“That’s an idea. I feel so miserable that even a long trip in your company seems bearable.”
“Out of the question,” Juffin piped up suddenly. “I’m sorry, boys, but there won’t be any joint outing followed by a picnic. You go, Melifaro. Max has a few things to do here in Echo. Besides, his rank won’t permit him to go chasing after his subjects down country roads. The nomads will be shocked by such extravagant behavior on the part of a crowned personage. We don’t need to invent extra problems for ourselves; we’ve got plenty of already existing ones as it is. You just write them a note, Max. Your general knows how to read, I take it?”
“He does. I’ll jot something down for him right now. But let’s order something from the Glutton, all right? It has been my habit to indulge in literary pursuits while digesting ever since my days as a budding poet, writing dreary hogwash—preferably about death; if worse came to worst, about unrequited love. But invariably in the kitchen, stuffing my face with a piece of mom’s homemade pie.”
“A marvelous tradition,” Juffin said. “What would be a good substitute for your mother’s pie? Have you already decided?”
Then I spent half an hour writing a missive to Barxa Bachoy. It turned out to be rather hard. Much harder than writing poems about death and love. I realized that my field commander was not the sort to read for pleasure, so I tried to be concise and clear. Finally I finished a letter that met with even Juffin’s approval. Of course, the boss is too magnanimous to be a successful literary critic. A former hired killer without a solid educational background in the humanities—Juffin would never fit the bill.
“I hope I’ll be able to chase them down before sunrise,” said Melifaro, taking the letter from me. “I’ll send you a call as soon as I find out something. Max, how should I introduce myself to your subjects so that they tremble in holy terror?”
“Tell them you’re my favorite slave.” I still hoped to distract him from his dark brooding thoughts. If I couldn’t make him laugh, at least I might infuriate him. But it was a no-go.
“I’d tell them I was your favorite chamber pot if I thought it would convince that ragtag bunch to help us,” he said with a sigh. “Okay, I’ll think of something myself. Good night, gentlemen.”
He got up from the chair and made a beeline out of the office. I watched him go, then turned to Juffin.
“Things are looking pretty grim,” the boss said, summing up all that had happened. “Magicians be praised that you didn’t start digging through those sinning war trophies yourself. Right now I just can’t imagine what we can do to help those poor girls. Not to mention all the others.”
“I’m sure we can do something.” I was surprised at my own confidence. “I’m not sure what, but . . . In any case, I sense an alien presence in the Furry House. I’m absolutely certain that someone else was there. Especially in the cellar. I didn’t like the feeling a bit. I didn’t even try to follow the trace of this stranger. I’m ashamed to say it, but I was really afraid that Melifaro and I could also be turned into dolls at any moment. But you and I should go there together and look for the trace now.”
“No, we shouldn’t,” Juffin said firmly. “For the time being, anyway. If you sensed that you could also turn into toys, then there was a real danger of that. You’re not given to vain imaginings, but you sense real danger with your backside, and it tells you to move it. So we won’t hurry things. It’s better to lose time than to lose our lives. I’ll go there on the way home, but I’ll go alone. Maybe I’ll pick up some clues, maybe I won’t, but I don’t plan to step on anyone’s trace, either. At least not before we get some concrete news from Melifaro. Then we’ll see. Kofa will be coming in soon. You go on home. And don’t try to play the hero on your own, okay?”
“Of course, I’m happy to go home,” I said, surprised. “But you told Melifaro that you’d find something for me to do here?”
“Maybe I will,” Juffin said. “Any second now some unhappy soul could run in here wailing that his whole household had been turned into these sinning toys. But for now I want you to just spend a pleasant evening at home. It might be a long time before you get another chance. If there is the slightest possibility that we can unravel this dirty mess, you’ll be the one who has to take action.”
“Is that because they were my subjects who brought the gifts that started it all?”
“Of course not,” the boss said, laughing. “According to that logic, Gurig and I would have to take the responsibility. We were the ones who dragged you into this mess.”
“But why, then?”
Juffin shrugged. He mused for a few seconds, then waved his hand dismissively.
“I don’t know myself. Let’s just say I shared my premonition with you.”
“Okay. In any case, I really like your suggestion.”
“You see how things fall into place? Now scram. I can’t stand looking at you. Nor can anyone else, you bad, evil man. With the exception of one marvelous lady—so go to her.”
“Gladly. And you send me a call after you stop by the Furry House, all right? I won’t be sleeping for a long time yet.”
“I can imagine,” he said, grinning. “Fine, I’ll tell you everything as it unfolds, if there’s anything to tell at all.”
Everything seemed to be decided, but for some reason I still couldn’t force myself to turn around and leave.
“Listen, if even you have no clue about what’s going on, shouldn’t we ask Maba Kalox?” I said.
“All in good time. If I go to Maba right now, he’ll say he’s glad to see me, treat me to some revolting otherworldly drink, and send me home, blessing me with friendly advice so as not to vex his valuable person with trifles. You know him. But to be honest, I doubt that this time even Maba could help. If we’re dealing with people whose ancestors made up the Secret Retinue of King Mynin . . .”
“How about Lady Sotofa?”
“I don’t think so. But we can try if it comes to that. We’ll stop at nothing, believe me. Go home already. I need to be alone for a bit. It’s my only chance to think in peace. And not only to think.”
“I’m sorry. Here I am, dawdling and giving you idiotic advice. Naturally, it would have occurred to you to consult Maba without my prompting.”
“I suppose it would have occurred to me. I’ve got a bit of ingenuity up my sleeve,” Juffin said, laughing. “How do you think I managed to survive the last seven hundred years before such an ingenious adviser as yourself came along?”
The boss’s good mood (insofar as it could be considered good under the circumstances) helped to boost my own. At least I didn’t have to hide my misery from Tekki when I dove into the cozy semidarkness of the Armstrong & Ella. She saw through me right away, though.
“That bad, huh?”
“I was hoping you wouldn’t notice. Yeah, it’s all pretty darn lousy. I even wanted to hang myself in the bathroom, but I changed my plans for the evening. Where is your mythical assistant?”
“Why mythical? She’s as real as can be. She just stepped out for a while—to the bathroom, if you really must know. Praise be the Magicians you didn’t hang yourself in there. That would have been awkward.”
“I still don’t really believe this woman exists,” I said. “You keep saying you hired her especially so she could work evenings instead of you. But every evening I discover you behind the bar all alone. Are you sure she’s not a figment of your imagination?”
“The poor thing is just afraid of you, like all normal people. I even have to give her extra hardship pay,” Tekki said, laughing. “But she still hides whenever you’re around.”
“Well, let her come out of hiding, then. Juffin gave me strict instructions to enjoy my evening. I couldn’t possibly disobey him. You know how scared I am of him.”
“I know. You just take one look at him and fall into a faint,” Tekki said. “But what does my assistant have to do with anything? Does she have to undress and dance on the table for you? Is that what you have in mind when yo
u say you want to enjoy your evening?”
“Almost. Of course, it’s you I want to undress. Not just yet, but after we have something to eat and I dump all my problems on you. That’s how I envision a good evening. Really banal, isn’t it? Dancing on the table isn’t a prerequisite. And all your assistant has to do is take your place behind the bar. I thought of everything, didn’t I?”
“You did. Believe it or not, that’s just what I want to do. Have something to eat, and then get undressed. I’m really sick of these duds”
The rest of the evening was great. First, we went out to eat at the Three-Horned Moon. I knew that in this wonderful club you could rub elbows with some living literary legend and get excellent food to boot.
It was still a long time before the new moon, so there were no poetry readings that night. Nevertheless, we found ourselves in the midst of a large number of people with pensive expressions and shining eyes. The regulars here were already used to seeing me and greeted me amiably, but they didn’t force their conversation on me. And what was even more agreeable, they didn’t stare at Tekki and me like we were aliens from outer space. They were concerned with their own affairs.
In a word, the Three-Horned Moon was the perfect place for talking about the events that had befallen us. In this setting my story recalled a desperate attempt by a young fabulist to impress his girlfriend with the subject of his forthcoming fantasy novel in verse. In fact, if I had gone on a bit longer, I might have stopped believing my own true story.
“Things are looking pretty grim,” she said, echoing Juffin, and summing up my long saga.
“Well, I guess it’s not really dinner-table conversation,” I said. “You know, on top of everything else, I feel guilty. I could have taken precautions—looked into the sinning bales, sensed something evil, and told the girls not to unpack them. But I just let everything take its own course. And, of course, I’ll have to be the one to get us out of this mess now. So it’s a good thing that you and I have this evening together.”
“Well, it’s not all that bad,” Tekki said softly. “You’re going to be all right, Max. You can deal with it. Others, maybe not. But you? Sure you can. Trust me.”
“That’s good to hear,” I said smiling. “How do you know it for sure?”
“This tells me,” she said, tapping her breastbone with her delicate fingers. “The most reliable source of information.”
Juffin’s call reached me when we were on our way home.
I walked around your residence for two whole hours. You were right not to try to step on anyone’s trace. If you had found the trace of the beast that had the run of the place, I would also have acquired a favorite toy to clutch to my chest.
You mean Melifaro and I might have turned into those dratted dolls, too? I said. The idea horrified me. So it wasn’t a fit of paranoia but an ordinary human presentiment?
Well, I wouldn’t go so far as to say “normal” and “human,” but your presentiment was right on the mark. In fact, the happy prospect of continuing your existence as a cute stuffed toy would have been your privilege alone. Melifaro is not a Master of Pursuit, and he never will be. To become cute and fluffy, he’d need to have his own personal meeting with the unknown beast.
And how will we search for this creature if we can’t step on its trace?
Don’t worry about that. Its trace is so potent that I can smell it. It resembles somewhat the everyday smell of madness, with the smell of a wild animal thrown in. I’m about to follow the path of our unknown friend right now. So try not to sleep too soundly. I might need your help at any moment.
Maybe I should just come and join you right now?
No. There’s no need. I’m not sure you’re indispensable to me just yet. I’m not sure of anything right now. Besides, I don’t want your girlfriend to scratch my eyes out. This is not a good time to run afoul of such a formidable lady. When we try to get to the bottom of those souvenirs from your Manook friends, it will be a different story.
I’ll pass it on to her. Happy hunting.
Thanks. Very apt wish indeed.
About two hours later, when I didn’t really feel much like sleeping yet but already foresaw the possibility in the immediate future, the boss sent me another call.
Come to Rulx Castle. Hurry like there’s no tomorrow. I need your Lethal Spheres. Mine don’t cut it. The Palace Guard has been warned. They’ll meet you and lead you to me.
I’m on my way.
I threw off the blanket like the bed was on fire.
“Max, even if the World is collapsing, it doesn’t mean you have to wear my skaba, and definitely not inside out,” Tekki said matter-of-factly.
“You’re right. You could help me, though. I’m all tangled up in these sinning rags.”
It took me just a few minutes to get from the New City to the gates of Rulx Castle. A remarkable tempo—yet it also felt like I had wasted an eternity getting there.
A healthy, pink-cheeked giant in a patterned looxi bowed to me in silence and gestured to me to follow him. The Palace Guards are discouraged from entering into conversation with guests except out of dire necessity. For this reason I didn’t ask him what the matter was, whether the king was safe, how loud Juffin Hully was cursing, and which choice expletives he was throwing about. Knowing the boss as I did, I could get a pretty good idea about what was going on if I knew the approximate number of vampires under the blanket he was urging on his opponent.
The fact that they did not send a palanquin after me further attested to the seriousness of the situation. I had to desecrate the shiny surfaces of the floors of the meandering hallways of Rulx with my boots. Needless to say, it saved me a great deal of time.
I found Juffin in an enormous, brightly illuminated hall. All manner of odd and ornate objects hung on the walls. My imagination prompted me to think that they were ancient sorcerer’s weapons, formal portraits of the kings of the Old Dynasty executed in the abstract mode, or some sort of elfin spinning wheels from the Early Binge period.
“You were fast,” the boss said sadly, “but still not fast enough. The beast got away.”
“Got away? From you?” I said, astonished. “Is that even possible?”
“It happens,” Juffin said. “I have to admit that I got off easy. You and Melifaro almost had the chance to add me your collection of stuffed toys. I still can’t get over it. A rotten, good-for-nothing little mouse, but what power! I’m not surprised that Rulx Castle let him in, though it’s usually very difficult for creatures with evil designs to enter here.”
“So it was a mouse?” I said in disbelief.
“A mouse it was. Can you imagine? Hefty and rather ugly, with a huge head. Quite a creature. It only had a few tricks at its disposal—but what tricks they were! I couldn’t counter them in any way. It would be easier to destroy the World and then create a new one without mice of any kind—whether ordinary or mighty.”
“But where could this mouse have run off to? It’s probably wreaking havoc here somewhere!”
“No, no, that’s very unlikely. Not now, anyway. The mouse hid on the Dark Side. And that’s the most remarkable thing. Rulx Castle is a special place, you see. It’s almost impossible to pass over to the Dark Side from here. I wasn’t able to follow the creature there, in any case. You probably could, though. King Mynin, our one and only Origin, built Rulx Castle exclusively with his personal comfort in mind. He could leave here at any time he wanted, and even go over to the Dark Side. If one Origin could manage it, another one certainly could, too.”
“Time to get down to work, huh?” I said. “To go into the unknown, perform a few inexplicable novelties, and try not to soil my britches?”
“You hit the nail on the head, my boy. I’m glad you have such a good grasp of your duties. But this doesn’t mean you should rush off in hot pursuit of that mouse. Haste is not the wisest course of action. I sped over here like lightning, and now we’ve got a very big problem on our hands, which could have been avoided. We should
first wait for news from Melifaro and listen carefully to everything he has to tell us. Then you and I should think long and hard about it. And have a few requisite dreams. That’s the main thing now.”
“Dreams, you say? Sounds tempting. But why do you think this mouse broke into Rulx? To cast a spell on the king?”
“No, I don’t think so. Most likely he was looking for you. You see, his outstanding might doesn’t prevent this creature from thinking in a very primitive way. I suppose it decided to look for the king in the biggest palace. Our little animal doesn’t seem to have known about the existence of His Majesty Gurig. This powerful little wretch behaves and thinks like the most unenlightened nomad.”
“Has anyone turned into a doll in Rulx?”
“Unfortunately, yes. Since I ordered the castle to be searched, they’ve found forty-six dolls, most of them servants, plus several sentries and five dignitaries. It’s pure luck that Gurig himself set out in the morning to inspect his summer residence and was so pleased with what he found that he decided to stay there until the end of the summer. Most of his retinue left to go there immediately after lunch. If the king’s caprice had not been so timely, there certainly would have been far more victims. Let’s get out of here, Max.”
“But what if the mouse returns from the Dark Side and wants to continue his hunt?”
“That would be even better. There are no windows or chinks to the outside here, and I already cast a spell on all the doors except the one you entered from. I’ll take care of that now. Not a single living creature has ever been known to use a door I whispered a few tender words to at the right time. Besides, I don’t think the mouse will be returning any time soon. I gave it a pretty good scare.”
“I can imagine,” I said, turning toward the only remaining exit.
It didn’t take long for Juffin to cast a spell on the door. He caught up with me in the courtyard and clapped a hot, heavy hand on my shoulder. It occurred to me that his hand would make a good space heater in wintertime.