“Not now, Ginger. I need to get some sleep. I’ll be in the next room.”
I make one last attempt to get him to look at me. “Why are you shutting me out? Let me help you. Please?”
He pauses, head down, shoulders slumped. Before I know what’s happening, he’s in my arms. I squeeze him as the sobs flow from his body. I have to keep from letting my own fall.
“My big brother,” he cries. Normally, I’d wince at the fact that his tears are staining a four-hundred dollar blouse, but not today. Today I’d gladly donate any piece of my wardrobe to catch his tears and ease his pain. He’s the man who saved me. He always saw the good in me. He saved me from heading down a bad path. When my life revolved around parties and being selfish and reckless, he showed me there was more to life.
I want to be here for him, but I’m not good at this type of stuff. Disappointed in myself, I bite my bottom lip and try to think of the best way to comfort him. What can I say? The words don’t come easily, so eventually I settle on the easy way out.
“I’m so sorry, Cas. I’m not sure what to say.”
He takes a deep breath and pulls himself together. “Nothing. You need to sleep. You’ve been driving all night.”
My eyelids are heavy, but I still have a few remaining spurts of caffeine running through my veins that would prevent me from falling asleep right away. I gave up so much this weekend to be here for him, but now that the time has come, I don’t feel like he’s leaning on me. I don’t feel like I’m the best person for him to lean on. People bond over life experiences. He and I bonded over our struggles with the bottle. No one I’ve ever cared for has died. I just don’t know what to do to help.
“Cas? Are you okay?”
He looks at me like I’ve just asked the stupidest question in the world. “Okay? Okay is a term used to describe something average. An okay day or an okay movie. I might say, ‘she looks okay’ or ‘the food is okay.’ I could never describe the way I feel as okay. I am not okay. I’m not sure I’ll ever be okay.”
“Okay, I mean, all right.”
He squeezes my hand before leaving the room.
I grab my pajamas and head to the bathroom to wash up. When I’m finished, I climb into the huge bed and lay down. The room is decorated plainly, but everything is still exquisite. From the carved crosses on the wooden doors to the stained glass window, I’m afraid to touch anything. That’s okay, I don’t need to touch anything, I need to sleep and after tossing and turning for a long time, I’m there.
Acknowledgements
This is for any girl, woman, man, or child that has been through this. Who can relate to the abuse because they lived through it. I dedicate this story to you. No one ever deserves to be treated like they are nothing.
You hold the strength inside yourself. Don’t settle.
Don’t forget—if you’re not doing something you love, you’re not really living.
Kira Adams
About the author:
Krista Pakseresht has always been a dreamer. From the first time she opened her eyes. Creating worlds through words is one thing she is truly talented at. She specializes in Young adult/New adult romance, horror, action, fantasy, and non-fiction under the pen name Kira Adams. She is the author of the Infinite Love series, the Foundation series, the Darkness Falls series, and the Looking Glass series.
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Books by Kira Adams:
The Infinite Love Series
Learning to Live (Ciera & Topher)
My Forever (Madalynne & Parker)
Beautifully Broken (Jacqueline & Lee)
Against All Odds (Austyn & Avery)
The Foundation Series
Pieces of Me
The Fighter
Darkness Falls Series
Into the Darkness
Emerging from Darkness
Standalones
A Date with the Devil
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Kira Adams, A Date with the Devil
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