It wasn’t like he had to. Tate was six-foot-two and Ella was five-foot-five with her boots on. He could ravish her without breaking a sweat. He could force his bear inside her in more ways than one and assure that they would be linked body and mind for the rest of their lives.
Chapter 9
He couldn’t stand it. He had to get off this island. There was no way he could stay here with her. Believing he could deal with it had been a mistake. His bear would not stop forcing images of claiming her into his mind.
His dick was permanently hard. He was with a scared woman and a small child stranded in the cold. It was not the time or place for his libido to be going off the rails.
In the last year, Tate had gone out a few times at his brother Keaton’s insistence. Once, he even took a girl home with him in a drunken haze. It had been meaningless, and he’d regretted it as soon as it was over.
He’d taken all his desire and need and shoved it deep down inside. He’d made his heart hard and cold against the memory of the girl he’d loved so much. He’d forced his bear down, too. Now she was back and he still couldn’t have her. His body and mind were a mess of conflicting emotions. His bear wouldn’t stop scratching and growling. It was worse than the sound of the baby’s crying.
He picked up a brush and dipped it into the hot tar. He ran the tar over the patched hole until it was sealed. Once the tar dried, he could put the boat back in the water and get them back to the mainland. Soon, his brother and cousin would have the evidence against the Glacier Wolf Pack they needed and he would be free of Ella.
At that moment, Tate didn’t know what was more threatening- a blood thirsty gang of criminal wolves, or his own inner bear. He was beginning to think he’d rather take his chances with the wolves.
He stood in the snow and watched the tar dry. It would need at least a day before it would be sealed. The snow wasn’t helping either. Tate puffed out a heavy breath into the frigid air and crossed his arms. He couldn’t just stand around all day. The anxiety was killing him.
Tate rubbed his forehead and glanced back to the cabin. His own little boy was inside that log house. The smoke from the chimneys wafted into the low gray sky. It was also warm in there. He growled and stomped through the thick snow back to the cabin.
Pulling the door open, the smell of frying meat hit him along with the warmth from the fire. He stomped off his boots and stepped inside. Andrew was playing on a blanket on the floor, safely hemmed in from the fireplace. The baby crawled several paces and rolled on his belly with a squeaky toy.
Ella turned to him, her soft hourglass body silhouetted by the glow of the fireplace. There was fish in a pan on the stove and a pot of baked beans. Tate went to the stove and put food on his plate before sitting at the table.
Ella sat across from him, looking him in the eye with a slight smile on her round face. Tate drew back. What? She’d made it clear how she felt about things. He was done. He had to go.
“What?” he finally said, dropping his fork in his plate. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“Just say it.”
She sighed and looked away and then turned back to him with that same smirk. “About earlier.”
Tate threw his head back and growled, making an exaggerated expression of irritation. He glared at her and gritted his teeth. She frowned, looking put off. He deflated. He didn’t want to upset her. Did he? Damn it. He hit his fist on the table.
“Tate, don’t get so angry.”
“I’m not angry. You haven’t seen me angry.”
“I don’t want to see it either.”
He gave her a blank look and peered into her eyes.
“Why are you so pissy?” she asked, leaning back and folding her arms.
“Don’t you think I want you, too?”
“I know you do. I just don’t understand why it has to be so complicated.”
“It’s not that complicated. You’re the one overcomplicating things, Ella.”
“Maybe I don’t want to be a bear,” she said.
“You don’t have to be. If you stay. My bear is in a frenzy because you left and came back with a baby. He doesn’t want to lose you again.”
“Then we should stay away from each other,” she concluded.
“Those were my thoughts exactly.”
They sat silently for several long moments watching Andrew play on the blanket in his warm little jumpsuit. Ella drummed her feet on the floor and then gave him her smirk.
“The kissing was nice, though,” she said.
“Do you know why it’s nice, Ella?”
“Because we’re attracted to each other and we kiss well?”
“Of course.”
“I just can’t stand the idea of everything being predestined. And that’s why you love me. That’s why you were my friend all that time. It wasn’t just because you, Tate, liked me. It was your bear that wanted us to be friends. It’s the bear that wants us to be together now.”
“How can you doubt our friendship? We’ve known each other for years, Ella. We’ve shared all our secrets. We know each other inside out. In all the time we spent together, can you ever point out a time when it seemed like I was compelled to be with you?”
“I don’t know. What I know is that there was one important secret you never told me. How could you not share that I was your fated mate?”
“I couldn’t. You were so young.”
“We were both young. Not just me.”
“You’re a human. Your parents were strict. I was being careful.”
“Careful of who, me or my parents?”
“Both.”
“You didn’t trust me.”
“I didn’t trust you?”
“No.” Andrew began to cry, and Ella stooped to pick him up. “You treated me like a fragile child. The fact that I’m your fated mate is what drew you to me in the first place. It’s the only reason a fourteen-year-old girl and a seventeen-year-old boy became friends at all.”
“We both played baseball.”
“Oh please. I was JV girls and you were varsity boys. We didn’t even ride the same bus to games.”
She had a point about the secret he’d kept from her. He didn’t go out of his way to make friends with freshmen girls when he was a senior. He wouldn’t even date a girl that young. His friendship with her had been motivated by the fact that he’d known she was his mate from the moment he’d laid eyes on her curvy, petite form.
“You’re right,” he said. “I shouldn’t have kept it from you. It was disloyal.” He hung his head, finally saying the words he’d held inside for so long.
Her face brightened and she sat down with the baby across from him at the table.
“I’m surprised you finally admit that,” she said. “It helps.”
“Helps?”
“It just makes me feel better to hear you admit that.”
He looked over at her and his son. He’d barely held him since he’d found out he existed. His heart hurt.
“Can I hold him?” he asked.
“Yeah.” She stood and handed him the baby. His tiny form and light weight wriggled in his arms. He’d held baby animals and baby relatives, but this was his own baby. His own flesh and blood. His son. Andrew had his green eyes, and Tate’s heart melted.
He held the child close and rocked him in his arms. The top of his head smelled like milk and powder. A soothing warmth flowed over his skin and his bear calmed within. He made a happy face at the baby and Andrew giggled and drooled, showing tiny new teeth.
“He’s so freaking cute, I don’t know what to do,” he joked.
“I know, right?” Ella laughed. “He looks so much like you. I can’t believe it.”
“He does kinda, doesn’t he?”
“Of course.”
“He looks a lot like you, too,” Tate said. Ella smiled at him. His affection for her poked through the fog of his anger and frustration. He did want them to be togethe
r, a family. The way it should be. He couldn’t help that he was a bear shifter and not a human. He couldn’t help that his kind knew who they belonged with from the day they were born.
He wished he could make everything right. Go back to when they were kids and trust her with the truth. She could have handled it. He knew that now. He understood that keeping it from her was a betrayal. He understood why she’d left him.
And he was beginning to understand why she had kept the baby a secret, too. She couldn’t face him. Right now, he could barely face himself. He was so conflicted. He had no idea what to do or how to proceed.
Was he a bear or was he a man? Who was in control? What voice should he listen to at the end of the day? How could he balance his animal and human nature to give his woman exactly what she needed? He could never answer all those questions on his own. He needed help. Even from his jerk-off brother Keaton or his clan leader brother Brock. Even his mom and dad could help him.
They were all back on the mainland while he and Ella were stranded out on the island in the middle of a snow storm. He’d have to figure it out on his own or it was going to be another long, cold night. He thought of sleeping in the cave again and shivered.
It wasn’t as if he couldn’t sleep in the cave in the cold. Regular bears did it. Tate was a shifter. That meant he was a human and had human taste. He preferred to stay warm. If he wanted to be warm tonight, he’d have to wrangle his bear into control enough to be around Ella. Holding the baby was definitely helping.
“I don’t want to sleep in the cave again tonight. My back still hurts.”
“Are you sure it’s not from pulling the boat up on land using ropes, pulleys, and a bear?”
“It might be partly that.”
“You’re perfectly welcome to share the bed with me,” she said, her eyes twinkling. Why was she doing this to him? He’d asked for it, though. The thought of sleeping in a bed was definitely appealing. The thought of sleeping in the bed with her…
“I might just do that.”
“Do you think you can handle yourself?”
“I can try,” he said. He could already feel his bear rearing its head.
“If that’s enough for you,” she said.
The sun had fallen and the world was deep in darkness. He pulled the CB radio from across the table and took another bite of his fish. Tate knew a little bit about CB radios, but not much. If the electronic components had been shorted by the water, it wasn’t going to work again.
“I’m going to put this near the fire to dry out.” He stoked both fires. And yawned. It had been a long ass day for him. Ella was right, his bear had done a lot of physically grueling work, and he needed a rest.
“I think I’ll turn in if that’s okay with you,” he said.
Chapter 10
Ella watched Tate’s tight body as he stretched and pulled off his outer flannel shirt. He had a tight-fitting, long sleeve shirt underneath. He rubbed his belly under his shirt, revealing his tight abs. Ella bit her lip. Holy crap, he was hot.
Every memory of Tate she had was of how scorching hot that boy was. Even as a teen, he’d been the sexiest boy in school. Tall, gorgeous chiseled, boyish features, full lips, green eyes, and shaggy dark hair. His smile was infectious. His friendship was elevating. When he’d told her he loved her and that she was his mate, she couldn’t believe it.
She’d wanted him for so long. Finally they’d made love. It was so good. So right. She loved him so much. Genuinely, in the depths of her heart. To learn he’d betrayed her so deeply cut like a knife. She couldn’t look at him anymore. They’d shared everything. Absolutely everything. She’d told him about her crazy parents and he’d told her about his brothers and cousins. They had known each other inside out.
For him to keep something like that from her? How could she ever forgive him? Somehow, she was beginning to understand why he’d done it. What she’d realized was that he was scared. He was just a kid back then. He didn’t have some kind of manual on how to deal with that kind of thing. She had to forgive him somehow.
No matter how much she told herself she wanted to forgive him, the more it felt like doing so would automatically mean she had to mate with him. Just like back then, she wasn’t ready to take on all that responsibility. Even after having his child.
She put Andrew in his car seat. Luckily, he’d already fallen asleep by the time she strapped him in by the fire. She covered him with an extra blanket. It wouldn’t be safe to sleep with two adults in the bed. Not when Tate had never slept with a baby before. Andrew would be safer in his car seat.
She stood and looked at Tate’s muscled back. He was turned toward the wall on the full sized bed. How was she going to fit in there with him? Part of her thought maybe this was a set up. He wanted to sleep with her so he could claim her. She turned out the kerosene lamp and sat at the edge of the bed.
Would it really be so bad to be Tate’s mate? What was she even fighting over in the first place? She knew her body sang with desire every time she saw him. How different was it for him? She wasn’t even really afraid of being a bear. She was related to a lot of bear shifters on her mother’s side. It wasn’t like that was a big deal.
It was that Tate had betrayed her and then taken away her choice when he finally did tell her. She did the opposite of what he expected. She’d refused to be manipulated. But maybe she had been looking at it all wrong, all this time.
She didn’t even know anymore.
Ella lay down on the bed and let out a long breath. The bed was uncomfortable but warm. Tate’s body radiated heat, and it felt good to be beside him. She could smell his masculine scent, thick from a hard day of work. It was mesmerizing.
“I’m starting to understand why you didn’t tell me,” she whispered in the darkness.
He grunted but didn’t turn over. “I understand why you ran,” he said.
She ran her hand over his back and around his waist, holding him tight against her chest. He let out a long sigh and took her hand in his, pressing it to his chest.
“That feels so good,” he whispered.
“Yeah.”
He turned to her and put his arm around her waist. She could feel the heat of his breath on her cheek.
“I’m sorry I betrayed you, Ella,” he said, brushing her cheek with his fingertips.
“I’m sorry I ran,” she said, breathless. The feeling of having him so close, so warm, forgiving each other, sent a hot passion through her body. It was as if none of the bad stuff had ever happened and everything was fresh and new.
He ran his hand over her hip and pulled her closer to him. She felt the soft brush of his lips over hers. They pressed deeper and his tongue flicked inside her mouth. Desire surged down her body, exciting her in a wet pulse.
His cock pressed against her stomach, and he pulled her leg up over his thigh, pressing her closer. She moaned as his tongue plunged deeper. She grabbed his waist and felt the power of his muscles slide under her hand.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” she asked him.
“Are you sure?” he asked her.
They stopped for a moment, panting. “Yes,” they both said at once.
“We don’t have any condoms,” Ella said as his hand gripped her between the legs.
He growled loudly into the pillow. “I won’t go inside you. It will keep me from claiming you.”
“All right,” she said, reaching for his hard bulge.
He slid his fingers inside her panties and flicked over her swollen bud. She moaned as hot pleasure surged under his fingertips. It had been so very long since she’d been touched. The first and the last person to touch her this way had been Tate. That fact was not lost on her. Her heart seemed to explode with new feelings, feelings she’d never let herself have before.
Now that they had forgiven each other, she could let herself admit that she really did want someone to take care of her. It had been so silly and foolish, and even a little selfish to keep running away from him like
she had been. She wanted to give herself to him completely now. It was a feeling she’d never had before. But she felt ready for it, ready for all of it.
Tate’s kisses peppered over her face and neck as he ran his hand over her breast. She wanted him now, badly. She couldn’t wait any longer. Even if he were to claim her, she wouldn’t object. Why had she waited so long?
She caressed his hardness up and down with her hand, wanting to feel him closer than ever. They peeled off each other’s clothes, getting down to their naked skin. Tate kissed her shoulder and rubbed his hand along her wet slit. His thumb focused on her clit, bringing her toward release. She held his thick shaft in her hand, stroking the smooth skin up and down. She loved the feeling of him on her palm, in her grip. It was the most erotic thing she’d ever felt.
She wished she had condoms more than ever right now because all she wanted was for him to be inside her again. He pushed his fingers into her wet channel and caressed her, brushing over a deep sense of pleasure inside her. She cried out, quickening the rhythm of her stroke on his shaft.
He sucked a sharp breath and licked her ear, flicking her clit in a tight circle with his thumb. All at once, Ella was hit with hot liquid release that throbbed on Tate’s fingers as his cock stiffened. He shot his seed onto her belly. They moaned with mutual release.
“That was amazing,” she breathed, as her contractions slowly subsided.
He kissed the top of her head and rumbled an agreement, pulling her close to him. She could hear his heart pounding inside his chest and feel the warm sweat on his skin against her cheek. She let out a deep sigh for everything that had brought her to this moment. It all felt so right. She wanted it to last forever.
“All this time…” he said.
“We could have been together,” she said, completing his thought.
They laid together, holding each other close in the dark and silence. They slowly drifted to sleep, their bodies sated and satisfied.
Ella awoke deep in the night, feeling Tate’s hands rove over her naked body under the blanket. His shaft was hard against her and she groaned, not opening her eyes.