I laughed out loud from a sense of indescribable relief. It seemed I wasn’t half bad as a psychiatrist. Lady Atissa was behaving not only like an ordinary healthy woman but like an ordinary healthy woman with nerves of steel. How and why I had entered her bedroom had been completely erased from her memory. Nevertheless, she showed not a trace of panic. I doubt that I could have addressed a stranger who had suddenly appeared in my bedroom with such calm sarcasm.
“I do beg your pardon, Lady Atissa,” I said, with a feeling of sudden levity. “I’ll be going now.”
“You’re leaving?” she said. “Frankly, I would have thought that you were here with some purpose, having already forced your way into my bedchamber.”
“You are absolutely right. My purpose was to make sure that you weren’t sleeping with your head to the South. That’s very important. I see now that you don’t. Good night to you.”
“Is it truly dangerous, to sleep with your head to the South?” Lady Atissa said.
“It certainly is. The most dangerous delusions, the ones that waylay sleepers, come from the South.”
It was shameless to lie so brazenly, of course, but it was the first thing that came into my head.
When I had found my way back into the passageway, I glanced around in confusion. Which way did I turn to get back to the living room?
“This way, Sir Max.” Korva Blimm’s voice came to me from somewhere down below. I made my way to him down a narrow spiral staircase.
“Your timing was impeccable. I would definitely have lost my way,” I said.
“My wife just sent me a call and said that the Echo secret police had stormed her bedchamber,” said Korva gloomily. “Is she imagining things again?”
“No,” I said smiling. “I think this time she was joking.”
“Joking? Where did that come from? Atissa hasn’t been able to joke for ages. At least since—”
“I think she’s cured,” I said softly. “And I also think that she doesn’t even remember she was ill. In any case, she has no recollection at all of the first part of my visit. We even had to make each other’s acquaintance twice.”
“Atissa? Cured?” Korva said in disbelief. “Her illness is incurable. Otherwise she would have been well again long ago. Do you think I’ve just been waiting passively for her to get better on her own?”
“No, I don’t think that you have. But I’m quite sure that she is cured now. Go up to her and see for yourself. But first tell me how to get back to the reception hall, or I’ll spend the rest of my life wandering the passageways. A grim prospect.”
“Around that corner you’ll find one more stairway. It leads directly to the living room. Please don’t leave before I return. I don’t understand a thing at this point.”
Following my host’s instructions, I reached the living room without incident. Juffin was sitting there by himself, and he didn’t look at all like he was the most carefree fellow in the Universe. In fact, he even overdid it a little when he knitted his brow.
“Well, how was your romantic encounter?”
“Marvelous. I liked it so much I advised Sir Korva to do the same.”
“What happened up there, anyway?” His impatience was bordering on real annoyance.
“I think I cured her,” I said. “Don’t tell anyone, though. Otherwise there will be a long line of mad people waiting in front of Tekki’s tavern tomorrow. I think she might show me the door after this anyway. And it’s probably the right thing to do.”
“Wait a minute, quit your jabbering. Are you sure you cured her, Max? You aren’t exaggerating?”
“Lady Atissa herself asked me to launch a Lethal Sphere at her,” I said. “I couldn’t refuse. Beautiful women can wrap me around their little fingers. She got wind of this extravagant form of amusement in a conversation with one of her hallucinations. She told me about a ‘man without a face’ that visited her. Ring a bell? Gosh, I don’t understand a thing myself anymore!”
“Your Lethal Sphere?” Juffin said. Then he grinned in approval. “Why not? It would be funny if you really cured her that way. And did the smell of madness go away, too?”
“You know I could never discern it. But Sir Korva has gone up to see her. Send him a call and ask him about the smell.”
“You can be so resourceful sometimes,” Juffin said.
The boss followed my advice and began staring intently into space. Several moments later he raised his eyes to me. Now they showed only merriment.
“Let’s go home, Max. There’s nothing for us to do in the middle of the night in someone else’s home. Especially when the hosts are very busy themselves.”
“But Sir Korva requested that I stay until he returned,” I said.
“Of course he requested that. At that moment he didn’t realize he wouldn’t be able to return to the living room for the next day and night. Use your imagination, Max, and you should be able to figure out why he has better things to do now,” Juffin said. “Let’s go, Mr. Brainiac.”
“So did I really cure her?” I said, getting up reluctantly from the comfortable armchair.
“As if you didn’t know. I’m sure your Lethal Spheres can do far more than that.”
“Well, that’s good,” I said. “I like them both very much. But I can understand Melamori. People like that make better friends than parents. They probably aren’t all that easy to get along with.”
“Right you are,” said Juffin, making himself comfortable in the front seat of the amobiler. “I don’t know about ‘friends,’ but today you’ve made two acquaintances who will be eternally grateful to you. If you want a third, just drive me home. It’s not far from here.”
“Give me directions, though. I’ve never been able to find my way around the Left Bank, especially at night. That would take a miracle.”
“Now turn left,” Juffin said after we drove out through the gates of the Blimm estate. “And don’t go too fast. There are lots of unexpected twists and turns ahead.”
“I’d like to believe that this is not a grim prophecy, just information about the upcoming journey,” I said with a grin. “Speaking of unexpected twists and turns, today is supposed to be my Day of Freedom from Care, remember?”
“Didn’t you get enough rest today?” Juffin said with perfect calm. “We’ve had a great time. All right, don’t pout. Tomorrow you can take the day off.”
“Do you think I’ll be able to pull it off?” I said.
“Why not? Wonders happen even to bores like yourself. By the way, we’re here already, didn’t you notice? Will you survive if I don’t invite you in for a mug of kamra? I’ve had enough of you for one day. I hope the feeling is mutual.”
“I can survive even worse things. I’m very resilient. Besides, my girlfriend makes better kamra than your butler.”
“Well, that’s a matter of taste. Good night, Max.”
I watched as Juffin’s shimmering silver looxi receded into the darkness of the garden. Then I turned toward home. I desperately needed a good dose of ordinary human life: whispering to Tekki in the semidarkness of the already closed tavern, laughing with her about the day’s crazy events, scratching the kitties’ soft furry necks, things like that.
Wonder of wonders, all of this—and nearly a dozen hours of the soundest sleep, to boot—I got. When I woke up just after midday, I allowed myself to loll around as long as I wished, even making some plans for passing a pleasant evening. Tekki was the protagonist of these plans, of course, though the proposed setting for the act changed with frightening speed.
Melifaro’s call reached me not long before sundown. I was just planning to diversify my R&R. Having something to eat, for example.
Where have the girls gone, Max? Do you know what’s going on?
If it had been an ordinary conversation, he would have roared out the question. Silent Speech is not the best means for expressing emotion, but I understood all the same that something was very wrong.
No idea. Why?
No one is
at the Furry House. Everyone has disappeared: the girls, your servants, even your dog. To be honest, I am at my wit’s end. The boss went to Xolomi to interrogate some conspirator they’re afraid even to let out of his cell. What lousy timing! So it’s impossible to contact him. Come to the Furry House, all right?
Have you tried to send a call to the girls? Maybe they’ve just run back to their native steppe. After all, I’m a pretty bad husband.
I’ve sent calls to all of them. To Kenlex, her sisters, even the servants. They’re not there. It’s uncanny. It doesn’t feel like they died. It feels like they were never even born. I did find something here, though . . . Hurry over, you should see this for yourself.
I’m on my way.
I ran downstairs at a gallop.
Tekki stared at my contorted features. “Has relaxing tired you out that much?”
“Relaxing is tired of me, not the other way around. Melifaro says that everyone in the Furry House has disappeared. No one answers his calls. I hope it’s just some kind of misunderstanding.”
“What could have happened to them? Why would they just up and leave?” said Tekki.
“I hope I’ll be back today. Or someday, anyway,” I said. “Sinning Magicians, why oh why does this have to happen now? I had such well-laid plans for our evening, and even better ones for the night! It was to be a classic scene—nothing original, mind you, but who needs originality when—”
“I believe you,” Tekki said. “Just try not to forget what you thought up. Sooner or later we’ll put your plan into action.”
“Down to the last detail?”
“Every last one. And then some.”
She waved goodbye, and I disappeared from her life—for a while, anyway.
The pitiful remains of what was once Melifaro were waiting for me in the main hall of the Furry House. The downcast creature was so unlike the force of nature I was familiar with that their similarity seemed shocking rather than reassuring.
“That bad?” I said.
“I’m not sure.” Melifaro did a weak impression of a sad smile. “Maybe you’ll be able to take the situation in hand. You’ll kill a couple dozen villains and a few hundred innocent civilians in one fell swoop. Then it will turn out that everything really is bad, but not that bad. Here, take a look at this, Max.”
Only then did I notice that Melifaro was turning some object over and over in his hands. Peering closer at it, I realized that it was a stuffed toy, a small figure that looked like a little boy in a looxi. On the floor was a neat pile of similar toys. What are they doing here and where did they come from? I wondered.
“What are these things? The promised trophies of war, former property of the hapless Manooks? My subjects brought me a bunch of gifts that I had no time to look at. Anyway, I’ve never seen these before in my life. Or anything like them.”
“Neither have I,” Melifaro said. “But I’ve had some time to think about it. Doesn’t the boy’s looxi remind you of anything?”
“No.”
Just in case, I examined the clothes on the toy, then shook my head with even more certainty.
“Well, naturally, since you hardly ever put in an appearance here. And if you do, you wander around through the bookcases like a sleepwalker or chase after the dog, squealing hysterically.”
Melifaro’s cutting tone testified to his emotional resilience. I could only dream of making such a quick recovery.
“The designs on his looxi exactly replicate the designs on the uniforms of the servants who flooded your palace on the command of our solicitous Majesty Gurig. How many do you have, by the way? Any idea?”
“As a matter of fact, yes, I do know. Last spring I wrote the king about them. I thanked him for his concern for the welfare of the occupants of the Furry House, and at the end of the letter I delicately suggested that three dozen servants was too many. I assured him that in such a small dwelling there was no purpose in keeping more than a dozen of these useless fellows. In my opinion, two of them would be enough to keep the house clean and to feed my dog. But I lacked the courage to tell His Majesty the honest truth. Since that time, there have been only a dozen servants trying to keep themselves occupied around my house.”
“Well, that’s exactly right. One dozen,” Melifaro said, nodding. “I already searched the house and found exactly twelve of these dolls. By the way, the one I found in the kitchen is wearing a chef’s cap. See for yourself.”
He thrust another rag doll under my nose. Its hands were holding something that resembled a spoon. It was made of the same soft material as the figure itself.
“Do you mean to tell me that my servants have turned into dolls?” I said.
“You got it. Want some more proof? Just don’t faint.”
He pulled a shaggy little dog from the pile of toys.
“Is that all that’s left of Droopy?” I said, horrified, as I took the toy into my hands. “A hole in the heavens above you, I’m afraid you’re right. Look, that’s his collar—just very tiny.”
“Are you sure it’s his collar?”
“Absolutely,” I said. “You see how there’s a stone missing on the clasp? I scraped it off by mistake myself when I was putting it on him for the first time. He kept fidgeting . . . Well, don’t look at me like I’m the Capital’s number-one cannibal. I was just confirming your hypothesis.”
“I just realized how much I hoped I was wrong! I’m afraid the same fate has befallen the girls. That’s why I can’t reach any of them—neither Kenlex, nor her sisters.”
“Have you found anything that . . . that looks like them?”
“No. But I didn’t look very thoroughly. I ran all over the whole house, looking into the bedrooms, the kitchen—everywhere.”
“Shall we go together to look for them?”
“Let’s go,” Melifaro said like a doomed man.
The search plunged me into despondency. I just wasn’t used to dealing with this grief-stricken hypostasis of Melifaro. To be honest, his emotional state distressed me far more than the horrible mystery of the dolls. My own heart winced from his pain, and my thoughts grew confused from his despair. Now I would even have preferred that Melifaro be the same delightfully insensitive brute he seems to be the first time you meet him. Actually, the second, third, fourth, and even the three thousand eight hundred twenty-fifth time, too.
“Where could they have gone?” Melifaro moaned when we had returned to the first floor after three-quarters of an hour of fruitless searching. “Maybe you have some sort of Secret Door around here?”
“Even if there were one, I wouldn’t know. Anyway, why should there be one at all? This is just a former university library, not Rulx Castle. There’s probably not another person in this World who is less familiar with his own house than I am. Still, I’m sure that we haven’t searched the whole place yet. For instance, we haven’t been to the room where my subjects dumped their gifts. I would have noticed the bales, or whatever they are.”
“Of course! What’s wrong with me? There have to be storerooms here,” Melifaro said. “They’re probably near the bathroom and the bathing pools, and we haven’t gone downstairs yet.”
“I know nothing about any storerooms or whatever else is down there,” I said.
“Give me a break! You mean to say you’ve never used the bathroom in your own house?”
“Kings like me don’t engage in such petty activities,” I said, bristling.
“Well, never mind, I do. I’ve been there a number of times, in fact. So I can show you the way. Please don’t be squeamish, your majesty.”
When we had descended to the cellar, we checked the bathroom and the bathing pools, just to make sure. I discovered to my horror that I had exactly two dozen bathing pools. Such an abundance of facilities was even beyond the expectation of Lonli-Lokli himself. That aficionado of all things watery only had eighteen.
“And it is widely believed that I live here. Imagine,” I said with a sigh.
“Max, I’ve found the
storeroom,” Melifaro said in a wooden voice. “The girls are here. See for yourself.”
I followed him into the spacious room, illuminated by three gas spheres. Melifaro stood among the fat bales and neat piles of brightly colored woven material. My naive subjects probably thought they had made me the happy owner of the most beautiful carpets in the Unified Kingdom.
“Here they are,” Melifaro said, his voice trembling, as he handed me three small rag dolls. “Your entire harem, Monster.”
I took one of the dolls and examined it carefully.
“I think this one is Xeilax, judging by the bright-red looxi. The poor thing has the same terrible taste as you.”
“You’ve told me that eight hundred thousand times,” Melifaro said. He stroked the head of one of the dolls. “Here’s Kenlex. She was wearing a funny little metal earring. There it is, see? It’s so tiny, but you can still make it out. I kept asking her why she didn’t take it off, and I tried to give her some prettier ones. But she insisted that she couldn’t remove it. She was born with it, and it was a sign of an unusual fate and luck. What nonsense! And this is our Xelvi. See? She keeps smiling, no matter what. Max, do you think we’ll be able to get to the bottom of this madness? I’ve never seen the likes of it.”
“I guess it won’t surprise you if I say I haven’t either,” I said morosely. “I could try to find some alien trace here, of course, but . . . my heart isn’t in the right place for it, buddy. To be honest, ever since we entered this room, I keep thinking that you and I are going to turn into something, too. Let’s get hold of Juffin first. Maybe he has something insightful to say about the matter.”
“Send him a call, will you?” Melifaro said. “If I start recounting the story from the beginning, I’m afraid I might just break down. And what if the boss says they’re doomed to stay that way forever? If you said it, I might survive. You’re always talking nonsense anyway.”
“Okay, whatever you say,” I said, putting my hand on his shoulder. “We’ll figure this out, friend. There’s nothing we can’t do together.”