And then she did the thing she needed to do, for herself. She looked Charles Cabot in the face, holding his attention long enough to let him know she would not let his attempt to get around the system this way go unchallenged.
Her eyes broke away and she went on, just speaking from her heart and careful not to look at Cabot again. She’d made her point, to herself and to him, and to look again would only give him what he wanted.
Jeremy spoke, and Erin heard the catch in his voice as he talked about what Adele’s birth had been like for him. How he’d taught her to swim and how her first word had been no. He spoke of how the attack had not only nearly killed Erin and ended the possibilities of Adele’s future, but how it had torn their relationship apart and kept Erin off stage.
Detective Emery spoke, and then Brody and Adrian, followed by Jeremy’s parents. The pictures of Adele stayed on the table until they were all finished speaking and the board dismissed them while they deliberated.
“I’ve won,” she said quietly to Ben.
“What do you mean?” He held her hand.
“No matter what they decide, I did it. I walked in there and I stood up for Adele. I looked him in the eye and let him know I wouldn’t let this pass. If they parole him, I will fight it. If they don’t, I’ll be back when they hear this again.”
Todd heard it and knelt in front of her. “I’m so proud of you. You kicked butt in there.”
“I couldn’t let him own any part of me anymore. He doesn’t get my fear. He can’t control me with it. That doesn’t mean I won’t be afraid; I can’t help it. But it means I can push it back and fight it off.”
“With our help.” Todd kissed her forehead and pushed to stand again.
He paced and Ben sat holding her hand. Jeremy excused himself for several minutes and came back red-eyed but more steady. Brody looked off into space and Adrian spoke quietly to Emery.
It wasn’t an exceptionally long wait before they were called back in and the parole board unanimously rejected Cabot’s request for parole and agreed to rehear the case in three years.
Erin exhaled, putting her head in her hands and swallowing back emotion. Standing straight, she held her back and head up high and thanked the board before walking out.
35
The night air was warm as the sunset rendered the grassy knoll on the hill facing the stage a riot of oranges and pinks.
Erin walked out with Adrian, and the sound of the crowd going wild at seeing her there bolstered her, fed her, made her smile.
She adjusted her strap and began to play, laying the beat, enticing Adrian’s voice to join, enticing his guitar to play with hers. And he did. The song caught her, and then another, until she’d given in and let it carry her. It had been a very long time, but it felt good and right that she be there.
Stage left, her family stood. Her mothers-in-law, Brody, those brothers-in-law who were still part of their lives. Most important, Todd and Ben watched her, smiling, understanding what it meant for her to be there.
She tipped her head back and looked into the sky, looked up at the stars and sent out thanks. She wasn’t that woman she’d been eleven years before, playing small clubs, having a hot affair with a cop who had big issues with his sexuality. She’d changed and there were still parts of her inside that were broken. She still jumped at loud noises and hated crowds. But the part where her music lived thrived and unfurled, filling the stage, freeing her in the way only that one thing could.
She had a past filled with bad things and a future filled with joy. In the balance, that was really all anyone could ask for.
Adrian broke off for the bridge and they fed off each other like they had for so many years before the darkness came. But it was there, like it had never left, and instead of tears, she only had laughter.
AUTHOR’S NOTE
This book is solidly rooted in music. Erin is a musician, it’s how she views the world, it’s who she is. It marks time in her life. It’s about moments and tragedies and, in the end, it’s about rising above and surviving.“Outshined”—Soundgarden
“Is There a Ghost”—Band of Horses
“Sunday Kind of Love”—Etta James
“Inside and Out”—Feist
“Creep”—Radiohead
“Gong”—Sigur Rós
“Saeglopur”—Sigur Rós
“Glosoli”—Sigur Rós
“Change”—Deftones
“Way of the Fist”—Five Finger Death Punch
“Clubbed to Death (Kurayamino Mix)”—Rob D.
“Untouchable Face”—Ani DiFranco
“Marrow”—Ani DiFranco
“Fountain”—PJ Harvey
“Victory”—PJ Harvey
“Sheela Na Gig”—PJ Harvey
“A Place Called Home”—PJ Harvey
“Open Your Eyes”—Guano Apes
“Run and Run”—The Psychedelic Furs
“Run”—Kittie
“Inside Job”—Pearl Jam
“Rearview Mirror”—Pearl Jam
“Blood”—Pearl Jam
“No Way”—Pearl Jam
“Lazy Eye”—Silversun Pickups
“Awakening”—The Damning Well
Lauren Dane, Laid Bare
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