“Want to come back down to the bar?” she asks.
“I’m going to get an early night. Today has been eventful and I’m shattered.”
“Okay, don’t hide up here this time.”
“I won’t. I’ll see you tomorrow,” I promise.
After she has gone I lock the door behind her and collapse on the bed.
Sparky
I woke with a start, far too early. I look at the clock beside my bed and realise that it isn’t early, it’s still night. Only just gone eleven, I have had eight hours sleep.
As the haze begins to clear, self-inflicted pain roars up inside my head and I can feel the drink about to come back up.
I run for the bathroom and bring everything up. I am rarely affected like this but when I am, I fucking hate it.
Using the sink for support, I splash cold water over my face and brush my teeth to get rid of the vile aftertaste.
If I hunt down Barbie and apologise then I can grab some much needed pain killers from her.
I strip out of my cut and shirt. I daren’t bend to get a fresh top out in case my head explodes. Closing and locking my door on my way out, a slight movement at the end of the hall catches my eye. I slowly turn my head as not to cause more pain and see Bonnie standing wide eyed looking back at me.
Before I can take one step towards her, she is quickly moving to unlock the door to her side. She looks at me once more before disappearing behind the door.
I want to ask her what she is doing here. I want to bang on her door and demand answers but I am in no fit state to do either. Instead of seeking out Barbie, I go in search of Cas. He will know what is going on, she wouldn’t have a room without his approval. Each step I take down the stairs sends bolts of dizziness and waves of sickness throughout my body.
The looks the guys cast me tells me something is wrong. I find Cas in his office and near enough fall into one of the chairs.
“I was about to come and wake you,” he says.
I try to focus on him, but as of yet I can’t separate the two of him. I am literally seeing double.
“I’m here now. Why the fuck is Bonnie here?” I demand.
“For her safety, didn’t you see her busted lip?”
“No I fuckin’ didn’t,” I roar, jumping out of the chair, only to stumble back into it.
“Stay sittin’ for God’s sake and I’ll tell you what happened,” Cas orders.
“Tell me now Cas, I’m fuckin’ strugglin’ here. Who the hell hurt her? Tell me so I can kill them,” I shout.
As rough as I feel, my heart is thumping and my blood is pumping. My adrenalin is racing sky high. I could literally rip apart anyone who causes her pain. She has had enough pain in her life, and lately I have been the cause of most of it.
“Her brother turned up at the cabin. He wanted her to deliver a message to me. He wants a meet and if we don’t he’s threatened Lana.”
“Her brother hit her?” I clarify.
“She said it was him. She didn’t say much about it and I didn’t ask. I made her stay here where we can keep an eye on her. Who knows what he’d do to her if he shows up again or finds out she’s carryin’ the kid of an enemy?”
The anger boiling inside me is at tipping point but all I can think is…what have I gotten myself into?
“I can’t believe this is happenin’,” I mumble.
“The way I see it is, she’s carryin’ your kid. It makes her one of us.”
“Thanks brother. Right, so how we are doin’ this? Coz’ I sure as shit ain’t gonna let him near her again and threatening Barbs isn’t sittin’ well neither,” I say.
This is more like it. Something other than my dick to focus on.
“I’ve given everyone a heads up. I want you in church first thing and we’ll get this sorted. Lana is under no circumstances to leave this building unless she is with two or more of us at all times. She won’t accept prospects, not after Billy, and I understand that. Apparently, her brother also told her he has some of his men posted around town. I had Pope, Slade and Ricky go look around town, they should be back soon.”
“If I hadn’t got myself in this state, I could be out there helpin’ them,” I frown, guilt etching its way to my brain. I haven’t been a good brother lately.
“You’re entitled to lose ya mind once a while. It can fuck a man up fallin’ in love,” he chuckles.
“Who said anything about fuckin’ love?” I manage to say around my throat closing in on itself.
“If it ain’t love, you must be growin’ a pussy and too many hormones the way you’ve been actin’.”
I would laugh with him if I thought this was funny.
“I’m outta here. Call if you need me,” I say, able to stand without wanting to throw up.
“One more thing,” Cas says as I head for the door. “With Bonnie here, either work it out with her or steer clear. I don’t need any domestics around the place.”
“Don’t plan on havin’ any,” I tell him truthfully.
Feeling more stable, I backtrack to Bonnie’s room.
A beautiful, sexy woman who keeps secrets from me, drives me crazy when she isn’t around and even crazier when she is. Yeah, I think I do fucking love her.
I knock gently on her door and wait for her to answer. Nothing. I knock again.
“Bonnie, open the door.”
Please answer, I could really do with sitting down. I rest my arms on the doorframe and hang my head against the door. Doesn’t matter if she doesn’t answer, I will still apologize.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you, I ran and I’m so fuckin’ sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t there when your brother showed up, I should have protected you. Please open the door, we need to talk.”
“I’m here.”
I spin round to see her behind me carrying a bottle of water.
“Did you hear what I said?” I ask, hoping I don’t have to repeat myself.
“Yeah, you’re sorry for a lot aren’t you?” she says calmly.
“I am Bon, believe me. I’ve had a shit couple of days but I’m here now and so are you,” I promise.
“Sparky, just because I’m staying here doesn’t mean I’m here for you. You should carry on as if I weren’t here.”
I can’t stop myself from laughing.
“What do you think I’ve been tryin’ to fuckin’ do,” I retort.
“You managed to do it while I was last here with Jilly,” she points out, still in a calm manner.
“I fucked up but you didn’t need to leave.” It is almost aching as I say it.
“I did. I left because I know more than most how clubs work. I can’t and won’t try to change you. I thought you were different, I guess I was wrong.”
“I can’t apologize enough. Goin’ to Jilly was meant to coax out whatever you’re hidin’ from me. When you still didn’t say anythin’, or even react, it went too far and I have regretted it ever since.”
“Do you want to know why I didn’t want to answer your questions that night?” she asks.
I nod.
“Because I didn’t want you to look at me any differently. When I saw my past affecting us, I thought, yeah he must care, he wants me to trust him. I came to find you and I was going to tell you. Then I saw you with her and that’s when I knew…”
She stops speaking and breathes deeply.
“Knew what?” I ask, needing her to finish.
“That the pain they caused me I would always see coming because I became immune to it. But with you, you made everything seem so normal, that I could actually be happy like everyone else. I knew I’d never see the pain coming with you. I left before we went any further and you’d hurt me beyond repair.”
And boom, I feel like complete and utter shit. I should have trusted she wouldn’t have kept anything from me that I didn’t need to know.
“Who’s them Bon?” I ask.
If she was going to tell me before then hopefully she will tell me now. Of course she do
esn’t. She steps next to me, her body so close to mine, I am itching to wrap my arms around her. She unlocks her door and steps inside, turning to face me.
“I’m going to make an appointment with the Doc. Do you want me to let you know when it is?” she asks, completely going off topic.
“Yes.”
And then in an instant I am facing a closed door again. Every instinct I have is telling me to force the door open and get her to fucking talk to me, sort this out once and for all. But she isn’t like most women, if I push her too hard, she will run and next time she might not come back.
I find myself sitting in the bar area. If I didn’t feel so shit, I would have been at the bar already. On the couch, letting my body relax for the first time in weeks, I watch my brothers, the women, and everything else that catches my eye. Before Bonnie turned up, this was my world. Drinking, fucking, and having a good time with my family. None of it appeals to me now, not unless Bonnie is a part of it. I want to be drinking with her, fucking her and sharing all the good times with her. I want her.
I am on my feet and up the stairs in no time. I knock on her door constantly until she opens it. She isn’t ignoring me any longer.
When she opens it I take her head between my hands and kiss her. Her lips feel right at home on mine. I pull away, but only a fraction. Her eyes are doing the crazy dance again, trying to work what I am doing now.
“If that’s what it takes for you to have me, I’ll not go near another woman again,” I tell her.
“I’m not asking you to do that,” she whispers.
“I know you’re not. I’m tellin’ you.”
Her mouth opens and closes again. She doesn’t know what to say. I’ve laid it on the line and it’s now up to her to choose to trust me enough to be with her and only her. I wouldn’t betray her with anyone else, I’m not like that. I might not have had a serious relationship before but I know I wouldn’t cheat and besides, with Bonnie in my bed why would I want to look elsewhere? Apart from her busted lip she looked perfect. I could overlook her paleness and tired-set eyes because to me she is beautiful in every way.
“I’ll give you anything you need. I swear I won’t walk away from you again” I urge.
“There’s a lot I’ve learnt about myself lately and I’m not prepared to put myself through anything that hurts. I just want as close to simple and normal as possible. Can you give me that because I can wait and find it somewhere else?” she says, maintaining eye contact.
My future is on the line and I am still feeling like shit but I can’t help laughing at her seriousness of moving on with someone else.
She takes a step back out of my arms and frowns at me.
“What’s so funny?” she asks.
“You’re funny. If you think I’ll be lettin’ you settle down with anyone who ain’t me you must be fuckin’ high. You’re carryin’ my kid and that means something to me. My kid ain’t goin’ to be raised by no one but us. I know you want me Bon, trust me to give you want you want,” I further urge.
Her silence was killing me. She kept her eyes glued to the floor and I couldn’t stop myself from pushing her chin up to meet me head on.
“I don’t know the half of what you’ve been through in your life but if you trust me enough, I won’t let you down Bon.”
She doesn’t say anything but she does move closer and rests her head on my chest. I wrap my arms around her and I know she is mine. This isn’t about making sure she doesn’t fuck no one else or a casual fling between us. Bonnie just became my old lady.
Chapter Fifteen
Bonnie...
As much as I was getting used to waking up alone, I’ve really missed waking up with Sparky next to me, especially when he pulls me into his arms and turns me on. Last night was exceptionally hot but this morning was hot in a more sensual, slower way. Thank God I am laying down because I don’t think my legs would support me if I tried to stand.
The moment soon vanishes when he begins moaning.
“I can’t believe you can’t feel it?”
“The bed is fine,” I tell him, unable to stop the smile at him.
“It fuckin’ isn’t. Later I’ll help you move your things back into my room and tomorrow we’ll start lookin’ for our own place,” he says, taking me by surprise.
“Just me and you?” I ask, to make sure I understood correctly.
“Of course just us,” he laughs. “And the kid you’re cookin’ up for us,” he adds.
I giggle and kiss him. He slides down the bed and places soft kisses along my belly.
“So we doin’ this then, you bein’ my old lady?” he asks, looking up at me as I lean up on my elbows.
“Yeah, we’re doing this,” I smile.
“Never thought I’d have an old lady,” he grins.
“Never thought I’d be an old lady,” I snort.
“Well you are, you’re mine.”
I relax onto on my back allowing the happiness and bliss surround me. I finally have my own little family. I vow right now, our child will never know the pain and violence I grew up with. If I have my way, he or she won’t know nothing is bad in this world until they are old enough to see it for themselves. Even then I still want to shield him or her from it.
“I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything, past, present or future. If you don’t then I accept that. It’s only if it puts you in danger that I need to know.”
“Okay.”
I know he is hoping I would now talk about it but how can I ruin this moment with such devastating tales of my past? I can’t.
His phone pinged, alerting him to a message and draws his attention from me. He gets up out of bed, his body is absolutely amazing. The way his tattoos cover his chest and muscles, yep, I am in heaven. He is mine.
“I have to go, club business,” he says, throwing on his jeans, leaving his chest bare as he didn’t have a top on when he came in last night.
“Quickly tell me what happened with your brother yesterday,” he asks, sliding into his boots.
“Exactly what I told Cas. He turned up, told me to deliver a message to Cas about a meet, gave me a number to reach him on and left,” I repeat.
“Now tell me what else happened,” he said, looking at my lip.
“He said he wasn’t here to take me back yet. I told him I wasn’t going anywhere, that I was staying here. Then he slapped me. That’s it.”
I purposely left out anything to do with Tommy.
“You understand I can’t let that happen again? I protect what’s mine and if he so much as comes near you, brother or not, I will take him out,” he says firmly.
There isn’t a flicker he is bluffing.
“You think I care? He has never been a brother to me. He’s my father’s son through and through. I said goodbye to that life a long time ago. I’m here with you now.”
“I won’t allow him to hurt you again, I promise you that,” he states firmly.
“I know,” I smile. “From now on, I don’t want to know about anything to do with the club, especially my brother. If he disappears then it isn’t anything he doesn’t deserve. I just want normal.”
“And normal is what you’re gonna have babe,” he grins.
He leans on the bed and gives me a quick kiss before grabbing his phone and leaving.
Sparky...
I walk into the back room whistling. This is the best I have felt in months, years actually. I hadn’t realised until last night, when Bonnie finally let me in her room, just how much one woman can change everything about you.
“Where’s my brother and what have ya done with him?” Slade scrutinizes me, as I sit at the table with the biggest, genuine smile spread across my face.
“Yeah, this time yesterday we didn’t even know where you were, sulkin’ about that Bonnie woman,” Oak added in.
“Today’s a new day boys. I got me an old lady and she’s havin’ my kid,” I burst with pride.
“About fuckin’ time!” Oak sl
ams his hand on the table. “Congratulations brother.”
All my brothers cheer and congratulate me on my good news. In the end Cas has to bring order to the table.
“We’ll celebrate when we get out of here. You all know what Joe wants. Personally, I want to take him out for threatenin’ one of ours, again. He wants to meet, how do you all feel about it?” he asks.
“Do we know what he wants?” Slade asks.
“No. I say we go ahead and arrange a meet with him and see what he wants? Whatever it is, it’s hardly gonna be a sit down over tea and fuckin’ cookies,” Cas spits out.
“I’d say if there’s ever a time to meet, it would be now. They are down in numbers and we’re more than capable of overtakin’ them if needs be. We couldn’t find any Ghost scum last night. I think he’s bluffin’,” Pope puts in.
“Yeah, we say the time and place. I wanna meet with them,” I say.
I want to see for myself what my woman has had to put up with all her life.
“Will I need to call in more brothers? If you’re only goin’ for a fight Sparky, we need to know now,” Cas asks.
“I won’t start nothin’,” I tell him.
“Bonnie is your old lady now, they ain’t gonna take lightly to that,” Slade warns.
“Fuck em’. I ain’t forcing her to be here. Anyway, she’s been loyal to us, not them. You’ve seen what they’ve done to her. They’ll probably use her to start a fight but I can assure you, they don’t want her for any other reason,” I tell everyone.
“Call em’. See what he wants and we’ll go from there,” Oak says, looking slightly bored.
Cas takes the number out of his pocket and dials it into the phone. He puts it on speaker and lays it on the table.
“Yo,” a man answers on the fourth ring.
Yo? What an asshole.
“It’s Cas, who’s this?”
“Ah, Cas. It’s Joe Carson. I see my sister got somethin’ right for once. I’ve been waitin’ for your call.”
Just the sound of his voice mentioning Bonnie makes me angry. I grip the arms on my chair tight.