My dad grabbed the box of cereal off the counter and opened the cupboard. “Hey, don’t blame me; blame the lab. They botched that biopsy and literally scared the shit out of me.”
“Gross, Dad.” I pulled a head of lettuce out of another bag. “You don’t have cancer. There is no need to torture us with this new fiber regiment. Trust me, this will not end well.”
He chuckled as he grabbed my arm and planted a kiss on my cheek. “It’s great having you back, pumpkin.”
He left the kitchen to get more bags of groceries from the car and I sighed. Of course my dad loved having me here. I was unemployed and I would no longer be assaulting his pride with my monthly parental support checks. I couldn’t afford to help them anymore. I had to save up my unemployment income to put down the first and last month’s rent on an apartment as soon as I found a job. My dad might be glad to have me back, but I needed out of this house pronto before the memories, and the fiber, smothered me.
I finished putting away the groceries and raced upstairs to call my best friend Jill Ramirez. My fiery Filipino friend (that was what I called her in private, though it made her inordinately angry) promised she wouldn’t allow the receptionist at the travel agency to leave me on hold for days the way she normally did. Jill’s family’s travel agency was way understaffed ever since Jill took over when her mother got sick. They couldn’t afford to hire anyone other than a receptionist. Jill literally spent ten hours a day on the telephone talking to clients. Her phone never stopped ringing.
I didn’t even bother calling her office phone anymore. I usually just texted her and she’d respond within a few minutes, but today I needed to talk to her. I needed her moral support.
“K&R Travel. Jill speaking. How may I help you?”
“You can start by telling me I’m not about to make a huge ass out of myself.”
Jill sighed. “Oh, thank God it’s you. I’m about to slice my throat with one of these shiny new brochures. Unless you’re looking for a deal on a trip to Ireland then I guess I’d better use the letter opener.”
I couldn’t respond. Jokes about committing suicide with a brochure would have been at least somewhat amusing to me eight months ago. But when you’ve been friends as long as Jill and I have, it’s hard to remember the topics that are off-limits. I wasn’t angry with her. I just didn’t know what to say.
“Fuck. I’m sorry,” she said, and I could imagine her eyebrows scrunched together between her shiny black eyes.
“Sorry for what. You made a joke. It was funny.”
“Obviously, I mean, just listen to all that rip-roaring laughter.” She paused, probably waiting for me to respond, but I wasn’t in the mood to dwell on my brother’s suicide. “I’m a jerk. Just tell me I’m a jerk and we can move on.”
“You’re a jerk.”
“Good. Now, you are not going to make an ass out of yourself. You are going to that conference today in your best T-shirt and jeans and you’re going to plant a big, delicious kiss on that perfect mouth.”
“Jill.”
“You get the point. He won’t be able to resist you. For Christ’s sake, Brina, he loved you.”
I rolled my eyes. “The keyword being ‘loved’ not ‘loves’. Am I making a huge mistake? What if he’s already moved on? A lot can happen in five weeks.”
“You are not backing out of this. Milo went to a lot of trouble to get you in there.”
I could hear the sound of shuffling papers and I felt the need to wrap up the conversation to let her get back to work. We couldn’t all sit at home discussing our father’s bowel movements.
“You don’t even know what Milo did to get us in, but I get it. You know, if this were you you’d never do it.”
“I know,” she replied sheepishly. “I live vicariously through you. Don’t judge me.”
“Not a chance.”
“Go get him.”
I hung up the phone and immediately dialed Milo’s phone number. I had never actually called Milo in the two years I’d known him. He was always the one to call me to talk about work or, occasionally when he was feeling extra confident or a little buzzed, to ask me out. He had texted me last night just before midnight to tell me he had found us a way into the developers’ conference. He refused to tell me how he had gotten a hold of the password to enter the conference and, truthfully, I didn’t care.
Milo picked up on the second ring. “It’s all set up. I have to pick up your invitation and the phone you’re going to use to get in.”
“I need a phone to get in?”
“Yeah, the app that releases the password to get into the conference is only installed on the phones that were sent out with the invitations. He fucking thought of everything. Well, except one thing. He forgot that human’s are inherently greedy.”
“You paid someone to give us their phone?”
“Hey, there are some things that can’t be hacked. Humans, on the other hand, are nothing but walking bags of corruptible code.”
I tried not to imagine that he was talking about me and how I had almost betrayed Luke in the worst way imaginable.
“Hey,” he interrupted my thoughts. “Put on your best come-hither expression. I’m picking you up in an hour.”
One hour and thirteen minutes later, Milo picked me up from my parents’ house in his silver Prius.
I slid into the passenger seat and my gaze skated over his outfit. I had never seen Milo in anything but Armani suits, with the occasional Hugo Boss mixed in. Today he wore carefully distressed jeans and a faded T-shirt bearing the name of an indie band Ryan brought to my attention last year. He had switched out his contacts for square hipster glasses and his watch was missing.
I inhaled the new car smell as I gawked at him. “Did you buy a new car after you got fired from NeoSys?”
“I got tired of the Lexus.”
My mouth dropped. “What kind of severance did they give you?”
He rolled his eyes as he turned onto Pike Street. “Your phone is under the seat.”
I slid the box out from underneath the seat and removed the phone from the box. I was accustomed to changing phones every time I started a new project for NeoSys, but this time was different. It felt wrong, holding a phone that didn’t belong to me.
“How much did you have to pay for this?” I asked, as I turned on the phone and was prompted for a pin number.
“You don’t want to know.”
“You’re really pissing me off, Milo. Do you know how much severance Kip gave me? Five thousand dollars. He told me I was lucky to get that. How much did they give you?”
“I signed an NDA. I can’t talk about it.”
“Don’t you dare pull that on me. Don’t forget that you royally screwed me on this assignment.”
He stopped at a red light and glanced at me then stared straight ahead as he muttered, “Ten million.”
“Fuck!”
“Settle down. They only gave me that because they’re still afraid of me.”
I huffed. “No wonder you haven’t bothered getting a job.”
“Hey, I have a job. I’m working from home now, doing network security consulting.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” I wanted to strangle Kip.
“You’re the one who brought it up.”
Milo parked on the fourth level of the parking garage on 8th and we sat in the Prius in silence as I stared at the phone in my hand.
“I’m sorry. I should have negotiated a better severance for you.”
“They probably would have given you the same bullshit excuse they gave me. You don’t have to apologize.” I turned to him and his face looked different, softer. With his button nose and his brown eyes staring back at me all wide-eyed, he appeared way too young to be sitting on so much cash. “How much did this phone cost you?”
He sighed. “Twenty-five grand.”
“Ugh. You could have lied to me that time.”
“I did. It was actually forty grand.”
??
?Oh, stop it. Please. I can’t take anymore.”
He reached over and squeezed my knee and I froze. “Sorry,” he said, as he pulled his hand away. “Just a reflex.”
“All right. What do I do with this phone?”
Milo put on his business face and I almost smiled. He was a year younger than me, the same age as Ryan, and even though he could be a complete asshole at times, his serious business face sometimes made me want to giggle. It was like watching my little brother put on a suit to go to church on Easter Sunday.
He explained the procedure for retrieving the password once I got inside the conference center then gave me a fake press pass bearing the name of the person who sold their phone to him for forty grand. Today, I would be Hilda Marin.
“Hilda?” I muttered, as I hung the pass around my neck.
“Hey, we can’t all be Brina Kingston or Luke Maxwell. Many of us have to suffer with the names our parents gave us.”
“Aw. Poor Milo.” I pinched his cheek and he batted my hand away.
“Don’t do that.”
“Ooh, here comes Angry Milo.”
“Yeah, maybe you should get going.”
I punched him in the arm before I climbed out. “I owe you one.”
The walk down 7th to Pike Street felt like a long walk down death row. I had been up until three in the morning obsessing over what I would say when I finally saw Luke, but I had a horrible feeling I was going to freeze and forget everything.
I had never been in this position before—the one seeking forgiveness. My college boyfriend, Mike Herod, cheated on me twice. I’ve always believed everyone deserved a second chance. I had gone back and forth in my mind trying to decide if I actually deserved one from Luke. Though I never actually gave Milo the password to Luke’s mirror network, I thought about doing it—many, many times. I considered destroying all those years of hard work Luke spent on Blaze for my own gain. For a fucking promotion.
I didn’t know if I deserved to be forgiven, but I knew I had to at least try.
I queued up behind a group of twenty-some people lined up outside the entrance to the conference center. At the door, they would scan the barcode on my invitation and give me the pin code to unlock the phone. Once I unlocked the phone, I would gain access to an app called Blaze, which would display a password for me to provide at the entrance to the conference room.
The young Asian girl at the door wore a silver headset that curled over her left ear, a plain black T-shirt, and jeans. I almost shook my head at the unofficial uniform of Maxwell Computers; the uniform that I had despised and complained about a million times. I would take back every complaint and wear that uniform every day if it meant Luke and I could go back to way things were six weeks ago.
As it was, I was wearing a plain white T-shirt, plain skinny jeans, and silver flats. Jill had tried to convince me to wear something sexy, but she didn’t understand that, to Luke, this outfit was sexy.
The girl scanned my invitation and turned the LCD screen on the scanner toward me. The number 1457 flashed on the screen then disappeared.
“Thanks,” I said, as I entered the lobby of the conference center.
A second woman waved a metal detector wand over my body, searching for other communication and recording devices, then waved me forward. I pulled the phone out of my pocket and punched in the pin number. The screen unlocked and a few icons for native apps flashed on the screen lined up above an icon labeled Blaze. I touched the icon and a countdown clock filled the screen.
11 min 18 sec
until launch
I stared at the seconds counting down for a moment before someone called my name—and they didn’t call me Hilda.
“Brina, is that you?”
Fuck! It was Jesse Niven, Ryan’s former best friend whom I had been dodging for months.
I shook my head as he approached me looking very confused. “You can’t say my name here,” I whispered, as he glanced at the press pass dangling around my neck.
“What are you doing here… Hilda?”
Jesse had just graduated with a degree in journalism from the University of Washington a few weeks ago. I knew because his sister had emailed me to give me the date and time of the ceremony and I ignored the email. I hadn’t seen Jesse since before Ryan’s death. Seeing him now made me want to turn around and leave.
I glanced at his press pass and saw that he was there on behalf of The Seattle Times. The painful memories brought on by the site of him were replaced with a swell of pride.
I threw my arms around him. “You did it,” I whispered.
He chuckled as he hugged me back. “Yeah, the business and tech section. Not sports like Ryan wanted, but I think he’d be proud.”
I pulled away and bit my lip as I stared at his press pass. “He would definitely be proud.”
His smile disappeared and I braced myself. “Hey, a couple of us are going to visit the grave for his birthday. You should come.”
I clenched my teeth as I bit back the dozens of angry and irrational replies whizzing through my mind. “I can’t go.”
“Come on, Brina. We’re gonna bring some—”
“I can’t.”
Jesse stared at me, his blue eyes slightly shadowed by a swoop of black hair, but the disappointment was unmistakable. “Yeah, okay.”
“It was good seeing you,” I said, as I kissed his cheek then patted his arm. “Congrats on the new job.”
I drew in a shaky breath and walked away before he could say anything else. The last thing I needed was to see Ryan’s name on a headstone. Ryan and I had always agreed that when we died we wanted to be cremated. I wanted my ashes tossed in the sound. Ryan always joked that he wanted his ashes flushed down the toilet so he could spend eternity with his pet goldfish Lenny. I didn’t know when he changed his mind, but the will he drew up while serving said nothing about being cremated. For some reason, this made me angry. It was just one more secret I had to find out after his death.
I queued up outside the conference room and stared at the screen on my phone until the countdown reached 00:00 and the display flashed with brilliant orange light. Then the password appeared: Charlotte. Luke’s grandmother’s name. Also, the name of his boat; the location of our first tryst. I should have known.
Once I was in, I quickly grabbed a seat in the back. I didn’t want him to know I was there until I approached him after the presentation. I didn’t know if I still had the power to make him nervous, or if anyone had that power, but I didn’t want to take any more chances with Luke’s career. This time I would play it right.
I was prepared to sit in my seat and agonize over his exquisiteness for three hours. I wasn’t prepared for my heart to stop the moment he stepped onto the stage.
He wore jeans and a plain white T-shirt that hugged his solid chest and shoulders. The crowd exploded in applause and, not surprisingly, a few whistles and catcalls. He smiled modestly and I leaned forward and hugged my knees as I stared at my feet. I couldn’t watch.
I spent three hours staring at the carpet and playing with my $40,000 phone, only glancing up occasionally when everyone oohed or applauded. When the presentation was finally over, I still wasn’t sure I understood what Blaze technology was, but I knew it had to do with artificial intelligence and that Luke predicted it would come standard on all electronics and appliances within seven years.
I remained seated in the back of the room, waiting for most to leave, watching as Luke schmoozed with dozens of reporters and tech bloggers. I could tell by the glazed looks on their faces that they were in complete admiration of him, but he never seemed to notice or acknowledge the gaga expressions. He gave everyone a few minutes as if he had all the time in the world to chat. When the crowd around him dwindled to less than six, I stood up and made my way to the aisle between the seats.
I stood in the center of the aisle, frozen by the sight of him. Was it possible for a man to be this beautiful? Then he laughed and... that laugh. How I missed the days when he
laughed like that for me.
Someone brushed past me and before I could process what was happening, a tall blonde threw her arms around his neck and mashed her lips against his. He pulled away and smiled at her, looking a bit surprised. Then he glanced over her shoulder and looked right at me.
My stomach bottomed out and I turned around quickly. I had taken no more than two steps when I heard his voice.
2: LUKE
“Brina!” I called out as I peeled Olivia’s arms from around my neck and set off down the aisle. “Brina, wait!”
“Luke!” Olivia called to me.
I didn’t turn around as I shouted, “I’ll be right back.”
Brina burst through the doors and disappeared into the lobby. I tore after her, dodging a group of tech bloggers. They called my name as I passed, but I didn’t bother responding. I didn’t have time.
I burst into the lobby and glanced around, but I didn’t see her anywhere. It didn’t matter. At least a dozen people were staring out the glass entrance doors and I quickly made my way out to Pike Street. I could barely glimpse her hair bouncing as she raced across the street.
I dodged the crowds on the sidewalk and ignored the surprised looks. “Brina!” I called out again as I crossed Pike.
She finally stopped in front of Clay’s Market and spun around. She stared at me as I walked toward her, her chest heaving with each breath. The look on her face, a mixture of pain and terror, made me want to take her in my arms, but that wasn’t an option anymore.
“Why did you run?” I asked, when I reached her.
She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I guess I panicked. I….” She closed her eyes as she composed herself. “I came to congratulate you.”
“Is that your way of congratulating me? By making me chase you into oncoming traffic?”
“I didn’t make you chase me. Look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come.”
She turned to leave and I grabbed her hand. “Wait.” She glanced at our hands and quickly wrenched her hand out of my grasp. “Brina, don’t leave.”
“Why?”
She looked me in the eye and I wanted to say, “Because I love you,” but it was too late for that—and Olivia was waiting for me.