His gaze was very steady. “You know the answer to that.”
“You’d figured out that Vicky and Drake were dangerous?”
“No. I didn’t start thinking in those terms until after I’d already decided to follow you to Santa Inez. I didn’t want you down here on your own, brooding in your aunt’s house, poring over those journals with her ghost hovering around you.”
“That’s a pretty melodramatic image.”
“Sometimes when I get nervous about you I get melodramatic.”
Hannah drew a deep breath. “Does having me spend the rest of the summer in Tucson mean so much to you, Gideon?”
“We’re talking about more than a few weeks and you know it.”
“Are we?”
He got to his feet and moved slowly toward the chair across from the sofa. “Please don’t be evasive, Hannah. We know each other too well for those kinds of games.”
“I’m not sure we do, and I’m not playing games, Gideon. I came down here to decide some very important things in my life. What happened tonight with the Armitages doesn’t change anything. I still have to make some decisions.”
“You don’t have to make them here.”
“Yes, I do have to make them here. I was right to come back to the cottage. This is where I need to be while I work it out.”
“Work what out, for God’s sake?” Gideon’s face was hard now, his eyes remote and too brilliant. He was locked in another battle and he knew it.
“For one thing, I have to decide whether to do the book about my aunt.”
“You don’t have to be here to decide that.”
Hannah’s mouth lifted wryly. “I told you, you don’t understand.”
“Explain it to me,” he challenged.
“I can’t.” It was the truth. She didn’t know how to put into words what she knew writing the book about Elizabeth Nord would do for her and how it would change the direction of her life. Gideon would be furious if he realized that what he wanted was in jeopardy simply because of the Nord journals. He was dangerous when he was furious.
Gideon leaned forward intently, his elbows on his knees. “The real reason you ran down here was to get out of my reach, wasn’t it?”
She hesitated. “That was part of it, I guess.”
“It didn’t work.”
“No.”
“So stop running, Hannah. Come back to Tucson with me.”
“No.”
“Christ, Hannah, why are you being so damned stubborn?”
“Because I need time to think. I came down here to do exactly that and I intend to finish what I started. You’ll have to go back to Tucson alone, Gideon, because I can’t think as clearly as I should when you’re around. I’ve told you that several times.”
“Doesn’t the fact that you can’t think clearly around me tell you anything?”
“It tells me I need to be alone for a while.” The necklace burned on her throat and Hannah automatically lifted her fingers to touch it. “I have to make my own decisions.”
“You’re involved with me. Your decisions affect me. Can’t you understand that?” He watched her toy with the necklace and frustrated malevolence flashed briefly in his eyes. “Come back to Tucson with me and I’ll replace that stupid thing with a diamond.”
Hannah stared at him and then burst out laughing. “Oh, Gideon,” she said, recovering slowly, “you know that was a dumb thing to say.”
He sighed. “I know. I’m desperate. Besides, you’d look lousy in diamonds. They wouldn’t go with the safari clothes.”
“I’m afraid not.”
“Hannah, please don’t fight me on this.”
“I have to have time. I’m going to stay down here and contemplate a great many things while you go back to Tucson.”
He watched her in silence, knowing she meant every word. “How long?”
“How long will it take me to decide? I don’t know.”
“It’s not that damn Nord book you’re going to think about. It’s us.”
She thought about it. “Yes, in a way.” But it was all tied up with the book.
“Not ‘in a way.’ It’s definitely us you’ll be thinking about.”
“Yes.”
“Hannah, let me stay.”
“You’ve got a business to run.”
He swore softly. “I’m not sure I do. By now Ballantine has probably hired away my staff and fed my reputation to the other corporate sharks in the sea.”
“Ballantine can’t crush you, no matter what he does. You’re too strong, Gideon. He could succeed in wiping you out financially and still not crush you. Don’t you see, Gideon? That’s the real reason you can afford to step back from a fight with him. He could never do to you what you did to his father. There is something inside you that would never be defeated. It’s got nothing to do with your business or your reputation. It’s much more fundamental than that. One of these days Hugh Ballantine will probably realize it and call off the war. He’s too smart to beat his head against a stone wall forever.”
“I don’t give a damn about Hugh Ballantine at the moment. You’re the one who’s driving me over the edge. I don’t want to leave you down here by yourself.”
“You have no choice,” she said simply.
He looked at her and knew she spoke the truth. “Damn it to hell.”
GIDEON DELAYED the inevitable as long as possible. He paid a few more visits to the island police clearing up details and making sure the Seattle authorities were notified. He insisted on taking Hannah back to the doctor for another examination of her leg. He bought groceries. He cleaned up Hannah’s kitchen. But in the end there were no more excuses. The next day he left Santa Inez Island. He drove himself to the airport feeling frustrated, angry and, deep inside, fearful. He had rarely known real fear in his life.
There was something going on in Hannah’s stubborn, proud head that he simply didn’t understand. It was so completely female that it seemed alien. He wanted to stand his ground and fight, but for the first time in his life he didn’t have the vaguest idea of how to combat the enemy. So he left, knowing that for the moment he had no choice. He would have to take his chances.
Hannah felt a wave of sadness tinged with relief as she watched Gideon’s car disappear out of the cottage drive. Slowly, leaning heavily on the cane again, she made her way back into the house. This was the only way. There had been no choice.
The rest of the day passed slowly. She spent the time resting her leg, sipping iced tea and trying not to think about anything at all. The thinking could wait until tomorrow.
The next morning dawned with the promise of stifling heat. Hannah put on a pair of olive green walking shorts and a short-sleeved camp shirt. When she walked out into the living room the first things she saw were the journals.
They waited for her. They always seemed to be waiting for her. No matter which way she turned the journals were there, beckoning, insisting, and promising.
Writing the book would change everything. She would be choosing a path that would consume her in some ways, endow her with power in others. But it would be a path that would not allow anyone else as strong as Gideon to get too close. She would walk it alone, the same way her aunt had.
Elizabeth Nord had traveled her path willingly enough, Hannah thought. In fact Nord had gloried in it. Hannah could revel in it also. All she had to do was write the book. Her life would never be the same.
But neither would it be if she chose to go to Gideon. Her life would be changed. His personal strength was a danger to her in some ways. He could overwhelm when he chose, and in his natural arrogance he would probably choose to do exactly that on frequent occasions. She would have her hands full loving him and at the same time holding her own around him.
Loving him. The words tripped through her brain, startling her. She hadn’t been thinking in such terms, hadn’t wanted to think that way. Love was a perilous business, something a smart woman didn’t risk unless she could be sure she was love
d deeply in return. Nord had understood that and had stayed clear of the emotion. Gideon, too, had managed to avoid the weakening force of love. There was no guarantee that he would ever get to the point where he could love someone else completely. There was too much that was remote and private in him, too much that was hard and strong and independent.
She could be like that if she wrote the book. The necklace was hot on her skin. Free. Totally, gloriously free. Never again would she become mired in the problems of other people. Never again would she allow the weaknesses of others to drag her down. Never again would compassion and empathy compromise her own personal strength. All she had to do was write the book.
Hannah stood irresolutely on the veranda, considering a walk down by the cove. She had wanted to be alone, but suddenly she was afraid to be alone. Changing her mind about the walk, she went back into the cottage and found the keys to the new jeep Gideon had rented for her.
Driving, she quickly decided, was never again going to be a totally relaxed experience for her. Two accidents in such a short period of time were enough to traumatize even an Amazon, and Hannah wasn’t at all sure she was made of Amazonian material. Nevertheless she forced herself to drive back along the cliff road into town. She was not going to let herself be housebound. But she didn’t look over the side when she came to the point in the road where the jeep had gone over the edge. Willpower was a good thing, but there was no sense pushing it to the limit.
In a pink stucco waterfront hotel that had been built during the Dutch colonial era Hannah found a pay phone and some privacy. She hesitated a few moments and then called her brother. He came on the line immediately, his voice sounding both relieved and anxious.
“Hannah! You’re driving me bonkers this summer. I just had a call from Gideon who, by the way, sounds madder than hell. He told me what had happened. You’re all right this time?”
“I’m all right. A little sore and bruised in places but I’m okay.” It was good to hear her brother’s voice.
“I can hardly believe that business about the Armitages. Gideon said you got into a knockdown, drag-out fight with Vicky.”
“You were right about the pecs on that woman. She’s as strong as a horse.”
“Must be hell on wheels in bed. Wonder how Drake handled her?”
“Trust a man to think of that first. Don’t forget he spent a lot of time on the weight machines, too. I’ve got a feeling he could hold his own. While you were noticing Vicky’s pectorals, I had occasion to admire Drake’s biceps. Listen, Nick, I’m not calling to talk about that.”
“What are you calling about?”
“Just to hear your voice.”
He chuckled softly. “Feeling lonely down there?”
“In a way.”
“You shouldn’t have sent Gideon back to Tucson.”
Hannah wrinkled her nose. “He told you about that?”
“He said your stubbornness was equalled only by your idiocy.”
“That man certainly has a way with words.”
Nick’s voice softened. “Are you really okay, Hannah?”
“Yes.” It was true. She was fine. “I just have some thinking to do.”
“Because I can be down there by tomorrow if you need me.”
“Thanks, but I’m all right, really.”
“Gideon isn’t.”
“No?”
“You’ve got him running scared.”
“I think that’s overstating the case,” she said dryly.
“I don’t. You forget I know the man in some ways you don’t. I’ve seen him in action on the corporate level. I have a great deal of respect for anyone, male or female, who could terrorize him.”
“Gideon is no more terrorized than you are. He’s just mad because he hasn’t gotten his way.”
“Maybe that’s why he’s so damned nervous. He’s used to getting his own way, Hannah.”
“I know. Goodbye, Nick. I’ll call you when I’m ready to leave the island.”
“Take care.”
“I will.”
“I love you, sister.”
“Same here, brother.” Hannah hung up the phone feeling better.
She wandered through the narrow, twisting alleys outside the hotel, browsing in the shop windows without really noticing what she was looking at. At one point she followed a cobbled walk that led back to the courtyard where she had bought the souvenir map for Gideon. Seeing another stack of the same maps left her feeling strange. She turned away and went in search of a glass of lemonade.
By noon the day had fulfilled the promise of heat. There were damp patches under the arms of Hannah’s camp shirt as she drove back to the cottage, and she wished for the first time that her aunt had installed air conditioning instead of the picturesque ceiling fans. It was hard to think in this kind of heat.
No, she decided as she changed into a swimming suit. It wasn’t any harder to think here than it had been in Seattle. She was finding deep thought difficult for other reasons. She’d had enough pop psychology to recognize that on some level she was trying to avoid the issues, which had seemed so clear cut shortly before the Armitages had run her off a road for a second time. She was trying to avoid thinking about her feelings for Gideon Cage.
Two paths lay before her. Following one meant never having a second chance at the other. The certainty of that was what made the decision so frightening. The weight of the necklace around her neck seemed to impress the stark reality of the choice into her very bones. She had to choose.
She walked down to the cove, past the palm grove and into the crystal water. She savored its freshness on her perspiration-damp skin as she swam slowly out to a point where she would be able just barely to stand with her chin above the water. Small wavelets slapped playfully at her face. Then she stood, allowing herself to be enveloped by the wonderful coolness.
She loved islands. She would always love islands, just as Elizabeth Nord had always loved islands. Hannah could become as powerful in her own way as her aunt had been. The link between herself and her aunt was real.
The necklace was warm, even here in the water, but now it was a comforting, familiar warmth, a pleasant heat she was beginning to take for granted.
Two paths. One, the bright, beckoning path of unequaled personal success. That path stretched backward as well as forward. When she turned around and looked back along its length she could see the other women who had worn the necklace. They were proud, strong, coldly brilliant women whose genes she bore in some small measure. She could be like them. There was absolutely no doubt in her mind. Once she had taken the crucial step, she would be happy with that decision. Completely satisfied. That promise was as clear as the water around her. There would be no regrets.
The second path did not stretch backward, it went forward but it was unclear and unfocused. There were twists and turns in it that she could not see. There was no predicting what lay ahead if she went to Tucson. Going back to find Gideon would require strength, but it would be strength of a different kind than that needed on the other path.
Writing the book would make all the difference. You couldn’t have it all. You had to make choices.
Hannah swam for a while again, floating in the hot sunshine, diving under the surface when the heat became too much. At least her experience with Drake in the cove hadn’t soured her on swimming, she thought at one point. Here in the water her leg ceased to hurt her. She felt whole and strong again.
Gideon was a hard man. If she went to him she would have to be prepared for the core of toughness in him. There were so many risks. He might change his mind about her. He might never learn to love. She might not be able to tolerate or moderate his sometimes destructive power. He could turn it against her.
She considered that last bit, floating again on her back. It didn’t worry her as much as it should have under the circumstances. Not because she was feeding herself some silly line about having enough love for both of them, but because she simply wasn’t genuinely scared o
f the risks she would be taking if she went to him.
She could handle Gideon Cage. The thought surprised her.
Hannah waded slowly out of the water and stood on the beach fingering the necklace. For her the choices were almost excruciatingly clear. On the one hand she was being given what most people never got, a second chance to grab what she had missed a few years ago. She could have everything Elizabeth Nord had had.
Picking her way carefully, Hannah walked out along the rocky outcropping that sheltered one end of the cove. Standing at the far end she looked down at a roiling surf that had spent forever trying to invade the quiet, sheltered waters on the other side of the rocks. It was more exciting out here than it was in the safety of the cove. Foaming water splashed her, daring her to take the risk of swimming here rather than in the quiet waters. The waves rolled hugely, their energy communicating itself to her.
She wanted it all, Hannah thought. But life wasn’t like that. You couldn’t have it all. Choices had to be made. She would have to choose what she wanted most.
Hannah took the necklace from around her throat and held it out over the rough surf. The water below was very deep.
She drew a deep breath and feminine voices from at least three centuries called her, warning her. Hannah ignored them. This was her decision. She threw the necklace into the sea. It flashed in the sunlight and disappeared forever under the waves.
Then at last she knew the truth. It almost shattered her.
There was not nearly as much power in the necklace as there was in herself. Her future was in her own hands.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
VEGAS WASN’T going to work this time. The cards weren’t going well but that didn’t surprise Gideon. He wasn’t paying proper attention. All he could think about with any concentration was Hannah. Nodding distantly to the croupier, Gideon left the blackjack table and went in search of a drink. It wouldn’t be hard to find. There was a choice of lounges and bars surrounding the gambling floor of the huge casino.
Gideon selected a familiar location, a dark, shadowed table that partially concealed him while allowing a view of the hectic activity out on the floor. Beneath magnificent chandeliers designed to illuminate an endless night, people in Bermuda shorts rolled dice next to women in evening gowns. The professionally polite croupiers didn’t blink an eye at either extreme. Vegas was nothing if not egalitarian when it came to taking people’s money.