She’d liked it, all right, if she was willing to say this much. After investigating several stores that catered to Seattle tourists, Anne Marie located a pizza place. While they waited for their order, they sipped sodas at a picnic table near the busy waterfront. They both ate until they were stuffed and still had half the pizza left over.
“Shall we save it?” Anne Marie asked. Ellen agreed. It seemed a shame to throw it out, but she suspected that if they brought it home, it would sit in the refrigerator for a few days and end up in the garbage, anyway.
Anne Marie carried the cardboard box in one hand and held Baxter’s leash in the other. They’d just started back when Ellen noticed a homeless man sitting on a bench, his grocery cart parked close by. Tugging at Anne Marie’s arm, she whispered something.
“What is it?” Anne Marie asked. “I couldn’t hear you.”
“He looks hungry,” Ellen said a bit more loudly. “Can we give him our pizza?”
“What a lovely idea. I’ll ask if he’d like some dinner.” Impressed with Ellen’s sensitivity, Anne Marie gave her the leash and approached the man on the bench.
He stared up at her, disheveled and badly in need of a bath. Despite the afternoon sunshine, he wore a thick winter jacket.
“We have some pizza,” Anne Marie explained, “and we were wondering if you’d like it.”
The man frowned suspiciously at the box. “What kind you got?”
“Well, cheese and—”
“I don’t like them anchovies,” he broke in. “If you got anchovies on it, I’ll pass. Thanks, anyway.”
Anne Marie assured him the pizza contained no anchovies and handed him the box. He lifted the lid and frowned. “That’s all?” They’d gone about a block when the absurdity of the question struck her. She started to giggle.
Clearly puzzled, Ellen looked up at her.
That was when Anne Marie began to laugh, really laugh. Her shoulders shook and tears gathered in her eyes. “That’s all?” she repeated, laughing so hard her stomach ached. “And he didn’t want anchovies.” Why she found the man’s comments so hilarious she couldn’t even say.
Ellen continued to study her. “You’re laughing.”
“It’s funny.”
“That’s on your list, remember?”
Anne Marie’s laughter stopped. Ellen was right. She wanted to be able to laugh again and here she was, giggling hysterically like a teenage girl with her friends. This needed to be documented so she pulled out her cell phone and had Ellen take her picture.
Then she dashed back and piled all the change and small bills she had—four or five dollars’ worth—on the pizza box.
Another wish—an act of kindness. The man grinned up at her through stained teeth and rheumy eyes.
It came to her then that she was happy.
Truly happy.
Deep-down happy.
Anne Marie had felt good earlier in the day, but that was the contentment that came from a sunny day, seeing old friends, spending a relaxing hour with her knitting class.
Granted, her newly formed optimism had a lot to do with these feelings. But her unrestrained amusement was something else—the ability to respond to life’s absurdities with a healthy burst of laughter.
It meant the healing had begun, and she was well on her way back to life, back to being herself, reaching toward acceptance.
When they returned to the apartment, it was still light out. Ellen had a number of small tasks to perform. She watered the small tomato, cucumber and zucchini seedlings they’d planted in egg cartons last Sunday. Once Ellen was home at her grandmother’s, Anne Marie would help the girl plant her own small garden. They’d already planted a container garden on Anne Marie’s balcony, with easy-care flowers like impatiens and geraniums.
As soon as she’d finished the watering, Ellen phoned her grandmother. Anne Marie spoke to the older woman, too.
“I don’t know why these doctors insist on keeping me here,” Dolores grumbled. “I’m fit as a fiddle. Ready to go home.”
“It won’t be long now,” Anne Marie told her.
“I certainly hope so.” She sobered a bit. “How’s Ellen doing? Don’t whitewash the truth for me. I need to know.”
“She misses you.”
“Well, of course she does. I miss her, too.”
Anne Marie smiled. “Actually, she’s doing really well.”
Dolores Falk sighed expressively. “God love you, Anne Marie. I don’t know what Ellen and I would’ve done without you.”
The praise embarrassed her. She was the one who’d truly benefited from having the child.
When Ellen had done her homework, the two of them knit in front of the television. Ellen had completed the scarf for her grandmother and started a much more ambitious project, a pair of mitts. After an hour’s knitting, she had a bath and put on her brand-new pajamas. She crawled into her bed. Prayers were shorter than usual that night, since Ellen was especially tired, and then Anne Marie read to her. They were now on the third “Little House” book and rereading these childhood favorites gave Anne Marie great pleasure. Ellen fell asleep listening.
When Anne Marie got down from the bed, Baxter hopped up to take her place.
The small apartment was quiet now, and a feeling of peace surrounded her. As always, she kept the bedroom door partially ajar for Ellen, who was afraid of the dark.
Tiptoeing down the hallway to her own bedroom, Anne Marie opened her binder of Twenty Wishes. She wanted to document the fact that she’d laughed. As Ellen had said, that was, indeed, one of her wishes.
She turned the pages in the binder and reviewed her list. She added a few more.
16. Go to Central Park in New York and ride a horse-drawn carriage
17. Catch snowflakes on my tongue and then make snow angels
18. Read all of Jane Austen
Lillie and Barbie had both said they wanted to fall in love again. Anne Marie wasn’t sure she did. Love had brought her more grief than joy. She’d loved Robert to the very depths of her soul, and his sudden death had devastated her.
Then to learn he’d had an affair with his personal assistant… The betrayal of it still felt like a crushing weight.
Anne Marie closed her eyes at the pain.
“Stop it,” she said aloud. “Stop it right now.”
She felt suddenly angry with herself. It was as if she’d set out to dismantle the positive attitude she’d so carefully created and destroy all the happiness she’d managed to find by thinking of everything that had gone wrong. No, she wouldn’t do it; she refused to let herself reexamine the pain of the last months.
Turning a page, she looked at the picture of the Eiffel Tower.
Someday she’d go.
Someday that wish, too, would be fulfilled.
Chapter 25
Anne Marie entered the small neighborhood park at the end of Blossom Street, where she walked Baxter every morning. Her stepdaughter sat on a bench waiting for her.
The weather had taken a turn for the worse since Wednesday, when she’d gone to the waterfront with Ellen and Baxter. This afternoon the sky was overcast and the scent of rain hung in the air.
Melissa had suggested they have lunch in the park. Anne Marie appreciated not having any reminder of their last restaurant meeting.
“Hi,” Melissa said as Anne Marie sat down beside her.
“Hi.” Strange—after years of avoidance, they were now seeking each other’s company. Anne Marie was curious about what Melissa had decided since they’d last talked.
“I’m having yogurt for lunch,” Melissa announced. “I don’t even like it, but Michael says it’s good for me and the baby.”
Anne Marie took out a tuna sandwich she’d slapped together that morning. “You told Michael, then.”
Melissa peeled off the foil top on the yogurt container and discarded it in her sack. “I went to see him right after you and I met, just like you said, and I’m glad I did.” She paused. “He was definitely shocked.”
/> “No more than you were.”
“True.” She grew quiet. “He didn’t believe me at first.”
This angered Anne Marie on her stepdaughter’s behalf. “Why not?”
“Remember I was the one who broke up with him, and I hurt him pretty badly. I should never have done that. I should’ve told Michael right away.”
“We all make mistakes,” Anne Marie said. She’d certainly made hers. Late at night she sometimes wondered if she’d been wrong to give Robert an ultimatum, if she should’ve tried to work things out in a different way.
“I could see he wanted to talk to me, but he was scared I’d hurt him again, so he kept looking away.” Melissa’s voice became more animated. “I kept asking him to look at me and he wouldn’t.”
It must have been terribly frustrating. “What did you do?”
Melissa appeared to be studying her yogurt, but Anne Marie could see she was smiling. “I kissed his neck.”
“His neck?”
“Michael’s a lot taller than I am and that’s as far as I could reach. I said I loved him and that I was sorry. I put my arms around him and told him the reason I broke up with him was because I was afraid.” She unwrapped the plastic spoon. “To tell you the truth I was even more scared then. My friend, the one who told me she’d seen Michael with someone else, had some other news, too, and I was sure I’d lost him for good.”
“What news?”
“She said she’d seen him in a jewelry store, looking at diamond rings.”
“For this other girl?”
“No, but I’m getting ahead of myself.”
“Okay, go back. Tell me what happened when you told Michael about the baby.”
Some of the happiness left Melissa’s eyes. “Like I said, he didn’t believe me. He thought I was making it up, which made me so mad I almost walked away. I’m glad I didn’t, though.”
“But why would he even think that?”
Melissa shrugged. “He didn’t trust me, and I can’t blame him.” She met Anne Marie’s eyes. “I said I’d never make anything like this up and to prove it I showed him the ultrasound I got from the pregnancy center.”
“I’ll bet that got his attention.”
Melissa laughed. “It sure did. He nearly fainted. All he could do was look at that little picture of our baby and walk around in circles. He was so pale I thought he was going to pass out. It took him a few minutes to get used to the idea, and then he asked me what I intended to do. I said that was why I’d come to see him. I felt this was a decision we should make together.”
Anne Marie nodded. She didn’t speak, not wanting to interrupt the flow of Melissa’s story.
“One thing I did, which I regret now, was to tell him that Mom wanted me to get rid of the baby. Michael got really, really upset. Basically I’d already decided that there are so many other options, an abortion would be my last resort.”
Although she didn’t remember Michael from the funeral, Anne Marie felt warmly disposed toward him, sure she’d approve of this obviously responsible young man.
“He said a baby needs a mother and a father,” Melissa went on, “and naturally I agreed because I believe that, too.” She dipped her spoon into the yogurt and put it in her mouth. “Do you want to know how bad my sense of timing is?” she said a moment later.
Anne Marie grinned at her wry tone. “I can’t wait to hear.”
“The night I broke up with Michael was the very same night he was going to propose to me. He had an engagement ring in his pocket and everything. The diamond he’d been buying when my friend saw him was for me. And the other girl was just a study partner.”
“Oh, Melissa.”
“We’ve been seeing each other practically every night. Oh, and I’m back in school.” She smiled confidently. “You can bet he’s doing all his studying with me now.”
“That’s great! But there’s something I need to know. Are you going to marry Michael?” She knew marriage was what Robert would’ve wanted for his daughter.
“Yes. Yes, I am. But I’m getting ahead of myself again.”
Anne Marie took the first bite of her sandwich. Robert would’ve been thrilled at the prospect of grandchildren. That was always his excuse when he refused to consider having a baby with Anne Marie. He said he didn’t want children and grandchildren the same age. Nor, he claimed, did he want his children to be mistaken for his grandchildren.
But it was useless to review their arguments now. What she recalled most strongly was Robert’s anticipation of his children’s children. Unlike Pamela, he would’ve been thrilled with the news of this baby.
Apparently Pamela had yet to be won over. But Anne Marie had to assume it wouldn’t be long before the baby stole his or her grandmother’s heart.
“As soon as I talked to Michael, we decided to get engaged,” Melissa said. “Then I called my mother.” Melissa frowned. “Unfortunately, it wasn’t a pleasant conversation.”
“How did you tell her?”
“I tried to be positive. I told her I’d discussed the baby with Michael and right off, that upset her. Mom said the decision was mine and mine alone, and by dragging him into it I was only complicating what should be a simple decision.”
“Oh, dear…”
“You know,” she said slowly. “I’ve never seen this side of my mother before. She’s totally convinced I should take that job and move to England.”
“You still could, I guess.”
She nodded. “But I’m not sure I ever really wanted a job in London. Mom keeps telling me what a fabulous opportunity this is, the chance of a lifetime and all that. But it would mean leaving Michael and I don’t want that, baby or no baby.”
“Couldn’t he come with you?” With Pamela’s resources, it might be possible to get Michael employment, as well.
“No. He’s going to work in his father’s carpet business. He’ll eventually take over the company. It isn’t like he could just pack up and follow me to another country. He’d like to go to Europe one day, but Seattle is home.”
That made sense to Anne Marie.
“I don’t think I ever realized how much Mom had her heart set on me joining her in the corporate world.”
Anne Marie could understand Pamela’s disappointment. Her marriage to Robert had disintegrated when Pamela accepted a position that often took her out of the country. The arrangement had suited Pamela and, although Robert was involved in his own career, he loved his children and willingly looked after their needs. Pamela cared about her kids, too, of course, but she had her own vision of what was best for them. Whether they actually agreed with that vision seemed irrelevant to her.
“I’m sure your mother’s afraid you might be repeating her mistake—or what she sees as one,” Anne Marie said as gently as she could. She didn’t want to suggest the marriage had been a mistake, although in retrospect it probably was.
“She started yelling at me and said I’d regret this for the rest of my life.”
Pamela’s temper was legendary.
“I asked her if she regretted having Brandon and me and she said…” Melissa swallowed hard. “She said if she had to do it over again, she wouldn’t have had either one of us because we’ve done nothing but let her down.”
“She didn’t mean that! She couldn’t mean it.” Anne Marie was horrified by such a cruel remark, even if Pamela had lashed out, unthinking.
“I know,” Melissa said in a small voice. “Afterward she e-mailed me and apologized, but she still said she wanted no part of the wedding.”
The wedding. Melissa and Michael were going to have a wedding. Of course they were.
“Will you come to our wedding?” Melissa asked tentatively.
“Absolutely! I wouldn’t miss it for anything.”
Melissa smiled, and Anne Marie saw tears in her eyes. “I still can’t believe this, you know,” she muttered.
“What your mother said?”
“No, me coming to you for advice. And support. A year
ago, even three months ago, I would never have done that. I…I thought I hated you.”
“Let’s try to forget all that, okay?”
“I blamed you for the divorce, although I know it wasn’t your fault at all. Brandon and I had a long talk about you, and he’s helped me figure things out. Emotions can become habits,” she said haltingly as she wiped her eyes. “But habits can be changed.”
There was a silence, and Anne Marie found herself blinking back tears of her own. “Can I help with the wedding?” she finally asked, diverting the subject from herself and their painful past.
“You’d do that?”
“I offered, didn’t I?”
“Well, yes, but I never expected… I didn’t think you’d have time.”
“I’ll make time.” Anne Marie wanted to help Melissa. The possibility filled her with hope and a kind of exultation. For nearly thirteen years her relationship with her stepdaughter had been nothing less than turbulent. Then, for reasons she didn’t completely understand, it had begun to change.
“I wasn’t going to tell you, but…”
“Tell me what?” Melissa glanced at her suspiciously.
“I’m taking knitting classes and I bought yarn for a baby blanket.”
Melissa smiled tremulously. “You did that for me?”
“I’m going to be a stepgrandma, aren’t I?”
Melissa nodded, and tears coursed down her cheeks unrestrained. “I can’t believe how wonderful you’ve been to me.” Melissa reached for her hand and squeezed it. “Thank you, Anne Marie,” she whispered.
Anne Marie put aside her half-finished sandwich. “Ellen picked out the yarn,” she said, clearing her throat. “It’s a variegated one with yellow, pink, pale blue and lavender.” Anne Marie was eager to start. As soon as she’d finished the lap robe for Dolores, she’d knit the blanket for Melissa and Michael’s baby. Her stepgrandchild.
“I’ll treasure it. And please thank Ellen. I hope I can meet her soon.” Melissa used a napkin to mop her face as she spoke. Except for her reddened eyes, she looked as beautiful as ever.
“We’ll arrange something,” Anne Marie said. “Now, have you and Michael set a date?”
“July twelfth.”