“What, Trey?” I prodded, straining to understand what he appeared to be keeping from me.
“It was like I suddenly had this knowledge, like someone let me look into a crystal ball to see the future, only it wasn’t something I could see with my eyes. It was something I could feel; and it was this horrible feeling of … loss, like something very important to me was ripped away.” When he faced me again, his eyes seemed hollow, wide and filled with fear. “And I knew what it was almost immediately.”
“What was it?” Rachel asked.
“It was death,” Trey answered softly. “It was an intense feeling that someone is going to die.”
Then he became quiet again as he started rocking back and forth, leaving all of us to wonder exactly what his words meant. I was a little baffled because death in wartime shouldn’t have come as any surprise. It was expected—if we attacked the Netherworld, creatures would die. That was all there was to it.
Trey brought his pained eyes to mine and at that moment, it was as if the ground beneath my feet suddenly gave out. I instantly understood what he was so reluctant to say.
“You felt it about me,” I said softly.
Trey simply nodded, dropping his attention to the carpet as he started rocking back and forth again.
NINE
The whole room became eerily quiet. Maybe the silence wasn’t much of a surprise, though, after Trey’s announcement regarding the vision he’d had of my death. Although I agreed with everyone else in the room that Trey’s news was unnerving, I chose to discount it … slightly. Why? Because it wasn’t an actual vision, only a “feeling”; and to me, a feeling didn’t carry as much weight as a vision did. Or maybe it was just my wishful thinking. Either way, there definitely was a void building within me that acted like a bulwark, buffering me from any information I preferred not to hear. When it came right down to it, it made no difference whether Trey had a vision of my death or just a feeling about it—my determination to see my father taken down was unaffected. And the more I thought about it, the more steadfast I became. My father had to be removed as Head of the Netherworld; and that’s all there was to it.
“Explain this feeling you received,” Knight said to Trey in a steely voice, his lips in a tight line, all of his attention focused on the hobgoblin.
Trey sighed, his hands shaking with anxiety, as he glanced from Knight to me, and back to the Loki again. Then he shook his head and chewed on his lip before clearing his throat. “I don’t think it’s right to talk about it with her standing right there,” he said in a small, sad voice. Then, refusing to look at me, he pretended extreme interest in the carpet.
“Trey, I need to know what you saw or felt,” I said calmly, but with undeterred emphasis. I didn’t want to give the impression that Trey’s news in any way disturbed me, because I was afraid any hint of fear on my part would keep him from telling me more. Yep, I had to go for cool, calm and collected, but when I suddenly stood up without even realizing it, it became fairly obvious that I wasn’t as untouched by the news as I pretended to be. “Whatever it is, I can handle it,” I finished, more as a reminder to myself.
“We can handle it,” Knight corrected with a quick smile. Even though he wanted to appear encouraging, I could see the storm clouds of apprehension brewing in his eyes. I’ve only seen Knight visibly bothered a handful of times, and based on those outcomes, I’ve learned to dread them.
“Dulce,” Sam said. She stood up and faced me with pained angst in her eyes, but I shook my head. I couldn’t give in now. No matter the consequences, I had to fight for what I believed in—freedom from my father’s tyranny.
I nodded at Knight, trying to implant the idea that I could handle whatever Trey had to tell me. “If I don’t know what to expect, I won’t be able to change it.”
Trey remained silent for a few more seconds. It was obvious he was ensconced in a battle of whether to tell me, and it continued to rage inside him. Suddenly, he cleared his throat and faced me, his eyes shiny. “I just have this feeling in my gut that something’s gonna happen to you, Dulce. It’s real hard to explain, but it’s like this big ol’ rock dropped right into my stomach with your name on it.”
“How did you know it was a feeling about me?” I asked, trying to decipher whether or not his vision really posed a threat. “I mean, you’ve never had feelings about anything in the past, just visions, so what makes you think you’re actually channeling something this time?”
“Because the feeling came from nowhere. It was just like when I get a vision. I was busy minding my own business, doing my own thing, and it just crept up on me like a bad dream.”
“That still doesn’t really mean much,” I said with a half-assed smile, trying not to belittle his abilities.
Trey dropped his gaze to the ground and rocked back and forth, still clutching his knees to his chest. “I felt you,” he answered. “Knowing it was you completely filled me. It was like I could see you, hear you and smell you, but I didn’t actually see, hear or smell you, if that makes sense.”
“Not really,” I started, but hesitated when he started shaking his head.
“I’m pretty sure I was channeling the future, Dulcie. And it was warning me about something bad that was centering around you, even though I couldn’t actually see anything.” He took a deep breath and turned sad, cow eyes on me. “Maybe I’m wrong. I hope to Hades I’m wrong, Dulce. Maybe my mind is so mixed up from all the stress and worry about going to war with your father that I just dredged up some crazy thing that’s totally wrong.”
Knight shook his head. “When have you ever been wrong, Trey?”
Trey gulped. “Never.” Then he nodded with consternation before offering me a consoling smile, as if apologizing that his visions never erred.
“Then you can’t go,” Sam said in her worried, motherly voice as she brought her big, brown eyes to mine. “There’s no other decision to make. “
I turned to face her and shook my head. “I have to go, Sam,” I said softly. “This is something I have to do, no matter the consequences.”
“But Trey just said,” she started, her voice cracking.
“Girl …” Dia started while shaking her head.
“Dulcie,” Knight interrupted as he motioned to the corner of the room, obviously begging me for some time alone. I said nothing, but followed him, glancing out at the river, and suddenly wishing I could be as free as the water. If only I could simply flow over rocks and under bridges, carving out my place in the world without conflict, as easily as water shapes the land.
“I know it’s important to you to go after Melchior,” Knight started. His eyes were fixed on mine, but his expression didn’t reveal any of his thoughts.
“Knight, please don’t try to talk me out of this.”
He took a deep breath and expelled it, running his hands through his hair. He was frustrated and worried—I could now see as much in the furrowed lines between his eyebrows. “You won’t be dissuaded?”
I shook my head. “Instead of fighting me, give me your assistance.”
“You know I’ve always had your back and I always will.”
He said nothing more so I figured there was nothing more to say. Knight would back me just like he always had. I smiled my appreciation and decided to start in on the others again, figuring if I swayed Knight, I now had a room full of people on which I had to do the same. I eyed Trey, who was zoning out on the carpet, before bringing my gaze back to the others. “Whatever Trey felt could just be one version of the future. Maybe I can change my own destiny based on the choices I make.” I knew I was definitely grasping for straws, but nothing else came to me so I had to go with it. “Or Trey could have just channeled my feelings and maybe I’ll just get hurt in the battle, who knows? It could be that he just channeled my feelings regarding someone else.”
“Or maybe Trey channeled exactly what’s going to happen,” Sam frowned at me, revealing that she most definitely wasn’t buying what I was selling.
> “My point is that none of us knows for sure what’s going to happen, including Trey,” I continued, feeling my jaw tighten as I tried to defend my stance. “Either way, I’m not changing my mind and I would appreciate it if all of you would drop the subject,” I finished with undeterred resignation.
“You’re going to be fine, Dulce,” Knight said assuredly, staring at me as his eyes narrowed. “I will make sure nothing happens to you. I’ll be at your side the entire time.”
I nodded, but was spared the chance to respond when the door opened and Quill sauntered in, returning from his mission to get some fresh air. His eyes were trained on mine, and when we were in earshot of one another, he held his hand out, already turning on his heel toward the door. “Can we talk, Dulce?” he asked with a fleeting look at Knight. “Alone.”
I didn’t say anything and neither did Knight. I saw the Loki’s eyes shift from Quill to me. He simply nodded as if to say he wouldn’t put up an argument. Even if he did, I would’ve insisted on making up my own mind anyway. I firmly believed the only person who should make decisions for me was me.
I took Quill’s hand and allowed him to lead me through the hotel room and out the door. Once he closed the door behind us, he didn’t falter in his breakneck stride, but led me down the hallway, taking a right, and after another fifteen feet, we T-boned into a large window, overlooking the river below. At the window, he pulled me in front of him so I was parallel with it before taking a deep breath and dropping his attention to my hand, still clasped in his. He just gazed at our hands in silence, and then ran the pad of his thumb across my knuckles.
“Dulce, I heard everything Trey said,” he admitted softly, bringing his beautiful amber eyes to mine.
I couldn’t say his comment surprised me, even though he wasn’t in the room when Trey said what he had. I guessed Quill just used his elfin magic to eavesdrop on the conversation. “So you’re going to try to, once again, talk me out of it?”
His eyes seemed to bore right through me, as if he could see the very depths of my soul. He shook his head in frustration. Well, “incensed frustration” might have been more fitting to say. “I don’t understand how you would even want to go through with this after what you just heard Trey say.” Taking a deep breath, he blew it out loudly, shaking his head again. “You worked with Trey for years, Dulcie, you know his visions are never wrong.”
I held my chin up high before answering, “I’m aware of that.”
“Why are you still going through with this? Are you trying to prove something?”
“No, I’m not trying to prove something,” I snapped.
“So have you completely lost your mind?”
“No, I haven’t lost my mind!” I railed back, propping my hands on my hips defiantly. “And I have to admit I’m surprised that you know my father as well as you do, yet you still act surprised that I want to see him taken out.” I took a breath and faced him squarely. “You might better ask me how could I not go through with it? Especially after everything my father has done! Not only to me, but to you and Christina, Caressa, Knight … shit, to the whole Netherworld population!”
“Yes, your father is an asshole, Dulce, and yes, he deserves to be removed from office and thrown in prison or even killed,” he yelled at me. “I’m not arguing that! What I am arguing is that your life isn’t worth his!”
I shook my head. “I’m not fully convinced that Trey’s ‘feeling’ was necessarily a vision,” I started, but once Quill began vehemently shaking his head, I quickly got to point number two. “And even if he is right, it still doesn’t change my mind.”
“Why?” Quill demanded angrily.
“Because it’s a moot point, that’s why.”
“I don’t even know how you can consider self-sacrifice a moot point,” he said, glaring at me.
“It’s a moot point because when I first agreed to join The Resistance and fight, I knew there was a good chance I could lose my life by doing so,” I said and sighed. “My sacrifice is no more noteworthy than any other soldier, willing to fight and risk his or her life.”
“Dulcie, none of those soldiers knows what’s going to happen them. But you do!” Quill raged at me. “That’s the difference! You know what you’re in for! You know that if you go through with this, you will most assuredly die!”
I shook my head again, still unconvinced. “I don’t know that for sure, and no one can say it’s definitely going to happen, not even Trey. If you remember, Trey said he didn’t see anything. This so-called ‘vision’ was only based on feelings, Quill, and feelings aren’t anywhere near as concrete as images. Maybe he was channeling my sadness about someone or something else? Maybe he had it all wrong to begin with!”
Quill shook his head and ran his hands through his hair. “You’re kidding yourself, Dulce, but I’m not going to fall for the same crap. If you’re going to go through with this, you need to be honest with yourself about the consequences. This could mean your death.”
“Could,” I repeated skeptically. Quill glared at me and breathed out deeply, but before he could say another word, I interrupted him. “Nonetheless, I’ve included you in the mission to depose my father so you can act the part of bodyguard too,” I finished hastily, aware of how disingenuous my words sounded.
“I’ll do my best,” Quill answered, but I sensed how disheartened he was in his tone of voice and expression. “I just don’t get you, Dulce, I guess I never did.” The anger diminished in his eyes and we were left just staring at one another, our long friendship and shared years of common history hanging between us by invisible threads. He reached for my hand again and squeezed it.
Looking up at him, I smiled, wanting to make amends. Now that the last hours before we invaded the Netherworld were upon us, I didn’t want anything ugly between us. “I know where you’re coming from with all this, Quill. I know you’re just trying to protect me because you care about me.”
Quill shook his head and dropped his attention to my fingers. He brushed the tops of them with his own tenderly. When he brought his eyes to mine again, they seemed softer somehow, delicate. “It’s more than that, Dulce,” he said, his voice growing weaker. He smiled, but it was bittersweet. “Yes, I care about you; and yes, I’m scared to death for you, but I’m not just saying this as your friend. What I feel for you transcends the boundaries of platonic friendship.”
“Quill,” I said in a tone that cautioned him not to go there. I didn’t want to go down that road, especially since I couldn’t return the sentiments I knew he was on the cusp of revealing to me. Not only that, but I was also on the verge of losing it. I had so many conflicting thoughts raging through my mind: what-ifs and fears that were beyond stressful. I certainly didn’t need to add this conversation to the mix.
But he shook his head again, as if to let me know he wouldn’t be placated so easily. “I have to get this off my chest, especially now.” He took a deep breath and I imagined he figured we probably wouldn’t have a chance to have this conversation again. I didn’t say anything, but swallowed down the sudden urge to flee. I forcibly held my feet in place. Yes, I wasn’t in the right mental state to have a deep conversation where I would undoubtedly disappoint him, but it looked like I had no other choice.
“I know you’re with Vander,” Quill said gently, almost apologetically. His eyes suddenly appeared downcast, their usual striking amber now the color of autumn maple leaves. “But that doesn’t change the fact that …” he started, bringing his eyes to mine, “I love you, Dulcie.”
My eyes dropped to the ground, and I felt incredibly hollow and dejected because I couldn’t tell him what he wanted to hear. Most of all, I didn’t want to see any pain or disappointment in his eyes. He tilted my chin up and smiled at me.
“I don’t expect you to tell me that you love me too, Dulce, in fact, I don’t expect anything from you.” He smiled more broadly, as if trying to emphasize his sincerity. “This is something that I want to get off my chest because I’ve never told
you how much you mean to me, which I now realize was a mistake.” He shrugged. “Well, the truth is, I’ve known it was a mistake for a long time, but I’ve never admitted it. So I’m going to make up for lost opportunities now.” He inhaled deeply before facing me earnestly. “I want you to know that you are the only person who has ever really been there for me.” With a deep breath, he added, “I know we went through some difficult times when you first found out about my involvement with street potions.”
“I never stopped caring about you,” I said quickly, finally comfortable enough to admit to something. Although I didn’t love him the way he wanted me to, I still cared about him as a friend and I always would.
“I know,” he answered, grinning from ear to ear as he tightened his grasp on my hand. “You’ve always been there for me, Dulce, and I want you to know not only how much I appreciate it, but also how much I appreciate you.”
“Thanks, Quill.”
He nodded, but when he didn’t release my hand, I figured there was more on his mind. He smiled again. “I also want you to know that there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t kick myself for not snatching you when I had the chance.”
The time he referred to was so long ago, it didn’t even feel like part of my past anymore. When I worked full-time as a Regulator of the ANC in Splendor, Quillan was my boss, and I had a huge crush on him. That was, of course, before Knight ever wandered into my life, capturing my affections forever. Now that I remembered it, yes, Quill was probably right—if he had shown his feelings for me then, I would have no doubt returned them and then some.
But that time was long past, a fleeting memory that seemed alien to me somehow, like I’d seen it in a movie or something. “How come you never …?” I started.
“Because I knew you would hate me once you found out what I truly was,” he interrupted me, shaking his head as he expelled a pent-up breath. “I couldn’t stomach the idea that you would eventually find out that I was working for your father.” He inhaled again deeply and frowned, his eyes glazing over with what appeared to be pain and frustration. “I just never wanted to see the expression in your eyes if you ever found out who and what I really was.”