In the morning it turned out that Juffin’s advice about saying goodbye as if you were going away forever was by no means impossible. Some part of me rejected the very idea, but its voice was weak enough that I could ignore it.
In fact, it was easy to do. I just had to admit to myself that there was no guarantee, no piece of paper with a royal seal affixed to it, saying I would always come back from any adventure safe and sound. Not now, not ever. So there.
As soon as I realized this, true serenity replaced my fake nervous cheerfulness. It was a change for the better. Tekki sensed the shift in my mood right away and reflected it like a mirror—that was her nature. It even seemed to me that she felt an immense relief, just as I had. I gave her a peck on the nose, and she, not expecting that, laughed, took a step back, and winked at me, as though we had just conspired to play a harmless prank on a mutual acquaintance.
I was the last to arrive at the House by the Bridge. Sir Kofa and Melifaro were already busy stowing their travel bags under the seats of their amobiler. It even seemed they had dressed up for the occasion. I, on the contrary, had put on an old looxi of a dark swamp-like color, thinking, as naive as I was, that this was what traveling attire should look like.
“You’re getting ahead of yourselves,” I said to my companions. “Now you’ll have to take your luggage out.”
“How so?” said Melifaro. He was worried that he would fall victim to another one of my pranks.
“Because we’re taking my amobiler,” I said. “It’s better. I don’t know how, but I think I got the best and most durable set of wheels under the sun by accident. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you what it’s been through, and yet it still looks and runs as good as new. But the greatest part is that it’s more spacious. It may not seem like a big deal to you now, but when you get tired of sitting during a long drive and you fancy lying flat on your backs, you’ll thank me.”
“The boy is wise beyond his years. I always suspected it, but now I know for certain,” Kofa said. “We should also bring a few spare crystals with us. It must have never occurred to you that anything could happen to the crystal. A slow hike to Great Lake Munto is not exactly in line with my plans for the coming century.”
“Ah, thanks for reminding me. Where do I buy them?”
“At the same store you bought your amobiler. But don’t worry about it. I already asked them to set aside half a dozen for us from the Headquarters’ supply.”
“Excellent,” I said. “So shall we go hang on Juffin’s neck before we leave?”
“What about the parting scene with General Boboota?” said Melifaro. “Are you going to deprive me of the show?”
“I am. To the Dark Magicians with General Boboota. If he starts to cry, it’ll break my heart, and I might decide to stay.”
And we went to our side of the House by the Bridge because a cup of kamra in good company was just what a man needed before a long journey.
To my surprise, when I entered the Hall of Common Labor, I saw that Juffin, Melamori, and Lookfi Pence, who had come down from the Main Archive, had been joined by Lady Kekki Tuotli. Instead of the uniform of the City Police Department, she wore an ostentatious, very informal looxi—Melifaro would have envied her if he were a girl. Kekki caught my stare and stuck out her chin coquettishly.
“I’m not just visiting,” she said. “I work here now.”
“Really?” I was surprised. “Hey, that’s great news! I’ve always said that the police uniform clashes with the color of your lovely eyes. In what capacity?”
“In the capacity of Kofa. I’ll wear his magic cloak so it doesn’t get too dusty. These gentlemen think that the Secret Investigative Force should not be left without a Master Eavesdropper for long. They also think I’ll manage to replace him.”
“Of course you will. It’s not the hardest job in the world,” said Kofa.
“We’ll get to test your assumption in practice soon,” she said.
“This immoral gentleman has an unbearable habit of pushing his protégées into the cushy jobs,” said Juffin, laughing. Then he winked at Kekki. “Don’t get offended. That jab was aimed solely at our mutual friend here.”
“I’m not offended. Say what you will, I still like it here better than back at my old side of the Ministry.”
“But of course,” I said. “We’re the cream of the crop. Speaking of the best, where’s Shurf? I don’t believe he’s still sniffling and snuffling. He’s a bore and a pedant, sure, but that’d be too much even for him.”
“He stopped sniffling and snuffling yesterday,” said Juffin. “I decided that Sir Shurf could have another day of rest.”
“Right. That hero desperately needs to go to the library after yesterday,” said Melifaro. “Everyone has his own way of combating a hangover.”
We chatted a little more, had some kamra, and then I knew it was time for us to go. I didn’t want to go through saying goodbye forever to my colleagues, too, but I knew I had to do it, and I had to do it now.
I glanced over the spacious Hall of Common Labor, rested my gaze on the contemplative face of Melamori—she hadn’t really said a word the whole time—and forced myself to think that it could be the last time I see her. There was no way of knowing for sure.
It worked again. The same way it had worked earlier in the morning with Tekki. Instead of grieving or becoming frightened, I once again felt a sense of freedom. It seemed a slight gust of wind could have swept me away. Granted, there was no wind inside Headquarters. Not even a draft.
Juffin gave me a nod of approval. “I couldn’t hope that you’d take my advice to heart,” he said. “Well, I’m glad you did. Kofa, I have a small favor to ask of you. Since it all pans out that way, could you also . . .”
He came up to Kofa and whispered something into his ear. Kofa smiled and gave a few vigorous nods.
It goes without saying that I was burning with curiosity. I gave Juffin a pleading look, but he shook his head.
“No way, mister. Can’t a man have a secret?”
“Absolutely,” I said reluctantly. “Let’s go, guys. By the way, does anybody know where we’re going exactly?”
And then all of my colleagues burst out laughing. Even Sir Lookfi Pence was laughing, knocking over empty and not-so-empty cups. They probably thought I was joking.
Five minutes later we were already driving across the Royal Bridge. Our route took us to the Left Bank and then farther down to the gate that went by the name of the Breach of Toixi Menka. Back in the day, Toixi Menka, Prince of the Old Dynasty, singlehandedly demolished the city wall, built by his father, King Joxira Menka, in that location. That was how the northernmost gate of the city got its name. The prince’s actions rendered a service to the inhabitants of the northern suburbs, but if one were to believe the ancient chroniclers, they also became his undoing.
Either the prince wasn’t acquainted with the ancient legend, which foretold that the demise of his family would come from the North, or, unlike his father, the prince didn’t believe in superstitions, but soon he and all of his numerous relatives had disappeared under mysterious circumstances. No one, however, bothered to ask where the misfortune had come from—the North or the South. In any case, the Old Dynasty had expired such a long time ago that any attempt to uncover the mystery of that tragic event was merely an exercise for the mind.
Once we were beyond the city limits, I tore along so fast in the amobiler that I couldn’t afford to get distracted by engaging in conversation with my colleagues. They were having a lively discussion in the back seat, but I wasn’t listening. Finally Melifaro moved up to the passenger seat next to me.
“Kofa’s asleep,” he said glumly. “Boy, are you driving fast! We’re far enough from Echo for . . . Okay, Max, say goodbye to your old friend, Sir Kofa.” He sighed and then smiled again. “Look, I simply must tell you that your stupid baloney joke is beginning to grow on me. Combined with that piece of advice from Juffin to say farewell as though one is leaving forever, a p
iece of smoked sausage produces phenomenal results.”
“Oh, yeah?” I said, listening with half an ear.
“Oh, yeah.”
“Have I been officially cheated on already or not?”
“You’ve been a cuckold all your life,” said Melifaro, laughing.
The expression on his face suggested that the process of giving and accepting baloney had not been the innocent pastime one might have assumed. I felt as though I had suddenly become the father of a grown-up daughter. I desperately wanted to give the young seducer a lecture on the instability of the minds of young girls, who should be treated decently under all circumstances. I’d probably throw in the basics of contraception into the bargain.
Fortunately, I quickly assessed how ridiculous the situation was, dropped my role of worried parent, and laughed with relief.
“Tell me, young lover, how well do you know this area? Is there some neat little road tavern around here? I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.”
“You should have thought about that earlier. We’re already way past Cheli. The closest town now is Chinfaro. Although, at this speed, we’ll arrive at the outskirts in about an hour or so. Can you hold on for an hour?”
“For an hour I can, I think,” I said.
“In any case, we should stay there for the night. That will be our last chance to get a good rest. We can wash our feet before going to bed, use a heated bathroom, and drink kamra that is still distinguishable from slop. Farther north of Chinfaro lie territories that are almost uninhabited. Then we’ll have to make a turn onto a really bad road, through the infamous woods of Uguland, followed by the even more infamous mires of Landaland. That Glenke Taval knew where to settle to make it tough for anyone who would dare go looking for him. The lands around the Great Lake Munto are not for the faint of heart.”
“You sure are full of ominous prophecies today,” I said.
“These are no ominous prophecies; they are cold hard facts. And don’t look at me as though I was the one who created that useless piece of land just to annoy you.”
“How should I know?” I said. “That’s just the sort of thing you might do.”
“No, no. That’s not my area of expertise,” said Melifaro in an absolutely serious tone.
About an hour later I saw that we were approaching a fairly sizable town. I even had to slow down: the road was already getting full of competitors. Most of the competition was farmer’s carts, but there were a few amobilers of the most whimsical shapes, as well.
“What’s with all the noise?” I heard Kofa’s annoyed voice coming from the back. “Oh, we’re near Chinfaro already. Well, it could have been worse.”
I turned around to reply to him. Good thing I had slowed down. I might easily have lost control of the amobiler when I discovered a lanky fellow with a long, horselike face and a beautiful nose sitting in the back seat. I got a grip on myself, however, pulled over to the side of the road, stopped, and then went into shock.
“As if you never noticed before that my face is not an immutable feature of my body. What kind of a brain do you have?” grumbled the unrecognizable Sir Kofa.
“The face, yes, but the rest of your body has been pretty immutable so far,” I said.
“It doesn’t matter what has or hasn’t been so far. The intensity of the emotional changes you are currently undergoing testifies to your low mental capacity. For this reason, you shouldn’t waste your time on vain intellectual efforts but rather keep driving and find some decent place for the night.”
Sir Kofa’s new appearance had indeed rendered him very unpleasant to deal with. It seemed like Melifaro hadn’t been exaggerating a bit when he warned me of the possible horrors of the journey. I was so blown out of the water that I obediently grabbed the levers and set the amobiler in motion. Only then did I become outraged. I couldn’t find the right words, though, so my indignation remained mute for the time being.
“I told you,” Melifaro whispered in my ear.
“Yes, you did. And I didn’t believe you. I still don’t. Please pinch me so I’ll wake up.” I said.
“You didn’t believe what?” said the long-faced fellow whom I still refused to call Sir Kofa.
“You should spend a little more time on vain intellectual efforts,” I said, boiling over. “Maybe then you’ll understand.”
Kofa didn’t reply, and Melifaro looked at me with open admiration. It seemed he had already abandoned the thought of trying to resist the disaster that had befallen us.
Suddenly I heard a strange monotonous sound coming from behind me, so I turned around again. The unrecognizable Sir Kofa was stretched out comfortably on the back seat. In his lap he held a miniature barrel organ. He was turning the carved handle of its crank and looking pensively into the sky.
“That’s what I was most afraid of,” Melifaro moaned. “Last time he almost drove me insane with his music. Kofa wouldn’t let the damn box out of his hands even in his sleep. Mind you, there’s no way we can explain to him that it’s annoying. He just doesn’t give a flying fig.”
“You two are incredibly unmusical,” said our companion. “This wonderful tune calms one down and stimulates the thinking processes. You should be grateful to me for the joy I give you at no cost whatsoever.”
“Thank you kindly,” I said, laughing, and turned to Melifaro. “Sir Kofa is absolutely right. See, he’s so generous. He could have asked us to pay for the concert, and yet he’s charitable enough to let us sit through it for free.”
Melifaro smiled a nervous smile. He had definitely been ill at ease since Kofa had woken up. Perhaps he just couldn’t cope with the thought that someone else had hijacked the role of most unbearable member of our team.
“Take a left here, Max.”
Kofa’s new commanding tone could bring down anyone except me. Back in the day I changed jobs many times, and compared to some of my former bosses, Kofa still seemed like a sweet guy. Having pondered the situation, I decided to ignore his new appearance, along with his new disposition, and instead behave as though he was still good old Master Eavesdropper-Gobbler, sweet-natured and indulgent.
“Yes, sir!” I said. “I don’t doubt for a second that you know the exact address of the best lousy inn in this backwater of a town.”
“Occasionally you seem to be capable of coming to an accurate conclusion,” said Kofa. “Pull over by that yellow two-story house there. The Old House isn’t what one might call a decent inn, but that hardly matters. None of the local inns is a place where one could hope to spend a satisfactory night. At least the meals are good in the Old House.”
“Did I ever tell you that you could find a cozy place with good cuisine even in Hades?” I said, smiling.
“You have, on many occasions. It is still nonsense. I don’t think Hades, judging from your description, can possibly have any taverns or inns in it. Provided that it even exists at all, that Hades of yours,” Kofa grumbled.
He took his travel bag out from under the seat and got out of the amobiler. Amazed, I looked at his figure, which had grown a whole head taller. For some reason, I found that fact the hardest to come to terms with.
By the time we caught up with him in the spacious lobby of the Old House, Kofa had already cornered the innkeeper and extorted the keys to his best rooms. I was almost certain that Kofa would keep all three keys to himself, but he shared the loot evenly among us.
I threw my bag in the far corner of my room—quite cramped, compared to traditional apartments of the Capital, but cozy—and went down to the dining hall. Melifaro was already there, hesitating about which of the numerous empty tables to occupy.
“I’ve always liked sitting in the farthest corner, preferably by a window,” I said. “So if it’s all the same to you, we can—”
“It makes absolutely no difference to me,” said Melifaro. He sighed and sauntered in the direction I was pointing. “So how do you like our magnificent Sir Kofa Yox now? Isn’t he just horrible?”
“Ho
rrible? No. Actually, I think he’s okay. Compared to some of the people I used to deal with, he’s a sweetie.”
“Is that so?” said Melifaro. “Well, I’ve always suspected you grew up among werewolves. For your information, that’s the real Kofa. I mean, he was born with that long face and unbearable disposition. For the first hundred and twenty years, he poisoned everybody’s lives. Then his own father got fed up with it and put a spell on him. He improved his disposition and his appetite a little. As Kofa moves away from the Heart of the World, the spell’s powers trail off and we get to see the real son of the legendary Magician Xumka Yox in all his primordial glory.”
“Kofa’s dad was legendary?”
“Oh, yes! He was one of the seven Great Founders of the Order of the Seven-Leaf Clover. Grand Magician Nuflin was his student, like many other older members of the Order. For a millennium Magician Xumka did some unfathomable things, and then he suddenly retired, had a family, and delved deep into culinary experiments. It looked as though he had grown tired of his own powers and decided to become a regular inhabitant of Echo. Of course he couldn’t do that, but he tried very hard. What he did succeed in was getting old and dying. Oh, here comes our precious Sir Kofa. Let’s change the subject.”
Melifaro and I had a great dinner. The food at the Old House was almost as good as at the Glutton Bunba. As for Kofa, he said he had to adhere to some special “diet.” I didn’t understand what it boiled down to from his explanations, but Kofa went to the kitchen several times to personally oversee how each of the dishes he ordered was being prepared. Then he polished off the contents of the numerous bowls and plates at his table. While he was doing this, his face betrayed not a hint of enjoyment. After he finished, he went upstairs, claiming he had to ponder some “further action.” As if it needed pondering.
“Want to go for a walk?” I asked Melifaro.
“Right. I’m going to drop everything and run around admiring the paint peeling off the turkey farm fences on the outskirts of the glorious town of Chinfaro,” he said with contempt. But then he smiled and added, “This is my only chance to get some decent sleep. I haven’t had much of it back home recently, what with all the baloney all over me.”