Had Nick broken his promise? I had to know for sure. I shifted shape to my dragon form and took flight, reaching down to snatch Derek out of the park. I saw the flash of his smile as I soared into the sky, Skuld’s shears hanging from my other claw.
“Awesome!” Derek breathed.
But I wasn’t feeling celebratory or even enjoying the marvel of being able to fly. If Nick was alive and well, if Nick had decided not to bother guarding Meagan and me because he didn’t believe me, I might very well make him wish he were dead. I flew straight to Isabelle’s dorm, probably setting a speed record on the way.
You know that I wanted with all my heart for Derek to be wrong.
You can probably guess that he wasn’t.
Chapter 7
When I landed and set Derek down outside the dorm filled with sleeping students, his face was alight. I’d never seen him look so excited.
“Wow, Zoë!” he said. “That was incredible!”
Derek is not an exclamatory kind of guy. But he was exultant. He enthused away for a couple of minutes about the wind and the feeling of freedom, and said more in three minutes than probably the whole sum of everything he had ever said to me.
And I am such a toad that all I could do was look at him and think how this was almost, but not quite exactly, what I wanted most in the world.
Yup. I still owed Jared that ride and I still wanted to see his face after I flew him somewhere. I wanted it to be Jared who was standing in front of me, looking expectant and in dire need of a kiss, and that made me feel like the lowest worm alive.
So, I turned to the door. “Let’s go find them,” I said, and opened it.
I heard Derek exhale slowly. I smelled his disappointment. I felt his sense of having been cheated.
And the worst part of it was that I knew he was totally justified.
I trudged through the hallways of the dorm, knowing the way to Isabelle’s room, disliking that Nick’s scent got stronger with every step. That made me mad. He was here all right. They’d probably come into the building by the same door we’d used. And why? What was his excuse? Why hadn’t he kept his promise? It was outrageous that I’d been worried about him but he’d just been goofing off.
Never mind that goofing off had saved his butt.
Was his promise to protect Meagan and me worth as little as that?
I was glad that Nick was safe from the ShadowEaters, but I was still pretty pissed by the time I rapped on Isabelle’s door.
I didn’t do it very quietly, either.
I heard voices whispering inside, and, sure enough, one of them was Nick’s.
The other—no surprise—was Isabelle’s.
Derek and I exchanged a look. Derek had a glint of mischief in his eyes, and that was when I understood what Nick had probably been doing here.
Oh. Too late. I wished I’d just messaged him or chewed him out in old-speak.
There was the sound of rustling and whispered warnings—sometimes dragon hearing provides way too much information—the tread of feet, then the silence of someone looking through the peephole.
“Zoë!” Isabelle said, and opened the door just a crack. “What are you doing here?”
“That’s what we came to ask Nick,” Derek said.
Isabelle jumped a bit—she hadn’t realized Derek was there—then glanced over her shoulder. She was gorgeous, her hair tumbling loose over her shoulders and her silk kimono held shut with one hand. Her feet were bare. She looked, if you must know, even more like a lingerie model than usual, given that she was wearing—right—lingerie.
But she blushed.
So did Nick—as he tried to scramble to his feet with some of his dignity intact, stammering as he struggled to think of an excuse.
He failed completely. The back of his neck was brick red.
He wasn’t naked, at least. Maybe they were doing that talk-all-night thing again. Under any other circumstance I would have been glad that he and Isabelle were making it work. Not now, though.
Nick took one look at my face and tried to bluster his way out of the situation. “Z, do you know what time it is? What are you thinking, coming around here at this hour of the morning? It’s not even five! People are trying to sleep.”
“Sleep,” Derek echoed, and both Nick and Isabelle turned redder.
“Only the ones who aren’t fighting ShadowEaters,” I said.
Nick rolled his eyes. “We went through that last night, Z. You just had a vision.…”
“Then I had it, too, and so did my pack leader and two others in my pack when the ShadowEaters tried to consume their shadows,” Derek interjected.
“What?” Nick said in alarm.
“When?” Isabelle asked, looking just as shocked.
“Not even half an hour ago.” Derek shoved his hands in his pockets, looking big and formidable and pissed off. “We’re here because Zoë was afraid that they might have gotten you. Kind of ironic that she wanted to save you, don’t you think?”
Nick looked between us with astonishment. “But I thought…”
“And you thought wrong.” Derek eased past Isabelle and marched into her room, poking Nick hard in the chest. “You made a mistake. You broke your word, and Zoë could have been hurt over it. Where would we be if she’d gotten killed?”
“Hey, now. Wait a minute. I didn’t mean—”
“It doesn’t matter what you thought you meant.” Derek said, his tone hard. “It matters what you said you would do and what you did do.”
“But there was no proof that Zoë’s vision had come true,” Isabelle interjected.
“Proof?” Derek repeated. He was furious enough to be shaken free from his usual near silence. I was in awe. “You don’t need proof. You pledge to follow a leader and you do what that leader says. You believe what that leader tells you to believe. The effectiveness of the team relies on you doing what you’re told to do.” He scoffed. “You don’t go changing plans for yourself and screwing it all up because you don’t have all the information.”
“But—” Nick tried to protest.
“But nothing! You left Zoë undefended when you had promised to stand guard.” Derek looked Nick up and down, his disdain clear. “With friends like you, she doesn’t need enemies.”
“That’s harsh,” Nick retorted, his eyes flashing. “We agreed last night that she was wrong about the ShadowEaters, because nobody else had seen them.”
“Nobody else but me and Kohana.” Derek pulled out his messenger and waved it in front of Nick. “Funny, I don’t see a message from you asking for my input.” He shoved it back in his pocket and approached Nick. Nick took a step back. “You’ve got an interesting way of playing on a team. I’ll have to make sure you’re not the one who gets the job of watching my back.”
Nick looked completely flummoxed by this.
Isabelle stepped between them. “But the Bastian Oracle said the ShadowEaters couldn’t come into this realm.”
Derek glared at her. “I guess she lied. Or maybe she’s wrong. Are you going to believe a story or what Zoë and I just survived?”
Nick and Isabelle looked at each other, so obviously surprised that I felt bad for them. Never mind the part I’d played in the proceedings. None of this would have happened without my choice.
Guilt pang there. I opened my mouth to talk to Nick, but Derek pivoted and walked back toward me. He grabbed my hand as he headed for the stairs. “Don’t forgive him yet,” he growled, and I shouldn’t have been surprised that he’d known what I was going to say.
I was astounded, astonished, and a bit disoriented that Derek had defended me so thoroughly. I’m a dragon girl. I can fight my own battles.
Although it was nice to have someone take my side.
And be so articulate about it.
Especially when I wasn’t innocent, either.
“Zoë!” Isabelle called after me. “Don’t be so hard on Nick. You know why he’s really here.”
I did know. I was glad that they w
ere together and that Isabelle’s dream was coming true, even if Nick hadn’t done what he’d said he would do. The fact that Derek was treating us like a team and acting like he was in charge also threw my game.
It was nice, but…
Derek flashed me a grin as we stepped outside, and the sight of his pleasure mixed me up even more. He held my hand tightly, his thumb doing that slow caress, and my heart started to thump.
I was amazed by the way Derek had defended me. He’d been so absolutely, totally in my corner. My own indecision seemed like loser thinking in comparison. In fact, his defense made me aware of how unfair I’d been to him. He was holding my hand so tightly—even though I’d just rolled out of bed to fight ShadowEaters and probably looked like it. He was loyal and strong and he had my back, better even than the guys I called my best friends.
Derek deserved better than what I’d given him.
A lot better.
By the time we stepped outside, I knew how I could start to fix that imbalance.
DEREK WALKED ME BACK TO the Jamesons’ town house. It was a bit after five in the morning and just getting light. There were delivery trucks and a few buses out on the roads, and not much else going on. I felt as if we were alone in the world.
And it was kind of nice.
Let’s just understand here that I am not a morning person. Having spent the whole night racing around—fighting spells, kicking butt, and taking names—meant that I was exhausted right to my marrow. I could have curled up and slept through the weekend.
But for the moment, I was running on adrenaline.
And something else. Something that made me tingle when Derek took my hand in his.
I did see the occasional flicker of gray in the shadows and imagined that the wolf shifters were keeping close tabs on their wildcard. I liked the way they all protected one another, and I liked that I had won them to my side, especially as it was a result of my doing what came naturally. I couldn’t have stood by and watched those wolves lose their shadows, not for any price.
And that made me think about dragons. Specifically one dragon: my dad. Should I tell him about the ShadowEaters? I knew he’d have lots to say about my making a bad choice, but maybe he’d have some advice on making it come right.
On the other hand, all the rules had changed.
“What?” Derek asked.
“Your pack is following us, standing guard.” I glanced at him and he nodded, unsurprised. “I’m wondering whether we should get some dragon backup, whether I should tell my dad what’s going on.”
Derek considered this. “What would he do?”
I smiled. “Charge in and breathe fire. Take command.”
“Against an opponent he has never faced. You’ve already thwarted the ShadowEaters twice.”
Well, there was that.
Derek gave me a look. “We are committed to following you, not your dad. If telling your dad would compromise your leadership of the alliance, maybe the news should wait.”
I instinctively agreed with him, but decided I’d confer with Nick, Liam, and Garrett just to be sure. I squeezed his hand a bit, liking that we’d been able to talk about a question of strategy, and he squeezed my hand back.
It was snowing again, snowing more vigorously than it had before. The city looked magical with all that white snow swirling across it. It was cold but not bitterly so. The snowflakes landed on my cheeks and the wind tossed my hair.
We walked along together in silence, just a hand’s width of space between us. I could feel the heat of him beside me, which made my toes curl in my boots. I could smell his skin, the clean soap scent of him, and when I glanced up, his silvery blue gaze was fixed on me. He can be so still, as if he doesn’t need to blink or to breathe, as if he doesn’t miss one single thing.
My heart began to beat more quickly. I heard his pulse, courtesy of my dragon powers, and my heart did that dizzy-crazy thing of matching its pace to his. It’s weird when that happens. It seems as if my pulse is redoubled, resonating throughout my body, overwhelming me with awareness of him.
Derek didn’t say anything. He just studied me in that steady, unblinking way of his. It was as if he didn’t want to affect the moment, maybe by saying the wrong thing.
In reality, I was the one who had said a lot of wrong things.
“Thanks for taking my side,” I said, giving his hand a little squeeze.
“That’s what I signed up for,” he said, but didn’t squeeze my fingers back. He looked ahead of us then, frowning a bit.
I had more work to do.
“I think it was my fault,” I admitted. “I had this dream last night and was offered the chance to have the veil torn.”
Derek turned to look at me, a question in his eyes.
“So everyone could see the truth of what the ShadowEaters are doing.” I grimaced. “But that also seems to have given them more powers.”
“Like?”
“Invading my dreams. Casting spells that snare us. Maybe even being able to target shifters through me.”
“Then maybe it needed to happen,” he said, stoic in his defense. “Maybe we needed to flush them out so we could defeat them.”
“I’m sorry your leader almost got hurt.”
“You saved him. It’s square.”
“Look, I wouldn’t blame you if you were mad at me,” I said. “But I’m kind of caught between what I want to do and what I’m supposed to do. I have to choose all the time, right in the heat of the moment, and I’m not even sure that I’m always making the right choice. All I can do is try my best.”
He flicked me a look, his eyes gleaming. “You’re not the only one, you know. It comes with the territory.”
“Really?” Derek had to choose duty over desire? That surprised me.
But he nodded, smiling crookedly. “Something else we have in common.”
“I’m glad.”
His gaze dropped to the necklace he’d given me, the silver hand of Fatima on a chain, the one I was still wearing. His eyes seemed to shimmer the way heat shimmers above the pavement on a hot summer day.
I know I caught my breath at the sight.
He stopped on the sidewalk, then turned to face me.
“I know what you’re supposed to do,” he said, his voice all low and growly. I shivered at the sound of it, feeling my body respond to every word. He studied me, probably seeing every secret I ever had and—given his ability to see two minutes into the future—a good many of the ones I might have soon. “But I’m never sure what it is that you want to do.”
And I saw how much I had hurt him. I knew I hadn’t been as kind as I could have been, and I knew he didn’t deserve my indecision, but I wanted to be straight with him. And that meant not pretending to feel something I didn’t feel, even if it was inconvenient.
“What I want is to be honest with you,” I said because it was true.
He dropped his gaze, shielding his thoughts from me. He touched the back of my hand with another fingertip, the heat of his caress awakening an answering heat within me. “You never ask what I want,” he murmured, then flicked me a hot look.
“Because I think I know,” I said. He lifted one dark brow, inviting me to explain. “You want to go out together, to go to the dance, and—and, stuff.”
The corner of his mouth lifted in a little smile. He flattened his hand over mine, his palm closing over the back of my hand. His hand was a lot bigger, big enough to engulf mine, warm and solid and strong. “What kind of stuff, Zoë?”
I swallowed. My thoughts were churning, descending into incoherence thanks to the press of his hand on mine. “Make an alliance?” I guessed.
“Secure an alliance,” he corrected. He looked me right in the eye. “How are alliances secured, Zoë?”
I might have thought straight then, but he spread his fingers, spearing them between mine and locking his hand over mine. His grip was firm but not tight. “With treaties?” I suggested, hearing that my voice was higher than usual.
br /> Derek shook his head. “That’s for countries, not ancient species like us,” he murmured, and my mouth went dry. His gaze dropped to my lips and his voice dropped even lower. “Maybe we should call it a union instead.”
A hot flush rolled through my body at his intensity.
He was talking about sex.
“Eventually,” he said quietly. “For now, we could go steady.”
I thought I could probably manage that.
He looked down at our interlocked hands for a long moment. “Wolves are patient, Zoë, and we are loyal. I can wait. I just need to know whether it’s even a possibility.”
He wanted a commitment. Right here and right now.
I glanced across the deserted street, thinking as furiously as I could.
How much was I prepared to do to ensure the alliance between shifters, to ensure that all four remaining kinds had a future?
How long would Derek be patient?
And how could I know, without any real ability to see the future, whether there really was no possibility of that union occurring? I didn’t know what I was going to want on Monday; how could I know what I wanted for the rest of my life? Especially since I was probably going to live for centuries? How could I know when I’d have a firestorm—the mark of a destined union for the Pyr—or with whom?
Maybe unions and alliances should be made where they could be made.
Maybe securing the future for four different species was more important than my own personal yearnings, given that my particular desire was unlikely to ever come true.
Maybe I’d been right that it would be smarter to like guys who liked me, rather than yearning after the elusive ones who never would like me.
“All right, I get it,” Derek said, pulling his hand away. I reached out and stopped him, putting my hand on his arm.
He looked at me, all stillness and intensity.
“No. No, you don’t.” I swallowed and took a breath, knowing that in this moment, what I had to do and what I wanted to do were exactly the same. “I want to see the future. I want to know how everything is going to work out. I want to make the right choice every time.”
“Nobody does that, Zoë.”