“Anything is fine,” I smile weakly.
“Great, I’ll leave my cellphone number in case you need it. I won’t be long. Are you ok?”
I nod, and she gives me another smile before turning and rushing out. When I hear her car start up and drive away, I turn and lift my cell, dialing Hogan’s number and bringing it to my ear with trembling fingers. Bile is rising up and down in my throat, and I can’t seem to push it back. I swallow and swallow, doing the best I can to avoid throwing up all over Jackson’s room.
“You got anything?” Hogan barks as soon as he picks up.
I shudder, and close my eyes, taking a deep breath. “No, I haven’t even been here a day.”
“Don’t fuckin’ care, you get busy with it. I want information by Tuesday next week. You find a way to get outta there and get it to me. Phone is too risky.”
“I can’t just walk out,” I protest. “It’s too risky, they will get suspicious and it will blow the entire thing.”
“Listen to me, you little fuckin’ slut. I call the fuckin’ shots, and you do as I fuckin’ say. Know that sweet ass little girl of Janine’s you love so much...”
I gasp, my throat closing in. “Don’t, please.”
“Your friend wouldn’t be happy if her daughter went missing, and died, because of you...imagine what her old man will do to you, if he knows it’s your fault his daughter is dead...”
“You wouldn’t do that to one of your own men’s children, would you?” I rasp.
“Course I fuckin’ would. I would do it, and I would put it back on you. Don’t mess with me. You know I will bring you down, and I’ll do it fuckin’ hard.”
“Please, Hogan, I will do as you ask. Just leave them out of it.”
“Fuckin’ right you will. Find out when they’re going to hit us and how.”
“I-I-I think it’s the wrong club, they don’t seem...”
“What?” he roars, “you little fuckin’ slut. Don’t you fuckin’ question me. I know who fuckin’ blew my compound, and I know why. Those two fuckin’ clubs are goin’ down.”
“B-b-but...”
“Shut the fuck up, and do as you’re fuckin’ told or your friend’s kid goes for a swim...”
Oh God. The phone hangs up and I double over, gripping my stomach as tears stream down my battered face. I’m trapped. It doesn’t matter what I do. I can’t escape. He’s going to find a way to make me betray these people, and I’m likely to end up dead because of it. I won’t risk my best friend and her baby and he knows it. I would never put her in that position. I have no choice.
I have to stay.
~*~*~*~
SERENITY
Addison returns half an hour later with a big, good looking biker behind her. I’m in the living room now, sitting on the couch with my legs tucked to my chest, trying to control the shaking that refuses to leave my body. Addi tilts her head to the side, giving me a concerned expression before walking over and stopping in front of me.
“Hey,” she says gently. “You ok?”
“Just feeling a bit ill,” I lie.
“Do you want to go to sleep? You don’t have to eat.”
I shake my head. “I’m ok...”
She nods, and then smiles. “This is my soon to be husband, Cade.”
The handsome biker steps forward, flashing me a warm, inviting grin. I want to shake my head in confusion. My father must have this all wrong. These men can’t be the cold, deadly killers he speaks of. They’re so...kind. I’m yet to meet one of them that’s nasty, horrible or rude.
“How you doin’, sugar? Lookin’ pretty beat up.”
I shudder, but keep the false smile. “I’m feeling better. Thank you.”
He nods. “You find that mongrel that did this, and we’ll make him pay.”
I laugh weakly. “Jackson said the same thing earlier.”
“What did I say?”
I jump at the voice coming from the doorway, but Addi and Cade simply turn and smile as Jackson walks in, shrugging off his jacket and leaning down to open the pizza box. He takes a slice of pizza, and stares at the three of us. His eyes scan over me a moment longer than the other two, and I suddenly feel tiny under his gaze.
“Just tellin’ Serenity here, that if she figures out where the mongrel who beat her is, she should tell us so we can sort him out.”
Jackson nods. “Yeah, fuckin’ sort him out alright.”
“Thank you,” I say in a small voice. “But it’s fine.”
“How old are you girl? Can’t be more than eighteen and you’re tellin’ us it’s fine for a man twice, possibly three times your age, to beat you?” Jackson says, giving me a confused expression.
“I’m actually twenty-five,” I squeak.
Everyone in the room raises their brows. I feel color creep into my cheeks. I know to most people I look like a teenager. I am no more than five foot three, with a tiny build, small breasts, small ass, and, well, small everything. My hair is dark, and so long and thick it almost looks heavier than me. My eyes are hazel. I’m lucky really, I got my mother’s looks over my fathers, thank Christ for that. My mother was a cheap hooker, who ran out on me when I was two, but I know she was attractive. Hogan had a photo of her, and so I kept it. He doesn’t know I kept it, but I did.
“Bullshit...” Jackson says, narrowing his eyes at me.
“It’s the truth,” I say, swallowing nervously.
“Show me your ID?” Addi laughs. “That can’t be true.”
My heart begins to hammer. If they ask too much about me, they’ll figure out who I am. I can’t just whip out my ID and show them. I should have kept my damn mouth shut instead of opening it. I’m going to make them suspicious and blow this entire thing out of the water.
“I-I-I don’t have it,” I stammer.
“I was joking,” Addi says softly. “It’s ok.”
I get to my feet, feeling my knees wobble. “I’m just going to get some sleep. Thank you, for taking me in.”
They all nod, staring at me oddly as I turn and rush off up the stairs. When I get to my room, I close the door behind me and press my back to it, letting out a long, weak sigh. I don’t know if I can do this. I just don’t know if I’m strong enough. How can I hurt people who have done nothing to me?
Think of your family, the ones they blew up.
I’m trying to, but it’s not enough for me to want to hurt them. It’s just not enough. Hogan deserves everything he gets. He killed that other biker’s wife, everyone knows that. He doesn’t care about them, or their families, and yet he wants me to care about mine. How can I? When mine are monsters? I slide down the door, dropping my head into my hands and wincing as my palms press against my bruised face.
What the hell am I going to do?
~*CHAPTER 2*~
JACKSON
“That was odd,” Addison says, tucking herself beside Cade on the couch.
I am still staring at the stairs, wondering what the hell is the go with Serenity? Something is not quite right about her. Granted, her own father beats her, but it’s something more than that. I just can’t put my finger on it. The girl is like a tiny, broken pixie. How anyone could lay a hand on her is beyond me. I turn to my daughter, and meet her confused expression.
“No idea,” I say, grabbing another slice of pizza and slumping back into the chair. “But she’s got some history...I’ve seen damaged girls in my time, and I can tell you now, she’s damaged.”
“Yeah,” Addison says, frowning. “I just wish we could help her out of it.”
“Can’t save everyone, sugar,” Cade says gently, giving her a look.
“I know, but she looks so afraid, like someone is just going to come in and blow her to pieces.”
“She’s been recently beaten,” I say between mouthfuls. “It makes sense she’s scared, kid.”
“I know daddy, but it seems like so much more.”
Daddy. Fuckin’ girl kills me when she calls me daddy. Fuck. Fuck. I want to wrap her u
p and never let go. Best day of my life when she walked back into it.
“Yo’!”
We all turn to see Spike and Ciara coming through the door. Jesus, can’t a man get some peace and quiet? I come home for quiet time, but the shits find me and make themselves at home. Sometimes stayin’ at the compound seems like the better option. Spike has a six pack in his fingers, and Ciara is rubbing her belly protectively.
“Spike, to what do we owe this tremendous pleasure?” I say in a monotone voice.
He smirks at me, before coming in and making himself at home on the couch. Ciara slips in beside him, wrapping herself around him in much the same way Addison did to Cade. My heart tightens, and I fucking hate it. I hate that I feel so fucking lonely sometimes. I’m coming on forty this year, and I go to bed every night alone. Occasionally I fuck a random woman, or share with some of the MC’s, but more often than not, I am just alone.
“How’s Serenity?” Ciara asks.
I shrug. “Ask Addison.”
She turns to Addison, who shrugs too. “She’s ok, quiet, but ok...I think.”
“She said much about where she’s from?”
Addi shakes her head. “Not a great deal of info coming from her.”
Ciara nods. “Yeah, well, she’s probably scared. Though I did figure out something was off with her when she first came in.”
“How so?” I ask, taking a sip of beer.
“She didn’t seem scared, like the compound didn’t frighten her at all. Most women would be petrified. She wasn’t.”
“So she’s lived around some serious bad asses?” Addison murmurs. “That explains a lot.”
“Yeah, but I wonder who?” Ciara adds, pursing her lips.
“Ain’t our business,” I point out. “We’re just here to help get her better so she can find a way to get back on her feet.”
“So boss,” Spike says, cutting us off. “Heard anything since the blow out?”
I shake my head. “As far as I know, they don’t know it was us. Hogan is dead.”
“We sure of that?” Cade asks, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it.
“I’ve got someone on it, we should hear for sure soon.”
Spike nods. “Hopefully it’s all fuckin’ over.”
“Yeah, I’m getting too fuckin’ old for this shit.”
Addison snorts, and I give her a glare. “What?”
“You’re like...forty.”
“Yeah, as I said, fuckin’ old.”
“Father, you’re not old, just well-seasoned.”
Spike snorts his beer, and Cade bursts out laughing. I give Addison a wicked grin. “You’re lucky you’re too old to have your ass spanked, girl.”
She flashes me an award winning smile. “You wouldn’t smack me, I’m too sweet.”
Ciara laughs, standing. “Come on Addi,” she giggles. “Let’s go talk babies and let these guys grunt and bang each other’s chests.”
“Careful, Tom Cat,” Spike grins, slapping her ass as she walks past.
Jesus.
It never ends.
~*~*~*~
SERENITY
I can’t breathe, his fingers are around my throat and I’m thrashing, but I can’t escape it. I want to escape, but I can’t. He’s too strong, too big, and too powerful. His body is crushing mine against the wall, and I’m squirming to get away. My body tingles, and my heart thumps as all the oxygen is squeezed from my body. I’m going to die, this is it for me. It’s over with. I’m dead. Part of me is relieved, I’m so tired of fighting, but part of me wants to fight. I realize just as the last of my breath leaves my body, that I don’t want to die. I should have picked to fight.
“What the fuck, wake up!”
I slowly come to, my eyes are hazy. It takes me a moment to realize it was a dream, and I’m now waking up. I see Jackson leaning over me, shirtless, hair flowing around his shoulders, looking like a dark angel.
“Hey, you with me?”
I’m panting, and my body is covered in a fine sheen of sweat.
“I...what?”
“You were screamin’, fuckin’ loud.”
Screaming? Oh shit. If I scream my father’s name...panic floods me, and I begin to pant even heavier. This is too risky. I have to get out of here. I can’t do this. It’s too dangerous. I bolt upright, and Jackson reels backwards. His thick, dark hair hangs over his shoulders, it’s all loose, and he looks utterly breath taking standing in front of me. His body is hard, large, and covered in tattoos. God, I can’t be doing this. I shouldn’t even be looking. I leap from the bed, and scurry about trying to find my cell phone. I find it, shove it in my pants and hurry to the door.
“Whoa, what are you doin’?” he asks.
“I can’t be here, I can’t do this. I’m sorry. I should leave,” I ramble.
I rush past him and down the stairs. He follows; I can hear his heavy footsteps behind me. He reaches out just as I hit the bottom step, gripping my arm. I yelp loudly, spinning around and shoving at his chest so hard he stumbles backwards. His eyes widen and he quickly lets me go, throwing his hands up.
“Don’t touch me!” I scream.
His eyes are full of concern, and he gently shakes his head. “I’m sorry,” he says slowly. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I wouldn’t hurt you, I swear it. Don’t go runnin’ out in the middle of the night. It’s dangerous out there.”
“Please,” I say, my voice trembling. “I can’t be here. I appreciate your hospitality, but I can’t stay.”
“So you go runnin’ out onto the streets in the middle of the night? You know how dangerous that is?”
“I have no other choice, I can’t stay. I can’t...”
“Hey,” he says, stepping closer, his green eyes searching my face. “Ain’t no one gonna hurt you here. I swear it. Come on, darlin’...just go back and get some sleep. Sort yourself out. Then you can leave if you want.”
Darlin’.
Why does he have to be so sweet? Why can’t he be vulgar, and rude, and awful...that would make this so much easier.
“I just...”
“Please, at least stay the night,” he says, his eyes meeting mine. “Just one night. It ain’t going to go down well with me, if I know you’re out there alone...”
Thinking of my father’s reaction if I return home with no information, I nod my head weakly, and swallow. “Ok, I’m sorry, I will stay.”
“There ain’t nothin’ to be sorry for.”
Oh how wrong he is.
“I am asking a lot of you, being here...” I whisper, meeting his piercing gaze.
“I don’t mind helpin’ you out,” he says softly, then turns away.
I watch as he walks into the kitchen. He opens the fridge and pulls out some milk, and then he goes into the cupboard and finds some honey. He pours the milk into a pan, and then squeezes some honey in. I walk over, feeling my legs wobble. Watching his back as he stirs, watching the muscles move and pull, makes my throat tight. Why is a man so beautiful, so alone?
“You don’t have a wife...”
I curse myself for asking such an insensitive question. Jackson gives me a look over his shoulder. “Nah.”
“I’m sorry, that’s none of my business.”
He shrugs. “It’s fine, darlin’. I ain’t got nothin’ to hide. It just never happened for me, I came close with Addi’s momma, but it was never meant to be.”
“I’m sorry.”
He shrugs. “Sometimes love just ain’t meant to be for some people.”
“I don’t think that’s true,” I say softly. “I think everyone has someone.”
“I’ve found plenty of wrong, just never right.”
“She’s out there.”
He smiles at me, like I’m a small child dreaming far too big. He turns and pulls out a few glasses, and pours the milk into them before lifting them and handing one to me. I take it, grateful.
“When I was a kid, my momma used to make this for me, it works,” he says, nodding hi
s head towards the glass in my hand.
“With sleep or the nightmares?” I ask.
“Both.”
I smile, and it’s the first real smile I’ve given since I’ve been here. Jackson smiles too, and it causes all the breath to leave my lungs in a rush. He’s got these beautiful dimples, and on his square jaw, they look divine.
“So your mom,” I whisper. “She was loving then?”
He nods. “Yeah, she was amazing. What about you?”
I look away. “She ran out when I was two, leaving me with...him.”
“That’s fuckin’ shit, I’m sorry.”
A random, unexpected giggle erupts from my throat.
“That was funny?” Jackson says, giving me a half smile.
“No,” I say, still smiling. “It’s just the way you say things.”
He grins. “Yeah, I add far too many fucks into my sentences.”
I shrug. “It’s ok, I don’t mind.”
“You grow up around here?” he asks, putting the glass to his lips and taking a sip.
“No, we’ve just been here for the past few...months.”
It’s a lie, we’ve only just gotten into town, but if I tell him that, he’ll ask questions.
“You got any other family?”
I shake my head. “No, just my father.”
“Sucks to be in a position you can’t escape from.”
I nod. “Yeah, it does.”
He nods, and runs his finger around the rim of the glass. “Well, you stay here as long as you need.”
“Thank you, but I’ll try and get out of your hair as soon as I can.”
He shrugs, tensing and releasing his jaw. “Don’t matter to me, darlin’. You can stay.”
“I know,” I whisper. “But you don’t know me and...”
“You gonna murder me in the middle of the night?”
I chuckle, but it sounds empty, even to me. “No.”
“You gonna steal from me?”
“No.”
“You’re not one of those female sicko’s that will tie me up and rape me?”