“Oh yeah? I’ll tell her. Thanks for the tip.” He probably accepted it as medical advice and not something she had experience with.
“Have you told anyone yet?”
“No. She wants to wait.” There was a lot of that going around. “You haven’t said anything to Mom, have you?”
“Of course not. I wouldn’t do that to ya.”
“Thanks.”
She’d taken some time to assess his mood and determined that he was more than tired; he seemed rather down. “You sure you’re okay?”
“I’m worried about her.”
“Is she still not taking it well?”
“It’s not that. She seems happier about it. I’m the one freaking out now, you know? Just…a lot to take on.”
“You’ll be a really cool dad, Brian.”
“I keep thinking I’ll be a total fuck-up.”
“Nope. Your fuck-up days are behind you. You might not want to say ‘fuck’ in front of the kid so much, though.”
He laughed at that. “I’ll keep that in mind. Wouldn’t want it to be his first word.”
“His?” she teased.
“Well, yeah. I can’t have a girl.”
“I think that’s just what you need, a sweet little girl to put you through the same hell you put Candace’s parents through one day. The only thing I think would be better for you than a girl is twin girls.”
“Shut your mouth! Fuck!”
Oh yeah, she’d pay for that one, but she hadn’t been able to resist. Once she had him thoroughly panicked, she let him go, glad that she wasn’t the only one in turmoil. Hearing about his had made her feel more in control of her own, which had sort of been the goal. Poor Brian.
Like he’d said, though, everything was going to be okay.
Wasn’t it?
Ian was going to end up losing his beloved new job if he kept blowing it off. He’d promised everything but his firstborn to Ghost to get him to cover for him, and now he was heading toward Dallas with nothing but his motorcycle and the clothes on his back. He didn’t plan on staying long.
The wind in his face and the roar of the motor didn’t cleanse his thoughts as they normally did. No, Gabriella Ross had taken up permanent residence there, and she was a stubborn tenant. He’d wanted to call her and ask her to come with him but hadn’t been able to bring himself to do it. She probably would’ve said no.
The ride was a long and lonely one. But no lonelier than the little brick house waiting at the end of his journey. Lonely not because it sat by itself—it was surrounded on both sides by identical little brick houses—but because the worst and loneliest years of his life had been spent within its walls.
He hadn’t told his mom he was coming. Whether she’d be surprised, delighted, disgusted…he honestly had no fucking clue. It felt a little strange to knock on the door of the house he’d grown up in, but it wasn’t home anymore. So he did. And waited.
The door opened. Whether it was surprise, delight or disgust he saw on his mother’s lined face, he couldn’t say, because her expression didn’t change at all.
She looked old. She looked bad. He forced a smile for her regardless of his less than warm reception. “Hi, Mom.”
“It’s a mess around here,” she said by way of greeting, backing away from the door so he could enter. She shuffled along slowly, as if she were in pain. “If I’d known you were coming, I’d have picked up a bit.”
“Don’t worry about it,” he said, stepping inside and getting swamped with a thousand memories from the smell alone. Not an unpleasant smell to the senses, just one he equated with misery. The house wasn’t a mess at all, actually—it was as tidy as that old bastard had always insisted it must be. But since Earl had never been pleased with it, and she’d listened to him bitch about it for years, of course she would think it was too messy. Nothing was ever good enough.
“Coffee?” she asked, ambling toward the kitchen.
He followed, his boots clomping against the linoleum. “Sure.”
She put on a pot, and he struggled for something to say as he watched her birdlike hands work. A lot of people told him he was a quiet guy. Well, she was the genetic culprit. Her voice was soft and slow, and he didn’t think he’d ever heard it raised in his life. Yeah, that had been a major source of contention for them. There had been times as a kid he’d needed it raised in his defense. He’d had to learn to raise his own.
“What brings you out?” she asked, and when he saw she was having trouble reaching up to the cabinet, he went to her side and helped her.
“I had some news I wanted to tell you,” he said, pulling down a couple of chipped mugs. One of them he actually remembered from his childhood. Yeah. Its mate had shattered against the wall by the refrigerator. At least it hadn’t been over his head.
“Oh? Good news, I hope.” For the first time, a ghost of a smile flitted across her face. A gray tendril escaped from behind her ear, and she tucked it back.
“I suppose it is. I think so, anyway. It seems I’m gonna be a dad.”
The cup she’d been holding clattered to the counter, but he wasn’t sure if it was due to his words or her clumsy, arthritic fingers. He reached for it, but she quickly righted it. “Well, imagine that,” she said, and again he couldn’t get a clear read on her feelings.
“Unexpected, I know. I sure didn’t plan on it, anyway.”
She took the carafe from the coffeemaker and began to pour.
He’d thought he might get more of a reaction. She was all alone. He was her only child; her husband was dead. Wouldn’t a grandchild make her happy? Frustration burned in his chest, and when he took the steaming cup from her, he couldn’t drink the contents for the tightness in his jaw. “Anyway. Thought you’d like to know,” he said at last, hearing that same tightness in his voice. “Thought at least a congratulations might be in order.”
“Congratulations,” she said, and that only pissed him off more.
“Mom, are you gonna blame me forever?”
“For what?”
“You know damn well what.” He tried to block out the images, but they rushed in anyway. He and Earl yelling at each other, as usual. “You lay one hand on my mother, you sonofabitch, and I’ll put you through the goddamned wall.” Nothing he hadn’t said a dozen times before, once he’d gotten big enough to actually back up his words with actions if he wanted. But that time had been different. In the middle of Earl’s screamed reply, he’d gurgled, clutched his chest and keeled over.
Dead almost instantly, right at Ian’s feet. His mother even then had been terrifyingly quiet as she’d looked at Ian with huge eyes…and accused him of killing him before bolting for the phone.
“What do you want me to say, Ian?”
He took a huge breath to try to clear the ugliness from his mind. But there was no getting it out. That ugliness oozed from the shadows in this house. It was in the smell—even the scent of the brewing coffee. Earl had drunk it constantly when he wasn’t hitting something harder. Ian couldn’t grab hold of one pleasant memory from all the days he’d lived here. Surely there had been a few, but they were so far outweighed by the bad as to be inconsequential. “I thought you’d be happy.”
“Why? You come here and tell me about a grandchild I’ll never get to see, probably never get to hold. How is that supposed to make me happy?”
For all he knew, he might not get to see and hold him or her either, at least not as often as he’d like to. It all depended on what Gabby decided. “It doesn’t have to be that way with us.”
“You’ll make it that way.”
“I’ve told you. I don’t have anything against you. You shouldn’t have anything against me. All that…is in the past.”
“But you left. When I needed you most, you left.”
“You never acted like you needed me at all. You were relieved when I moved out in the first place. I wasn’t around to get you in trouble with Earl anymore.” He walked an agitated circle around the small kitchen while she
stood and sipped her coffee. “I can guarantee you this: no child of mine would have ever stepped in this house while he lived here.”
“That’s a horrible thing for you to say.”
“He was a horrible person, in case you’ve forgotten this.” He indicated his scar with a flick of his hand.
“I’ll never forget that. I’ll remember that the rest of my days and probably beyond.”
“So will I.” He sighed and took his former place near her at the counter. “Like I said, though. I don’t want it to be that way with us. I’m excited about this baby, really. I don’t know what’s going to happen with the mother, but she’s great. I’d love to have a future with her. I can’t help but feel like it’s an opportunity to set things right in my life, you know? It’s like there’s this tiny clean slate on the way to me. Like I get to vicariously start all over.”
She nodded. “Good, good. You deserve that.”
“And I do want you to be a part of it. I hope you understand why I had to leave. I spent so much of my life worried about you here with him. Once he was gone, I had to make my own life. There’s no reason you can’t do that too.” She didn’t even act as if she could hear him. He resisted the urge to shout, the old frustration reaching deep inside to choke his pounding heart. “Why don’t you leave this hellhole? Come with me. I’ll help you any way I can.”
“I’ve waited too late to make a life,” she said, a bitter twist to her lips. Her faded blue eyes were cold as her gaze lifted to his. “But I wish you the best of luck with yours.”
Chapter Thirteen
Gabriella stared down at her toes embedded in the sand, then looked out over the blue-green waters of the Gulf of Mexico. The surf tumbled in and rushed back out, pulling the sand from under her feet…and wasn’t that a perfect analogy for how she felt right now.
The never-ceasing wind whipped her long hair behind her. She probably should have put it up, because it would be hell to deal with later, but she didn’t care.
Miles out over the water, the clouds were bruised and towering, and she could see the sheets of rain falling. Before long, they would probably have to escape into the condo.
She turned and headed back to where Kelsey lay sunbathing, big dark sunglass covering her eyes. They’d arrived yesterday after an almost ten-hour drive. “Looks like a storm’s coming in.”
“Oh yeah?” Kelsey sat up and adjusted her pink bikini top. Looking at her, Gabby had hope for retaining her figure after the ravages of pregnancy. Kelsey had bounced back in no time. And today, she’d been smart enough to pull her long hair back in a smooth bun.
“Maybe not for a while.” Gabby sat on the towel laid out next to her sister-in-law. They hadn’t said much about her situation since arriving. That really was fine with her. There wasn’t much to say anymore. She just wanted to relax and forget her problems for a couple of days.
No one knew she was here except her parents and Evan, who would naturally know his wife’s whereabouts. She hadn’t told Ian she was leaving. Maybe she should have. It was strange to have to think about including someone else in all of her decisions, but she was carrying around something precious to him too.
“Do you think I should’ve told Ian I was leaving?”
So much for not talking about it.
“Well,” Kelsey said thoughtfully, “you have autonomy, you know. Just because you’re pregnant with his kid doesn’t mean you’re his property.”
“Oh, I know that. Just out of common courtesy.”
Kelsey shrugged. “If you’re worried about it, then let him know.” She scoffed, tilting her chin minutely toward the water. “We’re being scoped out.”
Gabby glanced over to see a trio of guys walking past, giving them appreciative glances. Actually, appreciative was a nice way of putting it. Lecherous was more like it.
“Ugh,” Kelsey went on. “I always want to laugh at pathetic stuff like that. Like anyone could even think of being hotter than my husband.”
“Please, he’s my brother. Do not talk about his hotness to me.” She eyed the guys as they walked on past. Yeah, not a single one of them could dare to compete with Ian either. Suddenly, she missed him terribly. With his big, hard body next to her, she doubted any other man would dare risk his neck by checking her out.
Sighing, Gabby drew her knees up and wrapped her arms around them. Before long, she wouldn’t be able to sit in this position. The unrelenting wind continued to whip her hair into a humidity-frizzed mess. “I miss him,” she confessed.
“If you’re in love with the guy, just go for it.”
“I don’t know about love. I think it’s even scarier to go for it knowing I’m pregnant. There’s a child involved now. If we can’t make it work, then I’m not the only one who’ll get hurt this time.”
“Yeah, but you can’t think negatively either. If you do make it work, that’ll be great for my little niece.”
“Oh, it’s a girl?”
Kelsey grinned. “I’m hoping. A little girl would be so sweet. Evan and I talk about trying again, but I don’t know yet.”
“It seems none of us in this family really have to try. It just happens to us.” As soon as it was out, she regretted saying it, since it also alluded to Brian. She hoped Kelsey would miss it, but with her budding lawyer’s mind, no such luck.
“Candace had better not drink the water,” she said. “She’s the only one left.”
Gabby bit her bottom lip and let a moment tick by. “Where are we going to eat tonight?”
“Fudpucker’s? Or the Back Porch?”
Crisis averted…for now. “Either. I so wish I could drink.” She wished she could swim too, but her new tattoo wouldn’t allow for it. What had she been thinking, coming here without the ability to drink or swim or eat her weight in shrimp?
“Sorry, girl. When I was at my biggest and most miserable, I told Evan all I could think about was being on the beach with a margarita in my hand. He told me he’d make it happen. As soon as Alex was old enough to leave with your mom for a few days, he brought me here. But you know, as much as I wanted to enjoy it, I missed Alex so much that I really couldn’t. All I could think about was getting back and holding him. Not that I’m not enjoying your company, but I feel that way now too. I don’t mean to scare you, but your life will truly never, ever be the same.”
“I know. I mean, I don’t really, but I believe you.”
“Enjoy this time. Hard as it seems, these next couple of months will be the last semi-normal ones of your life. Before you have to have help tying your own shoes and getting out of the bathtub. Before you sneeze and pee down both legs. And just wait until it feels like the baby punches you right in the cervix. And you wear shoes to work in the morning that you can’t wear home that evening because your feet are so swollen. There will also come the inevitable day when you lose sight of your nether regions.”
“Kelsey? Shut up.”
“Then the baby gets here, and the chaos really begins. It’s all worth it, though.”
“Funny how moms usually tack that on to the end of the list of miserable things they have to endure.”
“You’ll see.”
The storm moved closer, so they gathered their beach gear and headed indoors as the sun was finally obscured by the incoming clouds. The rain and lightning probably wouldn’t last long, but they went ahead and changed for dinner. Gabby stared out the patio doors as the foamy surf below pounded the graying sand while Kelsey finished getting ready.
She hadn’t spoken at length to Ian since the night they’d spent together. It wasn’t anything he’d said or done; it was simply her confusion, her terrible, terrible confusion.
When had she ever been one to let fear hold her back from doing anything? Why was she doing it now? So much was at stake. She’d felt responsible for human lives before, but not like this. Never like this.
“Are you okay?” Kelsey asked as she entered the room at Gabby’s back.
“Yeah. Just thinking.”
“You can think yourself silly.”
“As I’m finding out.”
“While I was in the shower just now, I came up with a question for you.”
“It’s weird that you think of me while you’re naked.”
“Right? Anyway. If everything could work out exactly like you wanted, what would happen?”
“Hmm. I’d be married to the father of my child, first off.”
Kelsey’s already big gray eyes rounded even farther. “You want to marry him?”
“I only meant the father of my child was always someone I envisioned being married to. Not someone I sleep with occasionally who will soon live three hours away.”
“You need to feel him out. If you want to commit and really give this thing a go, but he’s not willing to move back there—you’ll have your answer, won’t you? It’ll mean you and this baby aren’t important enough for him to make a few sacrifices.”
It made sense, didn’t it? If only she didn’t feel it was way too soon to expect that from him. In a few months, maybe. But now, when they were still getting to know each other?
“You already know you miss him,” Kelsey continued, falling onto the couch and putting her bare feet up. “So there’s that. Yet, you know you can see him in a couple of days. What if you knew you weren’t going to see him for, like, a month? How would you feel?”
Gabby chuckled. “I might be making an unplanned road trip in the middle of the night after about a week. If that long.”
She looked gravely at Kelsey, who blew out a low whistle. “Whew. I think you’ve got it bad, girl.”
“We decided to take things day by day. I guess that’s what I need to keep doing right now. I’m not putting pressure on him, and he isn’t putting any on me.”
“Hmm.” Kelsey began twirling a dark curl around her index finger, staring off into space. Gabby turned and contemplated the raging Gulf of Mexico again.
“Do you think you ever really know someone?” she asked.