"Never touch me again," I hissed and walked out, slamming the door behind me. I was seriously riled up. That woman was psycho.
Even if Jessie wasn't in the picture, I would never go there. I'd never done meaningless in my life and wasn't about to start because of a little bit of fame. Replace Georgie with Jessie and you had my fantasies becoming reality. Her hands could wander wherever the hell they wanted.
We had to be at sound check in an hour and all I wanted to do was get there so I could see her. I didn't know what the hell I was going to do, since it was probably the last chance I'd get, but I had to do something.
That night, our gig was slated in at Troubadour, which was meant to be some iconic rock venue that had seen everyone from Prince to Guns'n'Roses and unknowns in-between, but all I had been thinking about all day was you know who. After the shenanigans at the photo shoot all I could think about was trying to get her talking to me again. For Jessie to be able to put up with Georgie the bitch and have the demeanor she'd had thus far, then she must be something else.
Last night at the club, the few words we'd exchanged had been more meaningful than anything Georgie had spouted. Then she'd just walked away mid-conversation. That was weird wasn't it? It was weird. I didn't even say anything stalker-ish. Not really.
Troubadour was great and it exactly my kind of venue. The crowd could squash right up against the side of the stage and it was small, I mean a fair amount of people could cram inside and no doubt the place would be an oven in five seconds flat, but it was perfect. I should be excited. I was excited. I was amped so much Zoe kept giving me looks as we helped bring our gear inside. I knew I wasn't myself, but what could I do about it? Knowing there was an imminent encounter with Jessie screwed with my head. Maybe once I got on stage things would even out.
Hauling gear occupied my hands and it was probably the only thing keeping me together. I bet if Georgie found us helping the crew she'd blow an artery, but it was how we did things. We started out with nothing and would probably never forget it. Making it big for me wasn't ever about the money, though it was nice, it was about playing for as many people I could and I knew the guys were the same. Getting a deal didn't mean we had to turn into self-important assholes. That, and I didn't like anyone touching my guitar.
Standing on stage as the techs set up our gear, I wrapped an arm around Zoe's waist and said, "No more singin' in the shower, Zo Zo."
"I think we're well past that," she laughed.
"Miles past it."
"Feeling better?"
I gave her a squeeze. "Now I'm standing here, yeah."
She bumped against me with a grin and put a hand over my heart. "Love you, Dee Dee."
"At least somebody does," I winked, earning myself a slap on the arm.
A high pitched wolf-whistle split the close air of the venue, making us look up. "Hands off my girlfriend!"
Zoe's face split into a grin as she laid eyes on Will and promptly jumped off the stage and walked over to meet him. He was standing with Simone and Jessie and realizing she'd finally showed up, my heart did this little somersault in my chest. I locked my eyes onto her and what I wouldn't do to walk over there and slide my arms around her waist and pull her in...
"Stop slobbering, mate."
I looked around at Frank who was giving me a knowing grin. "Shut up."
"Seriously, you gotta calm down a little." He clapped me on the shoulder. "Focus." He had a point.
"I don't know how he did it."
"Who?"
"Will."
"Did what?"
"Dealt with being around Zo every day for weeks and not being able to have her."
"Man, the disease is spreading," he laughed, holding his hands out in mock defense. "Three out of four members of The Devil's Tattoo are pussy whipped. Get that shit away from me."
I rolled my eyes and shoved him playfully. "Better crack out the antibacterial wipes, dip shit."
He shoved me back, laughing. "Hey, maybe it's my turn next."
The sound guy, who'd introduced himself as Matt, came up behind us and said, "We're ready for you guys."
Nodding, I whistled at Zoe, waving her over. My vision crossed Jessie's and her expression fell and I wasn't sure what I should feel about that. I just… I just needed to focus.
With the house lights up, it wasn't the same as playing a show, but it calmed my nerves anyway. We played through the first single we'd ever put out, Walls and then through Red Heart. I was seriously hoping we'd have a good reception to that one, because I wanted it to be the first American single. Not just because I wrote it, but because it was everything that the band was about.
Despite being the one place I was most comfortable, I couldn't look up the entire time, knowing that Jessie was standing out in there middle of the empty room, listening to us. I just couldn't do it. I found myself wondering if this was how Zoe had felt that day when we'd first played a sound check in front of The Stabs. I wanted to ask her about it, but I couldn't talk to her about this. She was my best friend, but the thought of confiding in her was a little embarrassing. After all, I'd always been the strong one. I wasn't willing to give that up so easily.
When we came off, Jessie was standing side of stage and Georgie was back in the wings talking on her phone a mile a minute. I stopped in front of her, guitar in hand and said, "I missed you at the photo shoot today." I clamped my mouth closed, realizing what I'd just said. Missed her as in miss, missed her. It was the truth, but that was way to fast.
She laughed at the look of horror on my face.
"That's not exactly what I meant…" I began.
"Don't worry about it." She waved at hand at me like she didn't care. "Georgie sent me on some errands. I wasn't really needed anyway."
"Oh."
"How'd it go? With you know?"
I knew she was referring to Georgie's 'hands on' approach and I grimaced. "What can I say?"
"Yeah, she had a bitch to me about it already." When she saw the frown on my face she added, "Don't worry, nothing will come of it. She'll move on pretty quickly."
Actually, I was more worried about what Georgie said to her than anyone else. Before I could figure out what to say, the sound tech tapped me on the shoulder. "Doors in five."
That meant get off the stage, so I walked forward, placing a hand on the small of Jessie's back directing her into the wings and I was positive I felt her shudder. The thought made every single part of me hot… and a little hard.
"You guys were great just then," she said as if she was trying to draw my attention elsewhere.
"Thanks," I said, my hand falling away.
We stood outside the band room, both of us awkward. Was it the same for her, or was she just trying to find a way to discourage me?
"If you don't need anything, I better go find Georgie," she said, crossing her arms over her stomach. Definitely nervous, but I couldn't pinpoint the cause.
I was too chicken shit to come out and ask her the one thing I wanted, so I said, "Na, go for it," and elbowed my way into the band room to leave my guitar. As the door closed behind me, I let out a long sigh, running a hand through my hair. Time was running out and I was pissing in the ocean. After the gig. Yeah, I'd ask her after the gig.
When the house lights went down and The Devil's Tattoo went on it was like I'd come alive again. Music, being with my mates and just being in the moment filled my veins with life and it was better than any drug. I was a natural performer - I belonged here.
We probably played better than we'd ever had that night. Song after song went by with deafening applause and we were back. I was back. Every time I'd kneel beside the stage some chick would cop a feel. Hands would grab at my legs and normally I'd relish in it, but I only wanted one woman's hands on me.
I'd sneak glances towards the side of the stage, knowing Jessie was standing there watching us. If anyone else was there with her, I didn't notice. A few times I'd catch her eye and grin, finding the fact her eyes were on me incred
ibly hot. I hoped they didn't leave me for a second.
When we left the stage the first time before our encore, I brushed past her and said, "Having a good time?"
She looked up with a giddy smile and nodded. I didn't have time to ponder that as we went back out and played our last two songs. Red Heart and Bombard. Zoe was up on Frank's drum kit going at it hard and when she went to jump back down, I caught her in my arms and spun her around.
"This is the fuckin' dream," I murmured in her ear and she laughed, our guitars smashing together, sending out a burst of distortion.
"Amen," she yelled at the top of her lungs as Chris and Frank milked the applause. I was already dying to read the reviews that'd be out after that performance.
Once we'd come down a little from our stage highs, as I liked to call it, and the gear was taken care of, we all ventured out into the crowd much to Georgie's horror. That line that separated the band from everyone else only existed in her high and mighty head. Talking to people afterwards was one of the things that set us apart. Everyone was on our level and that's the way we wanted it to stay.
As I wandered through the crowd, I was stopped every so often and asked for a photo or a question about our album. I didn't mind in the slightest, actually it was kinda cool being in America and all. Cracking new territory wide open. People seemed to be excited to see us play and that was great for the band and did wonders for the state I'd worked myself up into while recording.
When I passed Zoe talking enthusiastically to a throng of male admirers I laughed as Will stood by fuming. She'd come so far in such a short amount of time and I was so fucking proud of her. Who'd have thought my little meek and mild Zo Zo would've turned out like this?
Finally making it near the bar, I stopped mid-stride when I caught sight of a familiar mousey blonde head in amongst the crowd. Jessie was standing there on her own, looking at the bright screen of her phone, oblivious to the noise around her. I'd never had the chance to just stand there and look at her. To take her in. She hadn't noticed me behind her, so I let my eyes wander to all the places I'd fantasized about at night. The curve of her neck, her full lips, her perfect ass. I instantly wondered what she would taste like.
Shaking my head, I brought myself back to reality. Now was my chance and I was missing it by ogling her ass? I'd ask her out right now. If she said yes, then cue the confetti. If she said no, then she'd leave for New York and I could start getting over this mental attraction. It was no secret I wanted the confetti.
"Hey," I said loudly so she could hear me over the music. She looked up into my eyes like she could see right through me and it took my breath away every single time.
"Hey."
"When are you going back to New York?"
Her eyes widened. "Um, we're sticking around for a few days," she shrugged. "Label stuff."
"Oh, you're still working?"
"Yeah, for a couple of days anyway."
"What are you doing tomorrow night?"
"Oh, um…" She seemed to hesitate and I already had a vision of the amount of alcohol I'd be consuming post-rejection.
It was all or nothing. "If you're free, can I take you out? I mean, we could…" I took a deep breath. "Do you want to have dinner with me?" So. Fucking. Awkward.
She seemed taken aback for a moment, like it already wasn't glaringly obvious I had a hard on for her.
"It's okay," I shrugged when she was silent for too long. "Don't know if you don't ask." I tried not to let the disappointment show and took a step back formulating a drink order for when I got to the bar.
"Okay," she blurted and my heart sputtered.
"Okay?" I asked in surprise.
She nodded. "Okay."
I think I just fucking died.
By the time I crawled back to the hotel, it was nearly three am.
It blew me away how friendly The Devil's Tattoo were. Bands at their level usually didn't mix after concerts and it was strange to see them all wandering around in the crowd, talking to people, shaking hands, taking photos. They didn't seem to mind in the slightest. Some bands had this untouchable thing about them and they had that, but it didn't seem to change who they were or make them forget their roots. They had to be one of the most sincere and appreciative bands I'd worked with ever and that was saying a lot. I didn't know if it was an Australian thing, but damn. They had a huge future ahead of them whatever they chose to do.
There was no doubt Dee was talented, but I couldn't help but notice the moment he walked out onto that stage, the crowd in front of his mic suddenly morphed to one hundred percent female. He had a habit of kneeling right on the edge and without a barrier, it afforded greedy hands a chance to cop a feel. Every single time he'd get up close and personal, playing some moody, distorted riff, wandering hands would travel up his leg and this strange sensation would churn in my gut. I supposed it was jealousy, but I had no place being a green eyed monster. He wasn't mine.
I sighed, falling into bed, makeup and all. You didn't have to be a genius to see it, but Dee came alive on that stage. They all did, but the things he'd said to me at the club suddenly made a lot more sense. Music was his life. Without it he floundered.
Lying back in bed, my mind couldn't focus on anything else but the gig. The way his fingers travelled up and down the neck of his guitar, the way he moved around the stage… Dee Cosgrove was a beast. I mean, no wonder every woman in the place had their eye on him.
I suddenly felt disappointed that I missed the photo shoot. I knew exactly why Georgie had sent me out to do her dirty work. Meaning her laundry, gag. She wanted me out of the picture so she could try it on with Dee and obviously she'd failed. Hard.
A smug smile crept onto my face at the though of Georgie being taken down a few pegs. We can't always get what we want. She'd bitched about it on the way to the Troubadour and I was oddly satisfied and hella impressed with Dee's own sense of professionalism. We had something in common that wasn't music and the thought warmed my insides.
Closing my eyes, my thoughts drifted straight back to a dirty place and my hands began to wander over my stomach. Just the thought of him made that spot between my legs ache. In the privacy of my own hotel room I could indulge. It didn't hurt, right? Looking up at the ceiling I knew his room was two floors above mine. It was my job to know these things. That wasn't stalker-ish at all. I wondered what he was doing right now.
My fingers pressed into my clit and I let out a moan, wishing they were Dee's and I pulled away with a hiss. He was with the band. I was with the label. I didn't mix with the band on a personal level. Never. I couldn't think these things.
Honestly? I wanted to know what made Dee tick. He wasn't like other guys and he'd made that glaringly obvious. Sure, he had that dirty sex thing going on big time, but that wasn't why I was drawn to him. Was it? After my last attempt at a relationship, I wasn't really that well adjusted. It'd taken me a hell of a lot to get back to a point where I was able to even accept a date... and to do it with a guy in a band I was meant to be working with? Damn, I was so confused.
But, it was just a date right? That didn't mean there had to be all that other stuff, did it? We were just gonna get something to eat, right?
Famous last words.
Yet again, I stood in a busy, full-throttle LAX. But instead of waiting for an arrival, this time we were watching half our family leave for home. Zoe, Will and I lingered out the front of Passport Control with Chris, Simone and Frank, who all held their boarding passes in their hands. It was hard to see them go after so long together. I knew I'd see them when I got back, whenever that was, but I already missed them.
While Zoe was talking to the others, Simone sidled up next to me and asked, "How'd it go? I saw you talking with Jessie last night."
I grinned and elbowed her gently.
"Yeah?" she exclaimed.
"I'm taking her out tonight." I couldn't help grinning.
"Way to go." She raised her fist and I bumped mine against hers. "I told you."
br /> "No you didn't."
"Did so. At the club."
"If you say so."
"You're gunna be fine," she said giving me a hug, her head resting against my chest.
"Do you think she kisses on the first date?" I asked and she pulled back, laughing.
"I'm gunna miss you, Cosgrove."
"I'm sure I'll have some outrageous demand I'll need fulfilling soon enough." I leant over and planted a kiss on her cheek. "Keep it real, S."
"Hey, we better go going," Chris said, tugging on Simone's arm.
Hugging the guy’s goodbye they offered one last wave before wandering off to that weird place between countries. Which was just one big waiting room, but still weird.
As they disappeared out of sight, my shoulders sagged. I still had Zoe and Will next to me, but I suddenly began to feel alone. That was bad news. All caps. Zoe threaded her arm through mine and her other through Will's.
"Two hot guys on my arm," she laughed, pulling us away. "We'll see them again, Dee Dee. It's not the season premiere of Lost. They won't crash on a mysterious island with a smoke monster."
"I know."
"I know what it's like," Will said. "You get used to having the guys around and when they're gone it's bloody quiet."
"It'll be good to have a little break. You can do whatever you want," Zoe continued. "What are you going to do?"
As we walked through the crowd of travellers back out to the taxi rank to find a ride back into the city, I wondered the same thing. That would depend on how things went with Jessie. I wanted to see New York, but I didn't want to follow her or anything. Not if she didn't want me to.
"I dunno," I said truthfully. "I'm gunna stay here a few days then decide. Maybe San Francisco. New York. Las Vegas."