Truthfully, I’ve spent my entire adult life feeling frumpy and awkward. Only one man made me feel beautiful and desirable, and he’s the reason I’m packing on the pounds. Lee Jacks—the very thought of him is like a dagger to my heart.
I hear the front door open, and I panic, quickly tossing the candy under a sofa cushion. Jacey comes sailing into the room and stops just inches away from me. I see the look of disapproval on her face as she takes in my appearance. Obviously, the yoga pants and sloppy T-shirt I’m wearing don’t quite meet with her approval. She’s dressed in a form-fitting pencil skirt, high heels, and a blouse so sheer I can easily see the outline of her bra. We share long, blond hair, but that’s where the similarities end. Mine is piled into a messy ponytail and hers an elegant French twist. She puts her hands on her slim hips and releases a long-suffering sigh. “Exactly how long is this pity party going to last?” Wrinkling her nose, she asks, “For God’s sake, when’s the last time you took a shower and washed your hair?” That I must think about my answer tells her all she needs to know. She plasters on her best concerned-sister look and eases onto the other end of the sofa. “You’ve got to snap out of this.” Then she goes for the ultimate low blow. “Do you want to end up like Mom?”
I pull the pack of M&M’s from their hiding place and wave them in her face defensively. “I’m eating chocolate, not drinking myself into a stupor. I think there’s a difference here.”
She leans over and pulls the candy from my hand as if to save me from myself. “I’m referring to the fact that you aren’t dealing with life very well. Food may be your drug of choice, but it still boils down to an inability to cope.”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I roll my eyes at her because I know she hates it. It’s petty, sure, but this therapy session is pissing me off. Why can’t my family just leave me alone? It’s because of them that I’m so damn miserable. When will I ever stop letting them tell me what to do? For God’s sake, I’m thirty-four years old. Shouldn’t I have grown a backbone by now and learned to stand up for myself? “Was there something you wanted?” I’m so tired of this familiar conversation.
Her mouth tightens, and I can see her struggle to hold back the tirade she’s dying to unleash on me. She’s probably afraid she’ll send me off into an alcohol-fueled tailspin. After all, it’s certainly in our genes. Thanks, Mom. I wait, wondering which route she’ll take today. I watch in fascination as her inner struggle plays out before me. Finally, I see the moment she plasters on the good-sister face, and I’m almost disappointed. An argument would have at least gotten my blood pumping and given me something else to focus on besides the dismal shape my life is in. Hell, if I got really worked up, I might even burn a few calories in the process—winning! She does manage to catch me by surprise when she hands my pack of candy back to me. “Here, honey. You probably really need this. I know this has been hard on you.”
She looks almost faint when I pour a handful of the brightly colored goodness into my palm and pop them loudly in my mouth. It’s probably more carbs than she’s consumed in the past month, much less in one sitting. I make a production of rolling my eyes back into my head and smacking my lips. She runs her hands nervously down her thighs as if she’s afraid the calories I’m consuming will rub off on her. That’s one thing about being sisters. We learned how to push each other’s buttons long ago. When I’m finished with the pack, I’m almost sure I have chocolate somewhere on my face by the way her gaze is glued there, but I refuse to give in and wipe it away. It’s too much fun watching it irritate her. “Man, those were good,” I groan. “I may have to make a run to the store later for more.” Giving her a sweet smile, I ask innocently, “Do you think you could pick up some for me the next time you’re coming over? It would save me a trip.”
I bite my lip to keep from laughing out loud as she shudders. “Absolutely not,” she snaps. And just like that, the good sister is gone, and the familiar, snippy one is back.
Oh well, it was nice while it lasted. “Is there a point to this visit?” I ask, more than ready for her to leave now. If not for her almost daily impromptu drop-ins, I could be left in peace to die alone and be eaten by my cat, Rufus. I’ve started locking him out of my bedroom at night, though, because I’m afraid of that very thing happening.
“Dad is worried about you. He said you refused to ask for your job back at Falco.” Yes, sis. I was there last night. I know what he wants from me.
Ding, ding! We’ve got a winner, ladies and gentlemen. My father is no more worried about me than my sister is. They’ve both spent most of my life trying to pretend I don’t exist. But now with their sights set on Lee Jacks, I’ve suddenly become useful. I left my job with him before I was supposed to and failed them. I lost the man I love out of some insane, misplaced loyalty to a family who couldn’t care less about me. And now they want more. Well, fuck them. I’m finished. Done. It’s over. “I’m not going back. Ever,” I interrupt Jacey’s attempt at coercion. “I never should have done it in the first place. The whole thing was crazy, and exactly what would it have accomplished in the end?” Before she can answer, I continue. “You have no idea what type of man you’re dealing with. Lee plays in the big leagues. He eats people like our father for breakfast. If he ever found out what I was attempting to do, he’d destroy us all.”
She looks as if she can’t believe what I’m saying. “I realize you’ve always been different, but surely, even you care about what he did to our mother. He’s the reason we were raised by a nanny while our father grieved.” She jumps back to her feet as if pulled upright by an invisible set of strings held remotely by our father. I literally feel the blood drain from my face when she taunts, “Why don’t you just admit this has nothing to do with fear and everything to do with the fact you’re infatuated with the bastard. I found you a job and a new guy, yet you still cling to this crush you have on that monster. What more does he have to do for you to wake up and see the light? I told Dad you were the wrong choice to work at Falco, but he said that no one would ever suspect someone like you being a Wrenn. Well, I was certainly right about that, but a lot of good it did us. We were so close, and you tossed it all away. I’ll even admit that he’s a handsome devil—hell, more than that. I would have looked the other way while you slept with him for the greater good. I’d have probably been impressed.”
Now that the initial shock has passed, I’m pissed. How dare she judge me? I glare at her, then realize she still has the advantage while she towers over me. Fuck that. I get to my feet and do something else she hates. I move closer and invade her personal space. Her eye twitches, but she stands her ground. “How dare you presume to judge me,” I grind out through tightly clenched teeth. “I’m the one who spent over two years of my life doing exactly what was asked of me. Regardless of what you say, I don’t recall you trying very hard to take my place. On the contrary, I believe you mentioned repeatedly that you were needed as Dad’s right-hand. There’s no way you could have made the sacrifices I have, and you damn well know it. So save me the lecture.”
She’s momentarily taken aback, but she recovers quickly. She is truly the female version of our father and always manages to land on her feet. Her lips curl into a sneer of disgust as she runs her gaze up and down me. “I knew this would happen. You’ve never been around a man like Lee Jacks. I mean really, you’ve barely even been on more than a handful of dates. I had to call in some favors with Harry to take you out. I believe he said he wasn’t interested in a chubby blonde who ate more than he did. Luckily for us, Dad holds the lease on his building, and the threat of a sharply escalated monthly payment was enough to change his mind. It’s not all bad, though,” she adds in a falsely encouraging voice. “He says you do a fair job of answering the phones, and he’s not constantly tempted to chase you around the desk like his last assistant. Plus, we’re paying your salary, so it’s a win-win for him.”
My stomach clenches as her words sink in. It’s not that I’m attached to Harry. Heck, I’m not even re
motely attracted to him. He’d seemed kind, though, and when he began asking me out shortly after I started working for him, I’d agreed. He was pleasant company, and it took my mind off my dismal life for a few hours. Of course, now I knew he was simply a Wrenn minion. Even though I didn’t care about the loss of a date or the job, it still stung that my sister had been paying someone to go out with me. He never made me feel that way. Lee had wanted me. I felt the proof of his desire the few times he kissed me. If only he’d done more. Suddenly, I’m tired. More exhausted than a woman my age should be. The fight leaves me, and I want her gone. I can’t deal with any more today. “Get out,” I say wearily. I turn my back on her and begin walking away. This may not be a backbone move, but I refuse to be belittled in my own house. As I so often am.
“I’m not finished,” she snaps, but I ignore her. Unhurriedly, I make my way toward my bedroom and close the door. For good measure, I turn the lock. Rufus is sitting in the center of my bed giving me a pitying look as if to say, your sister is one hell of a bitch. I nod my agreement—we understand each other perfectly. I slump down next to him, putting a hand on his soft fur and gently stroking his back until he begins to purr. I expect to hear Jacey pounding on my door, but there is nothing but silence until I hear a car starting in the distance.
“Wow, I can’t believe that worked,” I murmur. But I know with a certainty that this isn’t over. There is no way my family will let me walk away. The irony is that we both want the same thing—me back with Lee—just for different reasons. To them, I’m the key to taking down their enemy, which is exactly why I left. And it was almost too easy. I used the one tool at my disposal guaranteed to make him let me go. I pressed him for more. Amazing how simple it was to make a powerful man literally run in the other direction. Just have the “relationship talk” and they quiver in their damn shoes. Even though it had been horribly embarrassing, I knew he’d see right through anything else. Don’t they always say that the trick to pulling off deceit is to add as many elements of the truth as possible? Well, that much had been easy because I’m in love with him. I have no idea what my backup plan would have been had he given in to my demands to have a real relationship, but sadly, that hadn’t been necessary.
I shift until I’m more comfortably settled on the stack of pillows behind me. Images of our last moments together flood my mind, and this time, I don’t attempt to stop them. Because even if it changes nothing, I need to be with him again. Even if it’s only in memories.
It had been an unusually quiet day at Falco. It was casual Friday, and I was wearing my favorite pair of Levi’s and a green fitted blouse. I was also more exhausted than I could ever remember being. I hadn’t slept eight hours straight since I began working for Lee. At first, it had simply been a case of nerves. Pretending to be someone else wasn’t easy, and I was constantly on guard, afraid I’d say the wrong thing. After all, I was Jade Wrenn, not Liza Malone as I had pretended to be for the past two years. I have no clue how my cover managed to hold up under Lee’s intense scrutiny, but it had. I probably owed a huge debt to his former security chief who’d been more interested in chasing skirts at the office instead of digging for the truth. I never expected to make it past the first week, much less be there long enough to fall helplessly in love with the man I was supposed to hate.
On that last day with Lee, I’d reached my limit. My sister had been pushing me to sleep with him so I’d have access to his apartment, which I realized was as stupid as it sounded. I’d been there on a few occasions, but I’d never had the freedom to look around. I’d found no evidence to suggest Lee was as evil as my family suggested, and I had access to many confidential files for quite some time at the office. I knew I wouldn’t find anything in his apartment.
Lee is brilliant, and he’s beyond gorgeous to look at with that blond hair, blue eyes, and holy hell, what a body. He might be in his forties, but he could pass for someone years younger. One of the key things that always turned me on was his intelligence. Everything he touched turned to gold, and it had nothing to do with luck. He was insightful and driven. He knew which struggling companies he could turn around and sell for a fortune as easily as some knew what brand of toilet paper they preferred. I suspect that if tested, he would have the IQ of a genius. Move over, Stephen Hawking, Lee Jacks could make you look like a toddler with a box of crayons.
It was after four in the afternoon. Lee had been absently rubbing his temple because he’d been staring at his computer screen for far too long. His mind never shut down for long, and as a result, he sometimes suffered from tension headaches. A weakness he hated. I didn’t like to dwell on how he likely blew off steam when things became too much for him. He kept his sexual exploits out of Falco, which I was grateful for, but I knew a man like him had a healthy appetite for all things, including women. In my time as his assistant, I’d never so much as caught him looking twice at any of his attractive employees. And some of them were so pathetically obvious in their attempts to get his attention.
He’d surprised me that day by suddenly glancing up as I was arranging a stack of papers on the corner of his desk. “You should take off early, Liza. You’ve been here late every night this week.”
I’d shrugged, not really interested in leaving since I had nowhere to go other than my quiet home. “That’s life when your boss works eighteen-hour days.”
Normally, the personal conversation would end at this point, and he’d shift his focus back to whatever he was engrossed in. Instead, he’d leaned back in his leather chair and studied me until I became so nervous I’d damn near swallowed the paperclip I’d put between my lips while sorting the last stack of paperwork. I pulled the silver metal from my mouth and saw him quirk a brow in amusement before shaking his head. “I’ve told you not to do that. It’s dangerous. I have nightmares about having to dig one of them out of your throat.”
Before I could think better of it, I’d joked, “Well, at least you’re dreaming about me. Even if it’s a far cry from what I’d prefer you think about when you’re asleep.” Oh shit! I’d cringed, wanting to take back what I’d said. I’d lowered my head, hoping he’d missed it, but no such luck. Lee, it seemed, was in the rare mood to have a non-business-related chat.
He surveyed me lazily, bringing to mind a cat playing with a mouse before it moved in for the kill. “And what exactly would you prefer, Liza?”
I’d dropped my gaze, attempting to break the connection. “Er… nothing. I was kidding.” I’d forced a laugh out that sounded far too shrill even to my own ears.
He shifted the conversation suddenly. “What’s bothering you? Don’t bother to lie, because you haven’t been yourself all day. Aren’t you feeling well?” It was that note of concern in his voice that was almost my undoing. I felt the overwhelming urge to crawl on his lap and confess everything. If only that were possible. But he wouldn’t pull me closer and make it all better. No, he’d have me kicked out of Falco and probably arrested. Those things would be bad, but it was the thought of him hating me that I couldn’t tolerate. I’d rather walk away and lose him in that manner than to have him know who I was and what I’d done.
This was what it had come down to. Say goodbye on my own terms or let my family push me into destroying any fond memory that Lee might have of me. So I’d forcibly swallowed past the huge lump in my throat and looked at him. Then I’d rocked his world, but not in the way I’d always longed to. “I’m tired of this game we’ve been playing. You know I have feelings for you, and I believe you have some for me as well. You’ve kissed me before, then pushed me away and acted like it never happened. Do you realize that I’ve only been on a couple of dates the entire time I’ve been working for you?” When he’d opened his mouth to say something, I’d waved him off angrily, no longer having to pretend I was pissed. “You think I don’t know that when I mentioned needing to leave early in the past, you made damn sure we had some emergency that required us to stay late? And the sad part is that I didn’t care. My heart wasn’t in s
eeing anyone else. You gave me the perfect excuse not to have a life outside of Falco. I blamed it on our hectic schedule, but in reality, no one else interested me. After all, who could possibly compare to you? And dammit, you gave me just enough encouragement to keep me coming back for more.”
“Liza”—he exhaled sharply— “don’t do this. You know there can never be anything more between us than the relationship we have now.”
“What exactly do we have?” I snap. “You’re my boss, and I’m your assistant. We flirt with crossing the line occasionally, but that’s it. And regardless of what you tell yourself, you don’t want me to move on. You want me right here mooning over you. Is it some kind of ego rush, or are you simply oblivious to how I feel? Heck, for all I know, you have a mean streak where I’m concerned, and you enjoy seeing me suffer.” He looked pained as my words hung in the air between us. For some reason, that made me even angrier. How dare he pretend to be the one suffering here? He had no idea what I’d been going through since this whole damn charade started. Granted, a big part of that was the fault of my family and not him, but dammit, they’re not here and he was. I pointed at myself then to him. “Really, no explanations are necessary. I’m the frumpy secretary, and you’re the mega-hot boss. Naturally, you’re not interested in me in a personal way. We both know you have women who look a heck of a lot better than I do throwing themselves at you daily. And I’ve certainly never seen you in the tabloids with anyone approaching chubby. Most of them look as if they’ve never walked in a McDonald’s before in their lives. I bet they force themselves to throw up if they even drive within a mile of a fast-food restaurant.” Then it happened… something beyond comprehension. His shoulders shook, and for just a moment, I feared I’d made the great Lee Jacks cry with my hurtful comments. But no—the bastard was actually laughing. Without thinking, I grabbed the first thing within reach and threw one of his expensive pens at his head. As if anticipating the move, he plucked it effortlessly out of the air. “You’re such an asshole,” I hissed, no longer caring that I was committing career suicide. That was what I wanted. I thought. A way out of the mess I’d gotten into.