Alissa’s depression faltered in understanding. She felt Beast’s awareness tighten and was shocked to hear herself say, “Don’t lessen your charge’s love for you with guilt, old woman.” It was Beast speaking through her, and Alissa’s first response of fear melted into acceptance. The takeover was inevitable. She would accept it with grace.
Mav looked sharply at Alissa, then lowered herself in stages onto the stool. Her eyes rested on the ribbon, and she picked it up to clean the flour from it. “Yes,” the woman said with a sigh, “I’m old. Kally has her entire life ahead of her, and she has exchanged a lifetime of Ren’s love for the paltry few more years I can give her.”
“Perhaps,” Beast admitted, not bothering to apologize to Alissa. “But I think love is measured backwards as well as forwards. The sixteen years you have loved and cared for her are not the quarter of a lifetime that you measure but an entire lifetime for her. She knows no time without your love and can’t voluntarily leave it. Ren knew this. Accept his gift in good grace,” Beast finished. “Kally will understand in time.”
Mav peered into Alissa’s eyes. The clatter of bread pans stirred her, and she sighed and straightened. Slowly she stood, and Beast and Alissa gazed up, seeing her emotions shift from guilt to acceptance. “You are wise beyond your years, Alissa.”
Alissa felt a ghost of a smile. Slowly Beast settled herself, alert and awake, but silent. Mav tucked Ren’s token of love away in a pocket, covering the awkward silence by needlessly wiping her hands on a towel. A sudden cheering from the dining hall drew their attention, and Lodesh all but fell into the room.
“Mav! Quick! Hide me!”
42
Mav and Alissa looked to find Lodesh’s terrified face. From the great hall came a muffled, angry shout, “Warden!”
The kitchen help exploded into cheers. Lodesh absently acknowledged them as he pushed his way closer. “Mav,” he pleaded. “I just need a few hours. I’ll go back. I promise!”
Mav burst into laughter. “Get to your work!” she bellowed, and everyone became busy. Lodesh danced from foot to foot. Except for his boots, he was dressed all in blue, even down to the overly ornate hat gripped tightly in his hand. He looked miserable. Mav gave him a fierce hug, which he was too spooked to return. “You’re too large to hide in my flour cupboard anymore, lad,” she cackled. Cocking her head, she appeared to listen. “You’d better run for it.”
“Lodesh!” came Breve’s indignant voice from the dining hall. “We have an appointment at the hosiery to size you for boots.”
Lodesh froze like a startled deer. Alissa jumped as Connen-Neute touched her elbow. “Might I suggest the garden?” he said quietly.
Mav spun the panicked Lodesh about and shoved him to the brightly painted door. “Run!” she said. “We’ll hold them as long as we can.” She laughed as Connen-Neute and Alissa jostled him out the door. “You there, get the bread pans!” Alissa heard as they fled. “You, sweep the floor. Someone put—” and the door shut with a bang.
A trio of doves sunning themselves burst into flight and swung over the wall.
“Hounds, Alissa,” Lodesh gasped. “You’re a sight for my tired eyes.” Grasping her hand, he tugged her down the path. “They won’t let me be! There’s always someone talking at me, and they’re always so blessedly polite.” He glanced furtively behind them. They were nearly running, and Alissa couldn’t help her smile as he dragged her along. Connen-Neute paced beside them, not even breathing hard.
“Excuse me, Warden?” Lodesh mocked in a false soprano. “Pardon me, Warden? Oh, Warden, if you have but a moment?” He sighed. “It’s got me to my trail’s end.”
“Good morning, Lodesh,” Alissa said breathlessly, reclaiming her hand as it was easier to keep up with him that way.
“Not a moment’s peace,” he moaned. “They won’t even let me choose my stockings.”
“It’s a wonderfully sunny day, isn’t it?” she asked, but he didn’t hear. She grinned. He was always so calm and self-possessed. It was nice to know he was human.
“There were three kinds of eggs for breakfast today,” he said as they loped past the firepit, “and four pastries. I had to try everything so as not to hurt the cook’s feelings.”
“Is that a new shirt?” she panted.
Seeing her struggling, Lodesh slowed. “Yes.” He picked at the shimmery fabric.
From behind them came Connen-Neute’s dark voice, “Keeper Breve is in the garden.”
Lodesh paled. “Wolves.” He dove off the path. Connen-Neute and Alissa followed. Weaving and darting, Lodesh led them through the garden’s back paths as if he had built them. Lungs heaving, they halted in a slight dip in the terrain. Birds scattered as they crouched among the bushes. Connen-Neute and Alissa exchanged amused looks. Lodesh was frantic. His eyes were wide, and his hair was in an unusual disarray. She had to fight to keep from arranging it.
“Warden!” came Breve’s distant bellow, echoing off the walls of the Hold. “This is unseemly. Think of your standing!”
Lodesh sank down, though Breve was clearly far away. “Why won’t they leave me alone?” he muttered.
Alissa’s hand went out, and he jumped as she tucked a yellow curl behind his ear. “Why are you letting them bully you, Lodesh?”
He blinked, looking at her for the first time. “All I want is the mornings for myself.”
“Did you tell them that?”
Lodesh hesitated. Clearly the thought had never occurred to him.
The sound of an aggressive crunching on the path silenced them. Hidden in the bushes, they watched Breve stalk past. His face was red, and he was muttering obscenities. The sound of his steps faded. “Lodesh!” came his muffled shout.
They exhaled as one in a long, noisy breath. Lodesh stood. “Maybe we can slip back out through the kitchen.”
Alissa looked at Connen-Neute. A smile hovered about him. At his nod of agreement, they rose and followed Lodesh as he dodged and slunk from cover to cover in the bright, morning sun. Alissa giggled as she tried to keep up with his furtive jumps. Connen-Neute kept to his measured, dignified pace. Together they rounded the last turn before the kitchen door and froze.
A man in citadel livery was waiting, slumped against the wall, idly tossing pebbles. He looked up at the sound of their sliding feet. “Hey!” he cried, bolting upright. “Keeper Breve!”
In an explosion of motion, Lodesh and Alissa turned and ran.
“Keeper Breve! He’s over here!”
“Burn me to ash,” Lodesh panted. “They have me.”
Alissa pulled him to a stop. “Not yet, they don’t.”
Connen-Neute strode up even with them, his eyes bright and eager. Alissa looked at the tower to place herself. “Come on.” Grabbing Lodesh’s hand, she ran off the path, laughing as she headed for the hidden door in the wall.
“It’s not funny, Alissa,” Lodesh muttered.
“Yes, Warden, it is,” was Connen-Neute’s opinion, exchanging his dignified gait for an effortless run.
The three of them pulled up short at the wall, their gaze traveling up its extensive height. “We can’t climb out,” Lodesh asserted, dancing from foot to foot.
Connen-Neute adjusted his red sash. “Voice of experience?”
“Yes. I mean, no!” he snapped, watching Alissa run her fingers lightly over the cold stone. “What are you doing, Alissa?”
“Got it!” she shouted triumphantly as she found a faint tingle. She turned to see them staring at her as if she had lost her mind. “It’s a door!” she cried.
“Warden!” Breve shouted, and Connen-Neute and Lodesh flung themselves at the wall. They all fell through as Breve appeared in a crashing of branches. “Stop!” he shouted. “Connen-Neute, stop him!”
Connen-Neute gave Breve a cold look, took Lodesh’s shoulder, and shut the door.
“Lodesh!” filtered faintly over the wall. Together they ran laughing to the nearby woods. Alissa halted against a tree with a hand pressed against her si
de, doubled over in hilarity.
“Now where?” Lodesh had lost his frantic look, assuming his familiar cocky attitude. A loud boom came from the Hold as the door crashed open. “The Hounds take him,” Lodesh cursed. “Doesn’t that man ever take a hint?” Putting his fingers to his lips, he whistled.
Connen-Neute and Alissa stared. It would only let Breve know where they were. But then a thumping of hooves came, and Frightful trotted happily into view. Happy, that is, until he caught a whiff of rakus.
Frightened by the flat ears and arched neck, Alissa slid up against Connen-Neute, appreciating his tall height. Lodesh shushed and mollified the ugly horse until he stood calmly. “There now,” he murmured. “Connen-Neute won’t eat you today. You remember him, yes?”
Lodesh turned, starting at Alissa’s wary expression. “I had no time to stable him,” he explained, embarrassed, and he began to rub his mount with handfuls of the long grass that eked out a living at the edge of the woods. Frightful tried to eat the grass, far more eager to fill his belly than have the sweat brushed from his coat.
“Lodesh!” Breve’s shout pulled Frightful’s head up. His ears flicked back, then forward, listening. “I will marshal the Hold’s students and beat you out of the brush like a rabbit!”
Lodesh dropped the grass and swung smoothly up onto the pad he used as a saddle. Leaning down, he held out a hand for her. With thoughts of flashing hooves and snapping teeth, she backed up into Connen-Neute. “Uh-uh.”
He wiggled his fingers. “Please, Alissa,” he pleaded. “Frightful will allow it if I’m with you. I know it. This is the most fun I’ve had in two days. Connen-Neute can follow by air. We can meet in the grove.”
“No,” said Connen-Neute, and Alissa turned in surprise. “You go,” he said, his white teeth showing as he grinned. “I’ll accompany Keeper Breve.”
“Perfect!” Lodesh exclaimed. “Quick. Let’s go.”
“I don’t know,” Alissa said, wishing she could just shift and fly.
“Warden!” came Breve’s shout, noticeably closer.
Lodesh looked at the cloudless sky. His eyes were pinched and wistful when he looked back. “Please, Alissa. You’re the only person who has called me by my name in two days.”
She glanced at Frightful, his ears alternately flat and pricked, to Connen-Neute, amusement in his golden eyes, to Lodesh, unashamedly begging. “Oh, Hounds,” she muttered as she hiked up her skirt. “I can’t believe I’m going to do this.”
Lodesh beamed. Frightful shied only the once, and she made it up behind Lodesh in two tries. She settled herself, tugging her skirt back over her legs. “All set?” Lodesh asked, and she nodded nervously, forgetting he couldn’t possibly see, but they were so cursedly close he felt her move. Ashes, they were too close.
With no warning, Frightful squealed and rose up on his back feet. Alissa’s arms went around Lodesh. The horse’s feet returned to the earth with a jaw-rattling thump. It had been Connen-Neute. Ignoring Frightful’s quivering attempt to sidestep away, Connen-Neute nearly pulled Lodesh from the saddle. His lips a hand’s breath from Lodesh, he whispered, “Keep the beast at bay until I rejoin you.”
White-faced, Lodesh nodded, and Connen-Neute released him. Lodesh resettled himself and touched his heels to Frightful. The stupid horse bolted, and Alissa barely kept herself from falling off. “Hold on!” Lodesh shouted too late, but the furious pace quickly subsided into a fast-paced walk. Lodesh angled them through the short grass to the road. “Let’s make sure he sees us, eh?” he suggested. “To spice our victory.”
“Victory?” she purposely shouted into his ear. She hadn’t appreciated that flying start. “He’ll know where we’re going!”
Lodesh chuckled. “I’m counting on it. But Connen-Neute will be with him.”
“What difference will that make?”
“If Connen-Neute accompanies him, Breve will be at the pace Connen-Neute sets.”
“Oh. . . .”
“Besides,” Lodesh muttered. “I’m sure Connen-Neute has a few words to say to him concerning the wisdom of giving a Master an order.” He shuddered. “So,” he continued brightly, “we will give Breve wind of us, then take flight like the rabbit he thinks I am.”
“But I’ll fall off!” Alissa protested.
“Then you’d better hang on.”
Alissa whimpered, clasping her hands about him tighter.
“Look,” Lodesh whispered, shifting his weight. Frightful stopped and immediately began tugging at the grass. Peeping from around Lodesh, she spied Breve. His fists were on his hips, and he stared at them disapprovingly.
“That’s our cue,” Lodesh whispered. Frightful turned under some direction Alissa didn’t catch. Forewarned, she clutched Lodesh’s waist. Frightful lunged forward, and she gasped.
“I’ll join you before sunset, Alissa,” came Connen-Neute’s thought from the edge of the forest. “Don’t let him get into too much trouble.”
43
Strell stood by the kitchen fire, impatiently turning his scrambled eggs. Alissa’s faint presence was headed for Ese’Nawoer. He would have to hurry to catch up as her speed indicated she was on horseback. Eating was the last thing he wanted to do, but without something in his middle, he would drop halfway there.
“They won’t cook any faster, stirring them like that,” came Talo-Toecan’s soft comment.
Strell glanced up. The dignified Master was playing at painter today, kneeling at the threshold of the garden door among his brushes and drop cloths. Yesterday he had been a mason, the day before, a chimney sweep. Strell remembered his father had been like that. When worry hounded him, his father had fixed things. Once, when his eldest sister lay sick for three weeks, he had built a two-story barn of brick by himself.
Pulling the pan from the fire, Strell scraped the egg onto a piece of toast, wondering what had been worrying Talo-Toecan when he had built the Hold.
There was a whisper of boots, and Lodesh appeared in the doorway. He paused, seeming to force himself to enter. “You seem in better spirits today,” the tall Keeper said as he cracked several eggs into Strell’s still-warm pan and replaced it over the fire.
“No.” Strell sat at a table. “Alissa is halfway to the city. I’m in a hurry to catch her up.”
By the garden door, Talo-Toecan made a soft grunt. Lodesh, too, looked up. Strell ignored their incredulity, continuing to put egg into his mouth, chew, and swallow. He was going to the city, even if she turned and headed back as soon as he got there. The chance he might hear her again, that she might hear him, was too strong a pull.
The tightness of Strell’s shoulders eased as Talo-Toecan resumed his painting, silently acknowledging that it was his decision, even if it was a fool’s errand. Lodesh, though, cleared his throat, and Strell’s tension slammed back into him like a wave.
“Strell,” Lodesh said, “it will take all morning to get there. By then, she will probably be on her way back. You can’t keep up with a horse.”
Strell kept his eyes on his food, a part of him surprised at how his fingers trembled. “What do you care what I do with my day?” he said. Then he froze as Lodesh’s last words swirled through him. Slowly he raised his head and looked to where Talo-Toecan had paused midbrush. The Master met his eyes, having heard it as well.
Pushing his breakfast away, Strell eyed the back of Lodesh’s finely tailored shirt as the Keeper leaned over his cooking eggs. “How do you know she’s on horseback?” he said quietly. “I never told you how fast she was moving.”
There was the barest stiffening in Lodesh’s stance, but it was enough. Talo-Toecan set his brush aside with a small click. Lodesh turned round, his eyes flicking to the open archway, before meeting his solidly. “Everyone rides to Ese’Nawoer. How else would she get there? Do you want my eggs? I’m going to skip breakfast. I have a lot to do.” His gaze dropped.
Talo-Toecan stood. “She could fly,” he said. “You seem very sure she isn’t.”
The scrape of Strell
’s chair as he stood was loud. “You remember her, don’t you,” he whispered, feeling a bitter satisfaction when Lodesh’s face went white. “You know she’s on horseback because you’re there with her. Right now. You’re with her! You knew this was going to happen,” he accused. “And you did nothing to prevent it!”
Lodesh stepped from the hearth. His alarm had been rapidly replaced by a look of defiance. “No,” he said stiffly. “I knew it would happen, and I did all I could to encourage it.”
“Why?” Strell shouted, closing the gap between them.
Lodesh’s jaw clenched as he refused to answer.
Talo-Toecan’s face had gone shockingly still. “By my Master’s Wolves,” he breathed. “She was the last chance for my entire species, Lodesh. We are going extinct!” The last Master stood on the other side of Lodesh, his hands clenched. “She was to be a fresh infusion of thoughts, ideas and, if nothing more, a new bloodline with which to instigate a rebirth. Now it’s done! It’s ended! And you’ll tell me why!”
Lodesh turned his back on Strell, clearly knowing he couldn’t relax his guard against Talo-Toecan for even an instant. Strell felt desperate. Lodesh had dismissed him as no threat. And he was right.
“Do you recall that autumn?” Lodesh asked Talo-Toecan softly.
The hem of Talo-Toecan’s long vest trembled. “The city lost your uncle and father. You became Warden, though you’re showing a dismal lack of honor to warrant the title.”
“There was one other item of note,” Lodesh said stiffly, “though to be quite honest, it meant nothing to anyone but me.”
Talo-Toecan’s eyes went distant in thought. “You lost your heart to a student of Redal-Stan’s. The one that disappeared before I met her.” His eyes lit up. “She gets back!”
“Curse you to the ends of time,” Strell whispered as Lodesh shook his head. Lodesh had known. He had betrayed Alissa. Betrayed them all.
“I don’t know if she gets back,” Lodesh said. “I only know . . . I only know she left.”