He moved away from the planter with a burst of speed. Shots were fired from the west.
Two people could play at this unexpected game. He went right for Thomas Krane. Hit the pavement. Pulled the trigger.
The sound of a vehicle pulling into the driveway had Sara leaping to her feet.
Dave walked in the door and Sara hit him moving full speed.
He wrapped her into a tight hug. “We got him, Sara.”
“He mailed a package?”
“Yes. And gave us a merry chase to catch him.”
Sara drew back. “Your forehead is bruised.”
“Concrete does that.” Dave’s fingers unfurled her brow. “I’m walking, talking, and all in one piece. He’s in surgery with a bullet to the shoulder. Fair trade.”
“Anyone else hurt?”
“Seven people got hit with flying glass when he put his pickup truck through the front window of the post office. The injuries are minor. They’ve all been treated and released.”
“Why haven’t we heard anything on the news?”
“You will soon. The search warrant is being executed as we speak. The DA is on site with the forensic team.”
“It’s over.”
“It’s really over, Sara.”
She had to brace him up as he weaved a bit. “You’re exhausted.”
Dave smiled at her. “It was a long day. What smells so good? You’ve been cooking?”
She smiled. “Chili. I had to keep busy.”
“Lead me to it, and I’ll tell you the long version of the day.”
CHAPTER 17
I’m staying here at the ranch, Adam.”
He looked over at her, not entirely surprised by the announcement. They had been riding that day, across barren land, then to lush valleys where water came from underground springs. They were eating lunch perched on two large rocks where they could look down and see in the stream extremely large catfish swimming at their leisure around the bottom of the clear pool.
It was over. One step into the home of the reclusive Thomas Krane had been enough to ensure the case against him would never go to trial. The obsession was everywhere.
They had finally figured out how he had circumvented security at the house in Chicago. The FBI badge had been a decent forgery, good enough to get him a copy of the alarm schematics from the company that maintained the system.
There had been no grand motive to his kidnapping plan, just greed, and opportunity. The local sheriff’s office had increased security patrols in the neighborhood when they learned an ambassador’s wife and kids were visiting. It tipped Thomas off to someone of wealth and importance coming to town. With access to the new routes, Krane was able to arrange the snatch and avoid the patrols. He was counting on the increased security being considered an asset, not a liability, and it worked. Attention never focused on law enforcement personnel until he had both the money and the evidence from the crime well stashed.
Adam looked at Sara as she looked over the valley. He wished he could say something, anything, to change her mind. But in the last ten days, it was a different Sara that had emerged. She still had security around her, tight security for the man was not yet sentenced. But she was sleeping again, spending long hours walking with Dave in the evening, spending her time during the day with Adam riding the ranch or working with the ranch hands.
When she came back from sessions with the counselor, drained of emotion, he would fix her a sandwich, give her a tight hug, and see that she spent a few hours out in the sun getting her equilibrium back. He didn’t ask questions and she didn’t volunteer anything because it wasn’t time yet, and they both knew that. He needed her trust in him more than he needed the information he still hesitated to hear.
“I’m going to complete the H. Q. Victor book that tells Kim’s and my story.”
“You can’t do that in Chicago?”
“Chicago is a place, this is home. This spacious land helps me feel free. I know how difficult this is for you. It’s difficult for me too. But I need you to understand how deeply I need what I’ve never had before—freedom.”
“And when the book is finished? What then?”
Sara reached into her back pocket and slid a wallet-sized photo from her pocket. She handed it to him. “I can’t have kids. And you can’t imagine life without them.”
It was a small snapshot of him and his niece Bethany.
“Then we will adopt.” He watched her bite her bottom lip. So his speculation had been right. Had his guess been right as well? His hand reached for hers. “Come here.” She followed his gentle urging, letting herself come under his arm, to be held by his linked hands. “Sara, it’s not that you can’t have children; it’s the fact that you can’t risk having children. That’s the real problem, isn’t it?”
He had called her on her lie and she stiffened then, trying to retreat. He tightened his grip. “Easy. I understand why you said what you did. You’re petrified of having a child go through what you did. That is perfectly logical. You don’t need to justify that fear to me.”
“You want a family.”
“Very much so.”
“I can’t risk having one.”
“Sara, you’re ten days past something that has kept you terrified for twenty-five years. I wouldn’t call our case hopeless at this point.”
“I can’t change who I am, Adam.”
“I promise you, I won’t pressure you into having kids, but I won’t lie about how much I want them. This is one of those times God has got to work for there to be a solution. And at this point, that is what we’re both going to have to do, give God time.”
She drew back. “I think you should go back to Chicago and start looking for a wife who can give you a family.”
“Sara.”
“I mean it, Adam. Before you decide to go buy a ring and ask the question, I’ll give you my answer. It’s no. I won’t marry you. I won’t deny you your dream of a family. I cannot become the wife of a public figure. I cannot by choice accept to ever again live my life in a cage of security. I’m sorry.”
The words pierced his heart, but he didn’t respond. He knew she was breaking her own heart to say those words. They were a reflection of her present state of mind. He didn’t intend to add to the stress on her by pushing her into a debate. He watched her mount her horse and turn back toward the ranch house.
God’s love is deeper than this problem. Any problem. The soft reassurance echoed in his heart. Adam closed his eyes and rubbed at the tension headache. I know that, Lord. But how long until she realizes that? I love her.
Her concerns were well founded. He couldn’t argue against her position. It broke his heart to think about leaving her here with this subject unsettled. What if she retreated again like she did after Colorado? He couldn’t afford that.
He sat a long time looking at the water, wrestling with what he should do. He finally rose to his feet, mounted his own horse, and returned to the ranch.
He returned with Dave to Chicago two days later.
“Adam, you’ve got to make a decision on the commercial deals. We can’t stall them any longer.”
Adam turned from considering the skyline to look across his office at Jordan. “I’ll renew only the sports apparel line. I’m not interested in the others.”
“You’re sure? We are talking about a lot of money.”
“Yes, I’m sure. It’s what Dad always said—do what you like to do. I like the commercial proposal they pitched, I’ll enjoy doing that deal—I’ll pass on the rest.”
Jordan gathered up the papers. “You’ve been… quiet the last couple weeks since coming back from Texas. Is there anything I can do?”
“No. But thanks for asking, Jordan. I’m fine. Really.”
Adam meant it. There was a peace inside that had not been in his life a few months ago. He could vividly remember the stormy July night he had stood in this office, unsure of what move to make next in his life. Those worries seemed so distant now. The challeng
es he faced now were bigger, but they were simpler. On that July night, he had met Sara. The decisions he had to make now regarding his career were minor compared to everything else.
Dave had come by the office yesterday to tell him before the news broke to the public about the second kidnapper being sentenced. What Dave told him still lingered: “I’m seeing Sara taste freedom for the first time in her life. And it’s a priceless treasure we should never have denied her. I held Sara the day she was born. I know what her life was like with my father, with Frank Victor, then with Peter Walsh. I’ve been entwined in her life for the last fourteen years as chief of her security detail. She’s changing, like a captured eagle suddenly given the heavens to fly in. She doesn’t talk much, and she spends fourteen hours a day working on that book laying memories to rest—but she’s living again, free.”
Adam walked back to his desk and looked down at the photo sitting there. Dave had taken it for him when Sara wasn’t watching—the picture of Sara leading her horse back to the corral after an afternoon’s ride. She was smiling, and Adam found even in the picture the attraction he had felt since the beginning.
He hadn’t called her in the last two weeks even though he longed to hear her voice. He would overrun her decisions if he wasn’t careful; so for now, he kept his distance. Part of it was in honor of her request that he not call. Part of it was his own recognition that giving her space and freedom right now was the best thing he could do for her. She needed time, and he would give her what he could. But it wouldn’t be forever.
She was afraid to have children.
He had asked her to give it some time, to see if that fear changed…but he wasn’t placing much hope on that happening.
One event had made Sara who she was. It had set the tone of her personality, the entire focus of her life. He expected remnants of fear would always be there.
He had been ready to sacrifice his dream of having children when he had known there was no choice, when he had known they would be living under a daily threat.
He could still accept that if he had to. But if Sara could change just enough to accept the risk…
He didn’t want to pressure her.
He did want a family.
His friends from his football days had the same problem. Wealth, fame—yet they managed to keep their families safe in the midst of the media attention. Money could buy security, privacy. They would just have to find a compromise.
Adam knew what it had been like during the days he had been in the spotlight, having security around him. The risk had been there, but it had not stopped him from having a life. He had been free to move about, to spend time with his family, his dad. His privacy had still been intact.
Sara had tasted the other extreme. Twenty-five years of someone hunting her. To keep her safe, the protection had been forced to be smothering.
Maybe with time, she would be able to see the difference.
Adam let out a deep sigh as he ran his hand through his hair. Lord, am I simply being stubborn about wanting to have a family? What do You want for us?
He sat down at his desk, reached back to the credenza, and picked up the red folder. The list he had written with his dad was dog-eared now; it had been read so many times. His ideal wife. There was a new item on the page.
A name.
The sky was clear tonight, the stars brilliant. Sara sat on the rocky outcrop that had been her favorite observation point as a child and listened to the night flow around her. It was so utterly peaceful here.
God felt so far away.
Sara didn’t understand what had changed. For years she had been so aware of God’s constant presence. It was different now. Less tangible. The realization had been troubling her for the last few weeks.
She had brought a flashlight along with her Bible, and she soberly turned pages in Psalms, looking at the verses and notes she had written going back to her teenage years. She suspected the problem, and what she read only helped confirm it. Passage by passage they told a journey built around one theme: a plea for protection.
It was the freedom.
She had clung so tightly to God for safety because she felt so afraid. She had never learned how to relate to Him in a broader way.
Gradually as she read, her tension began to fade. She should have realized the change that would naturally occur. She hadn’t moved. God hadn’t moved. Her life had moved.
Everything had been touched by her past. The entire basis of why she loved God had been built around her need for Him to protect her. He was her strong security, her refuge, and she had let that be enough. God had so many more qualities she should have been adding to that list over the years. Instead, she had let time slip by, content to know God in only one way.
All her dreams she had prayed about through the years—her children’s books, her home, her family—had all been in one way or another filled with worry about the man pursuing her.
She was looking at ripples from her past that led to the very heart of her relationship with God.
Anger and sadness both vied for her emotions.
There was so much to rebuild.
Lord, I don’t need to pray for safety…. How many times have You heard that plea from me over the years? Thousands? I am so sorry I never understood. I thought I was trusting You. Now I see I never got past being scared. I just kept coming back time after time to hear Your reassurance. Will I ever truly grow beyond this fear?
Sara quietly scanned the wide-open land. She was still seeking that reassurance, coming back to the haven God has provided from her childhood where she had felt the most safe.
She couldn’t change the past. Whether she liked it or not, the need to feel safe had been paramount throughout her life. That need wasn’t going to change in the future. The threat might not be a specific person, but the emotional need would still be there.
The last few weeks had been heart wrenching without Adam. It would be a delight to spend a lifetime with him. But to deny him children would be to rob him of his own dreams. She loved him too much to do that.
Can’t you trust God with your children?
She wanted children. She wanted to trust that it would be okay, but years living with security had torn away the illusion that there could be a normal life.
If you trust God, why are you so afraid?
Kim died.
The fact sat immovable in her path. She was afraid because life had taught her to be afraid.
Have all the verses and all the prayers just been words?
Sara closed her Bible. She wrapped her arms around her knees and stared at the night sky.
How deep had faith taken root? Deep enough to accept the assurance God was offering?
She was at a crossroads.
She had envied her best friend getting married. Now, she had to make a choice. Was she going to walk away from marriage with Adam because of her past?
It always came back to that. Her past. Would her future forever be held prisoner because of it?
The wind began to stir, causing Sara to pull her jacket tighter around her shoulders.
Was the past still controlling her, or was she learning from it? It was hard to distinguish where that line was. She needed to figure out what was driving her actions.
God had kept her safe through a lifetime of threats. That should be worth something. It was as real as the fact Kim had died.
Where did courage come from to take a step of faith? Children would be that kind of ultimate risk.
She didn’t want to take that risk. It went against everything she felt right now.
She wasn’t the only one in the equation. Adam and God were too. She looked at the stars spread above her. God was big.
She had never felt so small.
The grandfather clock in the hallway announced midnight. Sara continued to work on her last H. Q. Victor book, to tell her story … Kim’s story.
Day 9.
Sara struggled to find the words to let readers know what it had been
like. This was the pivotal chapter. She set down her pen.
“Why did You let her die?” The whispered prayer came from her heart.
It was the core of her struggle.
The number of days for Kim’s life were different than yours. Do you want to carry the guilt forever? It wasn’t your decision.
The bitterness she wanted to direct at Thomas Krane instead turned toward God. She had buried the doubts with her sister rather than let them surface. Now they were starkly laid out on the pages before her. She felt so helpless.
Make the decision. Are you going to trust God or not? Would you deny yourself a future with Adam because you can’t predict what God will allow?
She did want children. Dreamed about having a family someday. The only thing holding her back from that future was her fear.
A cautious hope was born even as she considered what it would mean to take that step, to say yes to Adam. She had to learn to handle the risks and precautions that went with being free, and do it without overreacting. Security would not have to be as oppressively tight as it had been in her past. She no longer had reason to fear a specific bogeyman in the night. Surely there was a compromise possible that would keep children safe?
There was a future waiting for her—her choice for a future, not one forced upon her by events of the past—if she had the courage to reach for it.
The words from a favorite psalm flowed into her heart, bringing a smile, and with that smile, tears she reached to brush away….
“I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the desolate pit….”
Thank You, Lord, for lifting me out of that cellar. For showing me the past can be left behind.
“He set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure … .”
There is solid ground for the future. Solid ground with Adam. I can see it now. I can feel Your hand steadying my doubts.
“He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God.”
Thank You, Lord, for rescuing me. Joy bubbles up inside for what You have done. Adam loves me. I could never have imagined such a wonderful answer to prayer.