“Dan? I haven’t said anything to Dan.”
“He’s afraid you and me at odds will hurt Lily. Or maybe Josiah is worried that our hating each other will risk his chances with Rose. It must have taken a lot to convince you to pretend to be sorry.”
“That’s not true.”
She couldn’t look into those eyes anymore. Turning her face from him, she stared at nothing. “Tell Josiah he needn’t worry. Rose would never hold our relationship against him. And nothing could pull Lily and Dan apart. Not even Paul Glick.”
He took off his hat and pulled his fingers through his hair as if he were trying to yank it out from the roots. “Why are you so difficult?”
She felt as if he’d grabbed her shoulder and wrenched it out of the socket again. She very nearly cried out in pain.
This was the absolute last time she would allow Luke to hurt her. She squared her shoulders and raised her chin. “You have made it very clear what you think of me, Luke Bontrager. I’m bullheaded and ugly, boyish and contrary.” Her voice cracked like a glass jar against the pavement. “I don’t care that I’m not pretty and sweet like Dinah Eicher. And I don’t care if Gotte loves you better because you are a boy.”
“I don’t want you to be Dinah Eicher.”
She glared at him. “Go away and leave me alone.”
“Ach, Poppy, don’t go like that.”
She ignored him and marched away. Thankfully, Luke didn’t follow. She’d gotten rid of him.
If only it was as easy to pry him out of her heart.
Chapter Sixteen
Luke didn’t even have the heart to pick up a knife and whittle a pencil. The hissing propane lantern was his only companion as he sat in the dim shadows of his workshop and tried to make sense of what had just happened.
He cradled his head in his hands and stared at the floor, lightly covered with sawdust. Sawdust was a permanent part of any wood shop. He’d sweep it out in the morning because he couldn’t muster the energy or the desire to do it tonight.
How had he managed to make such a mess of things? One minute he was pouring out a heartfelt apology to Poppy, and the next minute he was accusing her of being pigheaded.
And somehow, he’d made things worse. Much worse.
The ache in his chest felt like an old scab that had been ripped off. Poppy would never talk to him again, and he thought he might lose the ability to breathe.
Dan poked his head in the wood shop. “Can we come in?”
Luke nodded. He wasn’t in the mood for his friends tonight, even though he’d asked them to come over. Everything just felt too raw. Maybe he should tell them to come back another time, when he felt more like talking. Two or three years should be long enough.
Josiah and Dan strolled into his wood shop, an ample space Luke and his dat had built just off the road at the front of their property when Luke’s carpentry business had started to make some money. Josiah ran his finger along the table saw, leaving a trail where the sawdust had been.
He should probably dust tomorrow too.
“I expected you a long time ago,” Luke said, not even bothering to stand. His friends knew their way around.
Dan pulled an unstained chair from the stack of furniture Luke had sanded today. Josiah sat on a wobbly stool that Luke should have fixed three days ago. He’d been letting too many things slide since that day at the ditch.
“I had to take Lily and her sisters home,” Dan said. “And I wasn’t about to cut my visit short to come see you.”
“I never could abide being around a man in love,” Luke said, tempering his words with a weak smile.
Dan grinned. “You’re the one who invited me.”
Josiah, whose stool was taller than either of the chairs his friends sat on, towered above Luke and Dan like a sycamore. “So, Luke. What is the emergency? Did you call it off with Dinah Eicher?”
“Jah,” Luke said.
Josiah frowned. “I was joking.”
“I wasn’t.”
Dan nodded and rested his arms on his knees. “What happened?”
“It doesn’t matter what happened. That’s not the emergency.”
“I’m listening,” Dan said, as if he knew exactly what Luke would say.
“I need your help with Poppy.”
“Poppy?” Josiah asked. “What happened with Poppy?”
“I don’t know much,” Dan said. “But I know she’s really mad at you.”
Luke blew out a puff of air. “I’ve really messed it up, and I don’t know if I can make it right again.”
Josiah scooted his stool closer. It scraped loudly along the floor. “So tell us what happened.”
“She jumped in the ditch to save those cats, and I got mad at her.”
“We heard the story,” Josiah said.
“I got really mad at her. I yelled. I told her she was weak and that she would never be as good at anything as the boys.” He ran his fingers angrily through his hair. “I told her I hated her.”
Dan and Josiah were stunned into silence. They stared at him as if he’d sprouted an extra ear.
He lifted his hands in a gesture of hopelessness. “Tonight at the gathering I tried to say I’m sorry and ended up accusing her of being pigheaded. I couldn’t even apologize without offending her.”
Josiah stood and paced, leaving little imprints in the sawdust where he stepped. “It’s not that I don’t care about you and Poppy, but do you think this will hurt my chances with Rose? I mean, if my best friend and her sister hate each other, maybe she’ll think she should stay away.”
“Poppy said it wouldn’t hurt your chances at all.”
“Poppy said that?”
“She thought you forced me to apologize.”
Josiah narrowed his eyes. “She ... she knows about me and Rose?”
Luke leaned forward. “Everybody knows, Josiah. Your face is like a billboard.”
“Does Rose know?”
Luke rolled his eyes. “Everybody but Rose. Could we talk about me now?”
Dan rubbed the whiskers on his chin and studied Luke’s face. “So you were mean?”
“Really mean.”
“And you feel bad because you’re too obstinate and grumpy to make a decent apology.”
Luke scowled. “Do you even like me or are you just pretending to be my friend?”
Dan chuckled. “I like you well enough yet. You’re a good friend to have because when I see what a sorry state you’re in, I always feel better about myself.”
“That’s not funny.”
Dan wiped the smile off his face. “Why do you feel so bad? You and Poppy have had plenty of dust-ups before.”
Luke groaned and slapped his palm against his forehead. “And the drill. I kept the drill. Oy, anyhow, how could I have been so stupid?”
Josiah looked at Dan. “What is he talking about?”
“I have no idea.” Dan leaned forward and pinned Luke with an unwavering gaze. “What it comes down to is this. You love Poppy Christner.”
Luke forced a laugh. “Love her? Dan, that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth. I don’t love Poppy Christner. She’s strong-willed and independent and has made it very clear she doesn’t need a man. I like her, but I was really mean and now she can’t stand the sight of me. I hate that she can’t stand the sight of me. I want her to like me. I want her to be happy. I want her to smile at me and talk to me and help me build chicken coops. She’s not like any other girl I know, and oh, sis yuscht, I love her.”
He’d just been hit by a speeding freight train, and the blow would have knocked him off his feet if he’d been standing. Burying his face in his hands, he let the emotions pound into him.
He loved Poppy Christner.
And it hurt so bad.
Dan chuckled softly. “I tried to warn you. You should have been nice. She despises you.”
“That’s not helpful,” Josiah said. “Can’t you see he’s in a bad way?”
Luke massag
ed the lines on his forehead. “Dan is speaking the truth. She hates me.” He lifted his head. “But he doesn’t have to be so smug about it.”
Josiah furrowed his brow. “Poppy doesn’t hate you. I can’t imagine she hates anybody, except maybe Paul Glick.”
“Nae, Josiah, she hates me. She told me so herself.”
Josiah seemed to deflate as he sat on his stool. “Then there’s no hope.”
“Right,” Luke said. “No hope. I feel better already. I’m so glad you came over.”
“I don’t think it’s a permanent condition,” Dan said. “If she were dead set against you, she wouldn’t be so sad.”
Luke frowned. “She’s sad?”
“When I took her home tonight, she didn’t say a word, and I can always get Poppy to talk to me, even when she’s in a bad mood. She was definitely not happy.”
“I don’t know what to do. My apology went very wrong.”
“You need something big.” Dan eyed Luke as if trying to determine his commitment to something big.
“I’ll do anything to get rid of this ache in my chest. I don’t mind begging for forgiveness.”
Dan shook his head. “She’s already forgiven you. Despite all her protests, Poppy really does blame herself. She knows she’s stubborn and strong-willed, but she doesn’t think those are good qualities.”
“Those are her best qualities,” Luke said.
“The community bears part of the blame for how Poppy feels about herself. Bitsy and Poppy’s sisters have done their best to build her up, but so many people, including her dawdi, have mocked her for being different. She truly believes she is undeserving because of who she is.”
Luke swallowed the lump in his throat. “A beautiful, feisty girl who wants to help everybody.”
“Jah.”
The ache flared into searing regret. How many times had he told Poppy she was stubborn? He hadn’t meant it as a compliment. She’d never taken it as one. How many times had he teased her for being a tomboy or chided her for not being demure and submissive, like Dinah Eicher?
Yet it was Poppy he loved. He loved her determination and her bravery and her refusal to be cowed by what other people thought of her. Her refusal to be bullied by him. He massaged the lines in his forehead as if he could erase them. He felt lower than a snake in a well.
Luke could tell Dan was sort of tired of reminding Luke of all his faults. “She was starting to trust you, and you shoved her face in the dirt.”
Ach. He’d never be happy again.
Dan reached out and placed a hand on Luke’s shoulder. “I tell the truth because I’m your friend.”
“The truth really hurts.”
Dan tried to smile. “Now you know what the damage is, you can repair it.”
Luke scrubbed his fingers through his hair yet again. “I can’t. I’ve hurt her too deep.”
“I saw that chicken coop,” Josiah said. “I wouldn’t have been able to fix it.”
Luke looked sideways at Josiah. “You can’t fix anything.”
Josiah ignored the insult. “But you can.”
He couldn’t. He couldn’t fix things with Poppy. Their relationship was like that demolished chicken coop. “No one could have put that thing back together.”
“You had to start over,” Dan said.
It was as if someone had lit a match in his dark life. “Start over?”
“Soften her up with something really big.”
It suddenly felt easier to breathe. Trying was better than despairing. “Do you think I can make her love me?”
Dan waved that suggestion away. “Let’s work on building a little trust first.”
“What do you suggest?” Luke asked.
“I don’t know,” Dan said.
Luke smirked. “Denki for the help.”
“I just know it has to be big, and you have to keep your mouth shut.”
“How am I supposed to restore her trust if I keep my mouth shut?” Luke said.
“Every time you’ve opened your mouth, you’ve made it worse.”
Luke grunted. “For sure and certain.”
Dan made a fist and tapped Luke on the shoulder. “You’re trying to win Poppy, not beat her, so don’t make everything a competition and don’t say anything about women’s work, as if it’s below you. The Honeybee Sisters do everybody’s work. Believe me, you’re not better than they are.”
“Of course I’m not better. It’s just that my dat always taught me that men are to do the hard work because women are softer and weaker.”
“You might have more arm strength than Poppy, but that doesn’t mean you should push her around,” Dan said.
“I don’t want to push anybody,” Luke said, scowling. “And you’re confusing me. All I want to know is how to get Poppy to love me.”
“We’ll help you if we can,” Josiah said.
Josiah couldn’t even work up the nerve to take Rose on a ride. He wouldn’t be much help with Poppy. “Dan, you’re always welcome at the Christners’,” Luke said. “You can put in a gute word for me.”
Dan frowned and folded his arms. “We’ve got our work cut out for us. Not only is Poppy dead set against you, but Lily and Rose don’t take kindly to anyone hurting their sister’s feelings. And after your wonderful-bad apology, Bitsy might never let you in the house again. She’s not afraid to wave that shotgun around.”
“If she shot me, I couldn’t feel any worse than I do already.”
Josiah nodded. “That’s the spirit.”
Luke’s heart hurt so bad, he couldn’t sit up straight. He wasn’t in love with an ordinary girl like Dinah Eicher or Mary Schrock. This was Poppy Christner—a girl worth fighting for.
And he’d fight tooth and nail for her.
Even if she put up a fight.
Chapter Seventeen
Aunt B’s voice rang loud and clear in the orchard. “I got me a Chrysler, it seats about twenty, so hurry up and bring your jukebox money.” Poppy loved hearing Aunt B sing the “Lob Song” or the other hymns they sang at gmay, but at home she often sang Englisch songs that the girls didn’t know and couldn’t sing along with. Poppy didn’t mind. She was perfectly content to listen and try to figure out what in the world the songs were about.
Poppy looked down at her bucket with a few measly cherries at the bottom. It didn’t help her low spirits to know that she was worse than no help at all. She quickly glanced around. Her sisters and Aunt B were hidden among the trees picking cherries on ladders. An empty ladder stood right next to Poppy’s tree. If she climbed up a couple of rungs, she’d be able to reach so many more cherries. Balancing with one good hand couldn’t be that hard. She glanced around again for good measure, then stepped up one rung and then another. She put her bucket on the top step, propped her injured arm on the next step down, and reached for a cherry.
“Poppy Christner,” Aunt B called from the treetops. “Get down from that ladder. I won’t have you singing with the angels in heaven just yet.”
Poppy groaned, grabbed her bucket, and stepped down. “I only want to help, Aunt B.”
“You’ll be no help at all if you’re in the hospital. Pick what you can reach with both feet on the ground.”
Ach. She needed two good hands today. Even though it was a small orchard, it took Poppy, Aunt B, and her sisters the better part of three days to pick all the cherries. This year, without Poppy, it might take a whole week. She felt only slightly better knowing that Dan would come and help after milking. He couldn’t give every waking hour to the Honeybee Sisters’ farm. He had his own chores at home.
Poppy tried to hold a branch down and pick cherries off it at the same time. It didn’t work very well. She got three cherries in her bucket and a scratch on her wrist. She only needed to wear the sling for one more week. What would it hurt if she just slipped it off for a couple of hours so she could pick cherries? It wasn’t as if she’d be doing somersaults through the orchard. She hung her bucket on a low branch and slid the sling stra
p over her head. She’d leave it off for a few minutes and see how it felt. No one would ever have to know.
“Poppy Christner, put that sling back on this minute.”
Poppy threw her head back and sighed a long, plaintive sigh. She knew one thing with certainty. Aunt B had eyes in the back of her head. “Can’t I try picking without it on?”
“Nope. The doctor said two weeks or he’d have to amputate.”
“He did not.”
“I’d rather not push our luck.”
“We’re Amish, Aunt B. We don’t believe in luck.”
“Speak for yourself,” Aunt B called back. “I believe in luck, karma, and fortune cookies.”
Poppy gave up trying to be sneaky and settled for picking all the cherries she could reach on her tippy toes. She placed the bucket on the ground and dropped the cherries in one by one. At this rate, she’d have half a bucketful by nightfall.
She did a very graceful pirouette on her toes, reaching for a cherry, when Luke Bontrager came walking through the orchard with a bucket in his hand and a doubtful look on his face. She lost her balance, and he grabbed her arm before she fell over. “You okay?” he said.
She brushed off her dress and tried to pretend he hadn’t set her aching heart racing. “I’m fine.”
He quickly released her arm, as if he’d done something wrong, but didn’t let his eyes stray from her face. “Dan said the cherries were on, so I came to see if you could use some help.”
“Is that you, Luke Bontrager?” Aunt B called.
Luke looked up to try to figure out where the voice came from. “Is that you, Bitsy Kiem?”
“Maybe. Or maybe it’s your conscience calling you to repentance.”
He gave Poppy a half smile. She wished she didn’t like that smile so much. “I’m sure I need it.”
The tree above Aunt Bitsy’s ladder shook. “I know you do.” A few cherries plopped to the ground below Aunt B. “Don’t you have a job, Luke Bontrager? Or did you get fired?”
Luke glanced at Poppy, then up into the trees, obviously a little unsure about having a conversation with an unseen voice. “I carved out a little time today to help with the cherries. Is it okay if I help you pick?”