The sheer beauty of life was all around me, and I stole a moment in the midst of the struggle with death to rejoice in the wonder and glory of the world that surrounded me before I was forced to leave it.
Varien
The Lesser Kindred stood assembled all before us. The high field was full of them, of every imaginable hue from old iron to Salera's bright copper. We were all struck dumb with wonder.
Salera stood forth to greet us, Will first—a nudge of her nose and a happy "Hooirrr," then she came to me, bowed and said "Hffrfarrriann." There was no mistaking it. She knew my name. She was so near to speaking it hurt. I could not help myself, I reached out to her again with truespeech.
"Come, littling. You are so close, Salera! lam Varian, you know what names are and you can learn—oh, my sweet cousin, hear me, make that last step, so small after all you have done!"
There was no response. Lanen took me by the shoulder. "Come, my dear, we have walked long this morning and the sun is nearly overhead. There is food and drink."
"You do not understand," I said, trembling. "This is not the way of these creatures. I was told they lived lonely lives, in ones and twos, scattered...."
She looked at me with a crooked grin on her face. "I do understand. I live here, remember? But I also understand that you didn't have any breakfast, and if you don't get some food inside you soon, you are going to fall over. That wouldn't be setting a very good example, would it?"
I looked at her. Her eyes were shining bright as mine, she knew, she truly did know how astounding a thing this was. She also knew the limitations of a human form better than I. When she put a thick slice of bread and cheese into my hand I ate ravenously, washing it down with water from the little stream in the wood. Lanen had carried that water, followed all the way there and back by curious creatures who closely watched her every move. It was strange to do so everyday a thing as breaking bread in such a place, but it was right as well.
When we had finished our rapid meal it was the height of the day. I had been calling out to Shikrar regularly through the morning, as often as the painful use of truespeech allowed, and had no reply. My fears for him were growing, and I decided to make one final attempt before—before whatever the Winds had planned took place. I put my whole heart and soul into the summons.
"Shikrar! Hadreshikrar, my friend, where art thou? I fear for thee, soulfriend, thou hast been silent too long. Speak to me, rouse thyself from sleep or injury, speak to me!"
To my intense relief I heard his voice, fainter than usual but very much alive.
"I hear thee, my friend! Blessed be the Winds, I am here! I stand on Kolmar—albeit rather shakily, if truth be told. I have injured my wing. I can yet fly, but it is painful."
"Shikrar! Blessed be the Winds indeed. Where are you?"
"A moment, my friend, let me look. Ah. I am on a high grassy cliff at the sea's edge. I know not whether I am north or south of the Gedri lands, but all the land is untouched about me. Where are you?"
"In the southern half of Kolmar, below a great river that divides the land in two," I said. "If you can bear it, take to the air and you will see that river if you are anywhere near. South of it and away west there are high hills that lie between two great cities. I am in those hills, on a high green field—there cannot be another like it. And oh, Shikrar, it passes belief—the Lesser Kindred are here!"
"What do you say?!" he roared, his mindvoice sparkling with wonder.
I laughed. "You heard me right, my friend, the Lesser Kindred. We have found them—or they have found us. Shikrar, they are so close to sentience!"
"Have you tried to bespeak them?" he asked excitedly.
"I have, my friend. They are silent yet, but they are nearly able to speak aloud. One, Salera, has learned to say my name. They are so near, Shikrar! Come, find us, my friend," I pleaded. Now that I heard his voice and knew him near it was almost physical pain to be separated longer. And I knew my Shikrar. "Perhaps you will be able to teach them."
He laughed. Blessed be his name, he laughed with delight. "Akhor, to see the Lesser Kindred I would crawl on four broken legs. What signifies a slight injury to a wing? I will find you if I have to smell you out!"
"The Winds attend your flight," I said, astonishment and joy dulling the swift, sharp pain of truespeech. "Come soon, my brother."
"I come, my soulfriend. I come."
He would find us from the air, and he would come. It was well. I turned to Lanen. "Did you—"
"I heard, my dear." She took my hand. "Let us go among them, Varien. I have the strangest feeling. Come."
The great crowd of the Lesser Kindred opened before us and closed behind as we were carefully observed. All of us moved among them, submitting to curious sniffs and strange noises. I tried with all my will to understand what they might be saying, but to no avail. And finally, in the centre of that great field, we met with Salera once more. She stood before us and would not let us pass, moving swiftly to stand before us, stretching her wings out to stop us from passing by.
"What is it, my lass?" asked Will. He reached out to touch her, but she would not let him. Instead she turned to me. "Hffffarriann," she said. "Sssaahhrrrairrrah."
And she moved her head on her long neck, reached out and touched my soulgem with her nose. "Sssaahhrrrairrrah."
I shivered. I felt with every mote of my being that something astounding was at hand. The world seemed to shrink, and for that time all of existence consisted of Lanen, Salera and me. Lanen was shaking as I was, a swift internal shiver that brought a blush to her cheeks and fire to her eyes.
I tried to bespeak Salera again, almost out of habit—it is the way my people communicate—but Lanen stopped me after the first word. "No, Varien. That is too far ahead. Start further back." She indicated the raised lump on Salera's faceplate. "Start here." I reached out to touch Salera's face. She stood bravely still as my skin touched her armour. A swift jangling ran up my arm and I withdrew my hand instantly. "There is something there, you have the right of it—but I do not understand, I touched her faceplate before and there was nothing—" I began.
"You weren't wearing your soulgem then," Lanen reminded me quietly. "Could it be as simple as that?"
"As what? The touch of my hand on her face affects us both, but—"
"No. Not with your hand," she said. Her voice was strange and filled with awe, almost as if she spoke for another in that strange close-focused world that held only the three of us. "So simple. If this works—"
"Lanen?" I asked.
"Your soulgem," she said, placing her hand delicately on Salera's neck. "Varien, touch that raised part of her face with your soulgem, while you are wearing it."
"That is a gesture between parent and child only, Lanen," I said.
"Yes, I know," she said calmly. She sounded so certain.
I was trembling so that I could barely stand but I did as she said. I leaned over in the intimate contact that is normally restricted to mothers and younglings, and touched with my soulgem the place where hers should be. Again, the contact all but set off sparks, but—
There was nothing. I sighed and dropped my head against hers in sorrow, my soulgem still against the place where hers was not. So near, so near, my beautiful cousin, I thought sadly. Alas, I had such hopes of this meeting! Perhaps in another year, or another ten, or—
And then Lanen, who was touching Salera, put her hand on my shoulder to comfort me.
A raging fire swept through me in the instant, all-encompassing but not destructive. It roared through my mind, dizzying, spinning, as thoughts and words and ideas—as if they were looked at and recognised and returned. I was dizzy on the instant, so I focused as I always had—through my soulgem, which still touched Salera. The fire gathered itself from all the corners of my mind and sprang like flame from breath to kindling, through my soulgem to her. In moments I felt the swift heat returning to me and had to stand away from her.
It was too late. The hard covering of the raised lump
was burning, and Salera was crying out in pain. Will, Vilkas and Aral were suddenly with us—though they might have been standing near the whole time for all I knew. Will put his arms about Salera, not knowing what else to do in the face of that dreadful burning armour.
Vilkas was suddenly blazing even in the midday sun. Aral stood beside him not nearly as bright until she drew forth from the pouch about her neck the soulgem of that lost Kantri. The instant it touched her skin she cried out and took Vilkas's hand. Together they reached out to heal, to save Salera from the burning, to quench the fire around—
Around her soulgem.
The burning stopped once the new soulgem was free of its prison. The Healers sealed the raw skin around it and took away her pain. I was astounded that they could think of such a thing. I was also astounded that their healing worked on the Kantri, but I did not think of that until long afterwards.
We all gazed in awe, in disbelief at the gleaming gem, bright blue in the sun like Salera's eyes, as she turned from us to look directly at Will. He was standing behind, he had only heard her cries, and could do nothing but stand by her and hold her against the pain of the fire, as he had done from the first.
He gasped, amazed, when he saw the brilliant blue in the centre of her copper face. She turned to face him, sat up on her back legs, looked into his eyes, and said softly, "Ffa-therrr."
"Salera," he replied, his voice breaking over her name. Without more words she rested her great head on his shoulder and he put his arms about her neck.
I could have beheld them thus for hours, but I was not allowed. Something nudged my arm.
I turned to find a creature much smaller than Salera gazing up at me. He was grey as steel, with a fine healthy sheen to his scales. He nudged my arm again.
I turned to where Lanen stood gazing in rapt astonishment at Will and Salera. "Your pardon, dearling," I said smiling. "I think our task is not quite over."
She looked around and down at the importunate youngling, then around the high field, full to overflowing with the Lesser Kindred, then back at me and grinned. "Thank the Lady we ate, Varien. I've a feeling it's going to be a long day!"
The hours swept by in a confused swirl of minds and fire. Now that I knew something of what was coming, I was better able to allow the questing soul to see my thoughts and take what it needed of language and some basic learning. In the hours that followed I became reasonably adept at it. We also found that if Lanen was touching us both before I let my soulgem rest on the littling's faceplate, it was less of a shock for all of us.
Lanen and the others forced me to stop at intervals to rest, to eat, but I could no more sleep than I could deny my aid to any of these who asked it of me. It struck me in those brief moments of rest that this must be some jest of the Winds. I was very much aware of the fact that I was giving to these wondrous, gleaming new creatures that which I no longer possessed myself.
Did I envy them? Deeply.
Was I jealous of them? Completely and absolutely.
Did I ever consider not assisting them? Not for a single instant. My jealousy and my envy were genuine and I could not ignore them, and I did not, but they were overwhelmed entirely, as a candle by the dawn, by the vast joy that lifted my heart each time a new soulgem was revealed. Ruby, sapphire, opal, topaz yellow, emerald green like my own, as various as the colours and temperaments of the creatures who now bore them.
The only other thing I remember happened not long after the sun had gone down. We were resting for a few stolen moments and the moon was high now and bright, when of a
sudden the new-made ones took to the air with breaths of flame and danced aloft in the moonlight, singing their delight, their joy and wonder with voices never used before.
That moment is graven in my heart forever. Come death, come life, come sorrow deep as time or joy to move mountains, still the vision of that bright young race aloft for the first time, rejoicing in air with the brilliant moonlight flashing from their soulgems like so many flying stars—the piercing beauty of that moment is mine forever.
And then another importunate head touched me on the shoulder and we all were needed again. At times I felt every one of my thousand years, like an ancient tree giving life by its death—at times I was renewed, body and spirit, by the gratitude and the honour done me by the new-found souls.
I did not notice time or light, cold or weariness. I only know that by the time the last soul found its freedom and had bowed its thanks to me, before turning rejoicing to its kindred, true dawn was upon us. I looked up, seeing for the first time since—"Name of the Winds, Lanen, has it been so long?"
"Since what?" she asked wearily.
"Salera was brought to herself just past midday—"
"Yesterday," sighed Lanen, and she smiled at me. "You have been like a man possessed, my heart. And quite right." She looked out, as I did, in wonder at the first day of the new lives of the Lesser Kindred. "While one soul ached in silent darkness, we could not stop," she whispered.
I stood and stretched, stiffness catching me in a hundred places as I sought to stand upright. Lanen laughed, a clear laugh straight from the heart, and I joined her. There was no other way to release the soul-deep wonder, the sheer glory of it all. We laughed and kissed and hugged and laughed again, until the very stones rang with it.
And behold, there was yet more to tell Shikrar.
Maikel
By nightfall I had reached only the outer ring of stone. The demon within me was certain that Lanen was just beyond and it pushed me to scrabble around the stones, looking for a way in. It was dark, which favoured me. I was caught up in the fight and I was prevailing, for the moment, when the Sending used me single worst weapon it possessed.
Despair.
It showed me images of hideous death. My death. I saw in that dark place a rain of fire over the beauty that had so blessed me earlier, a vision of all I loved or had ever loved come to nothing, and finally of my own body rotting on a hillside, untended, uncared for, food for worms and ravens.
That was the battle. There, alone among the cold stones, outside anything that might be happening in the circle of life beyond, I fought with all the lonely strength of my spirit to overcome despair, whose talons are sharper than swords and whose breath of fire is straight from the deepest hell. If ever I began to overcome it would torment me afresh with dark visions of death and ending. Almost I gave in, almost I stopped fighting, but I was learning that the fight itself fuelled a will in me that strove still.
Then a sound distracted me and I looked up. There, over the rim of sharp stones, dragons flew. They were dancing a-wing in the moonlight, and mere was that about them that sparkled, that reflected the light in scattering joy. The demon chose that moment to strike at me with pain but I did not even notice, for the joy of those creatures was made my joy, their song of thanksgiving the echo of my life, and in that moment pain had no more dominion over me.
However, I had forgotten in mat transcendent moment that pain can cause a purely physical reaction. I lost consciousness, but the last things I saw were the dragons, wheeling, soaring on the wind in pure delight, and my heart flew with them as my mind fell away.
When I woke again to pain I was moving. It had got me through the gap in the stones unnoticed, and was now creeping around the southern rim of the field. It should have been impossible to go so far unmarked, for the field was filled with creatures of all kinds—horses, humans, and more of the little dragons than I had imagined existed. There must have been more than two hundred of them, but all their attention was focussed on something happening in the centre of the plain.
I tried to cry out but I had no voice. It was like an evil dream, in which time slows so that you run at a crawl, and you cry out for help with all your might but only the merest squeak comes out of your mouth. If I could speak I might be able to call for help, someone to kill the beast for me.
But I could not speak, and there were none to aid me.
The demon was in a hurry
now, so I spent my strength on keeping my steps as small as that nightmare pace. I was still fighting for every step, but it was nearer its goal and I had to work ever harder to stop its advance. I could feel the sweat drenching my clothing as I used every muscle to deny it. By the time it—we—reached the stony outcrop I had been striving against it for almost ten hours without ceasing and I was weary to the bone. We were then two-thirds of the way across the field. It seemed to be heading for a darkness on the far side that I guessed was a wood.
After that I lost ground to the force of will and the pain, for my weariness lay upon me like a great weight. I no longer counted victory in steps, but in breaths. That breath I did not move forward. That breath I resisted, but it moved a little. That breath I rested and it took half a step, but this breath I have stopped it again.
The night moved like years, until suddenly it stabbed me again with agony and I could bear it no longer. I released my hold on it long enough to take a deep breath and rest, just for a moment. In that time I covered half the remaining distance. I managed to look up as we entered the wood and blessed the Lady, for the sky was growing light and that endless night was all but over.
I decided to choose my final battle and let it walk unhindered towards the hidden place it sought, but while it was moving I began to draw in my power. It felt what I was doing and tried to stop me, but my will now was iron and pain meant nothing, for my death was upon me and I knew it. I called to me every scrap of will and training and innate power I had ever possessed, commended my soul to the Lady, and unleashed it at the thing I carried.
I heard it scream as the power of the Lady Shia struck it like a lance. I sent wave after wave of power at it, drowning it in the blessed light of the Goddess. If I had been stronger, or if I had known more of the nature of demons, perhaps I might have been able to kill it, but it had reached its destination. I was no longer needed.
I was grateful for the swiftness with which it severed the great cord in my back, for the pain was stopped like the snuffing of a candle. I felt nothing as it clawed its way out, and I kept the clear light of the Lady around me until the last second. The last sight I saw in life was the first rays of true dawn striking the great peaks round about and gleaming off the scales of the beautiful dragons, and I blessed the Lady with my final thought as I took beauty down with me into darkness and death.