Ben and Todd’s heads both snapped up, eyes glittering, and she felt instantly better. They wouldn’t let anything happen to her. Neither would Cope. She patted Cope’s arm before refilling Ben’s plate.
“And you told them, what?” Ben asked.
Cope rolled his eyes. “What do you think? I told them we appreciated the offer, Erin was sure they would do a fine job, but she’d contracted with us and that was how it would be. If they had a problem, they could speak with Jeremy. They backed off quickly.”
“Thank you, Cope.” Erin said and he grinned at her.
“You’re like my sister-in-law twice over, I got your back. We’ve all got your back. And you feed me, which is a plus. In case you haven’t noticed, you fill in all the blanks. I like to look at pretty women. Check. I’m hungry. Check. You know, the basics. Too bad you settled on Ben. I’m clearly the hotter of the Copeland boys.”
She burst out laughing and Ben just rolled his eyes as the phone rang.
“I got it.” Ben got up and went to answer. From the way he tightened up and then put the phone back into the cradle moments later, she knew it was the ex. The woman she tried not to wonder about but couldn’t help herself.
He came back to the table, looking her straight in the eye and smiling. He wasn’t hiding anything. She felt like each time they shared a few moments like they had earlier that evening, they got closer as they learned each other. Erin knew what it was to be surrounded by people and yet still be lonely. Even when she was with Jeremy she’d been lonely. It was only for those glorious years with Adele that she had felt right. And then it went away and she was cast adrift, even as she had people who loved her in her life.
Because of that, she understood why Ella had stayed with her ex as long as she had. Even when it wasn’t perfect, sometimes it was better than being alone. Or it felt that way until you were alone long enough to realize nothing was worth being hurt by someone who claimed to love you.
“You okay?” Ben asked quietly.
“Yeah. Just thinking.” She squeezed his hand. “Caroline?”
He nodded. “I said we were eating and I’d call her later. Are you upset?”
“No. Really, I promise. I’m curious about her of course. But you’re not hiding anything and we’re okay. I was just thinking about what it meant to be lonely even when you’re surrounded by people.”
He nodded, understanding. And she knew Todd did as well. Each of them had been that way and they’d all finally found each other and held on. It worked. Thank goodness.
They chatted as everyone cleaned up. Cope stayed until eleven or so and ambled out with hugs and a laid-back smile.
“I think he feels better now. Knowing he’s welcome. I’ve told him that and I know Ben has. But hearing it from you made a difference.” Todd kissed her. “Thank you for making a place in our lives for him.”
“I like Cope, silly. Of course I would.”
Her cell rang and she saw it was Adrian. “I’m going to work for a while. I expect he wants to talk about the song I sent over earlier.” She kissed him and blew a kiss to Ben, who was on the balcony.
Ben lit a clove cigarette and inhaled, letting the aromatic smoke fill him, affect his senses, before blowing it out again.
“Is everything okay?” Todd said, pulling a chair up and leaning back. The sky was clear and beautiful.
Ben nodded. “She’s had a rough day. Caroline called. I’m getting ready to call her back.”
“She has, but she’ll be okay. She knows we’re here for her. What’s this about Caroline?”
“She’s in town. She called earlier and left a message on the machine. Erin and I talked. She’s curious but not worried.”
“And what about you? How do you feel about your ex calling you out of the blue and being here in Seattle?” Todd wasn’t sure how he felt about it.
“The breakup wasn’t bad. I don’t hate her. There’s no resentment. I care about her, sure. But there’s nothing for anyone to worry about. You and Erin are my present and my future. I told Erin that too. Wanna be here when I call?”
Todd snorted and stood, kissing Ben quickly. That sort of intimacy had grown over the last months until it had become natural.
“Ben, you don’t need a chaperone. If you did, I wouldn’t want you in our relationship. I’m going inside. Erin will be working for another hour or so and then I’m going to jump her.”
“Good idea. I’ll meet you in an hour.”
30
Erin smoothed down her blouse and took a deep breath. Todd saw the shaking hands and his heart ached. But he knew she needed to pull herself together without help from him, so he forced himself to sit and watch her get ready.
Today would be the opening arguments for Bill Richman, Ella’s ex. Todd had taken the day off and would sit with Erin the whole time. Ben had wanted to go, but their client load had grown enough that it wasn’t possible for both of them to have the day off.
It had led to an argument of sorts, stressing Erin out until she’d tossed a coin, made them each choose a side and announced a winner. After that, she’d gone into her office and slammed the door, turned up her amp and played the bass for an hour.
Todd had been hurt that they’d caused her any upset, but at the same time, that little fight had released a great deal of tension. That they’d survived it and were all three still strong meant a lot to him. They could fight and it didn’t mean anything in the big picture. The realization had made him relax a bit more, even as Ben pouted so much that Erin had babied him and made his favorite breakfast that morning.
“You ready to go? You look very businesslike today.” Todd stood as she turned and grabbed her bag.
“Ready? Hell no. But I’m gonna do it anyway.” She took his arm and held on for dear life as they walked to the King County Courthouse rather than mess with traffic.
The cool morning air did a world of good for them both. She perked up, her color came back as they walked and he felt better seeing her feel better.
She hadn’t been overly specific about her own trial experience. Just that it had been horrible. He knew enough that he could fill in the details for himself.
The metal detectors loomed ahead and she froze.
He spoke to her softly, rubbing a hand up and down her back. “It’s for everyone’s safety. In the nineties a man came in with a gun and killed his wife and her pregnant friend in the hallway outside the courtroom where their divorce was being heard.” It had been a fucking horrible day. He’d been a relatively new cop and was in the courthouse to testify in another case when it had happened. It had been one of the events in his time as a cop that’d hardened his resolve against domestic violence.
She took a deep breath and straightened, walked through the metal detectors and waited patiently until she got her bag back and he joined her.
The wait outside the courtroom seemed interminable, but finally they went inside and she chose a seat near the back but on the aisle. He wanted to sit on the end, wanted his body between her and anyone who walked past but she shook her head hard, white-lipped, and he realized she needed to feel like she could get up and leave anytime she wanted.
He put an arm around the back of the bench, touching her but not holding her.
Erin hated the nausea, but she fought it. Fought it like she fought the memories of sitting in that courtroom in LA, of being cross-examined and having to relive every fucking moment of that day. She’d held on, just barely keeping from crying. She’d waited until she got back to Adrian’s and then she’d withdrawn into a world of prescription medicine and too much booze. Adrian and Brody hauled her out of bed every morning and shoved her into a shower.
If anyone deserved praise for support it was her brothers. They cleaned up her sick, ferried her to court every day, held her hand, kicked her ass and generally were her anchors in a storm that rocked the foundations of her life.
She’d been smiling at the memory until Bill walked in with his attorney. Shortly after that,
Ella’s mother came in and sat on Todd’s other side.
That first morning was mainly procedural stuff, but the opening arguments pissed her off. She didn’t blame the defense attorney; that was his job. And despite the fact that Erin wanted to run Bill over with her car, she believed everyone deserved an able defense. Still, listening to this bullshit about mistakes and differences in perception really made her angry. At least Bill wasn’t claiming he was crazy like Charles Cabot had.
When they dismissed for lunch, they dismissed for the day due to scheduling conflicts, but Ella was expected to testify the following day, so at least she could be there after that.
Erin hugged Ella’s mother good-bye, shot a glare at Bill, who gave her one back until Todd stepped beside her and sent Bill the scariest look she’d ever seen on his face. He put his arm around her and she relaxed into his body.
“Let’s go. I’m taking you home.”
“No, I need to go to the café. You get to work. Really, I’m all right.”
He hustled her out and they walked back to the condo, where she could grab her car. He was stoic the whole time and she knew he was thinking on a way to get her to stay home.
Managing two bossy men like Ben and Todd was a full-time job. They always wanted to take over, to do things for her, to spare her, but she liked to do things herself. She appreciated the support, but man, did they work her nerves some days.
She headed to the elevator, and Todd got that smirky smile until she hit the P button for the garage. Then he sighed and crossed his arms over his chest.
“You know, you can give yourself a fucking break every once in a while. Is it too much to ask that you go home and rest? Why do you owe the world anything right now? You’re being stubborn for the sake of being stubborn.”
“You know, you can give me a fucking break every once in a while. I went to court today because Ella asked me to. She’s working for me right now in my café. I’m going over there to talk to her and while I appreciate your protective nature, I’m getting miffed at this point and you need to back off.”
“You’re not the only one who’s miffed, Erin.”
Oh no he didn’t.
She flapped a hand at him and went to her car, slamming inside. He moved to the passenger side and she flipped the locks. If he rode with her, they’d continue this stupid fucking fight and she’d want to shove him out an airlock.
“Erin,” he said warningly.
“Go to work, Todd. Thank you for coming with me today,” she said as she started her car and drove away.
She waved through the front window of Brody’s shop as she walked past and he blew her a kiss. She laughed and went through the door of the café. Things were jumping, and she immediately moved to the coffee bar and began pulling espressos until the crowd thinned.
“My mom came by.”
Erin looked at Ella and nodded. “She give you the recap?”
“Yeah. Perceptions? Like I mistook him kicking my door in and hitting me with the iron I’d been using as an attack? How could he sit there with a straight face?”
Erin hugged her friend. “You’ll testify tomorrow and tell the truth. They’ve got your medical records, pictures of what you looked like, all the times he violated the protection order. It’s going to be all right.”
“The prosecutor is really nice. She walked me through what it’s going to be like. It’s bad, isn’t it?” Ella asked.
Erin exhaled hard. “It’s not the most pleasant thing. But you’ll survive it. You’ve survived worse and you’re here now. He will be there, watching you, and they’ll try to shake you up too. But you need to try to focus and remember that you living to tell the tale is your best revenge. Justice is your best revenge. And when they try to make you look like you were wishy-washy and how could he know if you really meant him to go away and you liked it rough or whatever, you have to stay focused. Just be honest. Think about what you say and don’t let them rush you. And remember, this is about him, not you.”
“You’re so awesome. I know it was hard for you today.”
“It was worth it to see his face when your mom and I glared at him. Todd sent him an uber-mean face too.”
“I’m glad Todd was with you. He’s so good.”
“He is.” Even when he was a controlling, protective butthead.
They worked side by side until it was closing time and then cleaned up.
“You want me to go home with you?” Erin asked as she locked up the front door.
“No, I’m good. I’m heading to my parents’ for the afternoon and then I’ll spend the night there. We’ll go to the courthouse first thing.”
They hugged and Ella got into her car. Before Erin could get to hers, Brody materialized with a concerned look. “Hey there, you doin’ okay?”
She hugged him. “Yeah. I’m good. It was weird. Flashback in a big way about the whole metal detector thing. It smells the same in the courthouse. I need to go home and scrub it off my skin.”
“Wanna tell me why Todd called here to ask if I’d check on you?”
She told him about their argument and he laughed. “You’re both perfect for each other. You’re outnumbered with Ben. Lucky for you, you’ve got enough spine to push back when they push you. And they push because they love you and want to take care of you. I have to stop myself half the time too, and I’m your brother.” He shrugged.
“I know. I’m not mad at him. I just need to process this and go about my business. Honestly, if I’d gone home and stopped for a few minutes I’d have dwelled. I don’t need to dwell. I need to keep moving. Like a shark, you know?”
He kissed her forehead. “Yeah, like a shark. That’s you. Don’t forget dinner at Palomino on Saturday.”
She closed her eyes and prayed for patience. Label people were in town, and she’d promised Adrian she’d go and play nice.
“Yeah, can’t forget that. I should take Ben too. I hate leaving him out of this stuff.”
“So bring him. The label people won’t care. As for life in general and living in an alternative relationship? We need to have coffee or a drink to talk about that one, Erin. You know I’m fine with it. Adrian too. But Ben’s folks don’t seem to be the kind to easily accept that he’s in a threesome with you and another dude. I know you want to show him you care as much about him as you do Todd, but you know you have to remember how it will blow back on them too. You’re a fucking musician; no one cares what you do. They’re not.”
“I know. Don’t think I don’t. I’m not in the mood for it’s not fair right now. I’m going home. I love you.”
“You know where I am if you need me to kick some ass.”
She rolled her eyes and went home.
“Ms. Keenan?”
Erin looked up at the doorman calling her name. It was hard to get used to being called Keenan, but it made Todd happy and it gave her another level of anonymity, so that worked too.
“Yep. What’s up?”
“You have a visitor.” He pointed to a statuesque brunette waiting near the front doors. She knew who it was before the woman introduced herself
“Caroline, am I right?”
The smile faltered a bit. Erin really wished this had happened another day. She usually went straight up to her place, but of course she had to stop by the mail room. Damn.
“Yes. And you’re Erin.”
“Ben’s at work.” Erin checked her watch.
“I know. I thought we could talk.”
Erin sighed heavily. “About what?”
“Just things. I thought perhaps it would be good if we talked without Ben.”
“Oh no. I don’t do that. You could have called; you know the number. Instead you’re here in my lobby when you know Ben is at work. That makes me very uncomfortable. I don’t go around Ben.”
“Will you have a cup of coffee with me? I promise to be quick.”
“I’m really not trying to be rude, but what’s your angle here? I’ve had a crappy day and I’m not in any mo
od to dance around the subject. Ben is mine, I’m not giving him back, and I don’t plan to share him with you. Is that what you needed to know?”
“He said you were blunt.”
“Caroline, I know he cares about you. I know you were together for several years. If you’re trying to be my friend, asking me to do something Ben doesn’t know about isn’t the way to do it.”
“I’m not trying to get him back. I just thought we could be friends.”
Erin was so tired. “As I said, you’re going about it entirely the wrong way. How would you feel if you were in my shoes?”
“I’d want to size up the competition.”
Erin laughed. “That might be true if I thought you were competition. But Ben’s not a prize to be won. I’d never play with him like that, and if you would, you weren’t worthy of him. To be quite honest, at this point, I can safely say we’re not friends. Mission accomplished.”
“So you’ll stop Ben from seeing me?”
“Is that what this is about? I haven’t stopped him from doing anything. He’s an adult. What is your deal? Seriously? I mean, Ben cared about you once. He still does, from what he tells me. There must be some redeeming qualities about you. But I’m really failing to see them right now.”
“Erin? What’s going on?”
She turned to see Ben approach.
“I don’t know. I was just asking Caroline that right now, but she seems unwilling to answer me clearly.”
“Maybe we should all go upstairs.” Ben put his arm around Erin’s waist.
That was the last thing Erin wanted. She just wanted to go and take a bath, not play some passive-aggressive games with an ex-girlfriend.
At the same time, she didn’t want to upset Ben, so she sighed long and tired and walked toward the elevators.
Once inside she turned to Caroline. “Not to be rude, but as I said, I’ve had a very crappy day. Why don’t you talk to Ben and deal with whatever is bothering you. I’m going to take a long bath.”