"What?" I spat a little too forcibly.
"Can we talk?"
"I don't think that's a good idea." Talking was the last thing I wanted to do right now. Right now, I wanted to hurt someone just like I had been.
"Zoe, it's important."
With an annoyed sigh, I led him back into a storage room, so we wouldn't be interrupted. This wasn't going to be pleasant and the last thing anyone needed was an audience.
Slamming the door closed behind him, I sneered. "Talk."
"He's sorry, you know."
"Yeah, well, so am I."
"Somehow I don't think you mean it the same way."
"What gave me away?" I said, leaning back against a shelf.
"Zoe, there's something you have to understand," he began carefully and I didn't like where this was going already.
"You told me that she was the one who got away. Is he in love with her?"
"That's not for me to say."
"Then why the hell are you even talking to me?" I cried. "Explain it to me, because right now, all you're doing is sinking in the boot."
"You need to let him talk to you, Zoe."
"Was he with her this whole time?" I asked, thinly, holding back tears. When Pete frowned, but didn't respond, I let all my anger out. "Was he with her this whole time? I swear to god, if you don't answer me Pete…"
"No, he wasn't," he said, holding a hand up to calm me. "That first gig he said he saw you at, things had only just ended with Mish. It was bad. It destroyed him."
"So, I was just a rebound? Is that what this was?" I felt bile in the back of my throat. The things I'd said to him. I felt sick. He'd said he didn't know how to handle how he felt about me. Suddenly, I realised it must have been because he still had feelings for Mish. This whole time, had he been in love with someone else?
"No, Zoe. They're over. They were over before he even laid eyes on you. When he finally told me about you, I understood. He was getting better. Getting over it. Because of you."
"Somehow I don't believe you. If that were true, he wouldn't have kissed her back." Pete's expression fell and I knew what I'd just said was the truth. All those things he'd told me. That he didn't want to hurt me, that he would do anything I asked of him… That I was his and he was mine. They were all lies.
"I can't make excuses for him," he said quietly. "I don't know why he did it, but I do know that you and him…"
"Me and him, nothing." It came out so full of hate and anger, that I even scared myself. "If a quick fuck on the side is what he wanted, then he fucking got it. I believed I was nothing for so long and he made me believe. He made me believe I was worth something. Now he has his fucking future back and I'm kicked to the fucking curb. Any faith I had in the human race was pitiful before, now it's all fucking gone."
Pete grabbed my shoulders and forced me to look at him. "Calm down. It's not like that at all."
"I can't fucking calm down. Do you understand how I feel? I feel like a fraud. I'm the other woman. I'm nothing but something to be used. That's how I feel. He didn't hit me like..." I bit my lip to stop myself and took a deep breath, "but he may as well have."
"Someone hit you?" Pete's eyes widened. "Zoe, I…"
"Drop it, Pete."
He let go of my shoulders and took a step back, uncertainty etched into all of his features.
"He needs to stay away from me."
But, Pete wasn't done with me yet. "Look, I know Will better than anyone. We grew up together. We lived on the same street since we were six. This thing with him and you? It's real, Zoe. It's the best thing that's ever happened to him. You need to let him explain."
"I'm done with explanations." I pushed the door open and stalked out, trying to hold myself together. He may have meant well, but all Pete had done was make it a billion times worse.
Once upon a time, the man I'd loved betrayed me and destroyed my life. Now, it was happening again. I was so done. No one was ever getting in again.
And just like that, the walls around my heart slammed closed.
After the gig, I waited for the guys just inside the venue, well aware that The Stabs were still busy packing up. So far, Pete and Dee had stayed true to their word and kept Will away from me. It was a trend I wanted to continue until I didn't have to see him anymore. The Devil's Tattoo and The Stabs would never be on the same bill again if I had anything to do with it.
Dee and Frank appeared beside me, looking like they were ready to go. Chris had left with Simone a while ago and at least something had worked out for someone.
"Zoe?" Dee was looking at me, a frown creasing his brow.
I looked at Frank and he shrugged, going outside.
"Zoe?" Dee asked again and this time I looked him in the eye.
"What?"
"You love him, don't you?"
"Loved," I almost choked on the word. I had loved him, but I couldn't live with that kind of hurt again. "The emphasis being on the past tense."
"I don't believe you."
"Well, I believe me," I said, shoving through the stage door. Conversation over.
It was a short walk to the bar we'd agreed on going to. The last gig of the tour was over and this was meant to be a party to celebrate. Ninety nine percent of our shows had sold out, our merch was down to zero and album sales were up. We should be happy. The band was going crazy. But, I couldn't feel anything.
Dee walked with me, his arm around my waist.
"You don't have to baby me, " I said, shrugging him off and jamming my hands into my pockets.
"Zo."
"You should be celebrating with the others."
"I want you here," he said. "You're a part of this too. And if that means I have to take care of you, then so be it."
We stood out front of Ding Dong Lounge, our bar of choice and he hugged me.
"Zoe."
I stiffened at the sound of Will's voice, pulling away sharply from Dee. I didn't dare turn around, because if I did, I would have punched him right in the face and I needed my hand to play.
"Leave her be, man," Dee's voice filtered through my simmering rage. "Don't you think you've done enough?"
"I need to explain."
I didn't hear any more. I kept walking, disappearing inside the bar and leaving his empty words behind.
I never got drunk. It wasn't my thing, killing brain cells and wasting a day away on a hang over. But right now, it's all I wanted to do. So, I sat at the bar and ordered a triple scotch and coke and a bottle of cider. The scotch was gone in under a minute and the cider began to follow. All this anger was unnatural. It pooled in my gut like acid and I would have done anything to dull it.
I'd been sitting there for at least ten minutes when someone stood next to me and it was the last person I was expecting. But, the more I thought about it, it was the one person that would have wanted to confront me. After all, I'd wanted to do the same thing, albeit for different reasons.
Mish was standing there, her pretty face contorted in anger. She stood right in my personal space and I couldn’t have cared less. "Stay away from him," she said like it was a threat. "Will is mine."
I stared at her, unblinking and without a trace of emotion, I said, "If you are so secure in your relationship, then why do you feel the need to come over here and bother me with your pathetic, empty threats?"
Mish stared at me open mouthed and I knew I should have felt a little good about the fact I had her lost for words in under five seconds, but she was still standing all up in my face. So I continued, "If you don't mind, you're in my personal space and I would advise you to get the hell out of it."
She took a few steps backward, her eyes betraying her fear. As much as I wanted to hurt her, laying a finger on her would solve nothing. She wanted to hurt me too, but it was better to leave everything well enough alone. So, I just turned around and sat back on my stool and downed a mouthful of cider, staring into space. Some after party. Some fucking tour.
"Zoe?" Chris was beside me. He'd wi
tnessed my moment of moral triumph. "That was epic."
"Was it?" I shrugged.
"Here's to tellin' crazy bitches what for," he tapped my bottle with his and gave me a wink.
Suddenly, I felt a little better.
I looked up and saw Mish talking to Will, the expression on her face furious and she's pointing at me. He looked over and caught my gaze and all I could do was sigh and look away. I didn't have anything left inside of me that gave a crap. This just had to end. I couldn't see him anymore. I couldn't be within five feet of him. I had to get away if there was any chance of me coming back from this again.
"I've gotta get out of here," I declared suddenly and Chris gave me a look.
"Are you okay?"
"No. I just need some air." I snatched my jacket from the bar and walked away, my breath tight in my chest.
I couldn't really hear over the music, but someone grabbed my arm as I moved through the room. I figured they were trying to call out to me, but I didn't hear. When whoever it was pulled me around, I stiffened. Will was holding my arm, some unknown expression on his face, along with a dark bruise below his right eyebrow where Dee must have punched him. It burned where his fingers touch my bare skin and it hurt too much. My heart felt like someone just stabbed a piece of jagged glass right through it and I tore myself away.
"Zoe," he said and it came out strangled.
"Don't touch me," I hissed, taking a few steps back.
"Please, Zoe. Let me explain."
"No."
"Why are you pushing me away? I want to make this better. I can't…" He ran a hand over his face. "Why won't you let me explain?"
Suddenly, I don't feel so numb anymore. Anger welled up inside me and it's all I could do to stop myself from punching him in the face and giving him a matching bruise. Instead, I let it all out. "Because when your boyfriend of three years that you love and trust comes home and tells you he's been seeing another woman for six months behind your back and that they're getting married a week from fucking Tuesday…" I almost choked on a sob and clutched my arm to my stomach. "He broke more than my life. That kind of shit destroys a person. It destroyed me for such a long time and fucked if I'll let someone else do it to me again."
He's looking at me open mouthed and I swore he might start crying. There's nothing else to say, so I just turned and walked away. Let him go back to Mish. Let him do what he wants. I can't care anymore. I don't care.
But, he grabbed my arm again, stopping me from running away. "Zoe, you're everything to me. Don't say this meant nothing to you."
I wrenched myself away again and I slapped him in the face, hard. "It meant everything," I hissed as his hand came up to his face in wide-eyed surprise. "Then you shit all over it. I let myself care and all it did was this. You do it once, then it's only a matter of time before it happens again. I won't be that person ever again. I won't let anyone else be that person." I took a few steps back. "Stay away from me."
This time he didn't come after me as I pushed my way through the crowd. Outside, the air was cool, so I threw my jacket on and flipped up the collar. People were milling outside the bar and the security guard nodded as I caught his eye. Giving him a thin smile I walked up the street a short way, looking for a quiet place to clear my thoughts.
I ducked into a dark alleyway and leant my forehead against the cool brickwork. I was only a few steps within, so the street light lit me up as I tried to calm myself down with deep breaths. It wasn't working that well.
I pulled my phone from my pocket and thought about calling Dee, but I'd dragged him through enough of my shit already. It wasn't fair to him to keep leaning on him as much as I had. His life had suffered for it too, in a way.
"Hey, baby."
My head snapped up at the sound of a familiar voice. Just outside the alleyway in the orange streetlight, stood the man who I had once loved. The man that had lied, cheated and broke my heart. The man who had destroyed my life.
I took a step back, suddenly wary, and clutched my arm. The arm that he broke.
"Jason."
My heart thudded in my chest and it was another emotion he made me feel now. It was fear.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
WILL
My hand shot up to my face, clutching my stinging cheek. I deserved that a million times over.
Zoe took a few steps away from me, a look of absolute loathing on her face and my heart broke. I did this to her. I broke all the promises I'd made. She deserved better.
As I watched her run down the stairs and out the bar, I realised that this feeling I had for her wasn't lust or mere like.
I was in love with Zoe Granger.
If she wanted me to go, I would. But I had to tell her. Before she kicked me to the curb once and for all, she had to know.
"Will." It was Mish, creeping up behind me like the fucking snake she was.
"Go away, Mish."
"You're seriously going after her after she just hit you? She doesn't want you, Will."
"Shut up," I hissed, turning around to face her. "I fucking love her. Zoe is ten times the woman you are."
Her eyes widened in shock and she looked like I'd just slapped her.
"You fucked this up," I spat. "And what for? I could never love you. Not after all the shit you put me through. I never want to see you again."
Before she could start another argument, I spun on my heel and walked away.
Zoe had just run out into the middle of the city on her own, in the dark. Anyone could be out there. I couldn't just let her go. Not in her state of mind. I would never forgive myself if something happened to her because of me.
Taking a deep breath, I thumped down the stairs and pushed the door open, the cool night air hitting my face.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
ZOE
Jason stood at the end of the alley, hands in his pockets, a smile on his face. He hadn't changed much since the last time I'd seen him. Same messy brown hair, same broad shoulders, same playful demeanour. Except now, I knew it was a mask that hid something else. Something that had always been there. Buried.
"I saw your gig tonight," he said, taking a step towards me.
Instinctively, I took one back, but it was only into the darkness of the blind alley.
"How've you been?"
"How've I been?" I spat in disbelief. He was asking this now?
"Yeah."
"Awful," I hissed.
"Yeah, so am I." He seemed to take my barb the wrong way. I meant I was awful because of him. I was broken because of what he did to me.
I hesitated, wary of his intentions. What did he want from me? He'd done more than enough already.
"Zoe, I…" he frowned, stepping closer. "I broke things off with Deb. We're getting divorced."
"Good for her." So her name was Deb. He left me for someone named Deb.
"I realised something."
"That you're a douche?"
Anger flashed in his eyes but it was so fleeting, I wondered if I had imagined it. "No. I realised that I should never have left you."
Well, this was news. He should have thought about that for the six months he was off sleeping with this Deb chick behind my back.
"I don't want to know."
"Zoe, I want you back. We can fix this."
What the hell. Was he deluded? Was he high on something? "Did you break her arm, too?" I asked, my voice hardly audible, even to me.
"What did you just say?" His eyes were suddenly full of astonishment.
"I said, did you break her arm, too?"
"Zoe, I didn't break your arm."
Rage suddenly flared up inside me and I couldn't hold it back. "You cheated on me for six months, then when you finally had the guts to come clean, you hit me then pushed me down the stairs. You left me there! You're nothing but a heartless fucking prick."
"Zoe, I apologised for hitting you. I didn't mean it. I didn't."
I had no patience for his attempted lies - I was so angry tears began
to fall. "I laid there alone in the dark with a bone sticking out of my arm in fucking agony! You lied to everyone and destroyed my life, Jason. I feel nothing but hate for you."
"Zo, you need to calm down." I barely registered that he was looking around warily, as if someone would come along and bust his arm or god forbid, find him out for the liar he was.
"You want me back?" I scoffed. "The only reason you don't have a criminal record is because there were no witnesses. You knew it the moment you decided to run. And here you are, the moment I get it back together, trying to worm your way in."
"Shut up," he hissed, stepping towards me, anger flaring up in his expression.
"Stay away from me, Jason. If I ever see you again, you'll regret it."
That was the wrong thing to say. His expression contorted as he lost control of his rage and before I could get out of the way, his fist came through the air towards me. You know when people tell you afterwards, that things happened in slow motion? That they could see everything happening before their eyes in tiny bite sized chunks of time, but can do nothing to stop it? That's what happened right now. Jason's fist hurtled towards me and I couldn't get out of the way. When it connected with my left cheekbone, I felt nothing. It was surreal.
And just as suddenly, I fell to the ground on my side with a surprised gasp. I clutched my face, sharp stabbing pain beginning to throb through my skin.
"Zoe!"
I looked up, my eyes wide and I saw him. Will was stalking towards us, his eyes flickering from me to Jason and I swear he was going to snap and launch himself head first into a fight.
"Stop," I said and peeled myself from the gutter.
He didn't hear me and pushed Jason hard in the chest. "What the hell man? Beating up on a woman."
"Who the hell are you?" Jason scoffed, pushing him back. "What's it to you? Mind your own business."
"I love her and if you lay another finger on her, I swear to god..."
I scrambled to my feet and pushed between them. "Stop it."