“I can’t believe this is all true.” He shook his head. She saw his anger turn to disgust, and she felt the emptiness that she had been fighting against every day of her life eating at her from the inside. There were days when the empty space in the pit of her stomach was as tiny as a pebble and other days when it was a big as a mountain. Today, standing beside Ugo and watching his face, that empty space felt like the Grand Canyon. “Don’t you understand that you are putting a black mark on Joey too? Nobody is going to want to associate with him if his mother runs a whorehouse. Alina, you’re making a big mistake. I want to be your husband. I will adopt Joey, raise him as if he were my own child. I’ll help you get a legal divorce from Trevor and you can be my wife. I’ll be a good husband to you. You have my word. Please, think this through.”
“It’s not as if Joey is going to have it easy anyway. He’s crippled. I know that he will have a hard time finding a wife, and finding work. When I take him to the park the older children already tease him because of the way he walks. The only thing that might make his life a little better is money. Besides, I have already had enough men to fill a lifetime, Ugo. I am aching inside. I am frightened of the future. I know you mean well. But, I can’t trust anyone, not even you, to take care of Joey. I have to do it. I have to earn enough money so that I am never in the same position that I was with Trevor.”
“And you think I would ever be like Trevor?”
“What do you know of my marriage to Trevor? I never told you anything.”
“You didn’t have to. I saw the bruises on your face, your hands. I wanted to go and kill him. But, because you didn’t say anything, I kept my mouth shut. I knew you didn’t want to talk about it. But, Alina, I am not Trevor.”
“Johan was not Trevor either. He was a kind and gentle man, but he died leaving me to find my own way I can’t go through that again. Not with a child, especially a child who has needs. I had to find a way to depend on myself, and this was the only thing I was able to do. Because of the Nazis in Germany, I wasn’t able to finish my education and become a teacher. That was my dream. But dreams are just that … dreams. This is reality, Ugo. This is what I must do to close my eyes at night and sleep without worrying about where the money is going to come from to feed my son. And, God forbid, what if he needs extensive medical care later in life? After what he went through, there is no telling what he might need later.”
“Alina … Alina…” he said, shaking his head. A tear slipped down his cheek.
“Stop it, Ugo.” She felt tears forming in her eyes. Her hands were clenched into fists. In his eyes she saw how much he cared, and it only made her more angry because she cared too. “Get out of here, Ugo. You don’t understand and you never will.”
“I’ll do as you ask, I am going, Alina. I don’t know what to say to you. I am not sure that there is anything I could say that would make you put your trust in me, that would make you feel safe again. I just wish there was … God, I wish that there was.” He turned and walked away.
She yearned to run after him. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe she should do what every other good woman did- marry, and be a wife and mother. Part of her wanted to beg him to save her from this crazy choice she’d made. It was surely a decision that would ruin her reputation forever among decent people. She longed to feel his strong arms around her, protecting her, rescuing her. But she didn’t chase him. Alina just stood there next to the house she’d bought, with the wind ripping through her hair and slapping her face with the tears that fell from her eyes. Her breath was ragged, and her hands were clenched at her sides. “Goodbye, Ugo,” she whispered as she watched him walk away.
Chapter 60
Ugo
Ugo couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. It was beyond his comprehension that a girl who was as sweet and innocent as Alina would stoop so low. How could Alina do what she was doing all the while knowing how he felt about what Klara had done? Did he mean that little to her? All of this time that they were together he was careful to treat her with the utmost respect, like a lady. He’d never so much as made a remark she might find crude for fear he would offend her. Perhaps he’d invented the Alina that he wanted her to be. Maybe he’d missed all of the signs because he didn’t want to see them. His stomach ached. He knew it was because he couldn’t talk about his feelings with anyone. Ugo had always bottled things up inside. A man didn’t fall apart. It was not acceptable. Yet, he felt like his world was shredding. First, his wife had humiliated him by turning to prostitution because he was not man enough to provide the life she wanted. Then his precious daughter died of polio. And now he had lost his one last hope for happiness, his one true love … Alina….
Ugo had grown up enjoying Russian vodka, but he tried to save it for special occasions. It was no good for a man to become too dependent on the drink. But today he needed a shot to soothe his nerves.
As soon as he got home he got the bottle down from the cabinet and took a swig. The taste of good Russian vodka made him long for home. America had not turned out as he’d expected. The streets certainly were not paved with gold as the legend went. He was poor, working a job that hardly paid him a living. It was true that things had gotten worse in Russia, after the Reds came in. But the Russia of his memory was the land he had loved as a little boy. As a child he’d known little of the war between the White and Red factions. He grew up on a farm far from the city where he drank fresh cow’s milk and ate vegetables grown in his mother’s garden. But life couldn’t go on that way. Too much political unrest.
He took another shot. The bottle of vodka was expensive; he should conserve what he had. And, yet, it was the only thing that comforted him right now. So, he took another shot.
When Ugo was drunk enough that nothing really mattered, he lay down on his small lumpy bed and fell asleep. But even in sleep he couldn’t escape the love he felt for Alina. Her smile and her voice haunted his dreams.
Chapter 61
Alina
The house of prostitution opened earlier than expected. With the help of the twelve women who would be her employees, Alina had everything ready to go by the end of February. She hired a pianist who played the popular big band songs. And then the girls began to tell their customers where they were moving. Most of the customers were regulars, and as Alina had expected, the men followed the girls. By the end of the first week that it was open, the house was hopping. Money was rolling in rapidly. The customers were mostly old men, too old to be in the war. But Alina had learned to read enough English to be able to scan the newspapers, and she had also purchased a radio. She knew that the Russians were on the brink of invading Berlin. When the war ended and the soldiers returned home, business would be even better. But more importantly, a spark of hope filled Alina’s heart. Was it possible that she might see her parents, her sister, and her dear friend Lotti again? God how she missed them. She said a silent prayer that they were alive. She missed Ugo and Maria too. Then reality hit her like a splash of icy water as she looked around her. What would her family think of her life, of what she’d done? Was Ugo right? Of course he was. They would all be ashamed of her. They, like Ugo. Would never understand. She wasn’t proud of what she’d done. But she did what she needed to do to survive. And, unlike the owner of the previous brothel, she treated the girls fairly.
Joey was sitting on the floor playing with one of the toys that she’d bought for him. Alina watched him, her heart aching. He was such a beautiful child, but his body leaned to one side and his little legs were twisted. No matter what anyone thought about her, Alina would always put him first. It was then that Alina decided she would never search for the people she’d loved and lost in the past. Because of what she’d done she knew she must leave her family behind and go forward. Let them think she was dead. It was probably for the best. At least she would never hurt them. And Ugo?
Ugo was problematic for certain. He could sometimes be controlling. Even so, for some damned reason, she missed him terribly. But Alina didn’t have the l
uxury of changing her mind, and Ugo couldn’t be with her the way things were. So, he too was a part of her past. Another someone she must leave behind.
Alina knew what she would do in the future. She would build this business and make it thrive. She would be rich, so rich that she would never have to worry about money again. So rich, that even if Joey was a cripple, he would always have the best medical care and the finest education. And if he chose to marry, he would be able to find a wife.
Chapter 62
Lotti
Bombs thundered down upon Berlin like the wrath of God. Day and night they fell, without any relief. The city lay in ruins. The rubble of destroyed buildings made the air thick with dust. People ran for shelter when the bombs fell, but it was impossible to avoid seeing the dead and dying everywhere. The hospitals were needed for the wounded. But, for now, perhaps because she was so young and pretty, the doctor had allowed Bernadette to stay in a hospital bed. It was obvious that he was trying desperately to save Berni’s life. Lotti stopped going to work at the hotel. She did not leave her friend’s side. Outside of the hospital, the city shook as if the earth were about to split in two.
“She was pregnant. From what I can tell from examining her, someone performed a badly executed abortion on her. I can assure you that it was not a doctor,” the doctor said to Lotti as she stood in the white hallway outside the hospital room where Bernadette had been transferred after surgery.
Even as they stood there speaking, Lotti could hear moaning from the other rooms where victims of the bombings lay writhing in pain. Lotti tried to avert her eyes from seeing any of them. She knew that if she caught a glimpse of the horrors that had befallen the people in the hospital beds, she might not sleep for a long time.
“Will she be all right? Will she live?” Lotti asked the doctor. She was holding on to the wall for support. Sweat beads had formed at her temple.
“Well, I hope so. But, she has lost a lot of blood. The next day or so is crucial. She’s young and strong. That’s a good thing. If the bleeding stops, she’ll have a good chance. All we can do now is wait and see how things go.”
Lotti couldn’t believe what she was hearing. All of her life, Lotti had longed to have a child, but that gift had been taken from her. It was hard to understand how any woman could intentionally end her pregnancy. Still, Lotti knew that there was a stigma to being an unwed mother. But, if she had wanted to, Berni could have gone to a home for the Lebensborn and had the baby. Unless … maybe the father was Jewish, or a political prisoner, or…. Maybe this was why Berni had been so quick to befriend Lotti. Perhaps, Berni too had a secret in her past that kept her from fitting in with the rest of the pure Aryan women.
The next two days passed in a blur. Lotti finally went to work. She explained to her boss that Berni was hurt badly in a bombing. He almost fired her, but when she wept he gave her another chance. Every day after her shift, Lotti returned to the hospital to Berni’s bedside. The doctor said Berni had lost a lot of blood. She was tired and drifted in and out of sleep. When she was awake, Lotti spoon-fed her broth. At first Berni vomited everything that went into her mouth, but then she began to keep a little bit of the liquid down. Lotti was hopeful. Sometimes she read to Berni who awakened for short periods of time but then drifted back to sleep.
“The bleeding has stopped. That’s a good sign. And, she’s taken some liquid and kept it down. I think she’ll make it,” the doctor told Lotti, who felt so grateful she began to cry.
“She is my only friend. She is all I have left in the world,” Lotti said.
“Well, things are looking a lot better than I originally thought for her.” The doctor smiled and patted Lotti’s shoulder.
Berni spent the next seven days in the hospital, showing improvement every day. Although she had a million questions about what had happened and why, Lotti asked Berni nothing. They did not speak of the pregnancy. Did Berni know that Lotti had found out about Berni’s abortion? Lotti had no idea. As Berni grew stronger the two women talked, but nothing was ever brought up about the baby. Finally, the doctor declared Berni healthy enough to leave the hospital and return home. She was to be released in the morning. Lotti was relieved.
“You’ll stay with me. I’ll take care of you,” Lotti said. She was sitting on the edge of Berni’s bed.
“Are you sure?”
“Of course, I am sure. In fact, I insist.” Lotti smiled and gently took the hair out of Berni’s eyes.
“I can’t ever thank you enough.” Berni took Lotti’s hand and squeezed it gently.
“You are my friend. This is what friends do for each other.”
Lotti was preoccupied getting things ready for Berni to move in. However, even as busy as she was, she couldn’t escape the panic in the streets. Over the past few months, Dr. Goebbels had done his best to hide the truth, but now the Germans had no doubt that Germany was losing the war. Lotti was glad to see the Nazis fall, but she’d also heard terrifying things about how the Russians treated Germans, especially women. And to the Allies, Lotti was just another German, part of the enemy. They knew nothing of her past, of her love for Lev, of her friends, nothing. The people in Berlin, who were mostly women, old men, and very young boys, were wobbling on the edge of a high wire, tense like cats in a thunderstorm. Everywhere Lotti went, there were whispers, speculation about what was to come. No one knew for sure what was to come, but they were living in constant fear. Stalin was known to be as heartless as Hitler.
Chapter 63
Berni
Berni came home to Lotti’s apartment, tired and weak. She couldn’t help but see the world around her crumbling. Not that her life had ever been a good one. She’d lived through so much hell that she was unafraid to face whatever awaited her. One day soon, she would sit her dear friend Lotti down and tell her everything. Berni would tell Lotti why she’d had the abortion and why she had no fear of the Russians or even of death. Yes, someday very soon, she would tell her. But for now, she would just do her best to recover for Lotti’s sake, and be grateful that she had such a wonderful friend.
Chapter 64
Lotti and Berni
Berni was still weak, but the terror of the Russians marching into Berlin gave Berni strength she didn’t know she had. Until now Berni had thought of herself as fearless. But, the smell of terror was contagious and it spread through the streets like the plague on the night of the first Passover. She and Lotti clung to each other with the fear that the next breath they took might be their last. Lotti was sure that even if she tried to explain to the invaders that she’d been anti-Hitler from the beginning, it wouldn’t make any difference. Somehow she knew that the Russians wouldn’t listen, wouldn’t care. Rumors spread among the horrified women of the town like a fatal infection, that the Russian soldiers were raping German women throughout the countryside as they pillaged their way into Germany’s capital, which their führer had abandoned and left to the mercy of the enemy. The only men left to defend the female population were boys under ten years old. But for Lotti, the most unnerving thing of all was that there was no way out. The destiny of Germany was coming at them like a freight train. And there was no way to escape what was about to befall the women left alone to face the enemy- the Russians who were rapidly descending upon Berlin.
Epilogue
In July, 1944, the Soviets liberated the first concentration camp, Majdanek, in Poland. But although, once the Nazis knew they were losing the war, they made a valiant attempt to kill what was left of the prisoners, they were unsuccessful at hiding the evidence of their crimes against humanity.
On April 30, 1945, Hitler and his bride, Eva Braun, committed suicide. The bombings in Berlin continued, and then the Russians descended upon the city. By May 2, Berlin had fallen and her people lay trapped and desperate at the feet of the enemy. The Russian soldiers who invaded Berlin had watched their fellow soldiers die at the hands of the Nazis. They were going to make the Germans pay for Hitler’s cruelty, and a dark, airless cloud covered B
erlin.
The world was shocked and horrified by the liberation of Majdanek, but that was only the beginning. In the summer of 1945, Auschwitz, Belzec, Sobibor, and Treblinka were liberated. The horrifying conditions that were discovered in those camps seemed beyond human comprehension. The liberators were appalled, and they held all of Germany responsible even those who were only innocent civilians. And then came the pictures that had been taken in the camps, with piles of dead bodies, women, and small children lying in mass graves, and people who were so emaciated it was a miracle they were alive. When these photographs became public, a silent scream of shock and revulsion resonated, shaking the world.
Coming in January.
The third book in the Michal’s Destiny series, Watch Over My Child (Gilde’s story)
And then, coming in the spring of 2017…
The final book in the Michal’s Destiny series, Another Breath, Another Sunrise
MORE BOOKS BY THE AUTHOR AVAILABLE ON AMAZON
Michal’s Destiny
Book one in the Michal’s Destiny series
Siberia, 1919.
In a Jewish settlement a young woman is about to embark upon her destiny. Her father has arranged a marriage for her and she must comply with his wishes. She has never seen her future husband and she knows nothing about him. Michal’s destiny lies in the hands of fate. On the night of her wedding she is terrified, but her mother assures her that she will be alright. Her mother explains that it is her duty to be a good wife, to give her husband children and always to obey him. However, although her mother and her mother’s mother before her had lived this way, this was not to be Michal’s destiny. Terrible circumstances would force Michal to leave her home and travel to the city of Berlin during the Weimar period, where she would see and experience things she could never have imagined. Having been a sheltered religious girl, she found herself lost and afraid, trying to survive in a world filled with contrasts. Weimar Berlin was a time in history when art and culture were exploding, but it was also a period of depravity and perversions. Fourteen tumultuous years passed before the tides began to turn for the young girl who had stood under the canopy and said “I do” to a perfect stranger. Michal was finally beginning to establish her life However, the year was 1933, and Michal was still living in Berlin. Little did she know that Adolf Hitler was about to be appointed Chancellor of Germany, and that would change everything forever.