Dropping to my knees on the front porch, I threw up the wine that had burned its way down to my stomach. Sweat coated my brow, my body shaking at not having eaten in over twenty-four hours.
My shoulders bunched, my bones twisting and grinding with each ragged breath that left my lungs.
I prayed with everything in me that things could get back to normal. That I could forgive the man I married even though he destroyed my heart in the process.
I loved Brett. I would always love him, but I had no idea if we could move on after what he had done.
***
(Brett)
Matteo didn’t judge me. He didn’t stare at me with contempt after I had told him everything that had happened. He sat in silence and listened. Meeting him years ago, when I needed professional help, he quickly became someone I could trust and depend on.
“Have you talked to Evvie?” Matteo asked, sitting beside me on the couch and handing me a tumbler of amber liquid.
“No.” I took it from him and pulled back the drink without even asking what it was. The liquor burned its way down my throat, easing some of the anxiety I had felt since confessing my sins to my wife two days before.
“Is she staying at her brother’s place with the kids?”
“The kids are staying there. I’m not sure about her.” I rubbed the back of my neck, massaging the tight muscle.
“You know that Marketa and I are here for you. For all of you.”
I met Matteo’s gaze that time. “Why?”
“What do you mean why ?” His brows narrowed to sharp peaks in the center. “I may have started out as your psychologist first but I like to consider us family now. I love your kids like they’re my own. So, don’t ask me why.”
My back stiffened, my muscles rolling over my bones. I needed my wife. “I don’t know what to do or how to make this better.”
“You can’t make this better, Brett,” Matteo said. “You need to give Evvie time. Have you met the kid yet?”
The kid . My other daughter. I didn’t even know her name. “No. I’m scared to.” I was man enough to admit it because I knew once I met her, it would become real.
“You should be scared.” He rose to his full height and grabbed the tumbler from my hand. “I don’t judge. It’s not in my blood, but you’ve claimed all these years how much you love your wife. I think she could have handled this better if you would have told her in the first place that you fucked Claire.”
“But I don’t remember. Or I didn’t. I still don’t.” I scrubbed a hand down my face. “Fuck. Everything is so damn fuzzy from that night but seeing her picture, that girl, she looks like me.”
“Are you telling me you don’t know for sure?” Matteo turned toward me that time. “Brett,” he said when I didn’t answer.
Standing from the couch, I headed to my desk and pulled the crumpled up picture from the drawer I had shoved it in. “You tell me she doesn’t look like me, Matteo,” I said, shoving the picture in his hand.
His dark eyes moved over the image. “Fuck me.”
“Exactly.” I rubbed my neck. “I may not remember much of that night but that girl, that innocent child, looks like she came out of my fucking ass. She could be my twin. She looks more like my child than my own kids.” Bile rose to my throat, my stomach twisting.
“Has Evvie seen this?”
“No.” I slumped onto the couch. “I know once she meets her, she’ll open up to her. It’s not the girl’s fault. Evvie can hate me all she wants but I know she won’t hate that little girl.”
“Did you want my professional opinion or my opinion as your friend?”
My gaze slid to his. “What’s the difference?” It wasn’t like him being my friend ever stopped him from giving me his opinion as a doctor.
Matteo raked a hand through his dark hair. “Listen, you fucked up. You fucked up hard. I can’t tell you if Evvie will ever forgive you. I can’t tell you if this will ever work itself out. I didn’t go to school to learn how to read women. I wish there was a course for that but unfortunately, there isn’t. From experience, I can tell you that you need to be patient. Don’t push her. Don’t force her to talk to you. And don’t use sex as an out. Not unless she starts it.”
“I wouldn’t do that,” I mumbled. As much as I wanted my wife and to feel her heat wrapped around me, knowing it was the only thing that could make me feel better, I wouldn’t even hint at fucking her. Not unless she came to me first.
“Brett,” Matteo said, interrupting my thoughts. “I know how you work. How you both work. You fuck instead of talk. Both of you have told me that many times over the years. But this time is different. A child is involved. Someone who will remind Evvie for the rest of your lives what happened.”
“Shit.” I dropped my head in my hands, gripping my hair. “I wish I knew how to fix this.”
“I know.” He cupped my nape, giving it a light squeeze. “I know.”
***
(Evvie)
I woke some time during the night to Brett sitting on the edge of the bed. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t look at me or touch me. I hadn’t seen him or even spoken to him in a couple of days. But yet he still just sat there.
Sitting up in bed, I wrapped the blankets around my waist. “Brett?”
His body shifted but he still refused to look at me.
Turning on the lamp, I braced myself. For what I wasn’t sure. But when I looked back at my husband, I wasn’t expecting to see him so…broken.
Before I went to bed that night, I had put on one of his dress shirts, needing the scent of him. Although I was mad at him, I still needed him close by. It contradicted with my thoughts and feelings but at that point, I didn’t care. I needed to feel close to him. Even if it was temporary.
“Brett,” I whispered, gripping the blankets tight between my fingers. “Talk to me.”
He met my gaze then. So much pain swirled behind his deep blue eyes. The smattering of gray in his beard and hair that I had come to love, had grown in some more. The silver became more pronounced since the last time I saw him only days before.
“I talked to Matteo,” he finally said.
“Oh?” I swallowed hard. “What did he say?”
“That I fucked up and to give you time.” Brett stood and pulled off his jacket before sitting on the bed beside me. He still didn’t touch me, making sure to keep his distance, but I felt him. God did I feel him.
Our relationship had been powerful since the very beginning. The attraction between us was something I had never experienced before. Brett had been a moody asshole but I had found that I wanted to make him happy. And in return, he did the same for me. I wanted that damn happiness back.
“What else did he say?” I asked, turning to Brett.
He pinched the bridge of his nose before letting out a hard sigh. “To not push you and to not use sex as an out. We can’t fuck our way out of this one.”
My body burned at the mere thought of it. I reached for his hand, curling my fingers in his. “We can’t, Brett, and he’s right. I do need time. We both need time. Have you…” I swallowed hard. “Have you met her yet?”
“No. I don’t even know where Claire is. Her mother hasn’t tried contacting me since.” He brushed his thumb back and forth over my palm. “I’m scared to meet my…her.”
“Why?” I asked, leaning my head against his shoulder.
“Because then it becomes real. Then it reminds me that I may have lost you forever. As selfish as this is, I’d rather lose her than you. I can’t…” He swallowed hard, his voice thick. “I can’t lose you. I can’t.”
My eyes burned, my throat working over the hard lump that had lodged its way inside. We sat like that for what felt like forever. Silence. No words. No movement. Just us holding hands and thinking.
“I love you, Evvie,” Brett muttered a while later, finally breaking the silence threatening to suffocate us. “And I will spend every day until my dying breath, showing you just how much.”
r />
Tears rolled down my cheeks. I released his hand, turned off the lamp and laid down on the bed, curling into a ball on my side.
Brett laid down beside me, wrapping his arm around my middle. His body shook, soft sobs racking through us both.
I had been through so much and could handle anything life threw at me but hearing my husband break down and cry, destroyed me.
“I love you, Evvie,” he whispered, hugging me against him.
I turned in his arms, cradling my head into the crook of his neck and wrapped all of me around all of him.
“I know.” I sniffed. “I know.”
Brett
EVERY INCH OF me hurt. I spent hours in the gym on a daily basis but even that couldn’t compare to the pain gripping me tight.
I wasn’t an emotional man but when it came to possibly losing my wife over a stupid mistake I had made years ago, you bet your sorry ass the emotions hit me. And they hit me hard. I knew if this ended us, she would get by. She was strong. The kids would get over it as well and we would do everything in our power to make them happy again. Me on the other hand, I knew I couldn’t go on in life without her. But I didn’t want to think about that. I wouldn’t give up. I refused. I would go to hell and back to make sure Evvie stayed my wife.
The next morning, I let her sleep and quietly left the safety of her arms. Cooking her breakfast, I spent a little extra time making sure that everything was just right. Matteo told me to take things one day at a time. Don’t rush her. Be there for her . As much as I hated waiting, I would heed to his words. It was all I could do.
“Brett.”
I jumped at the sound of Evvie’s soft voice coming from the entranceway to the kitchen. “Morning.”
“What are you doing?” she asked, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Her blonde curls were a mess on top of her head. My shirt she wore to bed the night before, was wrinkled from tossing and turning beside me. But no matter how unkempt she looked, she was damn near flawless in my eyes. She only became more beautiful with age.
“I’m making you breakfast,” I said, my voice rough. My dick stirred, liking the sight of her as well. It was not the time. If I was going to listen to Matteo, it would be a long time before I fucked my wife again.
“Okay.” She came up beside me, a yawn trembling through her body. “I’ll make coffee.”
“How did you sleep?” I asked, noting the dark bags under her eyes.
“Like shit,” she grumbled. “You?”
“Same.” I gave her a soft smile before going back to making breakfast.
Evvie prepared the coffee and leaned against the counter, waiting impatiently for the much needed sustenance to get us both through the day.
“Have you talked to the kids?” I asked a couple of minutes later, breaking the unnerving silence.
“Not since I left my brother’s place last night.” She met my gaze then. “I wasn’t expecting you to come home.”
“I missed you.” I looked away. “But I won’t push you either.”
“After all this time, you’re finally listening to Matteo?” She grabbed two plates from the cupboard.
I wished this morning was like any other morning, but it wasn’t, and I was afraid that it never would be.
“I always listen.” I stepped behind her, grazing my fingers gently over her hip. “But it doesn’t mean I don’t like to do things my own way as well.”
Evvie shivered at the contact.
“I’m going to pack some things and stay at a hotel for a couple of days. Give you and the kids some time.” I dished out eggs and bacon onto both plates. “Evvie?”
“You’re leaving?” she asked even though I just told her I was.
My jaw clenched. “I don’t want to but I understand you need time. I won’t push. I’m too old for that shit.”
“Tell me you’re not giving up on us,” she pleaded.
“Fuck.” I dropped the plates onto the counter and had my hand around her throat faster than I thought was possible. “Don’t you ever say those fucking words to me again,” I growled, pushing her back. “Do you understand me?”
“What do you expect?” she asked, staring up at me with hatred in her eyes. “You just said that you’re leaving.”
“Yeah, to give you fucking time.” I released her roughly, picked up the plates and carried them over to the table. “Eat your breakfast.”
“I’m not hungry,” she said even though her stomach rumbled.
“Evvie,” I snarled, my gaze snapping to hers. “I know you won’t eat throughout the day because you’re pissed. You have every right to be mad but I need you fucking healthy.”
“I am not hungry,” she repeated, lifting her chin defiantly. She licked her lips, her deep sapphire eyes roaming down the length of me. Her cheeks became a mottled pink. The love she had for me was no longer there and soon became replaced with an undying want. Lust. Passion. Possession. She wanted me even though she hated me.
“Fuck me.” I rubbed the back of my neck and started pacing back and forth. Letting out a slow breath, I shook myself. “You need to stop looking at me like that.”
“Like what?” she asked, her voice coming out low.
“Like you want me to fuck you raw,” I bellowed. “I’m trying to keep calm. I’m trying not to charge for you and fuck the shit out of you. Years ago, I would have, not caring about any of this shit, but I won’t. I can’t.”
“Why can’t you?” she whispered.
“Because I can’t fucking lose you!” My chest rose and fell. I was losing it. Every inch of control that I had taken back since I was a kid, was slipping from my very fingertips the longer Evvie stared at me with that hate-fueled lust in her eyes. I couldn’t do this. Matteo’s words banged around in my head, jabbing into my brain like a heated knife. He was right. He was always right.
While my wife and I stared each other down, I couldn’t help but wonder how the hell we got like this? How did I let this happen? And why the fuck could I feel her slipping away from me right in front of my very eyes?
“You should leave,” she murmured, her eyes indicating what her words did not. She didn’t want me to leave. No. She wanted me deep inside her body. She wanted me to fuck the very soul I broke.
Before I could comprehend what I was doing, I took a step toward her and then another.
“Brett,” she whispered, backing up until she hit the edge of the counter. A red flush spread through her cheeks and down her slender throat, dipping into the open vee of the dress shirt she wore. My dress shirt.
“You want me to fuck you,” I said, my deep voice foreign to my ears. “You want my cock deep inside that tight pussy of yours even though you’re filled with rage. Does that hatred for me turn you on?”
“Even though I hate you right now, I can’t help how my body reacts to you,” she said, her chest rising and falling with ragged breaths the closer I got to her. “I can’t help the heat spreading through me. This…this need for you because I know, even though we shouldn’t have sex and should be focusing on more important things, you can make me feel better. Even if it’s just for a couple of minutes.”
I laughed, a slow grin spreading on my face. “Baby, we’ve never fucked for only a couple of minutes.”
Evvie glared at me, crossing her arms under her chest.
I smirked, noting her nipples hardening beneath my scrutiny. Licking my lips, I took another step in her direction. “There’s a battle in my head right now. One side of me wants to fuck you senseless while the other wants to talk and sort this shit out. But I know talking will only do so much. You need time. But I’m not a patient man, Evvie. I’ve never been patient. Not when it comes to you.”
“I guess you’re just going to have to be patient now, aren’t you, Brett?”
My jaw clenched, my teeth grinding down so hard against each other, I was surprised they didn’t crack.
I loved this woman standing in front of me. I loved that she challenged me and brought me to my knees
before I even knew what was happening. She never took my shit. She called me out and made me want to be a better man.
But right now, right at that very moment, I wanted to be the asshole she fell in love with. I wanted to show her the true dominant beast that had laid dormant for so long. And I would. Whether she hated me for it or not. I no longer cared.
***
(Evvie)
This man stood in front of me.
This beautiful, broken, and powerful man.
We needed to talk but I didn’t want to. We needed to work out our problems but I didn’t want to do that either. I couldn’t think about anything else but the present. I wanted him. I wanted my husband in ways I never knew were even possible.
When Brett closed the distance between us, all I could do was stare up at him.
His brows were furrowed with determination. He gripped the collar of the dress shirt I wore and ripped it apart. Buttons flew, pinging off the counter and falling to the floor around my feet.
My chest rose and fell, my skin heating under his lust-filled gaze.
Brett kept his eyes locked with my mine while his fingers brushed down the center of my torso. He was waiting. For me to snap. For me to push him away. But at that point, I wouldn’t do either of those things. I wanted him too much and I didn’t care if it wasn’t right. Nothing we ever did was right but it had worked for us.
When he didn’t say any of the dirty words that usually fell from the tip of his tongue, a nervous flutter trembled through me.
His mouth pulled into a wicked grin. “You’re nervous.”
I swallowed hard. I was. And I had no idea why.
In a quick move, Brett spun me around and bent me over the counter. “Your nerves make me hard, Evvie.” He licked up the side of my cheek, grinding his crotch into the seat of my ass. “So fucking hard.”