Owl nodded. “I know that. I’m only giving voice to what I’m thinking. I feel emptied out by this, and I need all of you to fill me up again. Do you feel something of that, too?”
They nodded, no one saying anything. In the darkness beyond where they sat, a baby began crying. They could hear its caregiver hushing it softly, and then the crying stopped.
Sparrow brushed at her spiky blond hair. “At least we got rid of that demon,” she said. “At least we don’t have to worry about it lurking out there in the darkness anymore.”
Angel had told the Ghosts what it was they had faced and how brave they had been to stand against it and see it destroyed. It made Owl wonder, thinking of it anew, how evil the world had become in the aftermath of civilization’s destruction. Or perhaps the evil had always been there and just taken different forms. Weren’t there probably always demons in their midst, taking whatever forms suited them? She thought maybe so. Creatures like the demons and once-men didn’t just spring up out of nowhere. If they weren’t there already, the potential to create them certainly was.
“You know, it was Candle who saved us,” Sparrow said suddenly. “She was the one who warned us about Hawk going out alone. She was the one who found Angel and brought her to help us.” She gave the little girl a broad smile. “You’ve got your instincts back again, don’t you? Just like they used to be.”
Candle blushed and nodded. “I don’t know what happened.”
“It doesn’t matter what happened,” Sparrow pressed on. “You’re back to how you were and you can warn us now when we are in danger. That’s a very big thing, little girl.”
Candle suddenly looked uncomfortable.
“Sparrow,” Owl said softly. “Don’t make Candle feel she has to do anything different from what she’s been doing. She’s always tried to warn us. It just didn’t happen for a time. And if it happens again, that’s all right, too.”
“It won’t happen,” Candle declared, determination mirrored in her blue eyes. “I won’t let it.”
“Of course you won’t,” Sparrow agreed. “Everything’s fine now.”
River exchanged a quick glance with Owl, both of them thinking the same thing. Everything wasn’t right and wouldn’t be right again for some time. Certainly not until they reached the promised safehold, a place where they might at last be able to stop thinking about demons and once-men and monsters out of nightmares stalking them across the devastated landscape of their former home. Certainly not until then.
“Has Hawk said anything more about how close we are to where we’re supposed to be going?” River asked.
No one spoke. Then Owl said, “I don’t think he knows yet.”
“He isn’t even himself,” Sparrow offered suddenly. “You didn’t see him out in that storm, when we were fighting that demon. He looked as if he didn’t even know what was happening. I’ve never seen him like that. He just stood there, almost like he was unable to move.”
“I think he was afraid,” Candle said.
“Well, that’s not like Hawk.” Sparrow looked around for confirmation, but the others were quiet. “I mean, he’s always been strong for the rest of us.” She seemed to want to say more, but then just shrugged. “I just think something might be wrong.”
“What’s wrong is that he’s supposed to save several thousand people by finding a safe place for them and he doesn’t even know for sure where it is and there’s demons and once-men chasing him and trying to kill him and we’re all saying there’s something wrong with him when maybe we ought to just stop saying these things!” Candle clenched her fists for emphasis. “I’m just saying, Sparrow,” she finished, mimicking Panther.
Sparrow stared at her for a moment in surprise, then nodded. “You’re right. I’m not helping, am I?”
“Maybe it’s our turn to be strong for Hawk,” Owl suggested. “Maybe we need to let him know we still believe in him. He’s carrying a lot of weight on his shoulders.”
Sparrow stood up abruptly. “Let’s go find him right now. Let’s tell him how we feel.”
River, sitting next to her, took hold of her hand. “Let’s not. He’s with Tessa. Maybe they need to be alone. We can tell him tomorrow.”
Sparrow hesitated and then sat down again. “Okay. Tomorrow for sure, though.”
Their talk quickly turned to other things.
PANTHER WALKED THROUGH the mostly sleeping inhabitants of the camp, searching for Catalya. It took a long time before he found her. She was sitting alone on the bumper of an old truck near the front of the caravan, wrapped in her gray cloak and staring out at the night. She didn’t see him approach—he was sure of it—but she seemed to sense his presence anyway.
“Go to sleep, Panther,” she said without looking at him, her face concealed by the hood of her cloak.
He sat down next to her. “How’d you know it was me?”
“I could smell you.”
“Ha, ha. That’s funny. You make me laugh, being so funny.”
She looked at him now, and he was surprised at how haggard her face was and how sad her eyes. “Go to bed,” she repeated.
He looked away self-consciously. “Can’t. Too wound up from this afternoon. You come that close to dying, you don’t want to sleep for a while. The two seem too much alike, I guess.”
She nodded. “You were lucky.”
“Huh. Staying alive is always about luck. You didn’t know that?”
He flashed her a quick grin. “You taught me, remember? Back when we went looking to rescue Logan Tom from that other out-of-control Knight of Whatever-He-Thought-He-Was?”
“That was a long time ago,” she said, looking away again.
“Not so long. Hey, I missed you. Got no one else I can rag on like I can on you. I might have been jealous, too, you know. You choosing to stay with Logan instead of coming with me, I mean. ’Cept I’m not like that.”
She kept her gaze averted. “You don’t need to be jealous of me. There’s no reason for it. Now go to bed.”
“You think we’re getting any closer to where we’re supposed to go?” he asked, ignoring her.
“If I had any idea where it was we were going, I might be able to answer that. Go ask your friend Hawk.”
“Ah, Bird-Man won’t say anything. He’s not over our fight with the demon yet. Something happened to him out there. He won’t say what, but something. You could see it. He was all froze up when we found him. He couldn’t move, even to defend himself. Like he lost his nerve, something I didn’t think he would ever do. He was just standing there, waiting to die.” He paused. “I don’t know about him. Might be he can’t even find his way anymore. He’s got that look, as if everything’s a mystery and nothing he does will make it clearer.”
“Maybe you should try to help him out then. You and the other Ghosts. You’re his family, aren’t you?”
“Naw, he won’t listen to me. Never has. Never will.”
She glanced at him, irritation mirrored on her face. “Better that you go try to change the situation there than continue sitting around here annoying me. Okay?”
“Hey, I’m just trying to—”
“Panther, are you listening to me? Do you understand what I’m saying to you? I’m telling you I want to be alone. Got it?”
He went silent then, staring at her in confusion. His anger surfaced in a hot wave, but he tamped it down quickly. “Sure, I got it.” He gave her a nonchalant salute. “No problem, Kitty Cat. See you later.”
He got up and stalked off, stung by the rebuke. He hadn’t quite gotten to where he couldn’t look back and still see her when the last vestiges of his anger gave way to concern. Something was wrong. He almost turned back, wanting to know what it was and if he could help her deal with it.
But he knew what her response would be, how she would treat him, and he didn’t feel like he wanted to risk that. So he continued on.
He would try again tomorrow, he told himself.
WHEN SUNRISE BROKE and the camp began to sti
r, Panther went looking for Catalya once more, determined to get to the bottom of things. If there were something wrong, he would find out what it was and what he could do to make it better. He wasn’t entirely sure what motivated his thinking except that it bothered him when she was like this. He knew things had changed since she had first come into the camp and he had called her a Freak. He knew all that was behind him, and that he genuinely cared about her. What he didn’t know was why. It wasn’t as if they were all that much alike or anything. Really, they were about as different as you could get. But there was something between them. Sometimes he ached with knowing it, with wanting to be friends, needing her to realize that he cared and to respond to what he was offering. Maybe it was the admiration he felt for her, a girl with skills like that, with courage and composure and determination.
Any way you looked at it, she made him feel things that no one else did.
He took his time searching for her, not eager to rush this, but intent on doing it all the same. He didn’t like how they had left things last night. He didn’t like how it had made him feel. He hadn’t slept well, thinking about it, and he wasn’t going to spend the whole of the day brooding over the details. He would find her and work out what the problem was and things would go back to being the way they had been.
He walked the length of the caravan and back again and still didn’t find her. She was obviously hiding out somewhere, nursing her anger or frustration or whatever it was that was eating at her. It irritated him that she was making it so hard on him, and his face reflected this as he strode on, increasingly out of sorts. Those who encountered him saw the look on his face and moved quickly out of the way, and he found it hard to get anyone even to talk to him.
Finally, he went to find Owl. She would know where Cat was, if anyone did.
He found her sitting by the AV watching Sparrow and River packing up the last of the supplies and equipment in the bins and on the roof. Candle stood next to her, holding her hand.
“Hey, Mother Owl,” he greeted, walking up quickly, trying to sound nonchalant. “I need your help.”
Owl looked at him, saw his face, and turned to Candle. “I need to speak with Panther alone. Why don’t you help Sparrow and River, sweetie?”
Candle moved away, giving Panther a curious look as she did so. Panther didn’t like that look, wasn’t sure what it meant. Owl waited until the little girl was out of sight, and then she motioned for Panther to come close.
“I already know what you’re going to ask me,” she said.
“You do?”
“You’re going to ask me about Cat.”
Panther knelt beside her, his lean face intense. “Yeah, that’s right. Where is she?”
“She’s gone.”
Panther stared at her. “What do you mean, She’s gone? She’s gone where? Where would she go?” He gestured angrily. “What are you talking about?”
Owl put a hand on his shoulder. “Calm down. She left during the night, not long after she talked to you. She came to me first and told me what she was going to do. I tried to talk her out of it, but she had her mind made up. I couldn’t change it.”
“She left? Just like that?” Panther was stunned. He gripped the arms of Owl’s wheelchair in frustration and dismay. “No reason for it? She just left?”
Owl furrowed her brow, and by doing so Panther could tell that he wasn’t going to like whatever she was about to say next. “She had a reason, Panther. A reason she felt strongly about, which is why I couldn’t change her mind.”
She glanced over at the three girls, who were still working, but who were trying hard, as well, to listen in on what she and Panther were saying. “She’s begun to mutate again. She’s changing into a Lizard.”
Panther shook his head. “What? That’s not true! Is it? She’s changing? When did this start to happen? Why didn’t she say anything to me about it?”
“She didn’t say anything to anyone. She could barely bring herself to tell me, but she didn’t want to leave without anyone knowing the reason. She was so unhappy, Panther. She just couldn’t face what it would mean once you found out.”
“Once I found out?”
“Once anyone found out. She was convinced it would change everything. That none of us would feel the same way about her. She believed we wouldn’t want to be with her anymore. Or if not that, that we would simply tolerate her because we wouldn’t want to tell her the truth. We would pretend to care, but really we would want her to go away.”
She held up her hands to stop him from saying what he was about to say. “Let me finish. I told her that was nonsense, that we loved her for who she was on the inside, not for what she looked like. I told her she was making a mistake, leaving like this without talking it out. I even asked her to wait until Logan Tom returned. But she refused. She said she had made up her mind, and there was nothing I could say or do to change it. She asked me to tell the rest of you, to tell you she was sorry but she couldn’t stay. Then she left.”
Panther was beside himself. “This is frickin’ bull! What is wrong with that girl! She don’t think much of us, does she? Doesn’t trust us enough to believe we care—”
“She’s afraid, Panther!” Owl cut him short. “She’s terrified! She’s discovered that the one thing she didn’t want to happen is happening, and she can’t do anything about it! Think about how life has been for her. Trapped with the Senator, a slave and maybe something much worse. Getting Logan to take her away was the first real freedom she’s known, and the Ghosts were her first real family. Now she thinks she’s going to lose all that, and she doesn’t want to stay around and watch it happen. So she’s doing the one thing she thinks will avoid that.”
“Well, she’s wrong!” He spat angrily. “She’s all wrong!”
“I know. I told her so.”
“You should have come and told me right then!”
She gave him a sad look. “I said I wouldn’t. I gave my word.”
They stared at each other for a moment. Behind them, Sparrow, River, and Candle were staring, too. No one moved.
Panther stood up. “I’m going after her.”
Owl shook her head. “She doesn’t want that. She specifically said that you were to let this be her decision.”
“Well, it ain’t!” He was so angry he could barely think straight, shouting now, fists clenched. “It ain’t just hers!” He didn’t know where to go from there. He glared at all of them, tried to say something more, found he couldn’t, and just wheeled away.
“Panther, wait!” Owl called after him.
He kept going, but then all at once Sparrow was right in front of him. “You sure about this?” Her face was right up against his, her features calm but determined, too. “Really sure?”
He nodded. “Yeah, I am. I got to do this.”
“She went north.” Sparrow tightened her lips, glanced quickly at Owl. “I overheard. I told the others earlier. We all know.” She kept her blue eyes fixed on him. “Will you bring her back?”
“I’ll try.”
She put her arms around him and hugged him close. “You do what you have to do, Panther Puss.”
One by one, they came up to him and hugged him. He relented enough then to hug them back, to whisper a few words of apology, to hear a few words whispered back. Even Owl wheeled over and gave him a long embrace from the chair.
“We love you,” she told him. “We always will.”
He nodded into her shoulder. “Yeah, I know that.” He broke free. “Got to get some stuff together. You know.”
He was practically crying when he left them, but he did not look back. Looking back would destroy him.
He stuffed his backpack with food and water, tied on a blanket, pocketed a compass and a pack of viper-pricks, and strapped on his knife. He shouldered a Parkhan Spray, picked up a prod, and set out. He took a route through the camp that bypassed Owl and the girls and walked out into the flats beyond, heading north. He had gotten to where the caravan was just begin
ning to fade from view when he heard his name called.
He turned and found Hawk and Cheney approaching. “Wait, Panther.” Hawk trotted up to him, and they stood looking at each other for a moment. “I heard you were leaving. And why. I just wanted to say good-bye.”
Panther nodded. “You and me, we don’t need that. We’re brothers, Bird-Man. We don’t never need to say good-bye.”
Hawk nodded. “I suppose not. But still.”
“You got to be careful without me around to protect you. Can’t be worrying that you’ll do something stupid once I’m not here. Okay?”
“Okay. Anyway, you’ll be back.”
Panther nodded. “I’ll be back.”
“Take Cheney with you.” Hawk glanced down at the shaggy dog. “Keep him for as long as you need him.” He handed Panther a piece of clothing. “That belongs to Cat. Cheney can track her from the scent.”
Panther took the offering, a blouse, and held it woodenly. “Yeah, this is good. But I don’t know. Cheney belongs to you. He don’t even like me all that much.”
“He’ll stick with you long enough.” Hawk bent down to the big dog and whispered to him. Then he stood up again. “You come back.”
Panther nodded. Then, impulsively, he embraced the other boy, gripping him tightly. “You get them all to where they’ll be safe, Bird-Man. You can do it. Ain’t nuthin’ can stop you.”
Hawk hugged him back wordlessly.
“Frickin’ hell,” Panther muttered.
Then they broke the embrace, turned away from each other, and began walking. Neither looked back.
THIRTY-ONE
A T DAYBREAK, the caravan set out anew, continuing east toward the mountains. Most of the vehicles were still running, although several of the older ones had to be left behind because sand and grit had clogged their motors, and there wasn’t time to fix them. Those who needed to ride simply doubled up. Conditions were perfect for travel. The day was clear and bright, the storm a thing of the past. Even west, where it had raged on through much of the night, all traces had vanished. Angel Perez, knowing the weather would favor the demons and the once-men as much as it did them, asked Helen Rice to send scouts back the way they had come to see if there was any sign of pursuit. She didn’t have any illusions about the possibility of preventing their enemies from crossing the Columbia. Destroying the bridge would not stop them. Once-men lives were expendable. Whatever it took, the army would come after the caravan. If Angel and the other defenders were going to face another battle before reaching the promised safehold, they had better be ready.