I felt caught in a trap. Why had he brought it up? I didn’t say anything on purpose. The last thing I needed was for the other employees to gossip about Nathanial and me. I looked up at him as he slipped a spoon from his mouth. He smirked. What was he up to?
“I don’t really have a lot of experience with remodeling houses, but I took some design classes during my undergrad.”
“Oh,” said Patty, letting it drop.
Nathanial looked disappointed that his trap hadn’t worked. Apparently, he knew I was playing with him in my short shorts and low cut tank top. I let my flip-flop fall to the floor and lifted my foot under the table. I looked him straight in the eye and slid my toes up the inside of his thigh. His eyes widened.
“Oh, sorry,” I said, dipping my spoon in my bowl.
We finished eating, and I helped Patty clean up the kitchen while Nathanial went to tuck Morgan into bed. On my way to my bedroom, I passed Nathanial in the hallway. I gave him a provocative glance and continued to my bedroom. He caught my arm as I went and spun me around. I looked up at him, surprised he would grab me like that. My lips parted, and my eyes widened. He gazed down at me with dark tortured eyes. He let go of my arm and clenched his fists.
“Jane, I must confess something to you.”
“Yes.”
“In these past weeks, I’ve developed feelings for you. I know it is unprofessional to approach you like this, but I need to tell you. I can’t carry on like this. You can refuse me. If you want to leave, I would understand, and you would receive a generous severance package. Or you can stay, and I will stay away from you. But if you feel the same as I do, I would like to take you out on a proper date.”
I moved into him, letting my breasts press against his chest. I ran my hand up his arm and gazed into his eyes. I expected him to grab me in an embrace, but he stood stock-still. I moved back and gave him breathing room, flipping my hair over my shoulder.
“I’d like that. I have feelings for you too. I think we have a lot between us. Who knows, maybe we’re like soul mates or something.” I winked.
I could see him visibly relax, as if he’d been holding a deep breath in his lungs, and he finally let it out. His hands unclenched. He reached out to touch my shoulder, cupping it in his hands. His eyes seemed to moisten, and my heart went out to him. I wanted to throw myself in his arms, but somehow I knew it wasn’t the right time.
“Tomorrow night, I’d like to take you into town for dinner. Would you like that?”
“Yes. I would.”
“In the morning you can work with Morgan, and we can stop by the house in the afternoon before we come back to get ready and drive out. It’s a long drive, but it is the only option for a proper date.”
“You don’t have to go to all this trouble.”
“It isn’t trouble. You are a very special woman. It’s what you deserve.”
“Nathanial…”
“Good night, Jane.”
He bent over to kiss my forehead. His warm lips pressed gently into my skin. A little tear gathered in my eye as he turned to go. My heart fluttered, and I covered it with my hands. Surges of electricity ran through my body, and I felt almost numb with excitement. No man had ever said anything so utterly sweet to me.
Swooning, I turned to my bedroom and closed myself inside. I fell on the bed and stared at the ceiling. My heart thumped happily, and I put a pillow over my face to squeal into it. I turned over on my side and curled up, hugging the pillow to my chest.
The lust I’d felt earlier was replaced by something deeper and more electric. The kindness and respect he showed me felt like winning a grand prize.
The next morning, I swam through my tasks. I sat with Morgan in the library but felt so dreamy and warm I could hardly concentrate. I stared out the window at the fading garden, dreaming of dancing in rose petals with Nathanial. Morgan tugged on my arm, and I remembered what I was doing. I stared down at the math problems I’d given Morgan and checked her answers. She was progressing nicely with subtraction, even without Mommy.
“Very good Morgan, one hundred percent.”
I wrote another sheet of problems and passed them to her. She eagerly went about solving the equations with a look of determination in her emerald eyes. She had progressed so quickly in the last few days that it appeared that she was integrating the knowledge she defined as her mother’s with her own.
Whether or not Morgan was being coached by her dead mother, she needed to learn to read, write and do arithmetic on her own. She also needed to let go. If a spirit was holding onto Morgan, it wasn’t healthy for the child. I suspected it wasn’t ideal for the spirit either.
Morgan passed me her paper, and I corrected the five equations I’d written for her. She’d only messed up slightly on one, but the rest were perfect. I decided it was time to move on to larger digits, but that would wait until tomorrow. She had to practice writing her letters.
I pulled out handwriting sheets and handed them to Morgan. She was happy to work on a different subject. As she practiced copying passages of simple text, I leaned my head on my hand and gazed out the window.
I imagined myself in Nathanial’s arms in his big, masculine bedroom. My hands ran up his chest and unbuttoned his shirt. My tongue slid over his hard muscles as he ran his fingers through my hair. He caught the back of my head in his hand and pulled me into his lips. His hot kiss covered my mouth, and his hand squeezed my....
The door to the library opened, and I broke out of my daydream. Patty stood in the doorway and told us it was time to go. Morgan and I tidied the library and went to meet Nathanial out in the car.
He already had the motor running, and we hopped inside. He smiled at me as he shifted into reverse and turned the car around to drive out the driveway. I felt so cheerful and ready for all the possibilities of life.
When we made it to the Miller Ranch, the contractors were already there. We walked inside, and they told us they were ready to cut the holes for the skylights. The roofing people were also ready to get started.
Nathanial went to instruct the group of workmen, and Morgan and I watched the cattle grazing in the pasture. I couldn’t stop smiling. Ever since Nathanial had asked me on a date, a goofy grin had been plastered to my face.
“My daddy likes you,” said Morgan, under her breath. “And you like him too.”
I didn’t know what to say. Was she angry that we might have a relationship? I didn’t want to upset her. That was the last thing I wanted.
“My mommy told me,” she said, looking at me with expectation in her eyes.
I took a deep breath and let it out. “Yes. Your daddy and I like each other.”
“You want to kiss him.”
I had to giggle at that. I did want to kiss him and do a whole lot of other things with him as well. I turned around to watch him pointing at the roof and talking while the contractors listened. He was so commanding. I took in his round behind, his tapered waist, strong back, his broad shoulders. It was all I could do to keep my tongue in my mouth.
“Yes. I want to kiss your daddy,” I said, smiling. “Is that alright with you?”
“I guess. Mommy says Daddy needs you. He needs a new wife.”
There was that word again— wife. I had to admit, I liked the sound of it. When I was back in St. Louis, all I wanted was a decent job and a decent boyfriend who didn’t cheat on me. I never thought about getting married. Not yet. I was only twenty-four. Nathanial was in his early thirties, already had a child, and was set for life. He made me want to be a wife. His wife. A chill ran up my leg and goose flesh rose on my arms.
“Well, we’ll have to take things one step at a time.”
Nathanial walked over to us. I hopped down from the fence and slid my hand in his. The feeling of his large, warm hand engulfing mine was like perfect security and peace. He looked down at me and smiled softly.
“OOOOO…," said Morgan, mockingly. She was only seven.
I laughed out loud like a teenager being c
aught with her boyfriend after curfew. I put the back of my wrist over my mouth and tried to stop giggling. Nathanial squeezed my hand and led me toward the house with Morgan tagging along.
The sound of electric saws blared overhead as contractors cut through the roof. Nathanial let go of my hand and showed the other contractor the list of materials I’d chosen for the kitchen and bathrooms. The contractor nodded his head as he filled out an order form.
“Got it,” said the contractor. “I’ll make the final measurements and then call it in.”
The sound of sawing and pounding was getting to be too much. I retreated from the building to find Morgan back outside, climbing the fence into the pasture.
“We can go now,” said Nathanial, coming up behind us.
We drove back home. The mood in the car was almost giddy. Nathanial smiled so broadly at me, his entire face lit the car with sunshine. I kept laughing and giggling at nothing in particular and so did Morgan. I wished every moment could feel so good.
We pulled up to the house and Morgan ran inside, saying she wanted to watch cartoons. Nathanial and I walked side-by-side down the garden path toward the house. This time, he slipped his hand into mine. I looked up at him, wondering what the other staff would think. The feeling of his strong hand in mine made me not care. He opened the door for me, and I walked inside.
When we reached the stairs, I turned to put my arms around his shoulders. He stood two steps below me, so I was slightly taller than him. I leaned my forehead over to touch his, and he reached up to put his hands on my waist. We closed our eyes and breathed in the energy between us. It was so soft and warm. At any moment, it could break into hot animalistic intensity. We stayed in the warm, sweet place for several moments, not letting each other go.
“You should go change,” Nathanial breathed.
I lifted my chin and pressed my lips into his forehead. His hands held my waist. My lips pushed against his skin. I shuddered, wanting to kiss every inch of his chiseled body. I let go. Not wanting to spoil the moment, and turned to walk up the stairs. He stood at the base of the stairway and watched me go.
I took a quick shower and slipped on a bathrobe. In my bedroom, I ripped all my clothes from my closet and went through everything I owned. It all looked like total crap. I had brought two dresses with me to Montana. Both were cutesy and casual. I needed something sophisticated, sexy. My limited college student/barista budget had never really afforded me anything spectacular.
One dress was a blue maxi that would be better for a beach party or a BBQ. The other was a mini, cherry blossom print dress I’d bought from Forever 21. It was casual, but I could dress it up a bit, with jewelry and heels. Luckily, I had brought a pair of black bootie heels with me. I paired it with black tights and a white cashmere cardigan. The cardigan didn’t look perfect with the dress. I didn’t want to get cold, and I didn’t want to wear a coat.
I went to the bathroom to put on my make-up and fix my hair. I carefully applied my eye makeup. I blushed my cheeks and put on a lipstick that matched the red in my dress. I fluffed up my wavy hair with some extra moose and spritzed myself with body spray.
When I walked down the stairs, Nathanial was waiting for me. He wore dark jeans, a dark-blue shirt and a casual jacket. I was so glad he hadn’t gone full-on pinstripe suit on me.
He took my hand as I came down the last stair, and he led me to the door.
“Is Morgan alright?” I asked.
“Patty is watching her. She knows we’re leaving.”
We walked out to the car, and he opened the door for me. I climbed inside and waited while he came around the other side. I noticed a gift-wrapped package on the dashboard. Nathanial got in the car. I couldn’t take my eyes off the gift. I didn’t want to appear greedy, but my curiosity was definitely peaked.
“What’s that?”
“Open it.”
I pulled the package from the dashboard and sat it in my lap. The skirt of my mini dress hiked up my thighs revealing my thick flesh. A tear threatened to form and fall down my cheek. I felt I didn’t deserve all this attention.
“Open it,” he said again.
I sighed and ripped into the package. Inside was a thin box that I opened to find a beautiful teal scarf. The teal of the scarf contrasted perfectly with the red of my dress. I pulled off the cardigan and wrapped the scarf around my shoulders.
“Oh, Nathanial, It’s gorgeous.” I wanted to bend over and kiss him hard on the mouth, but he just smiled at me as if it was him who’d been given a present.
Nathanial glowed as he watched Jane put the scarf around her shoulders. It looked beautiful draped over her white skin, with her cascading red hair tumbling over the teal fabric. He threw the car into reverse and turned down the gravel driveway.
As they drove to town, they chatted about Morgan’s improvements, music they liked, and the progress being made at the house. Jane’s excitement about the Miller house renovation confirmed that he’d been right to ask her to help.
He didn’t like to generalize women, but he knew most of them liked houses. Jane was so different from his late wife. Where she had been full of confidence and outspoken opinions, Jane was soft and yielding.
Thoughts of his late wife drifted through his mind as he crested the mountain. She was a fierce woman, and a wonderful mother. She’d given up a promising career in finance to come live with him on the ranch ten years ago. She’d singlehandedly rearranged the hunting lodge scheduling to make it profitable, and she was one of the primary reasons their net worth had doubled during that time.
Jane had a different kind of strength, the strength of her softness and care. She’d shown tremendous courage in coming out to Montana, and that contrast made her fascinating to him.
He glanced at Jane and watched her gazing out the window at the view of the valley below. Her gaze was full of wonder and longing, and it made him want to pull her into him so that he could feel what she felt. He wanted to reach out and touch the soft contours of her legs.
They made it down into the valley as the autumn sun tipped below the mountains to the west. He pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant and ran around to open her door. She stepped out, and orange maple leaves dance around her on a soft breeze. He took her hand and led her to the front door.
Her hazel eyes glanced up at him as she pulled a lock of hair from her face. The scarf draped over her pale round shoulders. Her hand was warm in his, but he let it go to open the door for her and watch her walk inside. They entered a dimly lit Italian bistro to be greeted by the elderly owner. He showed them to a booth in the corner with a candle flickering on the table.
Jane examined her menu while Nathanial ordered them the finest vintage available. Their waiter came back moments later and poured a rich merlot into their cups. Jane took her glass and stared at it for some time.
Nathanial watched her watching the cup. She looked over at him, her eyes wide. Her expression softened, and her smile drew back into a faint smirk. She sipped the wine and set the cup down on the table, leaning over to expose the curve of her bosom.
“What are you having?” he asked, trying not to stare at her chest.
“Lasagna. I think. I love lasagna.”
“I think I’ll have the tortellini Alfredo," he said, closing his menu.
The waiter came to take their orders and set a basket of bread sticks on the table. Jane picked up a bread stick and slowly put it in her open mouth before bighting down, showing her teeth under her red lips. Nathanial raised an eyebrow.
He wouldn’t be able to hold back much longer. He could feel the beast inside him howling to be freed. Its hunger for Jane worried him. What might the creature in him do to the girl? Even in human form, the beast haunted him. It gave him depraved compulsions. His violence was only mildly disguised. It required all Nathanial’s strength to keep it in check.
He reached across the table to take her hand. The contact between them was electric. She squeezed his hand and smiled demurely. A w
ave of relief washed over him. She stopped provocatively eating the bread stick and put her other hand over his, cupping his large hands in her small ones.
Their eyes locked, and a flood of information seemed to pass between them. Nathanial felt as if he were in Mona’s sweat lodge. Flashes of the past flickered on the screen of his mind. He saw Jane, but she was Melody. She was dressed in an old-fashioned dress. He was dressed in a similar fashion. They were in a field arguing about something.
The look on Jane’s face across the table told him she was seeing the same thing. The vision continued until he understood what the rift had been. She wanted him to make love to her, but he refused. He still felt he must protect her from him, from the consequences of his love.
“Jane,” he murmured.
“Nathanial, I never got to tell you I’m sorry.”
His heart burst for her. Why should she be sorry? He was the one who refused her. He was the one that made ridiculous restrictions on their relationship. He should be sorry. He couldn’t speak. Beyond the vision, there was more. He couldn’t see it. He knew that Owen Ellis was in love with Jane in that lifetime, but he couldn’t place what had happened. He couldn’t see through the growing fog in his mind.
“I shouldn’t have gone in there.”
The waiter came with their food and placed the steaming hot plates in front of them. Jane let go of his hand. A tear ran down her cheek, and she wiped it away with her fingertips. It smudged her eye make-up, leaving a little dark smear near the corner of her eye. He wanted to wipe away the pain, wipe away her worry. Whatever she was sorry for, how could he not forgive her something that happened a hundred and fifty years ago?
The waiter retreated, and she stared down at her full plate. Nathanial picked up his fork and stabbed into the tortellini, but his appetite had gone. The task Mona had set for him was finally commencing. Somehow, he felt worse, and the look on Jane’s face didn’t make him feel any better.
“What is it?” he asked.