CHAPTER VII.
THE COMING OF THE LOVER.
December 15.
Really, I don't know which is the more aggravating, John Burke orKitty. Such a battle as I've had with them to-day!
I had quite stopped fretting over John's absence. Indeed, though ofcourse I wished to see him, I dreaded it; I was so happy, just as Iwas, and I had so many things to think about, so many dreams to dreamand plans to make.
I liked John when he taught the little prairie school and praised me tomy wondering relatives. All through my college course I was proud ofhis regard, because every one respected him; and last June I promisedto marry him.
We said then that our love wasn't just a "co-ed. flirtation," becausehe was a grown man and not a student any more. But--but--but last JuneI wasn't--
Why, I've but just come to possess the gift that I wouldn't exchangefor the proudest throne on earth, and I mean to make it my throne inthe great world. I haven't yet had time to think things out or realisemy fairy fortune; but John and I mustn't do anything foolish. Wise lovecan wait.
He came while I was at school.
When I found him here, he actually didn't know me.
He stared as if I were a stranger whose face drew, yet puzzled him.Then he was attracted by my beauty, then for a moment dismayed, andthen--why, he was really so much in love that I--I--he gazed at me asif I were not quite real; with reverence. His eyes mirrored my power;the wonder of the new Me, the glory and the radiance of me shone inthem. He worships me and--well, of course nobody could help liking that.
He was just as he has always been, but somehow, here in the city, Icouldn't help finding him bigger, stronger, more bucolic. His clotheslooked coarse. His collar was low for the mode, his gloveless handswere red. There was something almost clerical in his schoolmasterlygarb, but his bold dark eyes and short hair aggressively brushed to astandstill, as he used to say, looked anything but ministerial. It wasplain that he was a man of sense and spirit, one to be proud of; plainthat he was a countryman, too.
I couldn't help seeing his thick shoes any more than I could his hurtface when I was distant and his ardour the moment I grew kind; and Iwas so ashamed--thinking of his looks and picking flaws, when threemonths ago I was a country girl myself--that I know--I don't know whatI should have done, if Kitty hadn't returned.
I was so relieved to see her, for John has been writing of marriagesoon and of a home, in one room if need be; and we have too much toaccomplish, with beauty and woman's wit and brain and strength, forthat. It is my duty to think for both, if he's too much in love--thedear, absurd fellow! And yet--
As soon as he was gone, Kitty jumped up from the drawing table. She wason pins and needles for anxiety, her eyes dancing.
"Well, when's the wedding?" she cried.
"What wedding?"
I was vexed and puzzled, and distressed, too, after sending John awayas I had done. I wanted to be alone and have a chance to think quietly.
"Oh, any old wedding; will it be here, in the den? You going to inviteus all?" asked Kitty.
"Isn't going to be any wedding."
"I'm sorry; I always did lot on weddings."
"You'll have to be the bride, then. Honest, Kitty, I don't like jokeson such subjects. Mr. Burke and I haven't an idea of being married, notfor centuries."
Kitty went white all in a minute. She is so quick tempered.
"Oh," said she, "you're going to throw him over. I thought as much! Youwere always writing to him when you first came to the city, and talkingabout him, at night when we brushed our hair; but lately you haven'tspoken of him at all. You used to look happier when the postman broughtyou something from him. And you had his picture--"
"The postman's?" I interrupted, but Kitty kept on as if she were woundup:--
"--on the mantel-piece, in a white-and-gold frame with your own. Youhid 'em both when you began to grow beautiful. I suppose you thinkyou're too good for him. But don't go and break his heart; pleasedon't, Princess; there's a dear."
"Goose! I haven't the least notion of breaking his heart. I--why can'tyou let me alone? I'm--I'm very fond of him--if you will insist ontalking about it."
"Oh, I can see! If you'd noticed the poor fellow's face--"
"'Poor fellow!' If you'd seen him before you came! He doesn't need yourpity. Why, it seems to have been with you a case of love at firstsight," I said mockingly. "He was rude to you, too; he never evennoticed that you were in the room, after I came."
"I don't care. I don't expect a man to notice me when he meets hissweetheart for the first time in ever so long; and such a sweetheart!But you--you--oh, I'm afraid of you! I'm afraid of you! What is thismystery? What is it? Why have you grown so grand and terrible? What hasbecome of my chum?"
She sat down flat on the floor and burst into passionate weeping.
"Get up!" I cried.
"I won't!"
A sense of great loneliness came over me and I threw myself down besideher.
"Oh, Kitty," I said, "why aren't you old and wise and sensible insteadof being just a silly girl like myself? Then you wouldn't sit herehowling, but you'd kiss me and cuddle me and comfort me and tell mewhat to do."
"I'm afraid of you! I'm afraid of you! It's--it's no' canny."
"Kitty, Kitty! Why aren't you my fairy godmother, so that you couldshow me in a magic glass what to do, instead of scolding me, when I'mwretched enough already?"
"Wretched! You!" Her eyes fairly blazed. "I wouldn't ever--_ever_ bewretched if I looked like you--not ever in this world!"
"Yes, you would. You'd be so puzzled about things; and bad girls wouldscold you, and there wouldn't be a single soul within two thousandmiles to rely upon. And you'd be awkward and shy when folks looked atyou. And then you'd--you'd--you'd cry."
Afterwards we both wiped our eyes and made it all up; and I told heragain that I really was fond of John.
Well, folks must eat. I went out to get some chops, a half dozenoranges and the other things for supper--we have lunch and supper, nodinner--and though I started so blue and wretched, I simply couldn'tstay melancholy long, people stared at me and admired me so much. Theycrowded after me into the little corner grocery, and the room was sofull that some one upset a tub of pickles and there they stood aroundin the vinegar to look at me.
It was frightful! But it was nice too; though I was so embarrassed thatI wanted to run away. I'll get used to it; but--why, my own motherwouldn't know me! It's no wonder Kitty is frightened.
I wish I could see Ma. But she couldn't advise me. I ought to have ahome, though, and some one older than Kitty to look after me. I mustleave the den; but where to go? Suppose I burned myself broiling chopsor beefsteak, or blistered my face with steam from the kettle! Thatwould be frightful, now. It's the least I can do for Prof. Darmstetterto keep free from harm the beauty he gives me. And besides,--I neverbefore was afraid, but now I go scurrying through the halls and up anddown the stairs like a wild thing; the place is so public, so manypeople notice me.
I wonder if I couldn't talk to Mrs. Baker. She's at home now. Orthere's the Judge's sister, Miss Marcia, the dearest old maid. I'veonly seen her once or twice, but I believe she'd be good to know.
I have too many problems to stay here. I must make some settled plan,now that my life means so much to all the women in the world. And--howto deal with a headstrong young man who won't take "no" for an answeror "wait" for wisdom I simply don't know. If he would only give me timeto make my own acquaintance! There are so many things to think of. Agreat world is open to me. I have the key and I am going to live themost beautiful life.
I must think and plan and learn how not to be frightened at my own facein the mirror; I must--I simply _must_ have time.
* * * * *
Dec. 17.
I have just seen John again; he came up to Barnard, which won't do atall. And he came home with me, and--how he loves me!
But I can manage him. Indeed, he was more reasonable to-day.
r /> BOOK III.
THE JOY OF THE SUNSHINE.