Will closed his eyes and sighed before typing in a reply. It was impossible to read his expression. I had no idea what he was thinking and I wanted to ask, but I also didn't want to be that girl. I had to learn to trust again.
His phone seemed to vibrate again and he looked at the screen, seemingly conflicted. Who was texting him?
When he looked over to me, I was glad I was wearing my sunnies and he couldn't tell if I was looking at him or not. I didn't give myself away, watching his reaction. He frowned, hunching his shoulders forward and looked back at his phone before typing in something.
I'd never been one to be so jealous before. Not like this. Except for the other night when he'd brushed off that girl, I hadn't worried that there might be someone else. An ex-girlfriend. Someone he might have been seeing before the tour. I'd been so wrapped up in my own issues, the thought hadn't even crossed my mind.
What if he was getting texts from another woman?
Worry settled in my stomach, making me feel sick and the awkward Zoe was back, just like that. Will had shown me time and time again that I had nothing to worry about, but in reality things might be different.
An hour or so later, when we got out to stretch our legs at a roadhouse, Will seemed distant. Distracted. He'd been so open with me until now, it was unnerving.
"You okay?" I asked, standing by him.
Her ran a hand over his face, scratching the stubble on his chin. "Yeah. It's just... these long bus trips get to me."
It sounded like an excuse - a cover up, but I let it slide. Today was my birthday and for the first time in a long time, I intended to enjoy it, bus or no bus.
With a frown, I slid an arm around his waist, but he shrugged and began to walk away, my arm dropping back to my side. And just like that, I'd been brushed aside. Frozen to the spot, I watched him walk back towards the bus, his lack of affection leaving me empty. It was such a turn around from that morning, it seemed to confirm the thoughts that plagued me.
Being on tour was another world. We all had a reality to go back to, and what if Will's was to another woman? He'd been strung out the first few weeks. He'd suddenly become withdrawn after getting those texts. What if it was his reality calling? If all that was true, then what did that make me?
A sucker for falling for it for one, but it also made me the other woman. The things I felt for Will were real, I had no doubt about it, and that's what made the uncertainty hurt more than anything. Maybe I was just hurting myself by jumping to conclusions? After all, he went to all that trouble getting me that guitar.
But, the little voice at the back of my mind wouldn't quit. What if it had all been a lie? What if I was the bit on the side?
And this was why I didn't like birthdays.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NiNE
Will
It had been a long drive back to Melbourne after the roadhouse. As we stood on the road at the side of the bus, I couldn't help but feel conflicted. We were home, but home came with a whole new set of problems. Ones I wanted to leave Zoe out of.
Our gear was being delivered to the venue so that just left us and our bags to go home with. I grabbed mine and sidled up to Zoe and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead. She was going to catch a lift with Dee, since they lived in St Kilda and I lived in Northcote on the other side of the city.
"See you tomorrow," I murmured and high tailed it towards a waiting taxi with Pete, my bag in my hand.
As the taxi drove off, Pete gave me a look.
"What the fuck was that?" he scowled at me.
"I got some texts from Mish." The ex-girlfriend from hell. The one who'd fucked up my life.
"Shit. What does she want?"
"She says she misses me. That she wants to make it up," I sighed, running a hand over my face.
"Will. Seriously?"
"No," I scowled. "I want Zoe. I will always want Zoe."
"Have you told her about Mish?"
"No."
"Dude, shit like this will come back and bite you on the ass. You should tell Zoe. Did you see the look on her face just now?"
I shook my head, looking at my hands. I didn't trust myself to look at her. What if the first thing she did was dump my pathetic ass? I mean, were things different now that we were finishing up the tour? Did she want to end it anyway? I was suddenly full of these doubts, Mish or no Mish.
"Pete, you know how Mish is. When she wants something, she'll screw over everyone to get it. If she got her claws into Zoe…" I thought about the texts she'd sent.
Hey babe. I'm back in Melbs. I miss you. We need to talk. xx
I'd texted back: Not a good idea.
I miss you. This whole thing was a mistake. Let me make it up to you.
I hadn't heard from her in almost a year and now she wanted to worm her way back into my life? She must be desperate for some attention if she was texting me.
"Will, you know she might do that anyway."
"I know. I have to go see her…"
"No way," Pete interrupted me. "Tell her to go fuck herself."
"I have to tell her to back off. If she could see how it is with me and Zoe now, she'll leave me alone."
"Or she'll see it as a challenge. She was always up for it, remember?"
"How could I forget?" I groaned.
"Dude, she ruined your life. Don't even think about going back there in any capacity. I'd leave her hanging. Text her back a very big go fuck yourself."
"Yeah, if I did that, she'd just turn up at the gig tomorrow. And when she saw me with Zoe the shit would hit the fan."
Pete let out a long sigh and shrugged. "Do what you want, Will. You know how I feel about it."
I knew it was probably stupid, but I saw no other way that wasn't. I got out my phone and texted her to meet me at a bar down on Brunswick Street in a couple of hours. This had to end before it got any worse.
I sat in a corner table at a small bar at the top end of Brunswick Street, nursing a beer. I was nervous about seeing Mish again. When we'd been together I thought I'd loved her. I mean, we'd been going out three years by that point. No one could spend that amount of time with another person and not think it was anything else.
Mish'd worked as a model from the age of eighteen. Doing photo shoots, catwalk, that kind of thing. All fashion magazine stuff, no catalogues for her. She wanted to make it big and she did. A few times she'd gone overseas to work and of course I'd been supportive as any good boyfriend would have been. When she got cast to open a big show at Sydney Fashion Week, I went to surprise her. Took a break from recording and all so I could go and be there for her big moment.
Too bad her big moment included fucking male models behind my back.
In my twenty-seven years I'd never seen something as fucked up as another man fucking my girlfriend. To say I was destroyed was too soft a word. So tonight, when I did finally lay eyes on her, I wasn't expecting the blind anger I felt now. Nothing was left of the love I'd once felt. It was gone.
She hadn't changed much. She was as tall as I was, six one, willowy and perfect almond skin. Her chestnut hair had been cropped short and she looked like a model. It was her business to look beautiful and as she came towards me with a smile on her face, every guy in the room watched her. I swear she knew it and thrived. She was the kind of person who made friends with ugly people so she could look good in a crowd.
"Will," she cried, putting her bag on the seat across from mine. "I'm so glad you wanted to meet me."
When she leant down to kiss me on the cheek, I leant back sharply so she couldn't.
"I know you're upset with me," she sighed dramatically and sat down.
"Upset isn't the word I would use," I stared at her.
"Look, I'm sorry. I wanted to see you because I miss you. Life hasn't been the same without you around."
"No, it hasn't," I said shaking my head, already exasperated with her over-the-top groveling. I mean, the way she was putting it was that I would be a fool if I didn't come back to her. Not the other way
around.
"I'm just going to come out and say it, Will. I can see you're angry with me. I want to try again."
I shook my head and scoffed. This was exactly what I knew she would say. "You should have thought about that before you went off and fucked all those other guys."
Her eyes widened with shock. What, did she think she could just come back and think I was a sure bet?
"You can't come back after all this time and try and make things better," I went on. "It's not going to happen."
"Why not?" she crooned. "We were good together." I felt her stilettoed foot climb up the inside of my leg and I jerked away. She really was a piece of work.
"Mish," I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Relationships are about trust. How could I trust you?"
"Exactly," she said. "That's why I want to work on it. I know I did some bad things, but I've learnt from my mistakes. My biggest one was letting you go."
I scowled. I didn't care about her. I didn't want her. I wanted Zoe.
"I don't care," I cried. "I'm with someone else."
"You're seeing someone?" she asked like it was the stupidest thing she'd heard. How I never saw how vapid she was when we were together was beyond me.
"Yes and I'm happy. You need to give up and move on. There's someone out there for you and it's not me."
Her eyes began to mist with tears and I couldn’t have cared less. Picking up her bag from the seat next to her, Mish stood abruptly and walked away without a word. I heard the door slam behind me and I didn't bother looking after her. She had always been dramatic and our two-minute conversation and been just that. She'd laid it on thick. All I could do was put my head in my hands and hope that I'd done enough to deter her from showing up again.
My thoughts instantly went to Zoe. It was her fucking birthday and I was sitting here arguing with my ex-girlfriend. I should be with Zoe. I shouldn't have left her the way I did this arvo. Fuck Mish and fuck her meddling. This was exactly what she wanted.
I felt my skin prickle and my heart twist. I needed Zoe. I needed her around me.
If I didn't have her, I didn't know if I could go on.
CHAPTER THIRTY
ZOE
It had been the longest trip I’d ever sat through back to Melbourne. It felt like the end of an era, standing outside of the bus and knowing it was the end. We would all go our separate ways tonight and meet up again tomorrow for the first of our two shows that closed the tour. The venue had no show on tonight, so our gear was being delivered ahead of time. That just left us and our luggage to get home.
Will sidled up to me and gave me a quick kiss on the forehead. He'd told me he lived in Northcote, the other side of the city to me. I'd catch lift with Dee, since he lived a few blocks away.
"See you tomorrow," he murmured and wandered towards a waiting taxi with Pete, his bag in his hand.
"What the fuck was that?" Dee asked, standing beside me. He looked as flabbergasted as I was.
After being so close for the last two weeks, it felt like a kick in the guts and I couldn't help but feel rejected.
"No idea," I whispered, as I watched the taxi drive off.
Dee flipped the bird after them and turned towards me. "Well, it's still your birthday and if you want, I'll take you out."
"No, it's okay."
"I'm in if you wanna," Simone said coming up behind us.
Frank and Chris offered as well.
"Seriously, guys. After a whole day on that stinking bus, it's probably better to just go home. We can party tomorrow night." I liked my notion and didn't say it, but I wasn't in my head right now. Will had just hit me for six.
"Well," Frank said. "We're only a phone call away if you change your mind."
"Thanks, Frankey," I smiled thinly.
When I finally got home, walking through the door of my apartment was familiar, yet alien. Being away for so long, the place smelt different and it was cold and had that abandoned feeling. I placed the Fender against the wall and dumped my bag in the bedroom, not wanting to deal with it yet. Standing in the middle of the lounge, I let out a exasperated sigh. It didn't feel right, being home alone. I wanted someone here. I wanted Will, but after his weird goodbye, I hesitated about calling him. Instead, I sent a text to Dee.
So boring here alone.
It was only a split second later when he replied: It's weird being home. Want to get a drink? xx
Hell yes.
Ted's Shed?
Sounds good. Let me shower and change first.
Good idea. I don't want to smell your stink. See you there in an hour. xx
Taking one last look at the Fender, I wasn't sure if I could pick it up and play it now. Even though it was a present from everyone, it was still a gift that had been spearheaded by Will and I wasn't sure about his intentions anymore.
He'd said he knew about hurt. He'd brushed it aside so easily, I'd almost forgotten about it. Now, I was wondering if his sudden shift in behaviour had something to do with it. That, and the person who'd been sending him those messages. Was it an ex-girlfriend that had broken his heart? Or was it his current girlfriend calling him out for being a cheater?
When I met up with Dee at Ted's Shed, he was waiting with two bright orange cocktails. Sinking into the seat opposite him, I gave him a grateful smile.
"Happy Birthday, Zo Zo. I know the orange ones are your favourite."
"Thanks," I sighed and took a long sip, the sugar and alcohol rushing straight to my head. "I need that serotonin."
"Is everything okay?" he asked, coming straight out with it.
My shoulders slumped and I ditched the straw and took a few big mouthfuls.
"Well, obviously not," he said, concerned at my reaction.
"Will started acting weird this arvo," I said. "He got some texts and all of a sudden he's this moody bastard. He hardly touched me. You saw his steamy goodbye."
"He did seem off."
"It's weird. After this morning. My birthday."
"It's very sudden," he agreed. "You should just ask him straight up."
"Squash my fears," I declared, already feeling a little giddy.
"Did he say who the texts were from?"
"No, I was afraid to ask."
"Zoe…"
"What if he has a secret girlfriend? What if he…"
"Stop it," he shooshed me. "I don't believe it. Not after seeing him with you this whole tour."
"I don't know, Dee…"
"If you're so worried, you should confront him about it. It's the only way you'll find out for sure. The only thing you're doing right now is over thinking and jumping to conclusions."
"You reckon?"
"I reckon." He pushed my drink into my hand. "Now, drink up. It's still your birthday and I refuse to let you to spend it down in the dumps."
A smile spread across my face despite myself.
"That's my girl," he grinned in return.
Dee had said just to come out and ask Will. I don't know if it was the fact I'd just downed a bright orange cocktail on an empty stomach, but I was determined to set things straight. The moment I laid eyes on him, I'd just say it. I was going to put my insecurities to rest once and for all and take control of my life. I wasn't going to be a punching bag for anyone anymore.
I was just going to ask.
Everything always seems so simple when you're a little tipsy. Last nights outing had boosted my confidence, but now that I was standing backstage, I felt uneasy. Setting up for a show had become familiar territory, a second home, but now it felt like a battlefield. The last time I had confronted somebody it hadn't ended well.
The moment we came off stage from doing sound check, I found Will loitering in the back hallway, looking flustered.
"We need to talk," I declared, grabbing his arm.
"Zoe…" he began, but I pulled him into a small room that looked a lot like a storage closet.
Flicking the light on revealed a table, some old chairs and old boxes full of papers. Storage closet. br />
Closing the door behind us, I faced him, trying to will back some of that confidence I'd felt the night before. Having him in front of me made it all dissolve into a pile of ash. I cared for him so much, I was suddenly petrified he was going to break it off with me.
"Is everything okay?" I asked as he leant back against the wall.
"Yes, of course it is," he replied like I was mad.
That wasn't really flying with me. "You've been different."
He frowned. "It's just… we're home now."
"And what's that supposed to mean?" I asked a little too forcefully.
"Zoe," he stepped towards me, picking up on my tone. "I didn't mean it like that."
I pulled back when he tried to wind his arms around my waist. "Then what do you mean? Something's changed. I'm not stupid."
"Zoe, I didn't mean to upset you."
"You were okay until you got those messages," I said quietly. I didn't want to be that girl, but that's what this was about, wasn't it?
"What are you talking about?" he asked, cocking his head to the side as if he were confused.
"Yesterday."
His expression changed and he knew he wasn't getting around it. "That was nothing."
"Will," I hissed, "I saw how it got to you. Don't say it was nothing. You hardly said a word to me when we got back yesterday."
"It was nothing but an annoyance," he snapped and I flinched, stepping back in surprise. He'd never spoken to me that way before. His tone stabbed into me and I was lost for words.
"Shit, Zoe," he sighed, rubbing his eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean…"
He reached out for me and I twisted out of his grasp. "You're not telling me something."
"You've nothing to worry about," he said firmly, stepping into me before I could push him away again. "You're everything to me."
His hands caressed either side of my face, forcing me to look into his eyes and I saw such sincerity there, I believed him.