‘You have no idea,’ I said miserably.
She shook her head. ‘Well, I tried. They all came to me and offered their spots on the roster if I could pull this off.’ She studied her teacup. ‘Looks like I’ll be out in the cold for a few weeks now.’
‘How often do you see him?’
She shrugged without looking up. ‘About once every six weeks.’
I opened my mouth to say something but she cut me off. ‘Yes, I know, just like April. And when she told us that, I was horrified. At least he’s not going to use me as a rent-a-womb for farming a baby, then kill me and chop me into little pieces.’
‘If ever you want to find a place for yourself in the world, Louise —’
‘No.’ She tapped the table between us. ‘I am happy where I am. He loves me, and I love him. Seeing your husband every six weeks or so isn’t terribly uncommon in Asia, and I have two beautiful children and a Palace in Heaven. I have it good.’ She rubbed her hand over her face. ‘But when this Rhonda chick moves in, it’ll all change. We’ll see him a lot less, ’cause she’ll be there all the time. She’ll be setting the roster, and controlling who goes where, and bossing us around. We don’t want that.’
I sighed with exasperation. ‘Rhonda’s one of my best friends too.’
‘I was your friend first!’ she snapped.
The food arrived. Surprisingly, the waiter had fully understood my order and placed a large dish of stir-fried ho fan with vegetables and mushrooms in front of me. I nodded my thanks.
Louise pulled out her mobile phone and pressed a button on the keypad, then put it away again. ‘That’s a remote control for the demon; it tells her to bring them back.’ She put her hand on top of mine. ‘Talk to Rhonda, let her know that it’ll be awful if she does this. None of us want her. We’ll make her life miserable, Emma. This is a bad idea. Tell her.’
‘I’ll tell her,’ I said. ‘But I think she already knows.’
She nodded. The children came in with Beanie and she smiled at them.
‘Can we buy some cakes to take home with us?’ Lucas said as he clambered into his seat.
‘That’s typical of you, Lucas, want to buy food when there’s a whole table of it in front of you,’ Kimberley said. She picked up the black serving pair of chopsticks from the double white/black sets in front of her and studied the steamers. ‘This looks very good.’
‘We’ll go down and have a look at the cakes when we’re done here,’ Louise said. ‘But you can get cakes anytime at the bakery back home.’
‘They don’t have Hong Kong cakes there,’ Lucas said. ‘And they have dan tart!’
‘Let’s see how much room you have when you’re done,’ Louise said with amusement.
‘So, how’s school going, you two?’ I said.
Both of the children grimaced at me. I did my best to keep the conversation as mundane as possible and not mention any American women for the rest of the lunch.
After lunch I had no classes so I went home and curled up on the living room sofa with a copy of Journey to the North. This version had been translated and annotated by a professor from a prestigious American university, and was no longer in print; it had taken me a year of hard searching to find it. For a classic of Chinese literature it was surprisingly short, and it didn’t take me long to become engrossed in it.
The first part told the story of how the Dark Lord had fallen from Heavenly grace and had taken a thousand years of incarnations pursuing the Tao to regain Immortality. General Ma was right: Kwan Yin was hardly mentioned.
The second part told how, after the Dark Lord had regained his place in Heaven, he sent for his Generals and they weren’t there. The Heavenly bureaucracy told him that they had gone down to Earth and were wreaking havoc — there was a ‘cloud of evil’ over the world.
The first two demons he subdued were the Snake and the Turtle. The demons were the transformed stomach and intestines of Xuan Wu himself, which he had ripped out when he attained the Way, vowing to remain vegetarian and disgusted with the idea of having eaten meat. They lived on Wudang Mountain and ate any travellers to the mountain. They kidnapped a couple of young women and kept them as sex slaves, and only then were pursued by Xuan Wu and subdued by him.
I looked up from the book. ‘Stone.’
The stone didn’t reply and I tapped it.
‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ the stone said.
‘The Xuan Wu was an evil snake-turtle demon that ate people, and kidnapped women to hold them as sex slaves on Wudang Mountain,’ I said. ‘Later, he attained the Way and tossed aside his demonic ways. Tell me I’m wrong.’
The stone was silent.
‘Shit,’ I said softly, and returned to the book.
After the Dark Lord had subdued the Snake and Turtle demons, he travelled through the world, subduing or finding each of his thirty-six Generals in turn, and giving them the Fire Essence Pill to tame them if they had become demons, making them obedient to his order.
‘Stone,’ I said.
‘I’m asleep,’ the stone said.
‘Have all of the Generals been fed the Fire Essence Pill?’
‘No,’ the stone said. ‘As you can see, some of them weren’t actually causing trouble. Guan Yu was doing his job guarding the Gates of Heaven; only his sword needed to be subdued, as it had taken on a life of its own and was killing people for sport.’
‘Wait,’ I said. ‘His sword came alive? That’s not made up?’
‘It can happen. It’s only a matter of time before that bastard black blade of yours turns around and starts telling you how much it loves the taste of blood.’
‘Then you can just put me away in a mental institution,’ I said.
‘No, it happens,’ the stone said. ‘Any artefact used by a Celestial for long enough becomes something greater. Heavenly Lord Xin’s writing brush is an example. You talk to it all the time.’
‘I don’t know his brush,’ I said, confused.
‘It’s Tian Guai, his secretary,’ the stone said. ‘You talked to him three weeks ago.’
‘That’s his writing brush?’ I said, and flipped to the relevant passage in the book. The stone was right: the brush had been left by itself for too long and had taken on a life of its own, needing to be subdued by Xuan Wu and his Generals with the help of Heavenly Lord Xin.
‘If the Murasame ever gains some sort of sentience, I hate to think what sort of artefact it will be,’ I said.
‘It’s only six hundred years old, it probably won’t happen for a while,’ the stone said. ‘And you’re not a Shen anyway.’
‘So what am I?’
The stone was silent.
I continued through the book, reading with fascinated horror as, one by one, the Generals that I worked with were described as evil, cannibalistic monsters.
I finished it and put it down. ‘John tried to keep this from me.’
‘That he did.’
‘I’d dearly like to slap him right now, stone.’
‘He was concerned that you would leave him if you found out exactly what sort of person he used to be.’ The stone’s voice became firmer. ‘And he left a message for you, for just this situation.’
‘Oh, trying to explain himself, is he?’ I said with derision.
‘Not really. Do you want to see it?’
I hesitated. ‘I might cry when I see him again.’
‘His photo is in the hallway right there, Emma.’
‘You know it’s not the same.’
‘If you don’t want to see it, it’s your choice.’
I quickly decided. ‘Show me.’
‘In your room. It would be best if Simone didn’t walk in on it.’
‘She’s out at the shops —’
‘Trust me, Emma, you don’t want her seeing this.’
I shrugged. ‘Okay.’
I went into the bedroom and sat on the bed. The room expanded and contracted, and there he was. He was sitting on the bed in the Dragon’s Palace und
er the sea. I lay on the white silken bedsheets, sprawled on my stomach next to him, obviously asleep. He moved to sit cross-legged on the bed and I couldn’t help but admire him: gold silken skin, toned muscles, the glowing curves of him, naked and relaxed. I missed him so much.
He pointed at his nose. ‘Up here, Emma.’
I snorted with amusement.
He shrugged, and brushed his long hair out of the way to one side. ‘Sometimes I think my human form should be more plain. But this is how I looked; at the time I was a warrior, trained in the Arts and very fit. I can’t help it. And besides,’ he smiled, ‘I know you like it.’
He sobered slightly, more serious. ‘I have asked the stone to take a message for me while you are sleeping here. You are completely exhausted, you won’t wake up.’ He glanced down at my sleeping form. ‘So beautiful.’ He looked up, seemingly at me, but he was probably looking at empty air. ‘I know I don’t have much time. I know what will happen to me after I go, even though I have tried to keep the truth from you. I think you guessed.’
‘Of course I guessed.’ Of course he didn’t hear me.
‘You probably noticed when Jade suggested that you learn the classics, I forbade her from employing a tutor for you, and at the time I didn’t say why.’
‘I remember,’ I said.
‘Well, if you don’t know the reason why, you soon will.’ He glanced affectionately at my sleeping form. ‘Right now, the stone tells me, you haven’t read the classics yet. It is possible that you will become curious later, after I’ve gone, and if you are there’ll be no stopping you.’
He looked up, seemingly right into my eyes. ‘One of the classics is Journey to the North. This is the reason why I forbade it. At the time, I didn’t want you to know.’
‘Do you want me to go on, Emma?’ the stone said. ‘You’ve read Journey to the North. You have an idea what he’s going to say.’
‘Continue,’ I said.
‘Tell me to stop if it’s too painful for you,’ the stone said kindly.
‘Just do it,’ I said. ‘I want to hear what he has to say for himself.’
John looked down at his hands. ‘Yes. Journey to the North is about me. About the Emperor Zhenwu: me. The story has two main threads: how I gained Immortality, and how I overcame the demons.’
‘It says you’re a soul of the Jade Emperor,’ I said.
‘A lot of the detail is wrong in many ways, twisted to suit the beliefs of the time,’ he said. ‘The Snake and Turtle demon storyline, particularly, is very different from the reality.’
‘They did a lot of very bad things,’ I said. ‘I think the word I’m looking for here is atrocities.’
‘Everything they are accused of having done is true,’ he said, his face completely expressionless. ‘They did kidnap those two poor girls and hold them as pleasure …’ He tilted his head, still looking down at his hands. ‘As sex slaves.’
‘But they were you,’ I said.
‘Once you’ve read the story you’ll recognise it immediately,’ he said, looking at my sleeping body again. ‘They weren’t demons, they were me. I didn’t overcome demons; I overcame my own nature, to gain Immortality. I was already a Shen; I didn’t need to do it. But Kwan Yin helped me to overcome that side of my nature, to rise above it and attain the Tao.’ He looked up at me. ‘Everything those demons are accused of doing, they did. I did. I did it all. I killed and ate all those people. I raped all those women.’ The anguish started to show in his face. ‘I did it all.’
‘Stop,’ I told the stone, and John froze.
‘This was such a bad idea,’ the stone said. ‘I told him not to do it.’
‘He talks about them as two distinct entities, separate from himself. Is that the way it was?’ I said.
‘They were two distinct entities, they hadn’t joined,’ the stone said. ‘That was a very long time ago. The Dark Lord was the Turtle. The Serpent was an independent entity. The Turtle and Serpent got together and …’ Its voice trailed off.
‘Committed atrocities,’ I said. ‘As two separate entities. Was the joining part of the attainment of the Tao?’
‘No,’ the stone said. ‘It just happened.’
I dropped my head. ‘He just gets stranger and stranger.’
‘Actually, Emma, I think over time he’s become less strange. Recently he has been a straightforward Turtle Shen, a simple human man with a family.’
‘More human. Continue,’ I said.
‘No, Emma, really, you don’t need to see the rest,’ the stone said.
‘Continue,’ I said. ‘Do it. I want to hear it all.’
John continued speaking. ‘I am a completely different person now that I have attained the Tao. Those demons have been banished. I could never do any of that again.’
‘You’re saying that because you’re not sure,’ I said.
‘She’ll see through you, my Lord,’ the stone said. ‘Once she finds out what you become after being so drained for so long, she’ll suspect.’
‘Damn,’ John said with a wry grin. ‘That’s two of you who can see right through me.’
‘Three,’ the stone said.
‘Four,’ I said.
‘No, four,’ John said. ‘My family.’ He sighed. ‘Something I have never had, in all my history. I have had children, but I am a reptile. Children, family, mean nothing to us.’
‘You’re just becoming more human all the time,’ I said.
‘And once I have gone, I will be a reptile again. I will be the Snake and the Turtle. I will be those demons again. The human side of me will be too weak to control them.’ He glanced up at me. ‘And I am not sure how much of the old nature will emerge.’
I gasped. ‘No.’
John froze.
‘No, Emma,’ the stone said. ‘None of that has emerged. The Turtle swims and cries, but it has not gone out into the world. It merely hunts for you and Simone.’
‘What if it rejoins with the Serpent?’ I said. ‘When they get back together, will they start it up again? The Generals said that it couldn’t happen, but they sounded as if they were lying. What if it happens?’
The stone didn’t say anything, but John unfroze and spoke again.
‘I want you to understand, Emma, that the reptiles are not me. Not the me that you love. When I have control over them again, I will be me again, the Xuan Wu that loves you, that would never hurt you, that would never be unfaithful to you.’
‘Aha,’ I said, ‘this is the whole point of the exercise. I should have seen this coming. He doesn’t think he’ll go off and torture people; he thinks he’ll be a turtle!’
‘You don’t need to say anything, stone,’ John said, the wry smile back. ‘I know. She’ll see right through me again.’ He appeared to be looking me in the eyes. ‘If I am unfaithful to you in True Form, I want you to know …’ His voice trailed off. ‘What do I say?’
‘You don’t need to say anything, Turtle,’ the stone said. ‘Because she already said she’d be happy to share you. She loves you completely, and knows that anything you do while you are a beast is outside your control.’
‘I sincerely hope you are correct, stone,’ John said. He glanced up. ‘I’m finished. She’ll probably want to tear raw bleeding strips off me when I come back. I hope she’ll have the chance. I love you, Emma. Please forgive me any transgressions while I am a beast; understand I have no control. Goodbye.’
I was back in my bedroom.
‘Well?’ the stone said.
I shrugged. ‘You were right. Of course I understand. Whatever he does while he’s like this is entirely outside his control.’
‘I knew it!’ the stone said. ‘I win!’
‘What do you win?’ I said sharply.
‘Whoops.’
‘What do you win?’
‘His shell.’
‘His whole shell?’
‘Yes.’
‘How are you going to get it off him?’
‘The usual way.’
&nb
sp; ‘He bet his shell that I wouldn’t understand?’
‘I bet my silence for two weeks that you would understand,’ the stone said. ‘Stupid Turtle. Of course you’d understand. He underestimated you.’
‘I’m going to help you,’ I said.
‘Help me what?’
‘Take his shell off.’
‘He was right about you tearing strips off him,’ the stone said.
‘Oh, I’m not going to tear strips off him,’ I said. ‘I’m going to turn him upside down and leave him on a beach in the sun for three days, and then you and I are going to take his shell off. Together.’
‘Lady Emma?’
‘What?’
‘Are you sure you’re not a stone inside?’
‘Nope, definitely one hundred per cent snake, all the way through. Except when I’m a Mother.’
‘I think you’re a Mother all the time, dear.’
‘I know.’
Leo, Simone and I met my parents for dinner at a Western restaurant in Harbour City. It was a steak restaurant where each diner cooked their own piece of meat on a hot stone.
After the drinks waiter had left us, my father glared at me. ‘Okay, something’s going on and I want to hear it.’
‘The word’s out that you’re a snake, Emma,’ my mother said. ‘And that you were a snake in the Northern Heavens. Is this why you never came to visit us in the Western Palace? You turn into a snake in Heaven?’
I hesitated, studying the menu.
‘Don’t try to hold back on us,’ my father growled.
I dropped my menu onto the table and sighed with exasperation. ‘You really don’t want to know. Believe me.’
‘Try us,’ my father said.
‘It’s not like you’re a demon or something, you’re just a snake,’ my mother said, smiling with encouragement. ‘Snakes are Celestials too, they’re just not very well understood. It will be fine.’
The abstract illustration on the front of the menu suddenly seemed very interesting. ‘I am a demon too.’
‘No, snakes aren’t demons, the Tiger’s said that many times,’ my mother said.
‘Simon Wong, the demon that killed John, injected me with demon essence. If I lose control, I become a Snake Mother.’
My mother jerked back with shock. ‘What, one of those really big ugly things with no skin and a snake tail?’