She could tell that just being in the room with her was making him tense, and she wondered why he hadn’t sent Tara or perhaps Brom instead. Her eyes downcast again as she thought it was probably because he didn’t want her near them unsupervised. “What happened?”
“When we were leaving Tir, we were attacked by another bunch of T’jaros. They did a piss poor job of it of course, but they managed to take out our long range sensors and several of our internal environmental controls. We found you unconscious in your room. I think you hit your head in the shower during the attack. We’ve been traveling at half speed now for four days on our way to Entarsk while we make repairs.”
“Entarsk.” She started to get up again. “I must speak with Ha... Captain Eros.”
He turned back to her and put his hands on her shoulders. “You are staying put and having some tea. You’re in no condition to be up and about yet. Besides, everyone is asleep. You can tell me, however.”
She sighed and relented. He let go of her shoulders as she settled back down. After taking a moment to gather her thoughts, the intel stumbled past her lips. “Grohin told me that the Xen’dari have a bio-weapons lab on the southern city of Bruiska Niks. It is fronting itself as a food company with the name Hiuskya Yuisk. He said that below the main complex, there is a hidden medical lab that would make the one at Central look like this medical bay. If the Xen’dari are behind the attacks on Ventaris, then the plague, and possibly a vaccine, would have been manufactured there.”
“How did he learn all of this?”
“He is a Tir Information Trader and the best in the business. My guess would be an inside source. There are many Ruisk who have grown tired of the Xen’dari collar. Please trust the information, Ethan, even if you do not trust me. Grohin has never steered me in the wrong direction before.”
“Well it’s as good a place to start as any.” He nodded and looked away from her, his mind replaying her words. Even if you do not trust me.
He had been so cruel to her. His fingers grabbed the string of the teabag and steeped it, pulling it up and down in the hot water. He watched as the water shifted from grey to black, trying to gather his thoughts in the anxious silence of the room. There were so many things he needed to say to her, but so far he had been wasting time making tea and talking about the damn mission. “I’m sorry for what I said to you on Tir.”
She lifted her eyes up to his back again. Her mind was still hazy, and she wasn’t sure what he was referring to. “I am not sure I remember.”
“Ji lhem vanash.” Ethan repeated the Tir words she had spoken to Grohin when she had revealed that she was unable to bear children. “I told you it was a clever lie to get out of marrying Torhin.” He turned to her and she immediately looked away from him. “It wasn’t in the memories you shared, but it wasn’t a lie, was it?”
It took her a moment to find her voice again. The raw emotion surrounding the subject brought a sharp pain to her chest. When she did finally speak, her voice was hollow. “No, it was not a lie. Many of my sisters in recent generations have been born barren due to genetic degradation. The Tarsen are having one last victory over us. There are some things, Ethan, that a woman must keep for herself.”
He removed the tea bag from the mug and walked over to her. Setting the mug down on the small utility table attached to the bed, he reached out and brushed a strand of hair away from her cheek. She flinched at his touch and he lowered his hand. “I am so sorry.”
Orynn shrugged and continued to examine the floor tiles. “Your apology is unnecessary. How were you to know the truth of one statement amongst the falsehood of everything else.”
“I knew. The way you said it to those people, the way you cried... I knew it wasn’t a lie. I intentionally said what I did to hurt you. I know how much you want to have a child. I saw it in your eyes as you looked at the children of Tir. I can feel it, in me, with those memories. I knew it, and yet I said such a horrible thing to you.”
“Please stop, Ethan.” Her voice meekly pleaded. “Please do not apologize to me. You have every right to want to hurt me, and to hate me.”
“The fuck I do.” His hand brushed her shoulder and she flinched again. “Please, look at me Orynn.”
The depth of the sadness in his voice startled her and she forced her eyes to look up at his face. The dark blue of his eyes glistened with tears as he moved his hand through her hair and tucked a wild strand behind her ear.
I am still hurting him. Just being near him is causing him pain.
“It would be better for everyone if I end this now. I will call Jehdra and...”
“We have to stop running from each other.” He took hold of her shoulders and leaned down to her. “I kissed you and you ran. You shared yourself with me and I ran.”
“I do not blame you for your actions. You have seen the destruction I cause wherever I go. The horrible things I brought down on Hank’s family.”
“And Jehdra was right about that. It wasn’t your fault.”
“Even if you believe that, I still betrayed you, Ethan. Your schematics...”
“Fuck my schematics!” He threw his hands up and then ran them through his hair in frustration. He had to get through to her somehow.
“I know you had no intention of stealing them. I focused on that because it gave me an excuse to run. Merik, of all people, knocked some damn sense into me. Then, when I finally sat down and thought about everything you shared with me, I ran because I was afraid.”
“Of me?”
“No, of me.” He sighed and his shoulders slumped. I just need to tell her.
“I’m afraid I won’t be enough for you. I told you to trust me, and then I accused you and told you to leave your friends behind. You never had any intention of betraying me, but I wasn’t able to see it. What else am I incapable of?”
His eyes searched hers as he placed his hand on his chest. “I’m a machine, Orynn. I can’t give you a family. I can’t give you a child. How could I possibly provide for your happiness? I can’t even identify these emotions I have for you. Every part of me wants to believe that I love you, but I’m so afraid of it.”
He heard his voice choking on his own sadness. “I don’t know what it is to love someone, Orynn, and all I seem to do is keep hurting you. The thought of hurting you again, or of losing you, or of simply not being enough for you... it would destroy me.”
She felt the warmth of her tears gliding down her cheeks as his voice grew more hushed with every word. Her mind could form no thoughts that felt like an adequate reply. She watched as he put his hand in his pocket and pulled out the moonstone necklace. A sob filled her throat as she remembered tearing it off her neck in a blind rage. “I broke it.”
“I fixed it.” He said quietly as he placed the chain around her neck and hooked the clasp closed. Next, he pulled her hair clip from his other pocket and held it out to her. “This was broken too. I did what I could with it, but it was in several pieces.”
She took the clip from his fingers and tried to focus on it through her gathering tears. The carved shell roses were still there, but now the shell pieces were held together by intricate lines of silver chronium that formed vines and leaves to cradle and keep together what had separated. The sob finally broke through, but it wasn’t filled with sadness. A soft smile came to her lips as she finally understood the true meaning of words she had heard spoken again and again since her childhood.
“Adonae tu. Solukae noyai.” There is no going back. There is only moving forward.
Ethan looked at the clip as she spoke the words and he understood, too. What is broken can never go back to the exact way it was before, but it can be mended and you can make it something beautiful again. He took the clip from her hand and used it to secure back the hair from her face. When he looked back down at her, she was smiling at him.
“Orynn, I want to go forward with you, but I’m not sure how.”
“Together.” She placed her palm against his cheek and the connect
ion formed. As the connection she thought she would never be able to feel again finalized, a small cry of happiness came from her. “We go forward together.”
He leaned in and kissed her sweetly as the connection grew. The fear of possibly failing her paled in comparison to the joy he felt from her heart. He understood now that it was up to him if would hurt her, if he could provide for her happiness and if he would fight with everything he had to never lose her again. The warmth of her love matched his own and he knew for certain that he could be enough. “I love you, Velstrae.”
“Velstrae.” She cried with joy and kissed him through the tears as her heart leapt with happiness. She understood. She finally understood. Jehdra and her mother had both been right in their own way. You cannot go back, and you should not live in the past. You keep it with you, but you must keep moving forward and not dwell on your regrets. Do not let the past consume you or dictate your future, but grow from it and never stop living.
Existence is possible for a Vesparian.
Love is possible.
Keep moving forward.
She could feel his emotions sparking through the connection. His love for her was strong, and so was his desire. Wrapping her legs around his waist, she pulled him against her and untucked his shirt. She slid her hands beneath it and glided her fingers across the skin of his chest.
He pulled out of the kiss and stared down into her wanting eyes. How could I have ever been afraid of this? Pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it aside, he watched as she leaned back and gazed over the neuro-network lines of his torso.
The soft light of the room glinted off an object against his chest. She raised her hands up to it and held it in her fingers. Hanging around his neck from a chain of silver chromium was the ruined data disk of his schematics. When she looked up at him questioningly, he took her hand in his and kissed her fingers. Opening her hand, he looked at the small circular scar that had formed in the palm of her hand after his belated treatment attempt.
He never wanted to forget what he had done to her. He never wanted to make that mistake again.
Kissing the circle in her palm, he could see in her eyes that she understood. They had both made mistakes, but those mistakes would never come between them again. “Zera, lock and seal the door, and disable admin override this time. Then shut down voice commands until further notice. I want to be alone with my wife.”
“Command confirmed.”
Orynn blushed and leaned her head against his chest. Using her finger to trace the lines of his neuro-network, she couldn’t shake the jittery feeling in her stomach or the hot flush from her cheeks. “Your wife?”
Ethan ran his fingers through her hair as her fingers traced the lines of his chest. The connection between them amplified her touch and it tingled across his synapses. “It’s the closest word to Velstrae that Common has. It’s close, but inadequate. Common has no word for a bond that is forever and can’t be broken.”
Gently pulling her off his chest by her shoulders, he kissed her forehead before looking back into her eyes. “I can live forever, Orynn. I hope that I have you by my side for the next six hundred years, but I know that wish may be impossible. It doesn’t matter. I swear to you that I will always remain bonded to you. I could never love another the way that I love you.”
His words took her breath away and her eyes filled with tears again. Deep in her heart, a fear stirred that this was all a dream and she wondered how long this could possibly last. How long would this happiness be allowed to survive before something destroyed it? She didn’t want to dwell on it. This was her happiness and she was going to fight with every breath to protect it.
The dark fear dissipated and her joy surfaced again as she tilted her head back and looked at the face of the Mecha she loved. She smiled and moved aside his arching blue bangs that were shrouding his eyes. “I love you, Ethan, and I promise to stay by your side for as long as there is breath in me. Now, come and kiss your wife, my husband.”
He gladly complied and wrapped his arms around her as he drew her up to his lips. His hands moved under her shirt and across the skin of her back. He could feel the hard peaks of her nipples against his chest through the thin fabric. Suckling her bottom lip, he pulled away from her just long enough to slip the shirt off her body before nuzzling into the soft skin of her neck.
Her scent surrounded him and intoxicated his senses. “Oni vel asni.”
You are mine forever. She moaned softly as his lips whispered the words against the skin of her neck. “Ona keilaska vel.”
Then take me as yours. He growled against her skin and tucked his fingers into the waistline of the black workout pants she was wearing and tugged them down her hips.
Her hips raised against his body as she held onto his shoulders. Her head leaned back and he kissed the skin of her breast as his hands pulled the waistband past her thighs. Sitting her back down against the bed, he kissed down her body as he freed her legs from their cloth confines and tossed the pants aside.
Her legs spread open at the gentle nudging of his hands as he stood back over her. She bit her bottom lip and followed the lines of his chest down to the waistline of his pants. “One of these days, you will be naked before I am.”
He chuckled lightly and slid his hands up the insides of her thighs. “We have centuries for you to make your best attempt at that.”
“Challenge accepted.” She shot back and reached out to his waist.
He moved away from her reach as he slid his fingers between her thighs. She leaned away from him as her head fell back in a soft moan. When his fingers penetrated into her warmth, her hips pressed against his hand and rocked needfully.
He leaned down and kissed her stomach, watching with amusement as it fluttered in response. His fingers left her and trailed up to the hard mound of her arousal, caressing it in a gentle circle. Every pleasured gasp from her intensified the aching swell of his desire for her.
Leaving her gasping for breath at the edge of the bed, he moved his hands away from her and unbuttoned his pants. The sound of his zipper lowering brought her longing eyes back to him.
She wanted him to claim her, but she wanted to show him that he was hers as well. Pressing her foot to his chest, she pushed him back from the edge of the bed. Stepping slowly down from the medical bed, she leaned against his chest and sweetly kissed his skin. He was hers, and she would spend every moment of the rest of her life reminding him of that.
As she pushed him away, he was uncertain what her plan was. It was an unfamiliar gesture, but it felt so natural. Everything about being this way with her felt that way. Unrehearsed. Trusted.
When she kissed her way down his stomach and trailed her fingers along the lines of his neuro-network, every muscle in him tensed in anticipation. His mind reeled with the realization that she was about to do something he had longed to experience. Now, he was glad it had never happened before her.
He was hers. Always.
Her hands moved to the zippered sides of his boots and slowly undid each one, leaving him in his tensed state as long as possible. He stepped out of each boot in turn and she moved them aside. Her measured and stalling actions brought forth an anxious groan from him and she smiled to herself with satisfaction.
Gently moving the waistline of his pants away from his groin, she slid his pants down his legs and off his feet. Using his pants as a padding against the hard floor, she kneeled before him and slid her fingers along the insides of his thighs.
His muscles ached under the teasing of her fingers, and when he felt the soft tingle of her breath flowing across the skin of his cock, his stabilizers buckled. Leaning over her, he grabbed the edge of the bed for support. He shivered and watched as she drew her tongue slowly down the length of him and suckled the supple skin of his tip. His mind exploded with new sensations, and when her lips circled around him and drew him in, he thought he might die from the pleasure it gave him. “Sckazi.”
She pulled her lips away with a long s
uckling of the skin and grinned. Fuck indeed.
Moving a hand to his hilt, she caressed and teased him with her tongue. She could feel the connection between them building as she hungrily devoured him and his pleasure became her own. His hands tightened on the bed and she heard the buckling of metal as the bedframe warped under his strength. Just as his body began to quiver with the height of its intensity, she pulled away from him and nipped his inner thigh.
With a growl of pleasured frustration, he knelt down and grabbed her waist, lifting her up and sitting her at the edge of the bed. His eyes stared into hers as he slid against her hard arousal and joined their bodies together.
The intensity in his eyes made her heart stop. She leaned back and edged her hips forward as he pushed her leg toward her chest. Pulling out slowly, he claimed her with a deep thrust and her head fell back in a cry. “Velstrae.”
Leaning over her against the bed, he held himself still within her, letting the connection between them meld into a unified current. The disc around his neck hit between her breasts and rested against the teardrop-shaped moonstone of her necklace.
She would always be his, and he would always be hers.
He slid his fingers into her white tresses and brought her head up to him. His lips brushed against hers as he whispered his claim of her softly. “Velstrae.”
When his lips took hers, his hunger returned and he gently rocked inside of her. It wasn’t enough for him. He wanted more of her.
He wrapped his arms around her and took her from the bed, standing up with her and pressing her against his chest. Burying his face into her neck, he listened in ecstasy to each gasping breath she gave as she came down against him. He felt her body tense as her head leaned back with a throaty moan, and he quickened his movements. Her legs tightened around him as he fell to his knees with her.
It still wasn’t enough. He wanted to be further within her.
Deeper. Part of her.