“Well, there’s some hope for you, darling. Levi and Jonah have done much better on their second choices. Just get this marriage dissolved and move on. We’re behind you all the way.”
17
The weeks passed as Seattle moved from the delightful color of early fall to the dreary gray of rainy and cold late November.
To Raven it used to be the time she hightailed it out of the Northwest and sought out Los Angeles or Hawaii. But she had roots now. Reasons to stick around. One of them currently looked through a book of birthday cakes Jules Lamprey, a friend of Gillian’s and a pretty wonderful baker, had brought over to Erin’s.
His fourth birthday was approaching and Erin was planning his party to coincide with Thanksgiving and their annual football grudge match thing that Raven made a point to miss every year. She usually made it a point to fly in after dinner and right before Alexander’s birthday. She’d never miss that.
But now she’d be coming over to Gillian and Adrian’s place to help with the food prep while they all played their football game outside. Because Erin had asked her to.
But for the time being, Alexander was trying to choose a cake.
“I bet Jules could make a TARDIS cake.”
His eyes widened and Jules laughed. “I could. I’ve never made a TARDIS cake, but it would be lots of fun.”
“Can I have a Dalek cake?”
Raven looked it up quickly and turned her iPad to Jules. “Just in case you didn’t know.”
Jules’s smile was one of those brilliant girl-next-door things that seemed to enrapture males of all ages. Birds sang and mice made clothes. Or something. She was pretty okay though, as people went.
“I’m a huge Doctor Who fan. I think a Dalek cake would be really awesome. I bet we could put mini doughnuts down the sides.”
Raven nodded. “Doughnuts on a cake? Alexander, I definitely think you should have a Dalek cake.”
His eyes were so wide there wasn’t much to do but lean down to kiss his forehead.
“Yes, please. Doughnuts, Daleks and cake!”
“All right then. I’m sort of excited about this one.” Jules closed the book. “I hear you’re both coming out with us tomorrow night. I haven’t been out dancing in so long.”
Jonah had actually craftily conned her into this “group date” thing. His daughter was coming back home for Thanksgiving and he’d be busy with all that stuff so he wanted a fun-filled evening to tide him over. She assured him she wasn’t upset that he wanted to spend time with his kid, for heaven’s sake. He then told her he wanted Raven and Carrie to meet while she was back in town.
No pressure.
When she opened her door at his knock he took a long, meandering look from the toes of her shoes up to her face. He paused at her nipples, of course.
“You wearing it?”
He meant the chain he’d left in a box on her bed before he’d left to go home several nights before. In it was also the dress she currently wore.
“You spoil me.” And she liked it. She’d never been spoiled before.
“Listen, before we go, I want to talk to you about something.”
“Ugh, really? Am I going to want to punch you in the throat after you tell me?”
He laughed and led her to the couch where he pulled her to sit with him. “I hope not. But it’s been on my mind. Up front, I’m telling you this not because I did anything wrong, but because if you heard about it from someone else you might get hurt and I can’t have that.” He brushed a fingertip over her heart, against the curve of her breast. His fingers sought the cool metal of the choker she always wore. For him.
“You better tell me because now I’m getting worried.”
“At the Halloween thing at Gillian’s, Levi asked me if I wanted him to do a background check on you.”
Was that it? She’d frankly expected him to have done it already anyway. “Oh. Well, what did you find out?”
He shook his head. “I said no. Or rather, look, as he was talking Erin overheard and she was really pissed off. She tore a strip off both of us. Her anger was righteous. She did it to defend you. And you deserved defending. But I was about to tell him no, thanks, when she came down and got in my face.”
Erin hadn’t said a word. Still, it made her smile to imagine what Erin had been like. Her usually laid-back and happy friend could really get scary when people she cared about got threatened.
“I expect your brother was concerned about my lack of stability in the past. He’s just trying to protect you. Though if Erin got that mad he probably made a gold digger comment.” Which would hurt her feelings considering she’d never done anything like that, ever. She was used to being misjudged, but it still sucked.
“Charlotte has treated me like an ATM these last years. Hell, pretty much since day one. She came from money so I figured she was used to a certain level of comfort and as her husband it was my job to provide it. And then when she had Carrie she used to use that to get more from me. A few thousand here to go on spa trips. Plastic surgery. New wardrobes. Whatever. Even after the divorce she was like that. He’s sensitive about it because he saw me get hurt by it. It doesn’t excuse any hurt you’d have felt if it had happened in your earshot, and believe me when I tell you that when Erin was finished defending you, Levi felt like complete and utter shit. He likes you. He was just trying to protect me. Anyway, I’m not doing it and he’s never asked again. I was going to let it be once I figured Erin hadn’t told you, but I began to panic about how hurt you might be if you heard it from anyone else but me.”
She shook her head. “I don’t even know what to do with you. I mean, the sex stuff, sure. But the heart stuff? I don’t know how to manage it. If you’d done the background check, you know you could have found out about whatever happened in my past. You’d have answers to your questions.”
“I want to find out from you. Your past, the things you’ve endured and survived, aren’t something I should hear from reports. They’re yours. To go around you and find out when you’ve slowly been revealing yourself to me would be a rejection of what you mean to me. I admire you for how you survived. It’s your story, you should tell it.”
She looked up at the ceiling to hold back the tears, blinking quickly. “I don’t know how to do this stuff. I’ve never been in a relationship before.”
He took her hand, kissing her fingertips. “Sure you have. You’re in a relationship with Erin, who is quite the defender, let me tell you. She loves you. You’re in a relationship with Alexander. Hell, and Poppy and Martine. Rennie, who stares at you like you’re a disco ball or something equally shiny and miraculous.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“I know. But you seem to think you can’t do this simply because no one has really been worth it before. And I’m telling you, you have made a commitment to people and you’ve done it successfully. And you’ve made one to me. And that’s pretty damned successful too. I love you, Raven. You make my heart beat faster, even when you’re being particularly vexing. I want to be worth it for you, the way you are for me.”
She swallowed past a knot of emotion. “You don’t love me. You can’t love me. I’m a novelty, nothing more.”
“You really make me angry when you say stuff like that. I’m not twenty, or a fucking cat. I can tell the difference between novelty and love. I’ve loved you since the start.”
“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to hurt your feelings or offend you. But see how I am? I do it without even trying. I can’t fit into your world of benefits and swanky dinners and people with names everyone knows. I’m not that girl.”
“You’re my girl. That’s what counts. Can’t you see that? I had a wife who looked good on my arm at parties and was nothing more. You’re so much more than that. Can’t you see yourself? Hm? You’re here in Seattle for Erin and Brody. And Alexander. You do for other people all the time. They don’t even need to ask, you just do it. You’re something so special.”
“And you.”
He cocked his head.
“I’m in Seattle for you.”
He smiled. “Yeah?”
She nodded, not knowing what else to say, so she just kept quiet.
He pulled her close, kissing her temple. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. About the whole background-check thing.”
“You didn’t tell me to spare my feelings. I get it, Jonah. You’re rich. Good god, I’d be such a liar if I pretended I didn’t know that. Levi wanted to protect that, and given the women you all married, well, I get it. If you want to run a check, I won’t be hurt. I don’t have an arrest record. I have five figures in the bank. I own this condo and my car. Well, I pretty much own the condo; I only have a year of payments left. The point is, I don’t have any real debt. Mainly because I didn’t really stay in any place for very long to accrue it. I live simply except for my addiction to travel and panties. I do like nice underwear. Probably comes from wearing hand-me-downs and garage-sale stuff for most of my childhood. I don’t want your money, but I love the presents you give me. I’m with you because of who you are to me, not to everyone else.”
“You say you don’t know how to do this, but you’re doing just fine.”
He was so glad he’d told her. He’d been worrying over the last month about it. Vacillating between wanting to let it go and wanting to tell her so it wouldn’t pop up to hurt her.
A weight was off his shoulders and after their conversation, she never ceased to touch and surprise him. Things felt good. Better than ever.
And now he watched her move. Goddamn. They’d done a little dancing when he’d taken her to the big band club the month before. But this . . .
A distinctly Latin remix played in the club and she switched her hips back and forth in time with the beat, her tits moving just right, enough to render him so hard it nearly hurt. Of course, knowing she wore the chain helped too.
He just stood there and let her make him look good. He’d confessed he wasn’t much for club dancing and that’s what she’d told him.
She backed up to him, whipping her hair back. He slid his hands over her shoulders and then down to her hips. Her head was turned to the side, her gaze locked with his as she brushed that luscious ass against his cock and then dropped it low, stood, bent at the waist and pressed back as she slowly stood again when the song ended and something else came on.
Her hands went up and he held her waist as she stayed against him. This was his woman. Oh, he saw the glances. Saw that some of the people knew her. One or two of them actually got near enough for her to shake her head no and turn back to him. Far from feeling jealous, it made him hot all over. Others may have wanted her, but she was his. Totally and utterly.
That was fucking sexy.
Finally after a while she turned to him, encircling his neck with her arms. “I need a drink. I’m hot.”
He bent to kiss her. “You sure are. I think I can buy you a drink in thanks for all the entertainment your ass has given me all night long.”
He walked in front of her, keeping her behind him, one arm reached back to keep her against him and to take the bulk of the crowd so she wouldn’t get bumped.
“What would you like?” he asked when they finally reached the table where their group had set up.
“A water and a cosmo. Please.”
She scooted in next to Erin and he followed. The waitress caught his eye and came over. He indicated a reorder of what everyone already had at the table and got his and Raven’s drinks.
It was loud, though thankfully not so thick with smoke he could barely breathe like it had been in his premarriage days. The lights flickered all around them as he took her hand. Levi and Daisy came over and sat with them as well.
It was good. He was too old to want to do this on a regular basis. But dancing with Raven when she was all sensual and moved the way she did? Well, that was totally worth the crowd and the noise.
They stayed for several more hours before making their way back to his place. She still slept in his guest room and that was . . . all right. He hoped that one day she’d move to his bed. But he got it. And he would let her make those steps herself. He knew her well enough to understand just spending the night in his house was a big step for her. So he’d continue to be patient because she was worth it.
She changed into the pajamas she seemed to own in every possible combination from sexy silky vixen stuff to what she wore then, flannel with her ever-present socks.
They snuggled in his living room listening to music and drinking tea.
“Erin told me to invite you to pool and karaoke when Carrie goes back to Italy and you’re free for social stuff again. They used to go once a week but now that everyone has babies they go once a month. Sometimes it’s at Adrian and Gillian’s place because they have a game room and a pretty nifty karaoke machine.”
He hadn’t really been part of a social group since he’d been married. Most of them had been Charlotte’s friends and had chosen her after the divorce. He did hang out with his brothers, but now that he and Levi had girlfriends in the same circle he saw his brother more than he had in some time. He liked that too.
“Sounds good. Listen, Erin invited me to Thanksgiving. I said no because there’s a big thing at my parents’ place. My grandparents will be there. All my brothers and Carrie too. I know you’re busy with dinner with them and with Alexander’s party and stuff. But after. You know if you were done, I mean. We won’t eat dinner until eight. I want you to meet Carrie. I’ve told her about you so that’s not a problem. She wants to meet you too. Daisy and Levi will be there, and you know Mal will be there, but not Gwen since they’ve split and all.”
“I don’t know. I barely want to go to Gillian’s for Thanksgiving. I’m not really cut out for dinners with the family. You know? It’s not . . . I’m not good at it. I’m going to say something offensive. And I don’t want to put you in that position.”
“I think you’re better at it than you let yourself believe.”
She laughed. “I nearly got into a fistfight with your brother’s wife!”
“She deserved it. And she started it. My grandfather will tell you stories about Korea and my grandmother will drink wine and make my mother uncomfortable all day. It’s really the only day of the year we get to see my mother on the other side of the way she often treats others.”
“Oh. Well, that is alluring.”
“Look, I know this is new. But I would like you to be with me. I haven’t had anyone at a holiday dinner with me since Charlotte.”
“So no pressure or anything,”
He squeezed her hand. “No pressure. I just want to be with you. Nothing more.”
She sighed but he could tell she was seriously thinking it over.
“You don’t have to say yes for sure at this point.”
“I’ll be there. Dinner at Gillian and Adrian’s will be at noon. They’ll do the cake for Alexander just after that. Erin is very low key for his birthday parties. Just family and cake.”
“No unicorns or anything? Gift bags with diamond rings and a pony?”
“She doesn’t want to spoil him. Well, with material stuff. They’re going to Disneyland in the spring with Brody and Elise and their kids.”
“I like that. I’m the same way with Carrie. I mean, yes, she’s studying abroad and stuff, but a lot of girls her age in her crowd got BMWs for their sixteenth birthdays. I just couldn’t see that sort of extravagance. I got her a car, I can’t lie. But it was used. Safe though, of course.”
“I wouldn’t imagine anything else. So I should be done by five or so.”
“If you want to come to my house, you can ride over with me and Carrie. That way you can meet her before we get to my parents’ house. Might be a little easier that way.”
She blew out a breath. “Yeah, no pressure.”
He tipped her chin. “No pressure. You’re part of my life, I want them to know that. I want them to know you and for you to know them. People do this all the time.
You can do this with one eye closed.”
“That might make it easier.”
He grinned.
18
She pulled up in Jonah’s driveway and tried to stay calm. Gillian had given her a pep talk. Erin had said everything would be fine. Daisy had said Carrie was a really nice young woman. Alexander had given her a hug and smeared frosting on her shirt, but the hug had been worth the price and she was going to change anyway.
She ran home to change, choosing the dress Gillian had given her just a week before. She’d said, when she handed it over, that she’d seen it in a shop window and it had called out to be owned by Raven. Gillian wasn’t a clotheshorse at all. She didn’t love shopping the way Erin did. So Raven had taken it as a great compliment. And when she’d put the dress on she’d agreed it was something perfect for her.
That and she’d known Gillian knew how nervous Raven had been about this dinner and wanted her to be at least a little more comfortable. Gillian, an outsider as well, in her own way, got that about Raven better than most anyone.
It had a boatneck; the top piece sort of looked as if it were a separate thing, falling to her hips. Then a skirt with two color blocks, falling to just above her knees. The top part was purple, the middle block was a sandy beige and the bottom was two or so shades lighter. It was something she’d never have chosen on her own. But it made her feel beautiful. And that was a lot.
Neutral-toned heels completed the look. She’d kept her hair down but pulled back from her face with a band. A cardigan would keep her warm and also hide her ink. She wasn’t ashamed of it or anything, but there was no use showing it off the first time she met most of his family.
She got out and headed to the front door and knocked. He answered with a smile. “You’re here.” He kissed her, turning to put an arm around her shoulder and guide her into the house. “I like that dress.”
“Gillian gave it to me a week ago. Everyone says hello. Daisy and Levi said they’d see you later tonight.”