I wouldn’t have minded getting a read of that comic. But comics had caused enough trouble hadn’t they?
I slid down the pipe and stood in the yard. The sky was scattered with stars. I knew one thing. As long as I walked the streets under them stars there’d be only one thing anyone could say about me and that was: I hope he’s proud of himself now, the pig, after what he did on his poor mother.
I wasn’t sure if Philip Nugent would be going to music that day but I waited at the corner for a while and sure enough there he was with his crocodile music case swinging it absent-mindedly against his knee the way he did. He broke into a trot soon as he seen me but I ran after him and called Philip there you are, I walked along beside him talking about all sorts of things. I told him I thought his music case was one of the nicest I’d ever seen. I’d say it’s one of the nicest in the town, I said. Philip said thanks but I knew he was frying to quicken his step without me noticing. I said again I’d say it’s one of the nicest in the town and then I stopped and gripped him by the arm. No, I said, it is the nicest in the town! He sort of grinned and half-laughed when I said that and his cheeks turned pink. Then he said he was glad I liked it. I thought for a minute and then I said Philip do you think I could have a look at it?
He wasn’t sure what to say but I kept looking at him with my big bright hopeful eyes and then he said yes yes of course. He handed it to me and I closed my eyes and ran my hands along its polished flaky surface. It really was a good music case. Then I said about the books inside. What about them Philip? I said. Can I have a look at them? Yes of course he said. He kept glancing over his shoulder and twisting the pocket of his blazer. I took the books out. They were just like his comics not a speck on any of them. You’d think those books were brand new out of the shop. Woh boy, I said. There was an ass and cart going off into green mountains on the cover of one. Emerald Gems of Ireland it was called. I leafed through it. I know that one!, I shouted. My da sings it! I dreamt that I dwelt in marble halls! How about that Philip! Are there any other good ones in it? Philip – could you sing these? Will you teach me some of them? There’s some good songs in here Philip and no mistake, I said. I closed the book and I said to him, Philip how much would this book be if you were to buy it new in the shop? He frowned and was about to say he didn’t know that his mother bought it for him but before he did I said yes but how much would you say?
He thought for a while and then he said two pounds. That’s dear I said but its well worth it. I talked a bit more about the books and then I handed them back to him. The best books in the town – easy! I said. Then we walked on another bit, still talking about music. I told him da had plenty of records. I said he had hundreds, because he had. Do youse ever buy records, Philip, I said. He said they did. Who buys them, I asked and he said his da. Does your mother not buy any? I said. He shook his head and said no. When it came to records it was his da did all the buying because it was mostly him was interested in them. Oh, I said, and then I said I’ll bet your ma never bought a record called The Butcher Boy did she Philip? He said she didn’t. No, I said, what would she want to go and buy that for? Did you ever hear it Philip? I said. He said he didn’t. Not even on the radio? I said. He said no. I said: You didn’t miss much, Philip. Its the stupidest song in the world. I started laughing. Do you know what its about? I asked him but he said he didn’t and shook his head. You’d think I was stupid if I told you Philip I said and looked at him wiping the tears out of my eyes for every time I thought of how stupid it was it made me laugh all over again. No I wouldn’t says Philip. You would, I said, I know you would. No I wouldn’t, he says. Do you know what its about Philip I said its all about a woman hanging from a rope all because this butcher boy told her lies. Did you ever hear the like of it, I said, and it sounded so daft now that I had to steady myself against the railway wall.
That wouldn’t be much of a song says Philip and whatever way he said it it set me off again with the tears streaming down my face. Then I says to him: You wouldn’t catch your ma paying out money for a song the like of that would you Philip?
He didn’t really say anything just ran his fingers through his hair and said mm but then when I said it again he said no you wouldn’t. I said I know I know you wouldn’t.
I shook my head and said its some laugh have you a hanky Philip and he gave me a lend of it then on we went.
We were getting along right well and his cheeks weren’t so flushed now so I started talking to him about the comics and how it had all been meant to be a joke and everything. It was all supposed to be a bit of a laugh Philip I said. We would have given the comics back to you. He said I had got him in trouble. Ah the Pig Toll Tax, I said, that! That was stupid. You don’t have to pay that! I laughed away as I kicked a stone on ahead. Did you ever hear anything so stupid as a pig toll tax! Paying money to get by on the street! You must be joking I said and then the two of us were laughing away at how stupid it was. Imagine if everybody had to pay it! Sure nobody would ever get anywhere. Well man dear, I said, a pig toll tax! Not at all, Philip, that was all cod! He was glad to hear that, I could tell. Then I told him about the comics I got from my aunt in America. Comics like you never seen in your whole life, I said. Not English ones, you couldn’t get these in England or anywhere, oh no – only America. You just never seen the like of them Philip I told him. I have them all stashed in the chickenhouse, Philip, I said. I went there every day and what a laugh I had reading about all these superheroes. Your man comes at Green Lantern I says. Next thing bam! a big giant hammer comes flying out of his ring and splatters him. And that’s only Green Lantern. There’s far more than him that could do even better things than that! Nothing would do Philip now till he saw these comics. You can go to music any time I said, I might have to swop or sell these comics very soon. We went down the back way. Nobody knew about the way into the chickenhouse through the broken window at the back only me and Joe. When you got inside there you were in the dark warm world of chirps and burbles. The lightbulbs came right down from the ceiling and hung straight in front of your face. They were only maybe four feet off the floor. This is the first time I was ever in here says Philip its great. It was a secret world and he was in it, he ran his fascinated fingers along the grooves where me and Joe had carved our names in the wood we had done it all over the place.
Look at this he said, then I said I’d go and get the comics. Philip was crawling round on his hands and knees examining the cages, then he took out his music book and started making calculations along the margins of the pages with his pencil. I don’t know what he was trying to figure out maybe how much space each chick had to itself or something like that. That was Philip, he’d want to know what food they ate for breakfast and how much per day and what temperature was best for them and all this. I left him there and went into the room at the back of the shed to get the comics. When I came back out he was still scribbling and muttering to himself, working out his mathematical calculations with his back to me. All I said was Philip, and when he turned I swung the chain but I didn’t connect I missed the side of his face. I hit the flex of the lightbulb and it started swinging to and fro. The chickens flapped and squealed a bit they knew there was something wrong then I took the next swing and it thudded dully against a sack of grain I couldn’t get a good look at him with the lightbulb painting these big shadow streaks as it swung. The next thing it swooped right back and I couldn’t see a thing then I lost my temper and swore at him. I think he had dropped his spectacles and was crawling along the ground searching for them. I hit the ground thump thump on the carpet of woodchips. I saw him now he was right in front of me and then I heard: Francie!
Philip was right in front of me with one arm up saying Francie don’t do it! Then all of a sudden the lightbulb steadied itself and I heard it again: Francie! It was Joe. He got a grip of me by the wrist and pushed me backwards. Philip was on the ground again but he had no idea of where he was going for he still hadn’t found the specs. He just crawled and said ple
ase. Joe wrenched the chain from my grasp. It landed with a clatter against the septic tank. He cursed at me now look what you’ve done look what you had to go and do! I’m sorry Joe I said and I knew that was that. Joe was going to leave me and I’d be left with nobody no ma nothing.
But the thing was – Joe didn’t leave me! I hadn’t managed to hit Philip so he was just a bit shocked and Joe worked it so he would say he’d fallen off an apple tree and that was how he tore his blazer. But when Joe came back from leaving Philip down the street he swore more at me and said that if I ever did the like of that again they’d put me away for that was what they did with people who did things like that. He said that since the day we met hacking at the ice I was his best friend. He didn’t care what his ma or da said about me or my da or the Terrace but if I did things like that it would be all ruined. I was standing with my back against the wall it felt as if I was on a cliff edge. Francie, said Joe, you have to swear that’s the end of it. I did. I swore on my life that was the end of it and it would have been too only for Nugent.
After that we rode off out to the river, that was the day we built the hide. We dug a small tunnel in the ground and propped it up with pine branches then covered over the whole thing with leaves and briars and bracken. If you were passing all you saw was bushes and brambles and old leaves thrown around. But we were in there making plans, me and Joe. We built a campfire too. We blackened our faces and painted equals signs under our eyes. We mingled the blood of our forearms and said from this day on Francie Brady and Joe Purcell are blood brothers and will be friends to the end of the world. We’ll pray to the Manitou Joe said so we did. You can have a name said Joe an injun name. I was Bird Who Soars. Off I went across the sky and over the slated rooftops, gliding in between the curling scarves of chimney smoke and the bending aerials calling down to Joe far below can you see me Joe I’m up here diving with the wind stroking my eyes as I came in to land beside him but he hadn’t moved, sitting there hunched up in a blanket, paring sticks and saying yamma yamma yamma, praying to the Manitou.
I sat at the window. The lane outside was deserted. There was no sign of the children but tomorrow they would be back again clumping about in oversize shoes and making tea parties with dockleaves on plates. They didn’t care about all these things that people care about. All they cared about was whose turn it was next. The day after Joe and me were hacking we played marbles in the lane. That was all we cared about too. Right Francie, your turn, says Joe.
Across on the ditch a snowdrop with a bone china head curtsied and introduced its diminutive troupe. There he is again this year ma used to say about that snowdrop. The sky was the colour of oranges. I looked at my marble-white hands and wondered what it was like to be dead like the woman in the song. You’d think: the beautiful things of the world aren’t much good in the end are they? I’m going to stay dead.
I thought that was probably what it was like.
I didn’t say it!, Nugent said but she did and that was why I called down to the house. I didn’t say anything what are you talking about was all she could say so I said what do you think I am Mrs Nugent, stupid? I heard you. I was walking across the Diamond and her and Philip were coming out of the shop. Philip was carrying two sliced pans, one under each arm and she had a shopping bag with coloured patches on it I was a good bit away from them but I saw her stopping to point me out to Philip. I saw her. There he is! she said, there won’t be so much chat out of him from now on Philip, him and his pig toll tax! Maybe if she had just left it at that I wouldn’t have passed much remarks hut she should have left Alo out of it. I just heard the tail end of it but that was enough for me. Half-blind and hates him from the day she married him! What did I tell you Philip!
Then off went Philip waddling with the bread and her beside him in the headscarf chuckling with the bag so I said I’d have to call down and see them after that. I took a look in the window before I knocked on the door and it was nice in there with the fire tossing shadows round the room and a brass guard with a spray of pink flowers painted on it and on top of the mahogany piano Mrs Nugent in an oval frame. She was nice-looking Mrs Nugent when she was young, with a white rose pinned to her hair and cupid’s bow lips like you’d see on an old time film star not like the bits of scribbles she had now. No headscarf or overcoat with big brown buttons then, oh no. Where did that old Mrs Nugent go? Don’t ask me. And Mr Nugent, he was hanging on the other wall, smiling away in his tweed coat and stripey tie. You could see by him that he had a high-up job. He had that look in his eye that said I have a high-up job. He was staring off into the distance thinking about all the high-up things he was going to do and all the people he was going to meet. I don’t know if he was English but he spoke like it. He said good afternoon when everybody else said hardy weather or she looks like rain. There was a wicker basket of lilies of the valley under the picture of John F. Kennedy. And on the music stand of the piano the ass and cart going off into the mountains of Emerald Gems of Ireland. It was a nice warm room with an amber glow that reached out to you and beckoned you in. Come on in, it said, so I thought maybe I would but then knock knock and out comes Mrs Nugent. She was a long way now from the rose in her hair all right. Cupid’s bow lips! What a joke! She had on a raggy old apron with forget-me-nots scattered all over it and a heart-shaped pocket bulging with clothes pegs.
I had to laugh at the furry boots.
She must have been washing for she had on rubber gloves and was pulling at the fingers. A crinkly arrow appeared over her eyes in the middle of her forehead and she said what do you want. No she said what do you want? I could see in the hall. There was a barometer pointing to very hot some barometer that was. They say there’s going to be rain Mrs Nugent I said, rubbing my hands together all business. That won’t please the farmers. What do you want she said again. Then she said it again and I said nothing much just called down to see how Philip is getting on. Philip is very busy with his lessons, she said. I knew he was. He was always busy with his lessons, working things out. Investigating this and that. That was the kind of Philip. That’s what I said to Mrs Nugent. Mr Professor, I said, always busy! Nugent said nothing. She was picking at one of the clothes pegs inside her pocket. Well that’s the Christmas over now for another year Mrs Nugent I said but she said nothing to that. All over now, I said again, it’ll be very quiet now till Patrick’s day. Yes, she said.
I suppose you’re glad to get it all over with, I said and folded my arms. I smiled. She picked little bits off the inside of her lip and said yes she was. Then she whispered goodbye now and made to close the door but I stuck my foot in the jamb and held it fast. Ah its for the kids really I said and sure its only once a year. Mrs Nugent wasn’t so sure now what to do about that. Pick pick at the clothes peg. I just thought Philip might like to come out and have a few kicks of the ball. Me and him, Manchester United against the rest. Do you like Manchester United I asked her. Tommy Taylor and Denis Law. They’re the best. The Munich Air Disaster I said. Did you ever see the like? The whole team Mrs Nugent. I seen it in the paper. All they found of Tommy Taylor was his boots. It was terrible I said. Terrible. I shook my head in dismay and Mrs Nugent must have thought it bad too for her eyes reddened and she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and a bit of her sleeve. When he comes back in to do his lessons after a few kicks he’ll be right as rain. Philip, I called. I knew he was in the kitchen for he always did his lessons at the table the spectacles were on. It was just beside the television and sometimes Mr Nugent sat there with him and helped him puffing away on his pipe like an ad on the television himself. Yes I like Maltan Ready Rubbed Flake says Mr Nugent! with the big briar stuck in his gob. I called out but he didn’t hear me that time either so I called again. A few kicks, I said. Are you coming? But still there was no sign so I thought maybe the comics would get him out. I have a whole load of new comics Philip I said. Can you hear me Phil? I said. It was good saying Phil like that. Yup, me and Phil we been old buddies for a lawwwwng time, that’s what I
said. Dandy Beano Topper Victor Hotspur Hornet Hurricane Diana Bunty Judy and Commandos I said all in one breath and I was like a magician drawing an endless streamer of coloured bunting out of my mouth. I’ll tell you what Philip, I said then, I’ll let you have all my Commandos for all your Toppers now there’s a fair deal what do you say Phil! On account of Commandos costing a shilling and Toppers only being tuppence you couldn’t get a better deal than that. But still there was no sign of Philip so I had to go and say it all over again. Then what does Mrs Nugent say only please go away. Mrs Nugent I said, if you think I’ve come to rob Philip of his comics that’s where you’re wrong, I wouldn’t do that. I just wouldn’t do it. That’s all over. That was supposed to be just a joke Mrs Nugent. Look – I really am going to give Philip my Commandos. Philip, I called. Then I said it yet again Dandy Beano and all that. What was Philip doing in there? Mrs Nugent’s cheeks were all wet and her voice was shaky. I thought I’d cheer her up for she really thought I was going to rob Philip Nugent. Look Mrs Nugent I said I’m not going to rob him! I said it loud and clear so she would believe me. He can have every comic I ever collected. I’m serious Mrs Nugent. He can. The whole lot. I didn’t care about comics any more. What did I care about comics? But Mrs Nugent still didn’t believe me. She just sniffled and wouldn’t look at me. Look Mrs Nugent I said and I got down on all fours on the tarmac. I made sure to get a bit inside the hall in case she shut the door on me and then I stuck out my face and scrunched up my nose and made my eyes as small as I could then I gave a big grunt. I thought that would cheer Mrs Nugent up. I looked up at her again. Snort. Then I laughed. What do you think of that Mrs Nooge? What a laugh it was. The more I snorted the more I laughed I really did think it was the best laugh ever especially when Philip appeared with his what’s going on here face on. Detective Inspector Philip Nooge of the Yard here!