Another fell as he experimented with the strength of the strike and how to hold it, where to use it. She closed her eyes and let herself fall into the place where feeling became everything. Each successive strike of his belt—on her ass and thighs, sometimes the bite of the belt flicking against the tender, swollen lips of her pussy—pushed her farther and farther away, until she felt like she floated.
The fire on her flesh brought her nerve endings to vivid life. Her senses were fine-tuned. She felt everything—the cool air on her skin, the warmth of his body behind her, the breeze that preceded each stroke of his belt.
She heard the strangled moan he made and then the belt dropped to the couch in front of her, in her line of sight, where it could taunt her.
His fingers drew over the heat on her ass and thighs and she wondered what it looked like, what he saw. She knew how it made him feel. His cock seeped pre-come against her hip; his movements, though gentle, were slightly jerky.
His instincts where her pleasure was concerned were scarily accurate. Somehow this made sense to her, as she’d always felt such a deep connection to him.
His fingers found her cunt swollen and wet, blooming just for him. He trailed a finger over the flesh of her thigh, her own juices cool against that heat. “You don’t know how hard it makes me to see your pussy so wet for me. To know your cunt is hungry for my cock.” His voice was thick and hoarse.
He licked a trail from the back of her neck all the way down her spine. His fingertips traced the design of her tattoo. Pressing gentle kisses over her ass and down her thighs, he pushed her legs open wider with his hands. She gasped as his mouth opened over her pussy.
“I love looking at you this way.” Tongue and lips, he devoured her for several long moments and pulled back. “Damn, so sweet. Your clit is so pretty there, peeking out of its hood, wanting attention.”
The flat of his tongue pressed over it, moving it around against his taste buds. “And this.” He tickled his pinky over the puckered star of her anus. “This little hole. How is it that every part of you is so damned beautiful and sexy?”
All she could do was moan.
His middle finger teased around her gate as his mouth found her clit again. He tormented her that way for a very long time, until he finally stood up. Dimly, she heard the crinkle of a condom wrapper in the background and he was back, pushing into her body with inexorable strength.
She arched, taking him as deeply as possible. He reached around, grabbing a nipple in one hand and sliding down to her clit with the other. He tug, tug, tugged the ring, sending bright shards of pleasure through her when she wasn’t sure she had any left to give.
But he continued to fuck into her, slow and deep, while he played with her clit. All it took was a few gentle squeezes between slippery fingers and the orgasm he’d been carefully crafting over the last minutes exploded through her.
Writhing helplessly as he thrust deep into her body, she continued to come, cunt clasping around his cock. But he held on, continuing to stroke deep into her. His hands had moved back to her hips, where he gripped her, keeping her at precisely the angle he wanted.
She lost herself in receiving him, in her body making way for his over and over until he finally thrust one last time, deep, and came.
He stumbled away a step to get rid of the condom, pressing a kiss at the small of her back before he left.
In the bathroom he splashed water on his face and stared at his reflection. His pupils were large, his skin flushed with sex. With something more. He’d never used a belt, or anything other than his hand, on a woman. The high of it rode him, surged through his senses. He’d loved it, loved watching her skin turn pink, loved the slight welts he’d made. He worried at first that he’d hurt her, but he listened to her sounds, watched her body language, and if the slickness of her pussy had been any indication, she enjoyed it too.
He went back out to her, knowing she might need a bit of snuggling. He wanted her to understand that what had happened, despite its roughness, was tender on his part. He hoped it hadn’t been too much, so soon after she’d told him that little bit about her daughter. Hoped he hadn’t made a mistake.
She was in the kitchen, singing as she dug through the fridge. Still naked, her ass and thighs still bore welts, and he felt awful even as the sight hardened his cock. She turned to him, smiling.
“Thirsty?” She drank deeply from a bottle of water, holding a spare one his way.
“Are you all right?”
She set the water down and moved to him, sliding into his arms like they were made just for her to be in them. “I’m more than all right.”
“I just never, ever want to harm you. I don’t want you to fear me. You’re precious to me.”
She looked up into his face. “I’m not afraid of you, Todd. I wouldn’t have allowed you to do any of this if I hadn’t trusted you not to harm me.”
“I don’t know how to do this. I’m sure you’re more experienced with it.”
She laughed. “I know what I like, but I wouldn’t say I was experienced. I’ve played over the years.” She put a hand on his cheek as he began to blush, thinking about her with other men. “But never what we’ve had between us. We’ll learn together. There’s no ‘Big Rule Book of Bondage’ or anything. It’s about what works for us. And the belt works for me.” She fanned her face and his angst lifted.
He grinned at her. “Works for me too.”
13
She saw him enter the café and placed a plate with a turkey sandwich extra-loaded with avocado and bacon on the bar. She’d tried to get him to sit at a table, to give her some space, but he’d ignored the suggestion and crowded in. So she’d given up and let herself be happy with making him lunch every day, even as she refused his invitations for dates.
Ella had been there the morning after Erin’s last date with Todd. She’d come through the door shell-shocked by the depth of what they’d shared. Her friend had just put a cup of coffee and a huge blueberry scone on the counter. Erin hadn’t spoken for long minutes until, finally, she’d given up a little bit to the other woman. A bit of her fear, a bit of her hesitation at becoming so deeply involved when she wasn’t back on her feet emotionally.
In the end, Ella had just wiped the counter, taken the cup and plate away and looked Erin right in the eyes. “This guy is your way back to your feet. You’ve had love before. This is different and you know it. Don’t let fear chase your potential for happiness away.”
Erin knew Ella understood the difference between love and obsession; knew her friend was trying to get on her own feet again after a long, harrowing relationship. The irony that it was Erin who usually offered advice wasn’t lost on her, and she’d truly taken it all to heart.
But it had been a lot to process and she still struggled.
That night when they’d gone to dinner and he’d come back to her place had moved things inside her. She wasn’t comfortable in her skin because she wanted him. She wanted to see him, to be with him. Damn it. The second and third round that night had been just as powerful as the first. It wasn’t just fucking as he’d held her wrists, the leather of his belt chafing her skin just right. He’d looked her in the eyes the entire time. In the morning he’d laughed and praised her simple toast and eggs. He’d sucked down her coffee, and as he’d left, he’d told her he loved her.
So she’d tried to dodge his calls, but he’d simply shown up at the café every day at lunch. She told herself she wanted him to give up and go away, but mostly she knew it was a lie, even if she did think it would be better for both of them if he found a woman who didn’t jump at shadows and sleep with the bathroom light on.
“Mmm.” He took in the plate with a happy sound. Before she could dodge, he’d grabbed her and kissed her, bold as you please. “That’s even better.” He plopped his gorgeous, hard-as-steel ass down and dug in.
“Why, hello there,” she said, unable to stop a smile.
“Good salad. Is this pasta or rice or what???
?
“It’s orzo, rice-shaped pasta.”
“Ah. Okay then. It’s good. Mint is a nice touch. Unexpected.” He leaned forward and said quietly, “Is it just me or is my sandwich on steroids?” He looked around. “It seems bigger. Is that because you’re sweet on me or something?”
She rolled her eyes and moved to help a customer. “You’ll do,” she said over her shoulder.
“Good. I guess that means you’ll go to the movies with me tonight. Or I can grab a pizza and we can rent a movie.”
“I can’t tonight. I’m working with Adrian.” Adrian was sick of her coming over; she was sure of it. But he hadn’t said much other than to tell her she was being a pussy for not just talking to Todd and telling him what happened.
“Lots of that going around lately.”
He finished his food and tried to pay. She gave him a dirty look; he told her he’d call her later and that he’d see her tomorrow. The same as he’d done every day for the last week.
She wished her feelings for him would just wear off, but she looked forward to seeing him walk through that door every day just the same.
He hadn’t seen her alone in two weeks. He’d called and they’d e-mailed, but she’d put him off and he knew she was avoiding him. He still showed up at her café for lunch every afternoon. At first much to her consternation, but now she had a plate of something tasty waiting for him every day when he arrived. They’d had that much progress at least. But she wasn’t alone with him and she continued to plead busy if he asked her to dinner or to spend time with him after work.
That last night he’d seen her, he’d slept over. He’d used his belt to strap her wrists and tie them to the headboard of her bed. He’d knelt over her, feeding her his cock as she sucked it eagerly.
They’d made love, they’d fucked, and he’d gorged himself of her body and soul. They’d connected, and when he’d left the next morning, he knew with total certainty she loved him too.
Which was why she was avoiding him, he knew. She was scared of losing him. Given what he’d done ten years before, he understood. Despite that knowledge, he was annoyed.
“Sit down and use your damned computer to look it all up,” Cope said, standing up and pushing Todd into his chair and sitting next to him. Ben manned their main office just south of downtown Seattle but Cope had set up shop three days a week with Todd in his basement turned home office.
The place had turned out very nicely. They’d spent a lot of time painting and laying down new flooring. There were still plenty of windows set high into the walls, but they’d installed good lighting as well. It was brightly lit and comfortable, with several computer terminals, multiple phone lines and other office equipment, including the not-so-standard gun safe in the back corner under the stairs.
“Fine,” he growled, swiveling toward his computer. He’d been putting it off. He wanted her to tell him and then when she’d started avoiding him, he’d kept it off his mind the best he could, thinking up ways to get her ass by his side permanently.
Two hours later he felt sick. All the pictures, all the news coverage, the media circus of the trial. No wonder she’d returned to Seattle. No wonder she’d worried about losing anyone else she let into her life. No one should have to endure what she had.
“That’s just fucked up. Your woman is even more awesome in my eyes now. Go talk to her. She’s afraid, dude.” Cope moved back over to his desk from the chair where he’d sat next to Todd as they surfed the Internet.
Todd stood, gut still roiling, and headed out. “I’m gone for a while.”
“Take the time you need, man. I’ve got things covered here.” Cope waved at him as he left.
It was still early, earlier than his normal lunchtime visit, but the café was dark and her purple sparkly car wasn’t anywhere near the area; he’d driven around to look. So he decided to go into the tattoo parlor.
Brody Brown was a big man. Where Adrian was lively and a bit smaller, not quite six feet tall, Brody was watchful, menacing even. His black hair was close-cropped, and his eyes had clapped onto Todd the moment he’d walked into the shop.
“I was wondering when you’d come around.”
The two men had only met briefly ten years before. Brody had been in Erin’s café several times in the last two weeks when Todd had stopped in for lunch. They’d achieved a somewhat civil relationship and Todd liked how Brody seemed to take care of his sister.
“Come around back,” Brody said before grabbing his bottle of soda and leading the way out the back door.
“I tried to respect her space. I care about Erin. I love her. But she’s holding herself back and I hate it. She won’t tell me about what happened in LA.”
Brody stiffened.
“Yeah. Two weeks ago she told me I could guess the details. She wouldn’t give me specifics. I’ve tried to be patient. I tried to let her come to me with the story, but I looked. Okay? I looked and now I know. And I’m sick at heart for her. More sick at heart than I was before I knew the details.”
“You love her? What’s different now than before? When you broke her fucking heart? You tell me now, and I better like your answer.” Brody crossed his arms over his chest, his muscles bulging. Todd and Brody were roughly the same size, but Brody had the righteous indignation of a big brother to a little sister done wrong. Those odds were not in Todd’s favor.
“I was young before. Stupid. And so very wrong. Not ready to face what I was, who I was. She was smart, knew it and didn’t want to apologize for what she liked.” He shrugged, really not wanting to be much more specific than that. “But I am not that confused boy anymore. I know what I want, I like it, and I’m pretty sure I’ve been in love with Erin all these years anyway. I can stand here and shout that I love her. I want to marry her. I want to have kids with her, but I know it may not ever happen because of Adele and I am okay with that. I want Erin and I want her to be happy and safe.”
Brody remained silent for a while before speaking again. “She’s broken inside. Not as much as she thinks, but what happened to her, the months of terror at being stalked, the kidnapping, the attack, Adele’s death, her near death, the trial, god, it was unbelievable. She drank too much just to get through the day, took pills. She was a mess and we were too. She was just . . . not there. But we managed to get through the trial. Thank god that fucking bastard got twenty-seven years, although he should have been killed for what he did to my sister and niece. Her relationship with Jeremy was over, that was obvious. We packed her clothes, her guitars, her awards and stuff and we brought it back here. She’s slowly been coming back to life ever since.”
Brody began to pace, lighting a cigarette as he did.
“Don’t tell Erin I was smoking or she’ll kick my ass. I’m supposed to be quitting.” Brody flashed a guilty smile. “I haven’t seen her so happy in years. Because I fucked up my share of times with a woman I love, I’m going to cut you a break right now. You tell me, one last time, are you in this? For real? I need to know, because if you’re not, if you have any doubts, just get out now.”
“Where is she? Why isn’t she here today?” Todd finally remembered to ask. Jesus, his fucking adrenaline was riding him now.
“Are you in or not?”
“Yes! I’d die for your sister. I love her. I’ve said that to one woman in my whole life and that’s Erin. It’s the only time, other than my mother of course, that I’ve meant it enough to say it.” He hadn’t even said it to Sheila, he’d just done the you too thing. Another reason she’d left and another reason he hadn’t blamed her.
“She’s not here. She won’t be here tomorrow either. Probably not Friday. Tomorrow is June sixteenth, the anniversary of the attack, of Adele’s death. She goes into lockdown every year for a few days. She wasn’t too bad yesterday. I’d begun to think it wasn’t going to be bad this year, but Ella, her assistant manager, got a call saying Erin wouldn’t be in for a few days and could she just open for two hours in the mornings for the coffee rush.??
?
“Why are you here? Is Adrian with her?”
“She’s alone. Holed up in her fortress of solitude. I can get into the building, even past the doorman who knows me. But I can’t get in her front door. I tried.” Brody held up a key ring attached to the chain at his waist. “It didn’t work. She gets new locks a few times a year.” He exhaled, pinching off the end of his cigarette and tossing it into the trash. “Adrian tried, same deal. We went to the doorman, but he shined us on.”
Todd’s heart raced at the thought of her all alone and suffering. “I’m going over there. My business partner is quite handy with picking locks. Is she all right? Should we just call 911? She wouldn’t harm herself?”
“No. She knows the pain of losing someone; she wouldn’t do it to me and Adrian. But she’ll be in rough shape I’d wager.”
“I’m going over there right now. Thank you.”
“Call me.” Brody handed him a business card. “So Aid and I know she’s all right.”
Todd nodded as he jogged back through the shop toward his car. On the way, he called Ben and told him to get his ass down to her building ASAP.
14
“Okay, here’s the deal, I know the codes to get upstairs and also her internal code on her alarm.” Ben held up a hand. “Don’t ask how. I just do.”
Ben punched some numbers into the pad on the elevator from the lobby and they rose skyward.
“I brought you an overnight bag.” Ben held it out. “I had Cope shove your toothbrush and some underwear in it. A few T-shirts. Don’t get mushy. We just figured you might need them.”
Todd smiled his thanks. When they exited the elevator, they went to Erin’s door and knocked. She didn’t answer. There was no noise from inside and Todd shielded Ben with his body as his friend made very quick work of all three locks.