The pictures in my hands got wet and began to fall apart. I tried to gather up the scraps, but the wet paper crumbled and melted into my surroundings. For some reason, when I felt the moonlight, the clouds grew lower. They kept getting lower, like they were falling. I walked. My body got wet from the grass.
I began to feel the gravity of the moon growing stronger in the distance. The moon shone eerily. Excited, it used its gravity to make wild distant seas. Creatures clamored in the darkness. The sea raged on, and the moon overflowed, letting out even more light. For some reason, the clamoring of that light shook something inside me without making the slightest noise. I tried to collect the ravaged bits of Phryne. The night is a raging festival, an enormous ocean pulsing with waves. That light was too strong. It hurt. I wasn’t sure if it was good or evil.
I wasn’t sure where I was when I woke up. My body was moist with sweat. I remembered I was in a hotel, and got up.
I couldn’t go home after what happened. Besides, there was nothing there I had to go back to get. I could buy clothes, and there was nothing personal saved on my computer. Everything was on the hard drive in my bag. I always carry what I need with me. Why? I stared at my bag.
I turned on the TV, but the incident hadn’t made the news.
I stared at Kizaki’s picture on the table and thought about my most recent exchange with Yata. He was exhausted. His face had been so plain, but now he looked a bit thin, and his eyes and cheeks were dark with stress.
“If he’s really so powerful, I want you to become his woman.”
Absentmindedly, I watched Yata’s white cigarette smoke.
“Then you can share his information with us, and take what we need from him.”
“No thanks.”
“I thought you’d say that.”
We were in the usual alley. As always, women lined the road.
“We’re not threatening you into doing this work. You’re doing it of your own accord. I’d like you to use your body to do this job. You always refuse to use your body on a job, but you get better results than the women who do. You’re smart. You have to be to work as a prostitute who doesn’t sell her body. You’re efficient, and you don’t make too much trouble for the men involved. So I haven’t said anything about the way you do things. Your clients think you just put them to sleep and take their money. You and I both know that’s not all you do. And as long as the results are the same, you can do whatever you want.”
Yata took a small breath.
“But this time, it would be best if you became his woman. There are plenty of women I could ask, but I think you’re the most suitable for the job. The problem is, no matter how much I research you, I can’t find any weak point.”
I made a sullen face to hide the fact that I was shaken up.
“To make someone do something, you can either use temptation or threats. You have no weak points to threaten. We can’t find anyone precious to you. Anyone you feel the need to protect. You’re not even that attached to your own life. Even if I say I’ll kill you if you don’t do it, you’ll just refuse and run away.”
I thought of Eri and Shota’s faces. I looked at a distant building and lit a cigarette.
“My network is huge. If you tried to get away from me, we would capture you, and depending on the circumstances, we might really kill you. But we don’t get anything out of that. You’re smart. We wouldn’t catch you easily. You would seduce my people, use them, and keep running. We would have to spend a lot of money and man power on you. We’d go through tremendous pains to kill you, but there’d be nothing in it for us. I don’t bear grudges. I don’t have strong emotions like that. Given the costs required to kill you, it just wouldn’t be logical. So, I’ll give conditions you’ll agree to. I won’t say become his woman. Do what you always do. And just take something from him.”
“. . . What are you?”
“I told you in the beginning, it’s better not to ask. To know is to get involved. And getting involved only increases the chance that we will have to kill you if you ever betray us.”
A skinny woman who had been standing in front of us found a customer. They linked arms and went into a building. I thought her smile was not one of happiness but of relief.
“And if I still say no?”
“We have no choice. We’ll compromise. Though there’s no value in it for us, we’ll have to kill you.”
My eyes met Yata’s. I could see touches of anxiousness in his small eyes. My throat went dry. When did I get myself into this situation?
“What do I take?”
“Any information this man has. We need to analyze it and figure out his goals and plans. We don’t know his background. He has no family history.”
“What does that mean?”
“We’re not sure. Given the number of security guards he has, we can’t take anything from him by force. We’re not sure if he owns a home. Our only options are to have someone pickpocket him on the street, or get a girl to take things secretly. The only time a man like this is alone, aside from when he’s in the bathroom, is when he’s sleeping with a woman.”
I kept looking at the man in the photo. My heartbeat quickened, and I began to sweat.
“I probably don’t have to say this, but there are others besides you. We’re investigating this man from every angle. You’re just one of many. Your reward will be determined by the quality of the information you bring.”
I have no weak points. Yata’s words stuck with me. That’s not strength, though. It shows a certain separation from life. It’s closer to loneliness or despair.
I took a shower, sat on the sofa, and lit a cigarette. I wondered if I didn’t feel hungry because I was nervous. All of my weaknesses have vanished from this world. It’s been one year since Shota died.
At first it was just a fever. Eri had died, and Shota was sent to an orphanage. The same one that Hasegawa and I belonged to. Shota was just seven, and he was a beautiful child, so everyone expected him to find foster parents right away. But he was a cold child, and also weak. He mostly just lay in bed at the orphanage all day. Maybe it was because he’d known me since he was a baby, but he’d talk to me a little when I visited. He was still unfriendly, though. And I didn’t know how to approach these things called “children.”
“Aren’t you going to give me something?”
“Don’t be such a baby. I just gave you some candy the other day.”
That day, his fever hadn’t gone down like normal. He was diagnosed as having some kind of virus and was taken to the hospital. But once there, it became hard for him to breathe, and all of a sudden he was hooked up to some kind of respirator. Though the cause of his illness was still unknown, the doctors suddenly said he only had a few days left to live. They said it was either a rare disease or a congenital disorder, and the people at the orphanage grew scared. They wondered if they had the money to pay for special medical treatments. Only good people worked at the orphanage, but their judgment was clouded by the suddenness of events.
I said I’d pay for everything and that I wanted them to test him thoroughly and treat him as best as they could. It wasn’t because of goodwill toward Shota or because I felt I had to fulfill some obligation to Eri. I said that because of this rebellious streak I have. Even I can’t explain it clearly. A kid from the orphanage was going to die without explanation, and all the people around him were completely useless. He was hooked into a respirator, but still his tiny hands struggled. I wanted to cheat fate, or whatever it was trying to claim this child. The doctor said that in Shota’s state, it would be difficult to do tests as they would put his life in danger, but I continued to speak my mind. I had to defy them. I couldn’t let him die this way.
Shota was moved to a university hospital where they discovered he had several conditions. I listened to many unfamiliar words. ST-T segment abnormality, BNP, spironolactone, ACE inhibit
or, beta blockers. I was told that of all of his ailments, his heart was in the gravest state. When they said that he would probably need a transplant overseas, the people from the orphanage pulled back yet again. They really didn’t have that kind of money. They tried to raise money, but they couldn’t get much. It wasn’t because of the cruelty or indifference of the public. People can be cruel, but they can also be just as kind. It was really a problem of the way the people at the orphanage approached the public. The fundraising for another transplant in the neighboring prefecture had attracted a lot of support, and they got the money they needed.
I didn’t say I would give money out of kindness. I didn’t have anything to protect, or any hope for life. It’s no big deal what becomes of the bank balance of someone like me. But I gave everything I had, and it still wasn’t enough. I met Yata just when I was wondering where I could borrow money. I worked at an expensive club, and he came in looking for someone to do some strange work. He looked just like an ordinary man, but there was no lust in his eyes. Instead, he looked at the girls like he was searching for the right one. His timing was so perfect, it felt creepy, and when I asked him about it later, he told me he only brought up work after investigating me thoroughly. Really, there’s nothing you need to watch out for more than people who approach you when you’re in a tough situation.
“Three hundred thousand yen for one job. If that goes well, the next one will be five hundred thousand.”
My job was to create weak points in the lives of people who were prominent in society. Photos and videos of us entering hotels together. Proof of men fooling around naked with a prostitute in bed. Proof of the shame of sex. Proof of things no one wants known about them. If I did it twenty times, I’d make at least a hundred million yen. I needed as much money as I could get.
“You can move people with either temptation or threats, but threats work best. The higher their position, the better it works. We don’t say anything crude, like we’re going to put these pictures everywhere if you don’t listen to us.”
That first time, Yata called just me to the VIP room at the club. He didn’t touch my shoulders or legs. He just explained everything quietly.
“We choose people we want to use, and manually we create weak points in their lives. It has been going on in this world through all of history.”
I remembered the phone call his subordinate made to someone a few days before. He was on his cell phone, laughing, and when he seemed like he was about to hang up, the person he was talking to brought up something unexpected and the tone of the conversation changed. That young man never used a single threatening word.
“Yes, that’s right. Well, it would be great if that wasn’t true . . . You haven’t been threatened recently, have you?”
After saying that, he switched the phone to his left hand, and brought his glass to his lips.
“A strange man was following you around? . . . Ah, he was trying to get information on you? . . . He’s a small fry. They’re everywhere. Hm? . . . Oh, you went to a hotel in Ikebukuro recently? Ah, that kind of place. That time. I see . . . Did you sleep there?”
That man smiled that whole time.
“Yes. Oh, really? To your place? No, we’re not sure of the details ourselves . . . That’s really worrisome. No, I heard they’re selling them in pretty awful channels . . . If they’re fake, I don’t think it matters. Oh, if that’s the case . . . I see . . . Well, we’ll do what we can . . . Like I said, if they got out it would be quite a scandal . . . You’d be laughed at by everyone . . . You have to worry about your wife and kids, too . . . Yes, for a person like you . . . Yes, it’s fine. They’re small fries anyway, so it’ll be easy . . . Ha ha ha, we won’t do anything criminal. Don’t worry . . . Yes, it won’t take too much . . . How should I say, it’s out of the kindness of our hearts. We just want to be of help to you . . . Well, we’re asking so much of you right now . . . Yes, if you would help us out as well, we’d much appreciate it . . . Ha ha, we should meet soon . . . It will be fine . . . We would never use your photo or videos for anything bad . . . We’ll dispose of them right away . . . Yes, immediately.”
I wasn’t sure what kind of conversation that was at the time. As I recalled that conversation, I stared at Yata.
“And the important thing—”
He and I were the only ones in that huge VIP room, and he just kept talking. When I think about it, I was probably purposefully made to listen to the subordinate’s conversation.
“—is to stop after one time. The more you do this kind of thing, the more likely it gets that the target won’t listen and the photos will go public. But we achieve our goals with just that one exchange.”
Yata stared at me with unmoving eyes.
“What are you people?”
“There’s no need to say.”
Yata lit a cigarette. They were thin menthols, like women smoke. The white strips of smoke blurred Yata’s expression.
“This world has a fundamental structure. The wealthy stay wealthy. The haves continue to have. That is the structure. There are entrances into that structure. But that kind of system has been created in every country. And not just one in each country. They’re all interlocked. They form a supple, flexible system.”
“. . . What?”
“We maintain that system. When something occurs that seems dangerous to us, we guide people’s thoughts with delicate instruction, bring down people dangerous to us, or, depending on the situation, we join forces with them. And that’s not all we do. To keep everything running smoothly at critical moments, we must sometimes take action, like we’re doing now. But, to me it’s just a kind of hobby.”
I thought his plain face, and plain suit, and plain shoes were disgusting. The humidifier in the VIP room kept spitting out white steam. For some reason, my surroundings grew blurry. But I had no time to think.
Because Shota’s illness was classified as rare, we received some money for treatment from the government, and though the expense of his transplant overseas did not qualify for assistance and was terribly expensive, the orphanage also collected money little by little. After receiving appropriate treatment, Shota recovered a little. And after regaining his life, he really was beautiful.
Lying in bed in the hospital he told me, “Machines are amazing.” He was talking about his diagnostic machine. “That house was old. But my machine is cool. Money and stuff . . . It’s a lot of trouble. Isn’t it?”
I wondered if his right cheek was itchy. It was always a bit red.
“You shouldn’t worry about it. No one’s worried about the money. We’re getting some from insurance, and I’ll pay the rest.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m rich. There’s no reason for anyone to worry about it.”
Shota was still grumpy and didn’t listen to what anyone said, so he wasn’t very popular with the nurses. Even though the curtains in his room were always open and the scenery outside was beautiful, he just stared at the ceiling for some reason. I’m not sure what he spent all his time thinking about.
I did the jobs I was given one by one. I seduced men and betrayed them. I had the skills. But those skills would never bring me happiness.
He hadn’t gotten the transplant yet, but after surgery Shota started growing a bit healthier. He even made it to the hospital garden occasionally. He would choose times after the sun had set, when no one was there. He would take off his slippers and put on sneakers. They were small, but they were proper blue sneakers, with laces and all. He would hang his feet off the side of the bed and stare at those shoes he put on himself while I tied them tight.
At first, his legs were weak, so he had to hold my hand while he walked, but eventually he could walk on his own. He never would get in a wheelchair.
“What’s this?” he asked. He had gone up to a flower, and turned around to face me.
“It’s a flower.”
r /> “But what kind of flower?”
When I think back, it was a morning-star lily. But that knowledge I acquired as a child had gone missing.
“Let’s call it . . . Barry.”
“Let’s call it what?”
“It’s a pretty flower . . . There was this woman named du Barry. She went from being a prostitute to dating the king of France, and even got to move into the palace.”
Shota looked at me worried. “What! What about this flower?”
“That one’s pretty too, so let’s call it Phryne. It’s white, after all.”
“What?”
“Phryne was an ancient prostitute. She was really rich, and she even had people make a statue of her and put it next to the statues of all the rulers of Greece. Isn’t that amazing?”
“I don’t know.”
The hospital was surrounded by small hills, but in the garden, it was the hospital building itself that rose up and surrounded us. You couldn’t see outside at all. There was a siren blaring in the distance.
“Hey.” After a long silence, Shota suddenly looked up at me. “You’re not really rich, are you? Can I really get all these surgeries?”
A dim white light shone on Shota’s thin shoulders. For some reason, the walls of the hospital and stone tile covering the ground stood out to me. I felt irritated at myself, maybe for still letting his comment get to me.
“Don’t worry about it. It’s fine.”
“Why?”
“Why? . . . Oh, you have to marry me. To pay me back.”
Shota looked at me for a moment. His face looked so serious, and he nodded. It was like he was accepting that as his responsibility for being saved. Even though his life had not yet started, he took on his first responsibility with resolution. I was overcome by some inexplicable emotion, and before I knew it, I was holding Shota.
“I’m just kidding. Love whoever you want. I . . .”
When I think back, the words I told him were ones that, even now, I have never been told.