened to me. She is one of the only people I’ve talked to about everything.
I know I am going to be okay. I’m going to be better.
Sixteen: Experiencing Life for What it’s Worth
“I wasn’t sure what I was going to say to you when I finally found the courage to come here. I wasn’t sure I’d ever find the courage, but life is about overcoming obstacles and facing our fears. So, I’m here…if you had it your way, I’d be ten feet under.” I pause, taking a deep breath.
“You know, I should hate you. I should blame you for all the things you put me through. But honestly I pity you. The thing is, if it wasn’t for everything you did to me, I don’t know that I would have even found the strength inside myself, so thank you. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have met Tyson. I finally understand what it’s like to be treated like a human being. I didn’t understand at the time that pulling someone’s hair until it bleeds and spitting in their face was not normal. You called me a worthless piece of shit so many times, I was beginning to believe it. And then he came around. At first, it was just simple drop in’s. Maybe a quick hi or hello in the driveway, and then it became borrowing eggs and flour.” I breathe in deeply, looking around as the wind whips my hair all over the place.
“I was so thankful for a distraction. Any distraction that could help me forget my everyday life. Tyson was such a sweetheart and when I was with him, the world around us dissipated. I knew the feelings I had were wrong, but I was so unhappy. The idea of seeing his smile at any point through my day gave me the adrenaline I needed not to lie in bed and never wake up. He always seemed so happy to see me, it gave me butterflies.” I pick at the grass next to his headstone.
“You lit me on fire for trying to leave you. You took everything away from me in that moment, and you won. You damaged me beyond repair for a very long time. I still have trouble looking in the mirror. My insecurities are sky high. I don’t know how anyone could find me attractive now. I’ve lived in fear for far too long. But you know what, I forgive you, because if I don’t, I won’t be able to forget you.” I lay a single black rose onto his headstone. It reads: Robbie Jared Wagner, 4/4/1988 – 11/13/2015, son and brother.
There was a service held by his family last week. I’m not sure how many people attended, but I’m happy his family had an avenue to say goodbye to him. No matter what he put me through, no one deserves to die. I whole-heartedly believe that.
For too long, I’ve been paralyzed in fear that if I even entertained the idea of being with Tyson again, Robbie would somehow find me and finish the job. But I realize now that everything happens for a reason. Tyson is my reason for breathing, my everything. The timing has never been right until now. I’m in love with my best friend and it’s incredible; better than I ever could have imagined.
* * *
Two Months Later - February
“You got that?” Tyson motions with his head toward the box I am carrying.
I shift the weight of the box between both my arms and nod my head. “There’s a little more in the U-Haul.”
Tyson nods in understanding and makes his way over to the U-Haul in the driveway. I stop for a moment, admiring the house we will be living in. It is an off-white color with bright blue trim. It is only one story, but a little over 1000 square feet. There are two bedrooms and two bathrooms. It was built in the 1930’s.
If you would have asked me a month ago what my future held, I’m not sure I could have predicted this. I was finally ready to fly the coop from my parents’ house, and Tyson was ready for a change, so we decided to take a leap of faith and move in together. We’re inseparable enough as it is, so making it official is the next step.
I have returned back to school, and I am halfway to my associate’s degree. I’ve decided I want to be a counselor, so it’ll be quite a bit more school before I’m finished. Tyson is still attending ASU, and is excited to share the campus with me.
The box begins weighing me down and I scurry up the walkway and through the front door. I drop it almos
t immediately after coming through the door and slowly begin making my way to the room which will be our bedroom. Exhausted, I fall onto the white carpet and close my eyes.
Not even five minutes later I hear footsteps and then Tyson’s deep voice saying, “hey, no fair!” He falls down beside me and I instantly pull him into me. He is wearing my favorite cologne of his, the one that makes me do crazy things. He presses his lips to mine and I live within every moment. I don’t ever want to forget the way I feel today.
He rubs his hand over my clothes, careful not to cross any boundaries I have. We’ve been enjoying one another’s company for quite a while now, but Tyson has been an absolute saint. He hasn’t pressured me to do anything I’m not comfortable doing. I knew there would eventually come a time when I was going to have to come to terms with the fact that Tyson was going to see my body, but I figured the longer I kept him occupied with our make-out sessions, the less time he would have to witness it firsthand.
Things have been heating up each and every time we are alone. I think I’m ready to show him my scars. I jump up extending my hand out for Tyson. He grabs it and stands as well. I lead him to the bathroom which is attached to our room, and turn on the shower.
His eyes look surprised, yet playful, intrigued, yet timid. We’ve never gone this far before. He’s wondering if I’m ready.
“Tyson, I love you, and it’s because I love you that I want to show you something.” He nods, his eyes trained on me.
“You’ve seen a little bit of it already when I’ve worn short sleeve shirts or maybe a skirt, but I want you to know what you are getting into,” I warn him.
His eyes look sad as I slowly pull off my t-shirt and close my eyes, scared to see his reaction. It’s so quiet a pin could drop, but I can hear his heavy breathing. He hasn’t said a word, but I feel his fingers grace my skin, tracing the burns. My eyes flutter open, and he is still staring at my damaged skin with a solemn face. “God, you’re beautiful,” he says seriously, pulling me into him. My heart is beating wildly. He’s not disgusted by me?
He reaches for my pants and I stop him by grabbing his hand. “Wait,” I say. “It’s worse down there…” I trail off, glancing at my legs.
Tyson shrugs kissing me quickly. “I don’t care what it looks like, don’t you get it? I care about how you make me feel.”
I nod, unsure of whether I buy his words or not. This time when he reaches for the button of my pants, I don’t stop him. Slowly, he wiggles them off of my body and I once again shield my eyes. I feel fingers wrapping around my hand. “Bryce,” Tyson says softly.
I squint open my eyes slowly, terrified that he is being all too calm about this. When we finally lock eyes, he leans in, pressing his palm flat against my chest and pressing me against the glass case of the shower. He lowers his lips to mine in a sensual kiss and it takes all my fears away.
He moves his lips over my scars, one by one kissing them gently, making me feel loved. “You’re beautiful,” Tyson whispers into my ear. I lean into his hot breath.
He takes his hand to my underwear, rubbing overtop of it, pressing his lips to the base of my neck. The sensual way he is sucking on my skin is sending tingles down my thighs.
Steam is rising from the shower, clouding the mirrors. I reach for Tyson’s shirt and rip it off, throwing it to the ground. He follows suit, discarding his pants. We are both now in our underwear. Tyson presses me up against the glass, grinding himself against me and I shudder from the excitement. He runs his hands over my bra and then reaches in, pulling out my medium-sized breasts. He twirls my nipple between his thumb and pointer finger, sending electrical impulses down my thighs.
He unhooks my black bra dropping it with the rest of my clothes and takes one of my breasts in his mouth, pulling the nipple between his teeth and sucking on it. I can feel the wetness pooling between my legs. He reaches for my last piece of clothing and tosses it amongst the rest of our combined clothes. I slip one finger in between his abdomen and his boxer-briefs and pull it away from his body. He kisses me with tongue, showing me he enjoyed my last move.
Tyson climbs into the shower, pulling me in behind him. He maneuvers himself so that I am underneath the showerhead. He presses against me, the water pounding down his back. “I wanted you so badly, but I didn’t want to let anyone down. I wasn’t a home-wrecker, and couldn’t stand drama.”
I push him away gently. If I had told Tyson I had feelings for him and he had felt the same way, maybe I wouldn’t have been alone with Robbie. Maybe he wouldn’t have resorted to such violence. Then again, the same man kidnapped and tortured me, so I am probably wrong.
“We’re here now,” I say softly. “Don’t blink and miss your chance.” I can feel the firmness of his manhood against my inner thighs. The temperature rising for more reasons than just the steam.
He slips one finger inside of me, and I grip my fingernails into his shoulder, letting him know that I enjoy the abruptness. Not long after, he slips a second finger in and my body subconsciously begins working out my leg muscles as I bob up and down on them, building the friction. His thumb begins massaging my clit and I’m positive I’m going to come. I push him away from me roughly, wanting to wait until we can climax together. Sex feels more intimate that way.
I wrap my fingers around his dick and move my hand expertly up and down the shaft, my thumb rubbing the very tip of it every time. Tyson’s head falls back slowly, as he enjoys the feeling of my hands taking care of him. I squeeze and pull his balls, maneuvering them in circles in the palm of my hand.
His breathing is heavy and constant, and I know he’s fighting a battle of his own. He grabs my hips and spins me around so that I’m facing away from him. He grabs my hands and positions them on the wall of the shower. He’s moving my body like I’m a puppet, but I’m enjoying every moment of it. He reaches below my hips and pulls my butt towards him, then he presses down on my lower back, angling my body at a position allowing him entry.
I close my eyes, taking a deep breath, knowing that I haven’t been with anyone since Robbie. This is intimate, this is real. I’m going to have sex with my best friend. My heart goes into overdrive as I worry if I will perform well…if he will like it.
His dick pushes through from behind and into me. The friction of my natural body liquids, how tight I am, and how thick he is feels like heaven. I’m on the pill, so I love not having that barrier between our bodies. He starts slow and gentle, feeling me out, finding his rhythm.
It feels like he is ripping me apart in the most beautiful way. He gains momentum as I react to how good he feels inside of me. I can feel the tidal wave coming. It’s traveling up my body, rising from the depths. He feels amazing. It won’t be long.
My moans grow louder as he thrusts faster and deeper. I’m digging my fingers into the walls, trying to hold on. I can feel his body tensing up from behind me. We’re in sync. He comes inside of me, but still thrusts a few more times until my body shudders beneath his. I collapse onto the seat of the shower, breathing deeply.
He leans against the opposite wall, his arms across his chest. He is smiling.
I look up at him curiously. “What?”
He laughs, shaking his head. “Nothing.”
“No, seriously, what?” I push.
He stares back at me. “I knew it was going to be good…I just didn’t know it was going to be that good.
I smile victoriously. “Good to know I haven’t lost my skills.”
He shakes his head. “No way. You’re…you’re incredible, Bryce.” He takes a few steps toward me, and then crouches down so we are at the same level. He reaches his hand out, pushing my wet hair behind my ears.
“I love you,” I blurt out, unable to hold it back any longer.
Tyson’s eyes grow wide and then teary. “What did you say?”
I reach my hands up, circling them around his neck. “I said that I love you, Tyson.”