"Yes, we have. Hello."
Helen a tall, lean woman with blonde hair, full lips and a lime green skin tight dress tilted her head to the side and looked at me. "No wonder we hardly see Zach anymore." A slight scowl followed. They were all standing around talking in a friendly manner but in a backhanded way.
Zach heard his name and turned back to the women's conversation. A sigh of relief left me before I could stop it. I was sure Roxie caught it.
Helen latched onto Zach's arm. "I was just saying no wonder we never see Zach anymore since he's got this pretty little foundling flitting around his house."
Zach pulled his arm out of her grasp. "Seems like you've already had one too many dollar beers, Helen." His angry retort didn't help warm up her attitude toward me. And my regret for coming along was growing. Zach, who had somehow learned in a few short weeks how to read every expression on my face, sensed my discomfort.
He reached across the circle and took hold of my hand. "Come on, let's get you a drink. You look like you could use it." I kept my gaze directly on him as he pulled me away.
"Shit, Zach, we were just getting to know her," Roxie called. "Are you going to be greedy with her like that all night?"
"Yep," he called back over his shoulder.
Jesse joined us for the journey to the bar. It seemed everyone knew the brothers and considered them important enough to at least acknowledge with a shoulder clap or chin lift. And each face took time to check out the quiet and, now, utterly self-conscious girl plodding along with them. Something told me I'd have a much smoother entrance into Tanglewood society if the two men I was with weren't Coltranes. Sherry had told me it wasn't just the name they carried but their presence in general. People respected them, and at the same time, they knew never to mess with either of them. And then there was their infamous reputation with the women of Tanglewood.
By the time we reached the bar, Jesse had received at least two kisses, one carried through the air from a petite woman perched on a barstool at the end of the bar and one smack dab on the lips by a woman who barely took the time to let him know she was singing tonight before stealing off into the crowd on the dance floor. Zach's attention had been temporarily pulled away by another woman in shiny blue high heels. I had seen her in Sherry's shop getting a dragonfly tattoo on her ankle. It had turned out nicely.
Jesse tapped the wooden edge of the bar. "Junior, can we get three beers down here." Junior gave him a nod to let him know he'd heard the order.
Jesse turned and leaned against the bar. Two guys standing nearby took no care to hide that they were checking me out, spending most of their attention on my legs. I pulled at the skirt. Jesse discretely reached down and took hold of my hand. "Told you so," he muttered. He turned to me. "You should sing tonight." Junior came back with the beers and overheard Jesse's suggestion.
Junior looked at me. "Oh wow, you are something. How come women like this don't wander into my backyard? The only things I get are raccoons and stray cats. So you sing?"
"A little." I took hold of the beer and began sipping right through the foam, determined to take the edge of the evening off with a beer.
"Not just a little," Jesse said.
Junior pulled a few bowls of peanuts out from under the bar and put them on the counter. "We could use some new talent on amateur night. It's getting pretty sad listening to the same people pretend they can sing."
"I don't think so. Besides, I can't sing without my guitar." The sense of loss that always overtook me when I thought about my guitar, my loyal companion, gone from my life forever, washed over me. "Some other time."
Junior nodded. "Well, if you ever want to give it a go, my dad's guitar is in the office. It's a Fender that he bought back in the seventies when he was in a band."
"Thanks, I'll think about it." The offer of strumming my fingers on a Fender guitar was beyond tempting but not if it meant having to sit up on stage in front of so many people, including Zach and Jesse. Humming and singing while I was doing dishes or taking a shower was one thing but sitting on stage with both of them watching me was very different.
"Sundance has a table." Zach led us through the room to the corner table where Sundance and Roxie were sitting. Zach pulled out a chair for me, and I sat between him and Jesse. I figured if I stayed right there, with each of them on my side and a beer in front of me, I could stay low and nearly invisible in my protective triangle.
I sipped my beer at first and resorted to gulping once more people joined us at the table or dropped by to visit. There was a flurry of new faces and names, too many to remember, so I stopped trying.
The butterflies in my stomach had kept me from eating dinner before we left, so two beers were all I needed to feel lightheaded. I'd managed to stay sheltered between Zach and Jesse and out of the sight line of curious stares for long enough to relax. So when Zach, without a word, offered me his hand and led me onto the dance floor, I followed willingly. I found that as long as I stayed near one of the brothers, I didn't have to make much small talk with anyone else. And I was just fine with that.
A country song that I'd heard before but had no idea of the title or artist churned down from the overhead speakers. Zach swung me around and into his arms, even though it wasn't a slow song. Other dancers plodded and skipped around us, everyone just drunk enough to do their own thing, some paying no attention to the rhythm of the music at all. Sundance slid past us with a cowboy sounding holler as he swung his partner around, a girl whose name I couldn't remember. Sundance had been doing tequila shots all night, and it seemed to be catching up to him.
"Whooee, is that Zachary Coltrane on the dance floor?" Sundance yelled, "Hey, everyone, watch for shit coming down from the sky. It seems pigs can fly after all."
Zach shook his head with a smile and ignored Sundance as he twirled me around by my hand. My body stopped spinning, but thanks to the beer, my head kept going. I fell against his hard chest.
"Whoa, seems like two beers is your limit." I was grateful when he wrapped his arm around me. His nearness always made me feel secure, even when I was feeling tipsy.
"Sorry you're not having a great time," he said as we shuffled around the floor at our own pace, ignoring the other dancers.
I looked up at him. "Not true. I'm having a good time. Far as I can see, I'm on the dance floor with one of the Coltrane brothers. Can't ask for more than that."
It was rare to see Zach look embarrassed, but I could see it, even beneath the heavy facial hair. "Yeah, this town is kind of goofy. A little too set in tradition, I guess. But they're mostly good people."
"They are. And I'm with you and Jesse, so I'm having a good time." I rested my face against him. He tightened his hold on me as we finished out the dance. I was well aware of too many eyes on us, as if we were doing some spectacular two-step jig rather than just scooting around the floor together. I closed my eyes to tune out the unwanted attention and enjoyed the few moments in Zach's arms.
As the music ended, I lifted my face. Jesse was standing next to us with his hand out. "May I have the next dance?"
I smiled up at Zach, and he handed me off with a flourish. Other than occasional moments when angry tension seemed to pulse between the two brothers, tension that seemed to have no source, things at the house were smooth. We enjoyed each other's company, and I had developed a deep attachment to both of them. Underneath it all was the more complicated physical layer of the relationship. There were still spontaneous caresses and touches and the occasional stolen kiss from each of them. The night of the mountain lion scare had gone much further than the casual touches, but it had happened so naturally. I'd never felt a moment of regret. Zach and I had gone on like usual, and Jesse and I still had moments together as well. And after a long day, we still each climbed into our own beds. That might have been what was keeping things solid. I should have felt as if I was being split in two, as if my heart was ripping in two directions, but that wasn't the case. I felt more whole than I had in years. If I dwe
lled on it too long, I could feel sparks of emotional turmoil start up. So I worked hard not to understand it. I'd had enough emotional turmoil to last a lifetime.
The Fray's 'How to Save a Life' came through the speakers next, an awkward song to dance to because it shifted from fast to slow, but Jesse decided early on to make it a slow. I was fine with that. It was a different feeling, being in Jesse's arms than in Zach's. I couldn't really put an exact finger on it. It was something far more subtle than the different scent of their soap or the size of their arms and all the other obvious differences between them. It just felt different. With Zach, I felt as if no harm could ever come to me again, that he'd be there to protect me no matter what came my way. And with Jesse, I felt as if I was never going to feel sorrow or loneliness again.
Jesse didn't twirl me or spin me. He just held me against him. I rested my face against his shoulder, just as I'd done with Zach a few minutes earlier. I'd gotten used to the observant gazes peeking out from every corner of the bar. I was already bored of the attention the three of us seemed to be getting. It was a small town, small enough that, as Sherry liked to say— 'gossip flowed like syrup over a stack of pancakes. Sometimes it was slow and sticky and sometimes it just ran right off the plate, but either way it made the pancakes more enjoyable'. Sherry had presented me with her syrup and gossip comparison during one of our long chats over lunch. She thought her down home analogies were subtle, but I always knew exactly what she was getting at. I adored Sherry and she was by far my closest friend, aside from Jesse and Zach, but I just hadn't felt the need or desire to discuss my relationship with the brothers. Maybe it was because I wasn't entirely sure what to say about it. Or maybe my feelings about it were so private, I hadn't really even told myself yet.
"Joey, I'm sorry we made you come tonight." Jesse's hand smoothed over my back and along my bottom, but he moved it quickly back up to the small of my back. Even though I was sure that if his hand had stayed on my bottom, it would spark another round of inquisitive stares, I was disappointed that he'd moved it.
I lifted my face to him and pushed a long strand of his hair back behind his ear. "It's not that bad. Really. I think it's just that I'm a new face, and like I've heard you say before, the locals are pretty snooty when it comes to newcomers."
He kissed my forehead. After the beers and the twirls around the dance floor, pressed tightly against his body, I would have loved a real kiss. From the expression on his face, he was thinking the same thing. But the truth was, Zach and Jesse were as confused about things as me. It seemed there was so much to say and so much to consider that, like me, they decided just to ignore it. We were three people who took comfort in each other's presence. For now, that seemed to be all we needed. The rest, the complicated, twisted parts of it were just better left alone.
The song came to an end much sooner than I wanted. As Jesse led me off the floor, a big guy with a scar on his chin and a smug grin plastered across his face approached us. He stopped in front of us and took time to look me up and down. I could feel Jesse's arm tense behind my back.
"So, Coltrane, are you and Zach going to let other guys have a chance to dance with this honey blossom, or are you only sharing her between you?"
Jesse's arm fell away, and he stepped closer to the guy. They were the same height, but the guy was beefier than Jesse. Even so, the guy took a small step back as Jesse moved near him. "Harrison, maybe you want to rephrase that."
Harrison's small eyes flickered, and any of the confidence he was wearing just seconds before disappeared. He might have been big enough to lift a small car, but he looked suddenly contrite. He nodded politely at me. "Just wondering if you would dance with me."
"Thank you but I'm just heading to the ladies’ room."
Jesse shrugged. "You've got your answer, Harrison." He clapped him extra hard on the shoulder as we walked past.
I branched off toward the restroom, and Jesse headed back to the table. I was relieved to be out of the crowded barroom and inside the small bathroom. Both stalls were filled so I waited in front of the sinks. The two women using the stalls were apparently friends and continued their conversation.
"I wonder what the hell she's doing living in that house with both of them," one woman said to the other.
My stomach knotted as I listened and hoped they were talking about someone else.
The second voice chimed in. "Do you see how darn possessive they are about her? Shit, I swear Zach hasn’t taken his eyes off of her and Jesse, well color me fucking green, he sure as hell never kept a protective arm around me when we dated."
"Yep, it's weird." The woman's laugh echoed off the tile walls. "Poor thing doesn't understand that those boys don't give their hearts to anyone, no matter what you're giving in return."
Their laughs followed me as I raced out of the bathroom. I'd just cleared the hallway and ran right into Jesse.
"Whoa there, who are you running from?" He stopped his chiding and lifted my chin to get a better look at my face. "What's wrong?"
"Just take me home, Jesse, please."
"Yeah, no problem. Let's go back to the table and see if Zach's ready to go." He led me back to the table. I was thankful that he didn't ask any more questions. He saw I was rattled and upset and that was all he needed. Sundance and Roxie were sitting on the bench side of the table. Sundance could barely keep his eyes open or his head up straight on his neck. Zach was sitting at the table talking to a girl, who I remembered was named Jill. She had her hand on his arm as she talked animatedly about something. Her smile faded some as she saw me approach. It seemed I'd made plenty of enemies tonight without saying a word to anyone.
Zach turned on his chair, looked up at me and took hold of my hand. "What's wrong? You look upset."
I shook my head. "Just tired."
"I'm going to take her home," Jesse said. "You coming?"
Zach looked across the table. "Roxie, are you going to take that guy home tonight?"
"Nope. I came with Helen on her scooter."
Sundance leaned back. Roxie caught him before he fell off the bench. "I drove myself here and I can drive myself home." His words were stretched and slow.
Zach turned to us. "Looks like I'm on driving duty." He pulled the keys out of his pocket and handed them to Jesse. "See you at home."
Jill shot me a glance before she reached across and put her hand on Zach's thigh. "You're not leaving yet, Zach. You promised me a dance."
Zach ignored her. "I'll wait for tequila Jack to puke his guts out, then I'll toss his wasted ass into his truck. From the looks of it, that won't be too long. He's starting to look a little green."
Jesse tossed the keys on his palm. "See you at home." He took hold of my hand and led me out of the bar.
18
Jesse
I pulled the truck onto the road. Joelle was sitting wrapped in her own arms and looking more than a little down.
"Any chance you're going to tell me why you're so upset?"
She turned and stared out the window, even though the street was dark and there wasn't much to see. "Just feeling a little lost all of a sudden."
"Hey." I reached over and dragged my finger down her soft cheek. I hadn't figured out how to keep my hands to myself when she was near. I just needed to touch her, almost checking to make sure she was real.
She turned her brown eyes my direction. It seemed they were about as close to tears as they could be. "I don't really want to talk about it. If you want you can just drop me at home, so you can go back to the bar. I feel bad that I cut your night short."
"I don't want to go back there. Tell you the truth, I was feeling just about as uncomfortable as you were in there tonight. Sometimes it's all they've got, you know? A small town has gossip, and there isn't any way to avoid it because everyone knows each other. Unfortunately, Coltrane news is like the holy grail of Tanglewood gossip. Don't worry about it. It doesn't mean anything. And you're not lost. You're here with us, with Zach and me." I tapped the stee
ring wheel as an idea popped into my head. I turned the truck quickly, nearly missing the street I needed for my quick detour.
The sudden change in route caught Joelle's attention. "Where are we going?"
"Home. But I'm taking the roller coaster ride to get there. It'll take the pout out of those lips and put a smile on your face. At least for a few minutes."
The night sky was clear as navy blue glass, and the stars took up nearly every open space. I rarely took the back road home, mostly because it was two miles out of the way. But tonight, it seemed like the thing to do.
Joelle stared out the window with interest. "I don't see an amusement park or a carnival, so where's the roller coaster?"
"Straight ahead."
Joelle faced forward and lifted up in her seat to get a clear view over the dash. The starlight reflected off the asphalt road stretched out in front of us. The road had three steep, long dips. When you hit them just right, they sent your stomach floating just like a drop on a roller coaster.
I slowed the truck and lifted my hand. "Curl your pinky around mine and promise me you won't tell Zach I did this in his truck. I took his old junker, the car he drove in high school, down this street once and basically broke the car in half."
Joelle's eyes rounded. "In half?"
"Yeah, but don't worry, this truck is much stronger. You up for it? Or would you rather keep pouting?"
She looked at the stretch of road ahead of us and a smile broke free. She hooked her pinky around mine. "I promise. But I think if you break this truck in half, Zach might notice."
"Good point, but worth the risk." I put both hands on the wheel and slammed my foot on the gas. The tires screeched behind us and the smell of burnt rubber filled the cab as the truck shot forward.
Joelle squealed with laughter and gripped the edge of the seat as the truck flew over each dip, defying gravity and lifting us off the seat at the bottom of each plummet.