CHAPTER III.
SNARLING AT THE COUNCIL ROCK.
Jan. 10.
To-day has been heaven!
There was a famous lawyer among Aunt's guests and a United StatesSenator and a real author, a woman who has written books; but peoplebrushed past them all for a word with me!
And I'm going to the Opera! I shall sit in a box. Mrs. Van Dam saysI'll make the sensation of the season! I'm going to the Opera!
When men came this morning with palms and flowers to decorate thehouse, I ran off to the Park. I did almost run, really. There was asong at my lips: "Gladdest, oh, gladdest, most beautiful in the world;blessed, most blessed, most beautiful in the world!" and the "tap-tap"of horses' feet on the asphalt, the "b-r-r-r-rp" of the cable cars andthe rattle of elevated trains kept time, until all the city seemedringing with my joy.
I know it's foolish; if I had been beautiful from my childhood; if Icould have grown up to think of it as a matter of course; if I had beenused to the awe of men and women's envy, I might think less about it,might even fancy that I would have preferred learning or wealth--for weall love what we have not. But now--it is so new, so marvellous!
I had plenty of things to think about when I could calm myself. Onlyyesterday I'd had a long talk with Prof. Darmstetter.
"The experiment is not yet complete," he declared. He had asked me tostay for--but that is a part of the secret which is to pass with thisrecord from me to all women.
"You are beautiful," he said; "mein Gott, yes! More beautiful t'an anyot'er voman since t'e appearance of man on eart'. But perfectlybeautiful? I do not know; I t'ink not yet. Who can tell for v'atultimate perfection Nature destined t'e human body? But we shall see.T'at perfection you shall reach. In a veek, a mont', t'ree mont's--Icannot tell. Ve must vait and experiment and still vait, but success isassured--absolute success. I shall gif it. I do not know if t'e humantype is t'e highest t'at eart' is capable of supporting, but it is t'ehighest present type, and it shall be my vork to gif it t'at for v'ichit has hungered and t'irsted, and towards v'ich slowly it has gropedits vay; it shall be my vork to gif humanity beauty and perfection."
The light that illumined his yellow, wrinkled face made me cry out:--
"All the world will bless you! All women will be grateful as I amgrateful--"
"Ach!" he snapped with a sudden change of countenance. "I shall be vonmore name and date to make harter t'e student's lessons and longer t'etables--t'at is gratitude! Vit' t'e vorld we haf at present no concern.For t'is, indeed, you bless me--t'at I am not a quack to make public anincomplete discofery, for ot'er quacks to do mischief. You are gladt'at it is vit' you alone I concern myself. But you are not grateful;you are happy because I say t'at you shall be yet more beautiful; t'atis not gratitude. You might--"
At the eager shrillness of his voice I drew a step away.
"Indeed I'm grateful, whether you believe it or not!" I cried. "Youthink all women so selfish! Of course I'm glad that I alone am in thesecret, but you proposed it yourself, and I rejoice as much as you dothat some day--by and by--other women will be happy as I am happy--"
"Yes--by and by! You emphasize t'at," he snapped mockingly, but then herecovered himself and his queer new deference. "And you haf t'e right;I vish you to rechoice in your own lofeliness. Ve haf engaged toget'erin t'is great vork, and it is vell t'at we bot' haf our revards--I t'atI aggomblish somet'ing for t'e benefit of my kind, and you--since vomencannot lofe t'eir kind, but only intifiduals--you haf t'e happy lofet'at is necessary to a voman."
His eyes rested on my ring.
I couldn't tell him--proud as I am of it--that John had loved me beforeI ever heard of the Bacillus. But I could punish his gibes.
"Oh, by the way--I'm not coming to-morrow," I said. "My Aunt is to givea tea."
Strange to see him struggle with his disappointment like a grievingchild! But he bravely rallied.
"T'at is goot," he said, "you shall tell me v'at people t'ink of you.You vish to go about--to be admired; you vish to gif up science; notso?"
"Oh, no! I couldn't be a doll, for men to look at and then tire of me.I must study the harder--to be worthy--"
The look of his face, of the thin, straight-lipped mouth, the keen oldeyes, stopped me.
"You vill not gif up study now, at least," he sneered; "not until youhaf t'e perfect beauty. You haf need of me."
Prof. Darmstetter is so irritating! Why, he has just as much need ofme! He himself said I was the best subject he could find for theexperiment. But even if he had finished his work with the Bacillus,he'd rather teach me, a despised woman, all the science I could masterthan develop the budding talent of the brightest Columbia boy. Thesight of my beauty is a joy to him. Really, I pity the poor man. Hemakes the great discovery when he's himself too old to profit by it;the Bacillus will not work against Nature. It has brought him only ahopeless longing--
But I shall study. He shall see! Not in the laboratory, of course; thatis hardly fitting now. I wouldn't go there again except for the lure ofpromised beauty--can more loveliness be possible? But I do feel theresponsibility of beauty. The wisest and best will crowd about me, andthey must find my words worthy the lips that shape them and the voicethat utters. And I shall learn from their wisdom.
"There was Hypatia; she was both beautiful and learned," I found myselfconfiding to a gray squirrel in the Park, and then I laughed and ranhome to make my last preparations.
Ethel arranged my hair to-day, though I could hardly yield her thedelight of its shining, long undulations. Then she did Milly's asnearly like mine as possible, and Milly did hers. The girls wore whitelike me, and my aunt was in black. The house was full of flowers; as ifit had plunged into seas of them, it dripped with an odourous rosyfoam. John sent a box--the extravagant boy!--and there were bigAmerican Beauty roses, with stems as long as walking sticks from Pros.and Cadge. Milly had flowers, too, from Mr. Hynes.
At first I wasn't a bit afraid, while acquaintances were dropping inone by one--Mrs. Magoun, Mrs. Crosby, the wife of the managing clerk inUncle's office, Aunt Marcia--all allies.
Then there came a stir at the door, the magnetic thrill that foreruns aSomebody. And there upon the threshold stood a tall, dashing girl,superbly turned out; not handsome, but fine-looking, dark, decisive,vital--a creature born to command.
I knew her at the first glance. She was the General!
I was for a moment surprised to see her so young and girlish, though Imight have known; for she was Milly's schoolmate. I doubt if she's twoyears my senior, but in social arts and finesse--ah, the difference!
The house seemed to belong to her from the moment she entered. Shemoved like a whirlwind--a well-mannered and exquisitely dressedwhirlwind, of course--with an air of abounding vigour and vitality, upto where we stood, and there stopped short.
"How d'y'do?" she said, in the clipped New York fashion, looking at mewith the confidence of one who is never at a loss--and then--
Oh, the joy! For all her _savoir faire_, it was her turn to beconfused. For a moment she peered at me with a short-sighted squint;then after a little hesitation, she put up her lorgnette, making animpatient gesture, as if to say: "I can't help it; I _must_"--andstared.
Her eyes grew big as she gazed; but at last she drew a long breath, andput down the quizzing-glass with an effect of self-denial. When shespoke there was little to remind me of her momentary loss ofself-command.
"Are you enjoying New York?" she demanded.
"Milly tells me you've never been in the city before; that you arestudying at Barnard."
"Yes."
I knew that I had impressed this strong, splendid woman, but I was alittle afraid of her.
Quite herself again, she began asking questions about myself, my home,my studies; quick, probing, confusing questions, while in my cheeks theawkward colour came and went. But it would never have occurred to me toparry her queries. I could not help liking her, though when at last sheleft me and began a progress through the rooms, I drew a breath of
relief, like one who has passed with credit a stiff examination.
At the door of the dining-room she paused again, judging through herglass the table and its dainty decorations.
"Those flowers are rather high," she declared, and calling upon Millyfor help, she began rearranging the roses, and laying the twigs ofholly upon the cloth in bolder patterns. She seemed to take charge, toadopt me with the house, to accept and audit and vouch for us.
Then people began coming all at once, all together, and I had to takemy place beside Mrs. Baker and Aunt Marcia in the reception room.
I can't tell anything about the next hour; it's a blur. But I wouldn'thave missed a minute. I had never before seen a reception, except atthe University where sometimes I used to serve as an usher, pouncingupon people as they entered and leading them up to the row ofProfessors and Professors' wives backed against the wall. But now I hadto stand up myself and meet people. And oh, that was different!
At first two or three women would approach, putting out their hands atan absurd height, and start to say: "How d' you--" or "I'm so--"
And Aunt would make some excited, half-coherent remark and look at me,anxiously but proudly, and say my name.
But they never heard her! As they really saw me, each in turn wouldstart, and, wide-eyed, look again. And as the awe and wonder grew intheir faces--as there came the little stop, the gasp, that told howtheir reserve was for once overthrown, then, to the utmost, I tastedthe sweet of power and felt the thrill of ecstasy.
Red spots burned in Aunt's cheeks; she talked fast in her companyvoice, and somehow the lace at her throat got awry. Aunt Marcia was ascalm and stately in her soft black velvet as if nothing were happening.And really there was little to disturb one's composure. New Yorkersaren't like our whole-souled, emotional Western folks. Not one of thesewomen but would have suffered torture rather than betray her surprisebeyond that first irrepressible gasp of amazement. After that onevictory of human nature, they would make talk about the weather, or thenewest book, and then get away to discuss me in undertones in the hallor drawing room.
Quickly the sixth sense of a strange agitation went through the house.I knew what they were all talking about, thinking about. Subtle wavesof thought seemed to catch up each new comer so that she felt, withoutbeing told, that something extraordinary was happening. Women nowapproached not unprepared; but for all their bracing against the shock,not one could be quite nonchalant at the first sight of my superb,compelling beauty.
My eyes flashed, my pulse rioted as I felt the vibrant excitement ofthe gathering, the tiptoe eagerness to reach our neighbourhood, thehush that fell upon the circle immediately around me, the reaction ofovergay laugh and chatter in the far corners.
Oh, it was lovely, lovely! No girl could have been quite unmoved tofeel that all those soft lights were glowing in her honour, thosemasses of flowers blooming, all that warmth and perfume of elegance andluxury wafted as incense to her nostrils. And the undercurrent ofsuppressed excitement, the sensation of Her!
At times I grew impatient of conventionality. How was it possible forthese people to look so quietly, eye to eye, upon the most vitallyperfect of living beings? How could they turn from me to orange frappeor salted almonds?
Once or twice I caught some faint echo of the talk about us.
"Where is she?" asked one voice, made by curiosity more penetratingthan its owner realised.
"Julia's seen her; she's talked and talked till I had to come."
"And she's still studying?"--Another voice--"How can she? Great beautyand great scientist--bizarre combination!"
How that would amuse Prof. Darmstetter!
By and by I saw John towering above the others while he bobbed abouthelplessly in the sea of women's heads that filled the rooms and evenrose upon the "bleachers," as he calls the stairs. There were notreally so very many people, but he didn't know how to reach us, he isso awkward. When he had steered his course among the women and hadspoken to my Aunt, his face was radiant as he turned to me.
"I knew _you_ wouldn't fail us, Mr. Burke," Aunt said hurriedly. "Mrs.Marshall--so glad--this is--Nelly, dear--"
Behind John was a lady waiting to meet me.
"--So glad you've come," I said to him; and the words sounded curiouslyto me because in my excitement I also had spoken in my "company voice."
But I had no time to say another word to him, as I turned to greet Mrs.Marshall.
He mumbled something, flushing, while his eyes devoured my beauty inone dumb, worshipping look. Then he dropped quickly out of our group. Iwas sorry, but he'll understand that I was flurried. He ought to learnself-control, though; he shouldn't look at me before so many peoplewith all his heart in his eyes.
And I was so vexed about his clothes, too! His old, long, black coat,such as lawyers wear in the West, would have been pretty nearlyright--something like what the other men wore--but he seemed to thinkit was not good enough, and had put on a brand new business suit. Ofcourse there wasn't another man there so clad, but he never seemed tonotice how absurd he was.
The Viewing of the Pack didn't last long. Before my cheeks had ceasedflaming, before I had grown used to standing there to be looked at,people seemed to go, all at once, as suddenly as they had arrived.
Just as the last ones were leaving, some instinct told me that Mr.Hynes had come. Before I saw him, I felt his gaze upon me, a wondering,glad look, as if I were Eve, the first and only woman.
Milly brought him to me and left us together, but at first he wasalmost curt in his effort to hide his sensibility to my beauty--as ifthat were a weakness!--and I was furiously shy, and felt somehow that Imust hold him at still greater distance.
"Am I never again to hear you sing?" he asked. "Sweet sounds that havegiven a new definition to music are still vibrating in my memory."
I knew he was thinking of Christmas!
"I don't often sing, except for Joy," I mumbled; "I've had so fewlessons."
"Joy doesn't know her joys; but--wouldn't she share them?"
"Sometime--perhaps--"
I couldn't answer him, for hot and cold waves of shyness and pleasurewere running over me. Oh, I hope, for Milly's sake, he doesn't dislikeme. He seems to feel so intensely, to be so alive!
When he had gone, I went to the dining-room with Aunt Marcia, and foundthere Ethel and the General and Peggy Van Dam, the General's cousin, apale girl, all eyes and teeth. Kitty was with them, and she dartedtowards me, but Mrs. Van Dam was before her.
"Sit down, both of you," she commanded.
She fairly put us into chairs, and brought us cups of something--Idon't know what.
Aunt Marcia breathed a little sigh of relief.
"Helen," she said, "you haven't been standing too long?"
"It wasn't an instant! I could stand all day!"
Mrs. Van Dam smiled, and I felt _gauche_, like a schoolgirl. I am soimpulsive!
"It was all delightful!" cried Kitty; "and yet--while you were my chum,Helen, I _did_ think you rather good-looking!"
"You find yourself mistaken?" the General inquired.
"Oh, no-o-o; not exactly; a beautiful girl, certainly; but--oh, I couldhave made pincushions of some of those pudgy women, nibbling wafers,and delivering themselves of lukewarm appreciations! 'Too tall'--'tooshort'--'too dark'--'too light'; 'I like your height bettah, my deah.'Helen, you dairymaid, powder! Plaster over that 'essentiallyimprobable' colour."
Mrs. Van Dam broke out laughing at Kitty's mimicry. I wish the childwouldn't let her hair straggle in front of her ears and look soharum-scarum.
"I doubt if we have had many harsh critics," said Miss Baker.
"Not a thing to criticise," cried Aunt Frank, entering just then andcatching the last word. "Everybody so interested in Nelly! Bake, ifyou'd only come earlier, I'd have been perfectly satisfied."
They say that Uncle Timothy can never be coaxed home to one of hiswife's receptions, but he answered with great solemnity, as he loomedup behind the little woman:--
"I am
privileged to be here, even at the eleventh hour. I could notwholly deny myself the sight of so much youth and bloom."
"Don't be hypocritical, Judge," said the General reprovingly. "You'retoo big and honest to achieve graceful deceit. But before I go--I'veseats for the Opera Monday night in Mother's box. Miss Winship mustcome, and--" her glance deliberated briefly--"and Milly."
Milly cried, "How delightful, Meg!" But my tongue tripped and my cheeksflamed as I tried to say that I had never seen an opera and to thank mynew friend.
Little she heeded my lack of words. Gazing at me once again as she hadupon first seeing me, she exclaimed:--
"You great, glorious creature! They sha'n't hive you in a schoolroom;you must come out and show yourself; why, you'll set New York in afurore!"
I think she's splendid.
No sooner was she gone than I was summoned to the reception-room, andCadge rushed to meet me. She looked much smarter than Kitty, with herblack hair curled and her keen eyes shining with excitement.
"All over but the shouting?" she asked. "Meant to get here in season tosee you knock 'em in the Old Kent Road, but woman proposes, Big Tomdisposes. Shall I turn in a paragraph? Just--did you have music? What'syour dress--in the Sunday society slush, of course, not the daily;'fraid the _Star_ won't take over a stick--. Greek a little bit?M-m-m--not modistic exactly, but--but--."
Her abrupt sentences grew slower, paused, dropped to an awestruckwhisper, as she looked upon me. She added in her gravest manner: "Say,you're the loveliest ever happened! The--very--limit!"
But awe and Cadge could not long live together. In a moment her mouthtook a comically benevolent quirk.
"And 'among those present'--" she asked; "who was that leaving just asI got here?"
"Mrs. Robert Van Dam, schoolmate of my cousins. But you're not writingme up, Cadge?"
Cadge whistled.
"Van Dam! How calmly the giddy child says it! Does your youngest cousinmake mud pies with duchesses? Say, she comes pretty near being one ofthe '400.' But I'm off; a grist of copy to grind--talk of ravingbeauties, you'll be the only one that won't rave!"
Of course Cadge wouldn't have talked just like that before the others,if she had come earlier.
At bedtime Milly and Ethel ran to my room to talk things over, and myAunt came to shoo them off to bed, but she stayed and talked, too; andI've no business to be writing at this shocking time of night, except,of course I couldn't sleep and so I might as well.
"Everybody thinks you resemble your cousins," Aunt said; "and reallythere _is_ a family likeness."
Poor Aunt! Ethel and Milly are washed out copies of me, in dress andhair, if that constitutes resemblance; and they imitate even mymannerisms.
I should think Mr. Hynes would be too critical to admire Milly.
I had a partial engagement for Monday with John; but he'll let me off,to go to the Opera.