His dad was silent for several seconds, then said, “You love her, don’t you?”
His chest warmed. “Yeah. A lot. Which scares the shit out of me because after we lost Mom, I vowed never to let myself feel anything for any woman.”
His father crossed his arms over his chest and stared at him for several moments with a sorrowful expression. “I shouldn’t have let you think that way. That’s my failure as your father. I loved your mother very much. Maybe too much. And when she died, all I could do was focus on my grief. I should have focused more on you. I’m sorry for that.”
A familiar pain burned through his chest. One he hadn’t let himself feel in years. “It’s okay, Dad.”
“No, it’s not. Not if you haven’t let yourself fall in love because of that.” Scooting forward in his seat, his dad rested his forearms on his knees. “Love isn’t something you should be afraid of. When it comes along, you should grasp it and hold on as tightly as you can, because it’s the only thing that truly lasts. I don’t regret a single day I loved your mother. Not one. And I’d go through all the pain all over again, just to have those few precious years with her. Because not knowing her, never loving her, that would have been the real tragedy.”
Tears burned Hunt’s eyes, and he blinked rapidly to hold them back. He still missed his mom every single day. Nothing and no one could ever replace her, but his dad was right. Not knowing her love, never having had her in his life would have been the greatest tragedy.
His mind drifted to thoughts of Kelsey. To what his life would be like if he’d never met her. How empty everything would seem now. And that burn intensified right beneath his breastbone.
“She’s gun-shy,” he said quietly, his throat tight. “Kelsey. She went through a really bad relationship, and it’s made her hesitant.”
“Does she love you?” his father asked.
He thought of the way she’d opened up to him at the beach house. The way she’d kissed him and told him she wanted him. The way she’d looked at him. As if he was her everything. And, man, he wanted to be. He drew a deep breath that did nothing to ease the burn. “Yeah. I mean, I think she does. But she’s scared.”
“Then don’t give up on her. If she’s the one, be what she needs. Be patient and understanding and wait for her. Then don’t let her go. You’ll never regret loving her. I can promise you that. No matter what happens. You will regret never taking the chance, though.”
His dad was right—again. And it only made him want to get out of this damn bed right this second and go find Kelsey to tell her that. But he couldn’t. For the moment, he had to be patient.
“I love you, Dad.”
His father smiled. “I love you too, son. I—”
A knock sounded at the door, then the door pushed open a crack. “Hey, loser,” Alec said, sticking his head into the room. “Are you up for visitors?”
Hunt’s dad stood and looked toward the door where Alec, Rusty, and Ethan were already filing in. “Come on in, boys.”
“Hey, Mr. O’Donnell.” Alec shook his hand. “We can come back later.”
“No, no.” Hunt’s dad shook Rusty’s and Ethan’s hands as well. “I was just leaving.”
He stepped around them and glanced at Hunt. “I’ll be back tomorrow to check on you. Think about what we discussed.”
“I will. Thanks, Dad.”
His father smiled and disappeared out the door.
“What was that about?” Alec asked, moving around the bed.
“What a failure you are for not smuggling me whiskey.” Hunt relaxed into his pillows, already feeling better.
“Hey, I’m a recovering alcoholic,” Alec said. “You expect an alcoholic to get you his drug of choice?”
Hunt grinned, knowing Alec was only teasing. He thought of Kelsey. “If you were a real friend, yes. Especially when I have a hole in my belly because of your family.”
Paper wrinkled; then, from the foot of the bed, Ethan held up a bottle of Jameson. “Good thing I’m your real friend.”
Hunt nearly drooled. “You are a saint, Dr. McClane.”
Alec rolled his eyes.
Rusty tugged three paper cups from the bag. “No, I’m the saint. It was my idea.”
Ethan poured three shots, and Rusty handed them out. With his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans, looking frustrated as hell, Alec said, “I hate you all. Just for the record.”
Hunt tossed back the shot and relaxed even farther into the pillows. “No, you don’t. You love us.” Warmth spread down his chest. “Damn, that’s good.”
“Sadly, that’s all you get.” Rusty took the cup while Ethan hid the evidence so the nurse wouldn’t see. “When you get sprung from this place and get home, you can have more.”
Home made Hunt think of Kelsey. Made him want her at his home even more. Opening his eyes, he bit the bullet and asked the same question he’d asked every time the McClane brothers had come to see him. “How is she?”
“Better.” Ethan sank into the chair Hunt’s dad had left. “Looks like she’ll be discharged tomorrow. They’re just waiting for a few more tests to come back.”
And she still hadn’t come by to see him. A sick feeling rolled through Hunt’s gut and pushed up his chest. That was not a good sign.
“She’s dealing with a lot of shit,” Alec said. “Foster. Armstrong. You.”
“Right.” Hunt hoped like hell he hid the disappointment in his voice but knew he probably hadn’t. “Who’s she staying with when she leaves? Your folks aren’t letting her go back to her warehouse alone, are they?”
“She’s gonna stay with Mom and Dad for now.” Rusty crossed his arms over his chest. “At least until things get back to normal.”
For now. Shit. He needed to call his team. “The security system at her place should be up and running in a week or so. She can probably go back then.” He tried to sit up and reach for his phone from the table to his right. Pain shot through his gut, but he ground his teeth and kept reaching. “Would somebody hand me that damn thing?”
No one moved a muscle.
“You were right, Ethan.” Alec tipped his head. “He is completely and totally fucked.”
“Told ya.”
Giving up because he couldn’t even reach the stupid rolling table, Hunt collapsed back into the pillows, sweating and breathing heavily from the pain. He glared at his friend. “What the hell does that mean?”
Alec smirked. “It means you’re upside down in love with our sister, you loser. Which we should each deck you for. But we won’t.”
Hunt glanced warily at Rusty, standing still and silent with his arms crossed and a not entirely amused expression on his face. “I already told you guys I was in love with her.”
“Yeah, but it’s different now,” Ethan said, pushing to his feet.
“Why?”
“Because she’s in love with you too,” Rusty answered.
“She is? How do you know? And if so, why the hell hasn’t she been here to see me?”
Ethan chuckled.
Rusty sighed and reached for the whiskey again. “I need another shot for this.”
“So fucked it’s pathetic,” Alec said with a shake of his head.
Ethan stepped forward, drawing Hunt’s attention. “She has been here. Every night since she woke up and found out you were injured.”
“What? When? I haven’t seen her.”
“That’s because she didn’t want you to know she was here,” Alec said. “She’s come by when you’re asleep. She was terrified you were gonna up and die on her. I don’t think she could stay away.”
Emotions rolled through Hunt’s chest, so many he could barely think. She’d been here. And he hadn’t known. “Why?” He looked from one brother to the next. “Why hasn’t she come by when I’m awake?”
“Because she blames herself for what happened to you,” Ethan said. “She’s been having panic attacks, isn’t sleeping, has completely shut down from all of us. She’s acting the way sh
e did right after she got away from Benedict.”
“No, she’s acting the way she did when she first came to live with us,” Alec said to his brother.
Ethan nodded.
Hunt’s heart squeezed tight, and his chest filled with warmth and an urgency to climb out of this bed, to go find her right this second, to comfort her, to reassure her none of what had happened was her fault. He had to figure out a way to get down to her room. The nurses were never going to let him go down there, though. They were tightly monitoring his activity level. He’d have to sneak out, to find a way to—
“Which is why we’re here.” Rusty tossed back his second shot and dropped the paper cup in the garbage. “We don’t want you to fuck this up any worse than you already have, so we’re here to set you straight on a few things.”
Hunt looked among the three, anxious only to get to Kelsey before she was discharged. “What things?”
Ethan rested his hands on the railing of Hunt’s bed. “What to expect from Kelsey and her issues.”
Hunt stilled, almost too afraid to hear what they were going to say.
“It’s not that bad,” Ethan assured him. “Kelsey’s issues run way back to her childhood. Those feelings of abandonment, of not being able to trust, those are ingrained in her. And Benedict fed on those, which only set her back in her recovery. You need to be patient with her. What she’s doing now—blaming herself for what happened to you—is classic for kids and women who’ve been through what she has. It’s a defense mechanism.”
Everything Kelsey had told him about her childhood slammed into him, followed by the way Benedict had preyed on her insecurities. More than anything he wanted to find the son of a bitch and break his nose all over again, but he fought the urge, sitting up a little straighter instead, gritting his teeth through the pain so he could focus on what her brothers were telling him.
“There are lots of different kinds of abuse,” Ethan said, sounding like the psychiatrist he was. “Not all of it is physical. Most of the worst stuff isn’t. It’s emotional and mental, and it destroys a woman’s self-confidence. It’s very common for domestic-violence survivors to overthink everything, to blame themselves when things go wrong. To apologize for stuff they don’t need to apologize for. To expect the worst at all times. And to push people away when things get to be too much.”
“That’s always been Kelsey,” Alec cut in. “She’s never felt like she deserved anything good, and she pushed all the nice guys she dated away until she wound up with Benedict. He was the only one who stuck around, and he was a total shit. And she convinced herself she deserved that too.”
Everything they were saying made sense. Yes, Kelsey was strong and resourceful, and she found a way to pick herself up and go on whenever tragedy struck, but inside she was vulnerable and fragile in a dozen different ways, and she struggled daily not to listen to the negative voices in her head. They were just winning right now. And Hunt had never been more desperate to get through to her and prove they were wrong.
“So what are you saying?”
Ethan slid his hands into the pockets of his jeans and narrowed his eyes. “What we’re saying is this. She’s back in counseling, which is a good start, but you need to know right now that Kelsey’s issues aren’t going to be fixed in a week or a month or even a year. It’s going to be a long recovery for her, and even five years from now she might react irrationally to a situation simply because something triggered an emotional response inside her. Abuse survivors often suffer from PTSD, from anxiety attacks, even depression. The good news is, the safer she feels, the more she trusts the people around her, the easier it’s going to be for her to heal.”
“Which means,” Alec said, “if you really love her—”
“I do.”
“—then don’t let her push you away,” Rusty finished. “Be patient and prove you’re not going anywhere.”
Hunt wasn’t going anywhere. He knew what he wanted. He knew what mattered, and both were her. And since his words hadn’t been enough to prove that to her, he could think of only one way to make her believe it once and for all. “Done.”
“Done?” Alec’s brow lifted in surprise.
“Yeah. You said she’s come by my room every night?”
Ethan glanced over the bed at his brothers. “Yeah.”
“So since this is her last night in the hospital, odds are good she’ll stop by sometime again tonight?”
“Probably.” Alec narrowed his gaze. “What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking I need a favor.”
“Another one?” Rusty frowned. “Dude. We already brought you whiskey.”
Hunt smiled because he was confident this was a favor they wouldn’t refuse. “It’s going to involve someone driving out to my place on the coast. But you have to be back before she shows up here tonight.”
The halls were quiet when Kelsey ventured out of her hospital room sometime around two in the morning.
Tightening the belt of her robe around her waist, she ran her hand along the railing in the hall and moved down the corridor. An orderly passed her with barely a glance. It was the nurses she had to watch out for, but she’d figured out when their shift change was and had timed her nightly excursions when they were distracted so she wouldn’t be noticed.
She managed to slip out of her wing of the hospital without being caught and darted into the elevator. Nerves twisted through her belly as she rode up to the sixth floor where Hunt was currently in intermediate care, hoping and praying that tonight he looked better than he had last night.
The doors opened with a whoosh. She hesitated, glanced in both directions to make sure no one from her wing was here who might recognize her, and then moved onto the floor when it looked clear. The young blonde who’d been on night shift the last few days glanced up from her paperwork and smiled. “You’re back.”
Kelsey stuffed a hand into the pocket of her robe, her smile wobbling. “I won’t stay long. Is he asleep?”
“Yes. I just checked on him. You know, I don’t think he’d mind if you wake him. He’s had other visitors.”
“Oh no. I don’t want to do that. He needs his rest.” She stepped toward the hall. “I’ll be quick.”
The nurse didn’t answer, and Kelsey was glad as she moved quickly around the corner and spotted Hunt’s room two doors down. She wasn’t sure what the nurse thought of the crazy lady in a robe who only visited at night when he was unconscious, but she didn’t care. She needed to see him. Needed to know he was actually getting better. And didn’t know what she was going to do tomorrow when she had to leave the hospital and couldn’t check on him nightly.
Her fingers closed over the handle, and she turned it as quietly as she could. Pushing the door open several inches, she hesitated and listened. When the only sound she heard was Hunt’s steady, even breaths, she slipped inside and gently closed the door at her back.
The room was dark, the curtain drawn, blocking her view. Quietly, she stepped around the curtain and stopped at the end of Hunt’s bed, watching him sleep in the dim light.
He looked huge in that bed. It was the same thought she had every night when she came in here. Someone needed to get him a bigger bed so he could be comfortable. Holding her breath, she moved to the side so she could see his face. He was lying half on his side, his cheek pressed against a pillow, his skin a little pale, but not as bad as it had looked yesterday. There were still wires and tubes attached to his arms, but he seemed to be sleeping peacefully, not showing any signs of pain, and she took that as a good sign, especially after the other nights she’d been in here when he’d been restless and uncomfortable and still obviously on heavy painkillers.
Her gaze drifted back to his face. To his thick hair mussed against the pillow, his long eyelashes curled against his cheeks, and the steadily darkening stubble on his jaw she suddenly ached to skim her cheek against.
Her heart beat faster, and her hands flexed at her sides. She desperately wanted to climb into
that bed with him, to wrap her arms around him, to kiss those tempting lips, to hear him say her name as he had that last night they’d spent together at his beach house. But she couldn’t because she was scared. Scared of what he’d say when he opened his eyes and saw her. Scared that almost dying had made him realize her baggage was way too much. Scared that he’d blame her for what had happened to him. How could he not? It was her fault. Her past catching up to her was the reason he was lying in this bed now.
“I know you’re scared.” Out of nowhere, Hunt’s words echoed in her head. The same words she’d heard him say that last night. “I’m scared too, but not of loving you. I could never be scared of that because it’s the only thing I know is right.”
Her pulse inched up, growing louder until it was a whir in her ears. Her palms grew damp. Her breaths, fast and shallow. He hadn’t been lying to her that last night. He wouldn’t lie to her. He was the one person she could always trust to be honest with her, even when she didn’t particularly like his honesty.
“I’m terrified I’m gonna screw this up like I almost did today and lose you forever. Because that would gut me. Way worse than losing my mom ever did. Especially now, when I’ve finally realized you’re the only thing in this whole wide world that matters.”
Emotions overwhelmed her, stole her breath, made her lungs feel two sizes too small. He loved her. Really loved her. Not superficially, but with every part of his heart. And that meant there was no way he would ever blame her for what had happened. The only person who’d been casting blame these last few days was her. Which made her a complete fool for ever having questioned what he felt for her.
“Hunt?” Urgency pushed her forward to grip the railing of his bed. She had to tell him she was sorry. She needed to wake him. She needed him to know she was here and that she was the idiot, not him, for having stayed away. “Hunt?” she whispered. “I’m here. I—”