It was a referral to an OB-GYN’s office nearby. The form had my name, some boxes checked, and a few illegible words. I did make out CVS and emergency.
“Emergency?” I asked. I mean, it was, but I was surprised she’d nailed it.
“It means you’ll get scheduled in right away. Most of these tests are backed up—because they aren’t done this early. Give it to my nurse when you leave.” She was writing something else as she spoke. “She’ll call them and schedule you—but you need to be aware they may refuse it when you’re there, based on their judgment. I meant it: this isn’t routine.”
My next words were hesitant. “Then why are you doing it?”
“Because I believe that in pregnancy, the mother’s health outweighs everything else.”
Mother’s health. I didn’t like thinking of myself as a mother. Fuck. This shouldn’t even be an issue at all! We should be discussing abortions. Why did I care about gender? I didn’t want a baby. I wasn’t ready for a baby. Certainly not one who’d fulfill a world-conquering prophecy.
“In this case,” said Dr. Moore. “Your mental health is especially concerning. Which is what this is for.” She handed me the other piece of paper. It was a referral for a psychologist.
“I don’t need—”
“Eugenie, shock over an unplanned pregnancy is normal. Expected. But it’s clear … you have some very serious issues around this.”
She had no idea.
“Have my nurse call for the test. Then schedule yourself a therapist appointment and a follow-up with me.”
There was no way I could tell her I had no intention of going to therapy. I wasn’t even sure about the follow-up. But I’d gotten away with something, and I knew it. I nodded meekly. “Thank you.” I left before she could change her mind.
Jasmine’s face was filled with irritation and impatience when I finally returned. “That took forever,” she said, tossing a magazine aside. “How deep were those stitches?”
“Not that deep,” I murmured. I walked toward my car on autopilot, still stunned. “She was worried about how tired I was, that’s all.”
“Well, you can fix that when we go back to the Otherworld.”
I started the car, staring off into space for a few ponderous moments as numbers floated around in my head. Nine weeks, seven weeks. Two days. That was how long until my test. Two days.
I refocused on my surroundings so I wouldn’t get us into an accident. “We aren’t going to the Otherworld anytime soon,” I replied.
Jasmine shot me a look that clearly expressed her feelings on that, but there must have been something in my own face that answered back because she didn’t fight the issue anymore.
When we returned to my house, I put my purse and paperwork in my bedroom before sitting with Jasmine in her usual spot on the couch. Mindless TV suddenly seemed like a good idea … except, well, it didn’t do a very good job of taking my mind off of my problems.
Pregnant. Conqueror of worlds. Storm King’s heir.
Me. It was all on me: what had happened and what was to come.
We hadn’t been home long when Kiyo showed up. He gave me a cheerful grin and wore his white coat from work, meaning he must not have been cozying up with Maiwenn. Small blessing. His smile was enough to make Jasmine smile in return, but I couldn’t muster one. There was nothing to smile about right now. Nothing good in this world. Nothing good in either world. He joined us on the couch, sandwiching me in between him and Jasmine, and caught hold of my hand.
“Hey, how are you?” he asked. He peered at my face, even though I was pointedly not looking at him. “Are you okay?”
“Fine,” I lied. “Tired.”
Storm King’s first grandson will conquer the human world.
“She’s been like that all day,” said Jasmine. “She needs to go back to the Otherworld but won’t.”
“Is that true?” he asked.
“I didn’t think you’d have a problem with that,” I said. “You’ve always wanted me to stay away.”
“Yeah, but not if it’s affecting you like this. You really look sick, Eug.”
“She also got beat up by a ghost,” Jasmine added helpfully.
“Hey!” I glared. “I did not!”
Kiyo chuckled and pulled me closer. “Stop playing tough. Go to the Otherworld tomorrow. I’ll come with you, so it won’t be as bad.” He relaxed, and there was a finality in his voice that I didn’t like. I didn’t like his presumption. I also wasn’t entirely sure I should be going to the Otherworld, in light of recent developments.
Flowers. Flowers everywhere, everywhere I step. I’m the land, and the land is me. Where I bring life, the land does too….
Or death. I could bring death as well. It was my choice.
Over and over. The words in my head were all I heard. I didn’t hear the TV, or Kiyo and Jasmine’s occasional comments. I didn’t really hear when Kiyo said he’d make dinner and went to drop off his overnight bag in my bedroom. But I did hear him when he came raging back to the living room, waving my CVS referral form in the air.
“Eugenie!” His voice was a roar, one that made Jasmine cringe and widen her eyes. “What the hell is this?”
I stared up at him levelly, surprised I could be so calm in the face of that outrage, especially after the emotional upheaval I’d been through all day. My own despair and shock had never left, but now I was able to push it down and meet Kiyo’s eyes, as I allowed myself to finally acknowledge the other thought that had been bouncing around in my mind. Because along with the choices I had and the consequences I faced, there was one other matter to consider.
I’d looked at the numbers, at the calendar. I’d factored in the dates, the antibiotics, what had been done—or, perhaps most importantly, what hadn’t been done. It was all very clear. There was no soap opera here. No talk show–worthy mystery.
“Congratulations,” I told Kiyo. “You’re going to be a father. Again.”
Chapter 21
For a few moments, we were frozen in time. It was Jasmine who finally got things moving again.
“Oh,” she said. “Wow.”
Kiyo’s grip on the form tightened, and for a second, I feared he’d crumple or rip it. Instead, he let it fall to the floor and strode toward me as swiftly and fiercely as his predatory alter ego. I felt Jasmine shift—not away, but closer to me.
“Are you sure?” he asked, in a low, deadly voice.
“About which part?” I snapped. “That I’m pregnant? Or that it’s yours?”
“Both.”
I felt my eyes narrow as I continued feeling angry and defensive. “Yes. Both.”
Silence fell. Then:
“When are you getting rid of it?” he asked.
“Christ. You get right to the point.”
“You know the point!” he exclaimed. “You know what it’s always been! You’re sure? You’re really sure you’re pregnant?”
I’d had the same questions for Dr. Moore and found myself repeating her answer. “Yes. The tests are very accurate. Besides, why else do you think they’d schedule me for that?” I pointed to the referral lying on the floor. He might work with animals, but he’d still know what a CVS was.
Jasmine, however, did not. She slipped away, gave him a wide berth, and retrieved the paper. “What’s a … chorionic … vil-vil—”
“It’s a test to detect defects,” I said. I gave Kiyo a pointed look. “And gender.”
“It’s a waste of time,” he argued. He swallowed and attempted a kinder, more reasonable course with me. “Eugenie, you know the danger. You can’t waste another day. If anyone finds out—if anyone in the Otherworld—”
“I know, I know! Do you think I’m stupid? Do you think I somehow missed the constant rape attempts—and actual rape—based on that prophecy? Damn it, I know better than you what it means! But I can’t—I can’t get an abortion until I know what it is. If it’s a girl or a boy.”
“And then what?” he asked. “You’ll kee
p it if it’s a girl? You always said you weren’t sure you wanted to have kids.”
“I’m still not,” I admitted, my voice trembling. A baby—world conqueror or not—had never been on my agenda. “But I have to know.”
His expression darkened, the coaxing gone. “It’s better if you don’t. It’s better to keep it all anonymous, better not to think of it as a person. Stay ignorant. Just have the abortion and be done.”
Jasmine hadn’t moved from her spot, her eyes going back and forth as she watched my verbal volley with Kiyo. “Geez,” she said. “You don’t seem too upset about killing your own kid.” I had been thinking the same thing. His cold detachment shocked me.
He flinched and gritted his teeth. “I never said I’m not upset.”
“But you’re not just upset about what this means for the prophecy,” I pointed out. I studied him carefully, realization dawning. “You don’t entirely believe it’s yours anyway.”
“Do you blame me?” he asked.
“It’s yours,” I said adamantly. The last time I’d been with Dorian, we’d had kinky oral sex. Maybe I hadn’t known about antibiotics interacting with birth control pills, but I knew where a guy had to come to make you pregnant. “I know without a doubt.”
This gave Kiyo pause, as though he really were truly pondering the reality of losing his child. “I told you: I never said I’m not upset about this. But it’s got to be dealt with. How could you have let this happen?”
“Oh, nice,” I said. “It’s my fault. If you’re so into caution, maybe you shouldn’t have fucked me in that grotto.”
Jasmine’s eyes widened.
“Okay, forget it,” he said tightly. “And forget your CVS. Just get the abortion while it’s still easy. You can’t be that far along.”
I shot up. “While it’s still easy? Like you know! You’re not the one who has to go through it!”
“Why are you fighting me on this?” he exclaimed in disbelief. “You always said you’d do this. Do you want the prophecy to come true? Do you want to have a son who leads armies here from the Otherworld to conquer and enslave?”
“Of course not! You know that.”
“Then stop wasting time! Look, if you’re scared about getting it done … you don’t have to do it here.”
“Oh? I can check in at the Otherworld’s Planned Parenthood clinic?”
“No,” he said wearily. “But there are potions. Maiwenn could help. Along with healing, she can work all sorts of other medical magic.”
“I’m sure she can.” I couldn’t hide the bitterness in my voice. “And I’m sure she’d be more than happy to.”
“Eugenie—”
“Look,” I interrupted. “Here’s how it is. I don’t like your attitude. I don’t like you dictating this to me like I’m stupid or something. I know the consequences, okay? And you know where I stand on the prophecy. But I just have to know what exactly is in me first. Two days. We just wait two days for the test.”
“And then how long until the results?” he asked. “More time passes. Every day is dangerous.”
“But what if it’s a girl?” This came from Jasmine. Both Kiyo and I turned to her. “What if Eugenie can have it? You’re always going on and on about how awesome Luisa is. Wouldn’t you want another one—especially with, like, your actual—sort of—girlfriend?”
“It’s not—” Kiyo bit off his words and turned back to me. Those dark eyes studied me, and I felt my anger diffuse as they softened. I felt his love and knew all of this was coming from panic, his fears about the prophecy finally coming true. “Two days,” he said at last.
“Two days,” I repeated. “And then I’ll do the right thing.” I wasn’t exactly sure what the “right thing” would be if I was having a girl, seeing as motherhood still didn’t really jump out at me. But that didn’t matter right now. What mattered was that I had the choice.
Then, abruptly and without warning, Kiyo wrapped his arms around me, crushing me to his chest. “I love you,” he said, voice shaking. It was the first time he’d spoken those words since we’d gotten back together, and they tore something inside of me. “But I’m just afraid.”
“I am too,” I said, feeling tears spring into my eyes. Fucking hormones. “Everything’ll be okay.”
When he released me, I finally really comprehended that Jasmine had witnessed all of this. The dramatic factor had probably trumped anything she could find on TV. Her face was a blank mask now, which made me uneasy. What was she thinking about all this? For so long, she’d wanted to be the one to have the heir. I supposed she should be all for an abortion. Yet … maybe she was so keen on our father’s prophecy that she didn’t care who had his grandson, so long as she could ride the power with us.
“I need you to stay with Jasmine tomorrow,” I told Kiyo later, when we were lying in bed. “I wish she hadn’t found out about this. Maybe I’m overreacting, but I’m worried she’ll do something with the information. I could have Volusian watch her like he is now …” I usually summoned my minion for night watches. “… But I’d feel better with you there.”
Kiyo drew the covers up around us. “Where are you going?”
“Where do you think?”
He groaned. “Eugenie, you can’t go back there until this mess is settled. If they find out—if anyone finds out—well. All hell will break loose, from those who are for the prophecy and those who are against it.”
“I have to,” I said. “I realize now that most of my being sick is because … well, you know. But being apart from those lands is affecting me too. I just need to check in.” No more full-fledged meditation sessions, though. I couldn’t risk any more telltale signs of my pregnancy from that intense communion. I’d just do the bare minimum required. “And not just with the lands’ magic. I need to keep an eye on the Rowan Land’s transition.”
I feared his reaction, particularly after his earlier outburst. Instead, he brushed a kiss to my lips. “Be careful. Be quick.”
“I will.” I pushed my lips back, kissing him harder. I moved my body closer to his, wrapping our legs together. I was terrified of what was happening, terrified of what I might be carrying. But now, with Kiyo on my side, I felt safe. We would get through this together, and I suddenly wanted to connect with him and feel his love around me.
He responded instantly to the kiss, one of his hands tipping my head back in order to consume more of my lips. His other hand gripped my upper arm, nails lightly scratching my skin as animal lust began to take over. Then, abruptly, he stopped and pulled away.
“What’s wrong?” I asked. I started to say he didn’t have to worry about getting me pregnant, but that joke seemed kind of inappropriate.
“Nothing … I’m just … I’m just tired.” He kissed me again, but this time it was on my cheek. “It’s been a long day. Just not up for it tonight … even though you’re as sexy as always.”
The lightness in those last words seemed forced, and I was glad he couldn’t see my frown in the darkness. I had just been rejected because … because why? Having sex during pregnancy wasn’t harmful, I knew that much. Was I repulsive? Was the thought that I was carrying Storm King’s heir putting him off? Whatever the reason, I didn’t buy that he “wasn’t up for it.” We’d been pressed hip to hip moments ago, and his body had most certainly been up for it.
A sexless night was the least of my problems, and although neither of us spoke, I knew he slept as badly as I did. We tossed and turned, our movements as disturbing to each other as our individual worries. We both had bloodshot eyes when we woke.
I headed off to the Otherworld as soon as I could after breakfast—well, after what passed as breakfast for me. My appetite was still low. Jasmine wasn’t happy when I denied her request to come with me, but Kiyo and Volusian’s presence was too daunting for her to put up much of a fight.
I felt the Thorn Land’s welcoming energy when I crossed over, but thankfully, it revealed nothing about my maternal state. My staff was equally happy to se
e me, particularly Shaya, who looked like she’d thought I wasn’t ever going to return. It wasn’t an entirely unwarranted fear. She and I sat alone in one of the parlors while she updated me on the situation.
“Rurik feels the Rowan Land is stable enough to move in a governing body. There’s still some unrest, and he’ll stay on for a while, but most have accepted your rule. It’s the way things go. He’s also culled the Rowan military and feels you can trust who’s left.”
I tried not to grimace at that, wondering what his “culling” had entailed. “And Katrice and Cassius?”
She shrugged. “Still imprisoned. Awaiting your verdict.”
“I don’t really want to do anything with them,” I admitted. “I don’t know what to do with them.”
“Honestly? With Katrice? You could set her free, and it wouldn’t matter. Stripping the land from her stripped most of her magic. Her reason to live. She’s harmless. Without hope. But Cassius …” Shaya frowned. “He’s dangerous. He can’t wrestle the land from you, but he’s got enough power to make trouble. Dorian’s already written and advised execution.”
I scoffed. “I’m sure he has.”
“Dorian’s also provided a list of people he’d like to see installed in the Rowan Land. We settled the resources split, but he feels he deserves a controlling interest in your rule there.”
“A ‘controlling interest?’ This isn’t a corporation!” I exclaimed. “Write him and make it very, very clear that his help isn’t needed over there. It isn’t wanted. He has no right to it. Tell him all of that.”
Shaya hesitated, fretfully toying with one of her black braids. “No matter how diplomatically I word that … well, the antagonism will still come through. It’ll anger him.”
“Good,” I retorted. Dorian was a safe target for my churning emotions at the moment, and God knew I needed some sort of outlet. “Let him be angry or pout or whatever. I’m pretty sure he isn’t going to declare war on me.”
It was something I’d figured out recently. Dorian had been an advocate of using the Iron Crown to scare other monarchs, but the thing was, now that we weren’t together anymore, he had to realize it could be used against him too. I actually hadn’t had to give in to his “spoils of war” demands. That had been a kindness on my part, and he knew it. I didn’t have to fear Dorian. I no longer needed him.