"Where've you been?" Louie asked when I walked into our room. I'd finally driven Pete mad with my moody behaviour and he'd swapped.
"How long have you been back?" I asked, dodging his question.
"Not long. Kinda over it. It isn't any fun without Stace." Stace was his girlfriend, but before I could ask after her, he gave me a look. "Spill it, man."
"I was with Zoe." No use making something up.
"Really?" He seemed surprised.
"Yeah," I shrugged like it wasn't a big deal.
"And?"
"And what?" I flung myself on my bed.
"Did she smack you one?" he laughed.
"No, we got on fine."
"What did you do?"
"What do you mean, what did we do? We hung out. Wrote some music."
"You wrote music with her?" he exclaimed. "Mate, you're in."
"By the skin of my teeth." And I knew the only reason I was in, was because Dee had said something to her, but I didn't tell Louie that. Right now, I didn't want to talk about it, I wanted to go to sleep and dream about it.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
ZOE
It took most of the next day until I could get Dee alone to talk to him. We'd rocked up to sound check early and were hanging out with the venue staff. We'd stopped in a coastal town on our way to Canberra for a show and the place had that small town vibe. Wide, open streets, sandy beaches. The old pub had been converted into a music venue in recent years and bands had started passing through. It was the kind of place that saw us staying upstairs. And when I say upstairs, I literally mean over the front bar that moonlighted as a motel slash backpackers. It was the lap of luxury, end sarcasm.
"I took your advice," I said, cornering Dee in at the tiny room we'd stashed our gear in backstage.
"Which bit of advice was that?" he asked, knowing full well what I meant.
"Dee."
Leaning against the wall and crossing his arms, he regarded me for a moment before saying, "How'd it go?"
"It went," I said slowly.
"See, I told you."
"Yeah," I sighed, thinking back to the compassionate side Will had shown me while we were writing that song together.
"Are you into him? I mean, more than an attraction thing?"
"I don't know," I answered truthfully. "I don't know which is the real one."
"What do you mean?"
"There's the man-whore we've all come to know. The arrogant a-hole. Then there was this nice guy, who was interested in what I had to say, you know?"
Dee could see how confused I was, and gestured for me to go over. Without a second thought, I pressed into him, wrapping my arms around his waist, taking comfort in his familiar form.
"Give it some time," he said. "The tour isn't the be all and end all. It doesn't have to end when we go home."
He led me out into the pub, where Simone, Frank, Louie and Sticks were hanging out.
"I'm going to get a drink," I said, before Dee could sit me down.
Simone caught my eye and stood, "Me, too."
"What's up?" she asked, standing beside me. We leant against the bar as a middle aged man with a wild beard poured us our order. He raised an eyebrow at us, but didn't say anything. I bet he could feel the boy issues looming in the air.
"Friend zone," I said.
"Ooooohhhh," she exclaimed, morosely. She got it.
"I'm so confused."
"Aren't we all."
"Chris?"
She just shook her head.
"Don't give up," I said. "I want to see both of you happy."
"And I want to see you happy."
"Yeah, well, we all can't get what we want."
The bartender leant towards us as he put our drinks down. "But you can fight bloody hard for it, love."
Simone let out a loud laugh, her eyes crinkling in the corners. "See? At least he gets it."
"Thanks," I smiled at him and handed over a twenty. "Keep the change."
"Na," he said, handing back some coins. "The advice is for free. Lookin' forward to the show tonight girls. Have a good one, eh?"
"What was that all about?" Dee asked as we sat back down.
"Secret girls business," I shot back with a small smile at Simone.
He eyed the bar tender and said, "Somehow I don't think Big Foot over there is a girl."
I snorted, almost choking on my drink. "Let it go, Dee. Let it go."
After a round, people started moving off until it was only me and Simone left at the table. We were happy sitting there in silence, just enjoying a little peace and quiet when she suddenly sat up straight and hissed, "Incoming."
By her reaction, I knew exactly who it was.
Will slid into a seat next to me and said, "Hey." I found my mind wandering to the way he said that simple word. It sounded like hey, I want to undress you. I shifted in my seat and Simone caught my eye.
"Hey," she said. "I was just gunna go check a few things with Dean. Sorry to run off."
"S'ok," he replied.
I watched Simone as she walked off, not believing that she had just bailed so blatantly, and when she turned back I mouthed the word traitor. Her only response was to smile and wave.
"Want another?" Will asked, amusement rippling through his voice.
"Nope," I said, looking back. "One's enough for me."
Unfortunately, this seemed like the answer he was looking for. With a grin he declared, "C'mon, I've got something to show you."
To my surprise, he grabbed my hand and began to lead me towards the stairs. I was so dumbfounded, I would've let him take me anywhere. The feeling of his hand in mine was so comforting, safe and mind numbingly hot, it was all I could think about.
"You okay?" he asked with a little laugh. "You look terrified."
"Yeah."
"I'm not going to murder you," he said, pointing to the roof where a security camera was positioned in the corner. "They've got me on CCTV."
"Somehow I don't think it works."
He shook his head.
"Have you seen this place?" I exclaimed, earning myself another laugh. "Glad to see my awkwardness is so amusing to you."
Stopping on the landing, out of sight of the bar below, he asked, "Why do you feel awkward?" The smile dropped from his face and I was more than aware of the darkened corner he'd backed me into.
Determined not to jump him then and there, I took a step away, my back hitting the wall. "It's a DNA thing."
He looked at me with such intensity, I wasn't sure if he was going to kiss me or tell me off for telling lies, but a split second later, the lopsided grin I'd come to know tugged at his lips and he grabbed my hand again, pulling me up the last flight of stairs.
Dropping my hand to unlock the door to his room, I suddenly felt disappointed. Groaning inwardly, I scolded my rambling thoughts. I was trying to get to know the guy, not throw myself at him. I stepped into the room, closing the door as he went to retrieve his laptop from his bag.
"Before the band got going, I was studying filmography," he said and the way his voice lit up, I knew it was something special to him. "I want to make a film clip for one of our songs, but haven't had the chance so far."
"Okay."
"Don't sound so enthusiastic, Zoe," he looked up at me. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he patted the mattress beside him.
Perching delicately on the edge of the bed, I was careful not to let our legs touch, fearing that tingling sensation. I watched as he opened up a file that was full of videos and it didn't escape my notice that one of the thumbnails was of me. Apprehension coursed through my body and I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into.
"I made this for you," Will said quietly, watching my reaction. "I mean, you can use it for the band or whatever, if you want."
It was then I realised he'd been wandering about the crowd, backstage, photo shoots, everywhere, slyly filming. I'd been so intent on ignoring him and my rising attraction, that I hadn't noticed.
It was
set to Bombard, one of our faster songs. The one we closed our set with and the one that saw me on top of the drum kit every night. As the video played, it was all me. I mean, there were shots of the other guys, but ninety five percent had to be me. It was then I realised that everyone had been right. I tried to brush it off, the fact that I was attracted to him, but I didn't see it. Not until now.
"What do you think?" he asked, breaking the spell.
I was silent for a moment, trying to think of something coherent. "It's…"
"You don't like it." He said it with such an air of disappointment, my eyes flew to his face.
"No," I shook my head. "It's just, I didn't realise."
His eyes narrowed as if he was trying to work out the meaning in my words. "That I was filming?"
I shook my head. "No."
"I didn't mean anything by it, I…"
"I love it," I said abruptly. I didn't want to hear the end of that sentence. It stunk of friend zone and I didn't know why it annoyed me so much. The thought of letting someone else in after all this time scared the hell out of me.
"Good." The laptop snapped closed and he put it on the bed behind us. God, now he had me alone again in a bedroom and this time there was no guitar to separate us. My heart thudded in my chest and I swore I was about to have a heart attack.
"So," he began. "I haven't actually asked you, but are you enjoying the tour? I mean, other than me being an ass."
It was so unexpected, I let out a laugh, looking up at him. His eyes were on me and I suddenly felt naked.
"What?" he asked, the ghost of a smile tugging at his lips.
"Nothing, it's just… that wasn't what I was expecting you to say."
He chuckled, running a hand over the stubble on his chin and I imagined what it would feel like to run my hand over his jaw. "What's with you and Dee?"
"Dee?" I asked with a frown. Was he jealous of Dee now? "I've known Dee since I was twelve. We're best friends. He's my brother from another mother. Why?"
"It's hard to tell with you guys sometimes."
"Hard to tell what?" I asked, but suddenly realised what he meant. "Oh, we've never been together. Not like that."
Will nodded, looking down at my arm, seemly studying the tattoos that covered them. "He's a good guy."
"He is."
"He looks out for you."
"He does."
As if he sensed the conversation getting too serious, he asked, "How long have you actually been playing? Guitar, I mean."
"About three years now." It's a double edged milestone.
"Really?" His eyebrows rose in surprise.
"Yeah," I smiled, the tension falling away. "When I decide I want to do something, I work at it until I've got it."
"I can believe that," he laughed.
"Oh, no you didn't," I cried, understanding the tone in his voice. "You helped yourself with that one. I had nothing to do with it."
"I deserved that," he agreed and the smile that spread across his face made my insides tingle.
Will had me talking and laughing more than I had ever done in the last two years. He was making me forget about everything but right here, right now and I was glad to share it with him. Dee's words echoed in my head. Give him a chance. Get to know him.
Before I could move away, Will slid his hand over mine and the smile fell from my face. My heart thumped in my chest and I felt myself start to soften towards him, despite my deep rooted fear.
"Your tattoos are beautiful," he said, trailing a finger up my arm.
It was too close for comfort, so I shrunk back, but not before he felt the scar that ran through the centre of the dragons back.
"What's that?" he asked, not noticing my reaction.
"It's a Japanese water dragon," I said like he was mad, hoping he'd let it go.
"You have a scar."
"It's just a scar," I shrugged.
He seemed to notice that I was uncomfortable and dropped it. "Do you want to go back down for a drink? We've got a couple of hours to kill yet."
"I'd like to stay in if it's all the same to you," I said. "But don't let me stop you."
He watched me for a moment and seemed reluctant. "I'd like to hang with you, if that's okay."
"I'm not exactly the life of the party."
He smiled and shook his head. "I don't want a party."
I wanted to ask what he really wanted, but that was a dangerous question. I decided I was better off in the dark.
He shifted back onto the bed, his back against the headboard and gestured for me to follow.
"I'm not gunna bite," he said with a chuckle when I hesitated.
Feeling bold, I sat next to him, our legs stretched out in front of us on the floral bedspread. He had on his usual scuffed up combat boots, the laces undone. I really liked his boots.
Suddenly, his arm was around me, pulling me gently against him, and I was overly aware of his body against mine. I could feel the muscles down his side through the thin t-shirt he had on, his warmth spreading through me. I didn't dare look up at him. I was too afraid of what I would find. After he showed me that video, I knew he was attracted to me too. I could feel it in the way he'd held my hand, the way his fingertips trailed up my arm and even in the way he sat next to me now.
And it terrified me.
He didn't say anything, but I could hear his breathing and as I shifted to a more comfortable position, I could have sworn it hitched.
"We don't have to talk about anything if you don't want," he said quietly, as if he knew what I was thinking. "I don't know about you, but my idea bank is empty right now."
The double meaning didn't escape me and I snorted. I wasn't sure how to take it and I was overwhelmingly glad that he wasn't pushing it. He probably thought I'd run away like a frightened rabbit again.
Without thinking, I let my head rest against his shoulder and this time, his breathing definitely hitched.
Deliberately ignoring it, I closed my eyes. If this was all I was going to get, then I was going to take it and remember it fondly. I just wanted to hold on to the one little thing that made me feel warm inside. That Will had taken notice and listened to me. That's all I wanted.
Deep down, I could tell myself that as much as I wanted, but it wouldn't override the fact that I still wanted Will Strickland every which way I could get him and that was a thought too much to handle.
I woke to my phone vibrating in my pocket. Sitting bolt upright, I wasn't sure where I was for a moment.
"What time is it?" Will asked sleepily. I was then I realised I'd fallen asleep against him and my stomach flip-flopped.
Looking at my phone, I saw a text from Dee. Where you at? xx
"Five."
"Shit."
I scrambled off the bed, my entire body aching to be touched. "I need to go."
"Zoe," he began, but I was already out the door. There's one thing I don't want to be and that's a notch on Will Strickland's bedpost.
"Zoe Granger," Dee declared as I walked into the band room. "I'd never thought I'd see the day."
"I don't want to know," I grumbled, my head thoroughly scrambled with thoughts of Will's arms around me.
"Simone told me you went off with Will. Upstairs."
"I didn't," I began to protest, but the door opened, letting in Louie and Frank and my mouth clamped shut.
Dee gave me a knowing look and began hauling the gear out to the stage. Before anyone else could have a go, I picked up my guitar case and leads and followed him. When I went back for my hard case of effect pedals the room was empty save for the one person I wasn't ready to see just yet.
"You okay?" Will asked, leaning against the wall.
"Yeah," I said quietly, moving an amp out of the way to get to my stuff.
"You sure? You bolted outta there…"
"I'm okay. It was just late. I didn't mean to fall asleep."
"It's okay, Zoe. I don't mind." The amusement in his voice irritated me more than it should and I felt the
ice queen inside of me rear her ugly head.
"I've gotta set this up," I mumbled, hauling the hard case into the middle of the room.
"Sometimes I don't know who you are."
I looked up at him, my heart twisting. He was watching me with a confused look in his eyes and I couldn't say that I blamed him. I wasn't sure who I was anymore, either.
"Up there on that stage? You sing from your heart. Everyone believes everything you say cos you mean it. Every girl in the room wants to be you and every guy wants to fuck you."
All I can do is stare at him. The way he said the word fuck stripped me bare and I felt desire burning inside of me. It took all my strength not to fling myself across the room and kiss him.
"Whatever the hell you do on stage, do that now. Do it all the time. That girl up there is Zoe, I don't know who you are."
And just like that, he threw a bucket of metaphoric ice all over me. Anger rose inside me, distorting my expression.
"What happened to you?" he said with a frown like I'm some kind of puzzle.
I shrugged.
"Shrugging is such a noncommittal gesture."
"I wanted a noncommittal answer," I retorted and hauled my hard case out of the room before he could berate me any further. I wasn't ready for that conversation. Truthfully, I wasn't sure if I ever would be.
For a small town, the gig that night was packed. It was just us and The Stabs, but it was more than enough to keep the locals happy. It was wild and before long the room was as hot as a furnace as two hundred sweaty humans jumped around having the time of their lives. Afterwards, most stayed behind, raking in a fortune for Big Foot behind the bar.
When he saw me waiting to be served, he pulled a bottle of Bulmers out of the fridge, popped the top off and gave it to me. "On the house," he said with a wink. It was nice of him to remember what I ordered, let alone give me one for free. He really must have been swimming in piles of money tonight.
Before I could turn around and melt back into the crowd, a guy tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Great show tonight."