“I don’t want you to think. I want you to feel.” He kissed her then with the same wicked sweetness that had broken her resolve seconds before. She sighed, the same sigh he’d mentioned earlier, and regretted it immediately.
“Lesley, I don’t know what to do.” He leaned his forehead against hers.
“Kiss me again.” She held his face with her hands, buried her fingers in the thickness of his hair and directed his lips back to hers. By the time they drew apart, both were panting and breathless.
For a moment neither of them said anything. “I think you might be right,” he finally said with reluctance. “This isn’t such a good idea, after all. One taste of you would never be enough. I’m greedy, Lesley. I want it all. It’s better not to start what we can’t finish.”
He reached for the picnic basket and took it outside. Lesley felt weak and shaken. She wouldn’t have believed it possible for any man to evoke such an intense reaction with a few kisses.
Her knees were trembling as she grabbed her knapsack and purse and followed him out the door. Chase stored her things beside the picnic basket in the trunk. He helped her into the passenger seat and got into the car a moment later, waiting until she’d adjusted her seat belt before he started the engine.
Neither of them had much to say on the long drive to Paradise. Lesley had planned to play the role of tour guide as she had previously, pointing out interesting facts along the way, but changed her mind. She was going to mention that Mount Rainier National Park was one of the first parks ever established—in 1899. But it wasn’t important to tell him that, not if it meant disturbing the peaceful silence they shared.
Lesley loved Mount Rainier and the way it stood guard over the Pacific Northwest. The view of the mountain from Seattle was often breathtaking. Her appreciation increased even more when she saw the look in Chase’s eyes as they drove the twisting road through the forest-thick area. He surprised her with his knowledge of trees.
“Everyone recognizes a Douglas fir when they see one, don’t they?” he teased.
“No.”
They stopped at a campsite and took a break. When Lesley returned from using the facilities, she saw Chase wandering through the mossy, fern-draped valley. She joined him, feeling a sense of closeness and solemnity with Chase, as though they were standing on holy ground. The trees surrounding them were tall and massive, the forest a lush green. Breathing deeply, Lesley felt the fullness of beauty standing there with him. The air was sharp, clean, vibrant with the scent of evergreens.
Chase took her hand and entwined his fingers with hers. “Are you ready?” he asked.
Lesley nodded, uncertain what she was agreeing to, and for once in her life not caring.
They got back in the car and in companionable silence traveled the rest of the way to Paradise. Since they hadn’t eaten breakfast, Chase suggested they have their picnic, which they did. He finished the chocolate chip cookies she’d brought for him, praising them lavishly.
Afterward, Lesley put on her boots and they walked the trails through the open, subalpine meadowlands, which were shedding their cold blankets of snow.
“You know what I love most here? The flowers, their color, the way they fight through the cold and stand proudly against the hillside as if to say they’ve accomplished something important,” Lesley said as they climbed up the steep path.
“The flowers respond the way most of us do, don’t you think?” Chase asked.
“How’s that?”
“They respond to life. To the power and force of life. I feel it here and you do, too. It’s like standing on a boulder and looking out over the world and saying, ‘Here I am. I’ve done it.’”
“And what exactly have you done, Chase Goodman?”
He chuckled. “I haven’t figured it out yet, but this feeling is too good to waste.”
She laughed. “I know what you mean.”
They hiked for a couple of hours, and ascended as far as the tree line. The beauty of the hills and valleys was unending, spilling out before them like an Impressionist painting, in vibrant hues of purple, rose and white.
After their hike, they explored the visitor center, then headed back to the car.
Lesley was exhausted. The day had been full and exciting. Over the years, she’d visited Paradise countless times and had always enjoyed herself, but not the way she had today with Chase. With him, she’d experienced a spiritual wonder, a feeling of joy, a new connection with nature. She couldn’t think of a logical way to explain it any more than she could say why his kisses affected her so strongly.
When they arrived back in Seattle, Eric and Kevin, Daisy’s two boys, ran out to the car to greet them.
“Hi, Lesley,” Eric, the oldest boy, said, eyeing Chase.
“Hello, boys. This is Chase.”
Chase cordially shook hands with the youngsters. “Howdy, boys.”
“You’re sure big. Even bigger ’n Lesley.”
Lesley wasn’t sure if that was a compliment or not.
“We came to see if you had any cookies left.”
“Mom said you might have some more,” Kevin chimed in.
“Yup, I saved some for you.”
“But don’t forget she made them for me,” Chase said. “You boys should make sure I’m willing to share the loot before you ask Lesley.”
“She used to make them for us. So we’ve got dibs.”
“You gonna share or not?” Kevin asked, hands on his hips, implying a showdown if necessary.
Chase rubbed the side of his jaw as if giving the matter consideration.
“Those boys bothering you?” Daisy shouted from the front door.
“We just want our share of Lesley’s cookies before Chase eats ’em all.”
“I’ll buy you cookies,” Daisy promised, throwing an apologetic look at Lesley. For her part, Lesley was enjoying this exchange, especially the way Chase interacted with the two boys. Tony had treated Daisy’s sons as pests and shooed them away whenever they came around. Although he worked with children, he had little rapport with them outside the classroom.
“We don’t want any store-bought cookies,” Eric argued.
“Don’t try and bake any, either, Mom, not after last time.” He looked at Lesley, and whispered, “Even my friend’s dog wouldn’t eat them.”
Lesley smothered a giggle.
“Will you or won’t you give us some cookies?” Eric demanded of Chase.
Chase himself was having trouble not smiling. “I guess I don’t have much choice. You two have a prior claim and any judge in the land would take that into account.”
“Does that mean he will or he won’t?” Kevin asked his brother.
“He will,” Eric answered. “I think.”
“But only if you help us unload the car,” Chase said, giving them both a few things to haul inside.
Lesley emptied the cookie jar, setting aside a handful for Chase, and doled out the boys’ well-earned reward. While Chase was dealing with the picnic basket, she absently checked her answering machine.
“Lesley, it’s Tony. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and thought we should get together to talk. April’s out of town this week visiting her mother, so give me a call as soon as you can.”
Lesley felt as if someone had just hit her. Instinctively her hands went to her stomach, and she stood frozen in a desperate effort to catch her breath.
She turned slowly around, not knowing what to do, and discovered Chase standing there, staring at her.
Five
“Well,” Chase said, studying Lesley closely. “Are you going to call him?”
“No.”
“You’re sure?”
He seemed to doubt Lesley and that upset her, possibly because she wasn’t sure. Part of her wanted to speak to Tony. School had been out for more than a week now and she was starved for the sight of him. Admitting her weakness, even to herself, demanded rigorous, painful honesty. Tony was married, and it sickened her that she felt this way.
&
nbsp; “I’m sure,” she snapped, then added, “although it’s none of your business.”
He nodded, his eyes guarded as though he wanted to believe her but wasn’t convinced he should. “Are you going to invite me in for a cup of coffee?”
Lesley stared at him, not knowing what to say. She needed privacy in order to analyze her feelings, but at the same time, she didn’t want Chase to leave, because once he did, she’d be forced to confront her weakness for Tony.
Eric came into the kitchen, munching loudly on a cookie. “Lesley’s the best cook I ever met,” he announced, looking proud to be her neighbor. His jeans had large rips in the knees and his T-shirt was badly stained, but his cheerful expression was infectious.
“A better cook than Mom,” Kevin agreed, rubbing his forearm over his mouth to remove any crumbs.
“Even Dr. Seuss is a better cook than Mom. Remember the time she made us green eggs and ham for breakfast? Except they weren’t supposed to be.” Both boys laughed and grabbed another cookie.
“Say, you two ever been fishing?” Chase asked unexpectedly.
“Nope.” They gazed up at Chase with wide, eager eyes.
“I was planning to ask Lesley to go fishing tomorrow and I thought it might be fun if you two came along. You think you could talk your mom into letting you join us?”
“I’ll ask,” Eric said, racing from the kitchen.
“I want to ask,” Kevin shouted, running after his brother.
Lesley made a pot of coffee. She wasn’t gullible; she knew exactly why Chase had included the boys. He wanted to see her again and knew she wouldn’t refuse him if it meant disappointing her ragamuffin neighbors. She said as much when she brought two mugs of coffee to the table.
“What would you do if I said I couldn’t go with you?” she asked, sitting across from him.
The healing calm she’d experienced earlier with Chase on Mount Rainier had been shattered by Tony’s call. She hadn’t realized how frail that newfound peace had been or how easily it could be destroyed. She hated the fact that Tony continued to wield such power over her, especially when she felt she’d made strides in letting go of her love for him.
“The boys and I’d miss you,” Chase said after a moment, “but I’d never disappoint those two. Every boy should go fishing at some point in his life. I’d like it if you’d come, but I’ll understand if you’d prefer to stay home.” He sipped his coffee and seemed to be waiting for a response from her.
“Would it be all right if I let you know in the morning?”
“Of course.”
The front door flew open and Eric and Kevin shot into the room like bullets, breathless with excitement. “Mom said we could go! But she needs to know how much money we need and what we should bring.”
“Tell her you don’t need a dime and all you have to bring is an extra set of clothes.”
“What time?”
“Six sounds good.”
“In the morning?” Kevin’s eyes rounded with dismay. “We don’t usually get up before nine.”
“You want to catch trout, don’t you?”
“Sure, but…”
“We’ll be ready,” Eric said, elbowing his brother in the ribs. “Isn’t that right, Kevin?”
“Ow. Yeah, we’ll be ready.”
“Good. Then I’ll see you boys bright and early tomorrow morning.” Chase ushered them to the door, while Lesley sat at the table, hiding her amusement.
When Chase returned, he surprised her by taking one last sip of his coffee and carrying the mug to her sink. He came back to the table, placed his hand on her shoulder and kissed her cheek. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“You’re leaving?” Suddenly it became vital that he stay because once he left, she feared the temptation to return Tony’s call would be too strong to control, too easy to rationalize. Standing abruptly, she folded her arms and stared up at him, struggling with herself.
“You don’t want me to go?”
She shrugged and finally admitted the truth. “I…want you to help me understand why Tony would phone me out of the blue like this. I want you to help me figure out what I should do, but more importantly, I need you to remind me how wrong it would be to call him. I can’t—won’t—betray my own principles.”
“Sorry,” Chase said, sounding genuinely regretful. “Those are things you’ve got to figure out on your own.”
“But…”
“I’ll give you a call in the morning.”
“Aren’t you going to kiss me?”
He hesitated and desire was clear on his face. “I’d like nothing better, but I don’t think I should.”
“Why not?” She moved closer, so close she could feel his breath against her face, so close that all she needed to do was ease forward and her lips would meet his.
“I don’t think it’d be a good idea just now.” His voice was low.
“I need you to kiss me,” she said, pressing her palms against his shirt and waiting.
“I wish…” she continued.
His breathing was erratic, but so was her own.
“What do you wish?” His mouth wandered to her neck and she sighed at the feel of his lips against her skin. She angled her head back, revealing her eagerness for his touch.
“You already know what I want,” she whispered.
He planted slow kisses on her throat, pausing to moisten the hollow with the tip of his tongue. Shivers of awareness rippled down her arms.
Her mouth sought his and he kissed her, his lips soft and undemanding. She slipped her arms around his neck and nestled into his arms, needing the security of his touch to ground her in reality.
When he kissed her again, she moaned, lifting her hand to the back of his head, urging him closer. “Oh, Chase,” she breathed once the kiss had ended.
He raised his head and touched her forehead with his lips. “A man could get used to hearing a woman say his name like that.”
“Oh.” Her response sounded inane, but conversation was beyond her.
“Marry me, Lesley.”
She risked a glance at his face and felt emotion well up in her throat. Blinking rapidly, she managed to hold the tears at bay.
“All right,” he said. “We’ll do this your way, in increments. Will you join the boys and me in the morning?”
Lesley nodded.
“I was hoping you would.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “I have to leave now. Trust me, I’d much rather stay, but I can’t and we both know why.”
Lesley did know.
It wasn’t fair to use Chase as a shield against Tony. She would have to stand alone, make her own decisions, and Chase understood that more clearly than she had herself.
“I’ll see you at six in the morning,” he whispered, and released her. As if he couldn’t wait that long to kiss her again, he lowered his mouth to hers, kissed her longingly, then slowly turned away.
The sound of the front door closing followed seconds later, and Lesley stood in the middle of her kitchen with the phone just inches away.
* * *
“A trout can sure put up a big fight,” Eric said with a satisfied look in his brother’s direction after he’d caught his first fish.
The four of them were standing on the banks of Green River, their lines dangling in the water. Through pure luck, Eric had managed to catch the first trout. While Chase helped the boy remove the squirming fish from the line and rebait his hook, Lesley whispered reassurances to Kevin.
“Don’t worry, you’ll snag one, too.”
“But what if I don’t?” Kevin asked, hanging his head. “Eric always gets everything first just ’cause he’s older. It isn’t fair. It just isn’t fair.”
No sooner were the words out of his mouth than his line dipped with such force that he nearly lost his fishing rod. His triumphant gaze flew to Lesley. “I’ve got one!”
Chase immediately went over to the younger boy, coaxing him as he had Eric, tutoring him until the boy had reeled in the trout and C
hase was able to take the good-size fish from the hook.
“Is mine bigger than Eric’s?” Kevin demanded.
“You’ll have to check that for yourself.”
“Yup, mine’s bigger,” Kevin announced a moment later with a smug look.
Lesley found the younger boy’s conviction amusing, but said nothing. To prove his point, Kevin held up both fish and asked Lesley to judge, but it was impossible to tell.
They spent most of the morning fishing, until both boys had reached their limit. Although Chase had brought Lesley a fishing rod, she didn’t do much fishing herself. Twice she got a fish on the line, but both times she let the boys reel them in for her. Chase did the same, letting the boys experience the thrill.
By eleven o’clock, all four were famished.
“Let’s have trout for lunch,” Chase suggested.
“I thought Lesley made sandwiches,” Kevin said, eyeing the fish suspiciously. “I don’t like fish, unless it’s fish and chips, and then I’ll eat it.”
“That’s because you’ve never had anyone cook trout the way the Indians do.” Chase explained a method of slow cooking, wrapping the fish in leaves and mud and burying them in the coals, which had even Lesley’s mouth watering in anticipation. He also explained the importance of never allowing the fish they’d caught to go to waste. The boys nodded solemnly as if they understood the wisdom of his words. By then, Lesley guessed, they both thought Chase walked on water.
“I’m going to need your help,” he said, instructing the boys to gather kindling for the fire. “Then you can help me clean the trout.”
“You won’t need me for this, will you?” Lesley asked hopefully.
“Women are afraid of guts,” Eric explained for Chase’s benefit.
“Is that so?”
“They go all weird over that kind of stuff. Mom’s the same way. One time, the neighbor’s cat, a black one named Midnight…you know Midnight, don’t you, Lesley?”
She nodded.
“Midnight brought a dead bird into the yard and Mom started going all weird and yelling. We thought someone was trying to murder her.”
“I thought Dad was back,” Eric inserted, and Chase’s eyes connected briefly with Lesley’s and for an instant fire leapt into his eyes.