“Ask.”
“Pardon?”
I took another swallow from my wine, draining it. “Ask your question.”
“It might be too personal.”
Again, I grinned; she made no sense. “Really? After these last few days, you’re afraid to get personal?”
“Talking is different than . . . you know.”
“Sex?”
She breathed in and then out quickly, glancing at the tables to our right and left. I bit my lip to keep from laughing again.
“Anyway,” she leaned forward, “let’s talk about something else.”
“Something else other than what?” I also leaned forward.
“Sex,” she whispered.
“I thought you were going to ask me a question that was too personal.”
Josey seemed conflicted, her stare focused and then unfocused, her brows pulling together. Eventually, she shook her head and reached for her wine glass, taking a gulp rather than a sip.
“You’re not going to ask,” I guessed, an ambiguous but potent sense of disappointment settling in my chest.
“You should be proud of me.” Her smile looked self-deprecating and completely genuine. “Look at me, I’m changing.”
I blinked at her. Change? Why would you want to change?
“What do you mean?
“I’m learning how to keep my mouth shut,” she said simply, like this was a positive change, and effectively rendering me speechless.
Our food arrived, saving me from having to respond, which was probably a good thing. Because this time, my sense of disappointment wasn’t ambiguous, and it felt more like grief.
And this time, when the constant hum of dread flared, it didn’t feel like it would ever recede.
Seventeen
@JoseyInHeels: Every night, my hotel leaves a tray of fancy chocolates by my bed as part of their turn down service. When I go home, I will be lost without my bedtime choccies ☹️#spoiled
@ECassChoosesPikachu to @JoseyInHeels: This is perhaps the most first world of first world problems I have ever heard #definitelyspoiled
JOSEY
“What are you doing?” Will blinked and stared down at me as I reached for his belt buckle, his voice gruff.
I wet my lips. “Giving you a gift.”
We’d just stepped inside our hotel suite. I’d turned around, met his gaze and lowered to my knees. I was feeling brave and spontaneous. Sexy, even.
I had an ache in my chest for Will. Maybe this would help, maybe it wouldn’t, but I had to do something. Listening to him talk about his family caused feelings to grow and expand inside me, feelings I’d never had before, and therefore couldn’t easily identify or understand. I was feeling things. Big things. Hard to swallow things. Making my chest hurt things.
Will’s Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. “It’s not my birthday.”
Flicking open the button on his fly and pulling down the zipper, I shushed him and grinned. “It doesn’t need to be your birthday.”
My childhood had been so different from his. I’d grown up privileged, never wanted for a thing. I was completely and totally adored by both my parents. It wasn’t that I thought Will wasn’t loved, but from what he’d said, I felt like he probably hadn’t received much affection. Having been given cuddles and hugs by Mam and Dad practically every day of my life, I couldn’t imagine a world without them.
Will’s stoic, almost stiff demeanor, his lack of smiles and expression now made a lot of sense. He didn’t know how to be warm or affectionate, because he’d never been given that by his family. His life had been about surviving, all luxuries cut to the bone.
It made me want to do everything in my power to give him the things he’d been missing. I wanted to make him feel cherished, show him what an incredible human he was.
It wasn’t my place, but I wanted to nonetheless
“Yes, but—” His words were cut short when I cupped him in my palm. I watched, savoring his reaction, as he seemed to sway on his feet. I felt weirdly powerful despite being the one on my knees.
I pulled him from his boxer briefs and touched my lips to the head of his cock. His entire body stilled, then he trembled. I smiled as I took him in my mouth. The effect I had on him was a heady thing.
A shaky breath escaped him. “C-combine harvester.”
I paused as soon as I heard his safe word and backed away. “Really?”
He quietly swore and ran a hand through hair. “Sorry. I’m an idiot. No, not really.”
I hesitated. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. Really sure. Proceed.”
His voice was strained, and I couldn’t tell if it was because he was uncomfortable or if he just really, really wanted this. I’d given a couple of blowjobs in my time, but no one had ever reacted this way.
“I don’t want to make you feel—”
“Ignore me. I’m being an idiot. I just haven’t…it’s my first time doing this.”
Oh.
My smile returned. I bent to kiss his tip, then flicked my tongue around it. My voice was soft when I spoke seductively. “In that case, I better make this good.”
He squeezed his eyes shut, like he was praying to God or something. Pleasure and satisfaction shimmered through me. I was in the driving seat and, surprisingly, I loved it. I took his cock in my mouth again, this time bobbing up and down. He groaned and reached down to cup my cheek. I swirled my tongue around his head, then went deeper. He banged his head against the wall, his jaw moving as he swallowed. I adored seeing him like this. He looked like it was taking all his self-control to keep it together.
Who knew I could be such a successful seductress?
His hands sifted through my hair, his groans increasing in volume. I moaned quietly, turned on just by doing this to him. He let out a guttural growl before there was a soft knock on the door. I paused, mid-suck, eyes widening. Since I’d pounced on him as soon as we got back, we were a mere foot away from the door of the suite.
There was a second knock and I pulled away from Will. I opened my mouth to whisper, but he put his finger to his lips for me to stay quiet. I remembered we hadn’t put up the DO NOT DISTURB sign yet. Then I heard a key card slide in. I dove forward on my hands and knees to grab the handle before any hotel staff came inside.
“Don’t come in!” I called out, then winced. I couldn’t have chosen a more suspicious collection of words.
There was a pause, then through the door a muffled voice said, “My apologies for the interruption. Would you like your turndown service later, ma’am?”
I coughed. “Um, no thank you. That won’t be necessary. I mean, we don’t need a turndown service tonight. We’ll turn ourselves down.” Real smooth.
I glanced at Will, and to my surprise he looked like he was trying to hold in a fit of laughter at the sight of me gripping the door handle for dear life. I shot him a scowl, but couldn’t help grinning.
“Okay, well, if you need anything you can call down to the desk.” The maid sounded curious now, but she didn’t push the matter.
“Marvelous! Thanks again!” I replied and shook my head at myself. A little less enthusiasm would’ve been better. When I heard her shuffle on to the next room, I collapsed on the floor in relief.
It was just my luck that the one time I tried to give Will a blowjob we got interrupted. Will’s deep chuckle set me off and I fell victim to a bout of giggles. He joined me on the floor, stretching out next to me. Every time I looked at him, I started laughing again, only sobering when he reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. Something about his rough thumb on my sensitive skin was a cold splash of water to my humor. Heat started low in my belly, and I knew Will saw it when his eyes grew hooded.
“I love your laugh,” he murmured, eyes on my lips.
Instinctively, I licked them, every nerve ending tingling.
Kiss me, my subconscious yelled.
No, that’s not allowed, my brain countered.
In a
n effort to escape the snare of Will’s gaze, I pushed him.
He resisted. “Wait.”
“What?” Was he going to use his safe word again?
Will swallowed thickly, his breathing coming hard. “Can we . . .”
“Go on.” I wagged my eyebrows.
He grinned. “Can we do this in front of the mirror? In my room? I’d like to watch you.”
Heat—molten, scorching heat—pooled low in my belly and I nodded wordlessly. Will offered a hand and helped me to my feet. Pulling me behind him, he flipped on the light in his room and moved us to the mirror in front of his closet. Turning to face me, his eyes zeroed in on my lips.
“Where were we?” he whispered.
Slowly, I lifted the skirt of my dress as I lowered to my knees, my back to the mirror, and I watched with satisfaction as his eyes lifted to the reflective surface and flared, his chest expanding.
He’d pulled his pants up when the maid knocked, but I yanked them back down, determined to finish what I started.
“Josey,” Will breathed, all husky. I kept my attention on his face, not missing the way his eyes darkened as I closed my mouth over him.
His hips jutted forward, a reflexive movement, and a helpless but extremely male sound escaped his throat. I took as much of him as I could, running my hands up his toned muscles, enjoying the feel of him as I licked and sucked.
“Josey.” My name was a strangled sound, and I lifted my eyes to his face once more.
He was watching me in the mirror, but from where I knelt before him, I could see his gaze was dark and hazy with lust.
“Lift your dress.”
Slowly, I lowered my fingers to the hem of my dress and slid it up my thighs, higher, over the curve of my bottom, until my backside was completely exposed.
He made that sound of helplessness again, but then demanded darkly, “Take off your underwear and touch yourself.”
I frowned, because if I did that I’d have to stop sucking. Seeming to understand my dilemma, Will reached down and gripped his erection, pulling it from my mouth.
“Do it,” he said softly, but with an edge of something that sent a shiver down my spine.
So I did.
I pulled off my dress, and then my underwear, leaving me in just my bra and my shoes. I touched myself, opening my mouth to accept him again.
But he didn’t give it to me. He backed away, still stroking his cock, and sat on the bed, his eyes skimming down the length of me to where my fingers circled.
“Pull the cup of your bra down,” he said, like he was in a trance, “and grab your breast.”
My breathing was erratic now and I felt a momentary flash of alarm. But the alarm only served to heighten my arousal, increasing the sensitivity everywhere my fingers touched.
Even so, I hesitated. “Will.”
His eyes came to mine, his gaze hard and yet somehow vulnerable. “Do it.”
It was the vulnerability that seized my heart, gave it a rough squeeze, and spurred me into action.
I reached for my bra, pulled down the cup, and grasped the heavy weight of my breast, rolling my nipple between my fingers and giving a sharp tug. The look in his eyes as he watched me sent waves upon waves of tingles and sparks under my skin. I felt electrified, exhilarated, and very, very close to coming.
“Bend over,” he said, his voice coarse. “Let go of your breast, and bend over.”
I did.
His eyes shifted to the mirror and he sucked in a sharp breath, his lids half-blinking as he watched this new view of me as I rubbed myself.
“Fuck,” he said on a breath.
Will didn’t last long after that, his brow furrowing, his lips pulled back in a mindless—but oh so sexy—grimace. He came with a loud groan, his eyes rolling back as he closed them, gasping for breath.
Fascinated, I watched him orgasm, pumping himself slowly as his seed spurted out over his hand. Damn. I’d never seen anything sexier. My sex clenched just watching him as I continued to touch myself. I was close now. A breathy, lust-filled moan escaped me and his eyes opened. He went still, devouring me with his gaze, and my hand sped up. The way he watched me made me feel powerful, like a sexual goddess taking control of her body, unapologetically taking the pleasure I wanted, needed…
“Put your fingers inside yourself,” Will instructed in a low, raspy voice.
I did. I was so wet. The fact that he was watching heightened every single one of my senses. I pumped my fingers in and out, and Will emitted a loud, masculine sigh.
“Now circle your clit again, make yourself come for me, Josey.”
God, his voice alone was an aphrodisiac.
My hand returned to my clit. I was so sensitive everywhere now. A gust of chilly night air blew in from the open window, tickling at my senses. I rubbed myself, glancing in the mirror once more to find Will’s dark gaze trained between my legs. He looked possessed. I moaned again, rubbed faster, and came with a sharp cry. I came harder than I’d ever come before. All because he was watching.
This sort of sexual voyeurism wasn’t something I’d ever thought about, but it was freaking incredible. I recognized a need in Will. He enjoyed this. It was his kink, and if it felt as amazing as this every time, then I was more than willing to participate.
My mind raced with the possibilities. A second later, Will was on me. He lifted me up and laid me on the bed, his face a picture of lust. He climbed on top of me, reached for his unbuckled belt and pulled it off. He didn’t break eye contact as he brought my arms up above my head, then wrapped the belt around my wrists, securing it tight. My belly flipped and my thighs quivered. He was…he was tying me up. Just like that, I was wet again.
Will kissed my cleavage and belly, planting his lips all the way down until he settled between my thighs.
His expression was pure sin as he looked up at me and murmured, “My turn.”
Unlike Will, I didn’t utter my safe word. My vagina was well-acquainted with his mouth and there was no chance I’d ever say no to this.
I closed my eyes and floated away on a cloud of bliss and pleasure.
About an hour later, I lay sated in Will’s bed, the soft noise of the shower running as he washed off. I was completely exhausted. And since I was completely exhausted, I decided I could deal with washing my sweaty body in the morning. All I needed was to summon the energy to get up and walk to my room, and then I would pass out.
I heard the bathroom door open, followed by the faint sound of bare feet on carpet. My heart gave a hard thud when Will climbed into bed beside me. He spooned me from behind and pressed a kiss to the crook of my neck.
“Are you okay?” he asked, real concern in his voice.
I bit my lip, enjoying the warmth of his body. “Mm-hmm.”
I knew I should leave, I was always really good about leaving right after, but maybe I could enjoy cuddling him for a few more minutes. What harm would it do? Plus, once we got back from this trip, we’d return to our normal routine. I should savor the physical contact while I could, because who knew when I’d next meet someone.
If I found a guy like Will who actually wanted a normal relationship, then I’d be over the moon. Don’t get me wrong, the sex was great, but I found myself yearning for ordinary things I’d convinced myself I didn’t want. Things like going out on dates, or to see a movie, or shop for groceries.
“You feel so good,” Will murmured, his arms locking around me tight.
“So do you,” I replied, twisting my head to kiss his chin. It was a natural instinct, and I suddenly realized how close I was to his mouth. All these rules between us really were a minefield.
I turned back around, and a few moments of quiet passed before I asked, “Do you like going to the movies?”
His hand drew circles on my stomach. “Not particularly. I always get stares when I go alone.”
“What about when you’re dating someone? Don’t you like to go then?”
He paused for so long it became noticeab
le, finally saying, “I haven’t dated anyone in a long time, so I’ve never really thought about it.”
“But what if you were dating,” I pushed. “Where would you take your lady friend?”
Will’s hand paused. “You know why I don’t date.”
I sighed, while a sense of unease filled my stomach. What was I doing asking Will questions about dates? I was being an idiot. This entire trip, getting close to him, had me feeling far more emotional than I’d expected.
“Did you want to go see a movie?” Will asked, a note of confusion in his voice.
“No,” I replied hastily. “I was just wondering because I never see you go out much when we’re home. I thought if you don’t like clubs, then maybe you enjoyed movie theatres. Anyway, don’t mind me. I better get to bed.”
I moved to climb out but Will grasped my elbow. “Hey, you can stay if you—”
“Nah,” I shrugged, playing it off. “I like my bed better. Yours is too hard and I’m a sleep ninja.”
“Sleep ninja?”
“I kick in my sleep, like a ninja.”
He didn’t smile, and his eyes seemed to be trying to discern my expression in the dim light. “Everything okay?”
I made sure to steady my voice. “I’m fine. Get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”
With that, he let me go. And I went. But even though I wasn’t looking, I could sense the cogs in Will’s head turning. Maybe he suspected I wasn’t doing so well keeping my feelings out of this whole situation. Hopefully he wouldn’t question me about it, because I wasn’t sure I could handle that conversation.
I didn’t fall asleep right away, despite my exhaustion, and the next morning I was still tired. Nevertheless, I woke up early and decided to give Mam and Dad a call. I needed to see some familiar faces, say hello to Rocky, and remind myself that I wasn’t alone in the world. I had parents and a dog who loved me unconditionally.
I sent a text letting them know I wanted to Skype, then a couple of minutes later got a reply that they were ready. As soon as I logged on, my worries melted away and I chuckled. They had the camera at an angle so all you could see was the top half of their faces. Mam lifted Rocky and held him up for me to see.