Embody
Jamie Magee
Jamie Magee
4/30/2011
“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief…and unspeakable love.” ~ Washington Irving
For everyone who has ever believed in me…
Chapter One
I couldn’t breathe. A sickening sensation slowly began to creep through every part of my body, and the room seemed to be spinning out of control. Impossible - isn’t it? How can this be possible? I thought to myself as I stared at the image of me and Drake in the black and white photo. I ran my fingertips across the singed, tattered edges and trembled as the memory of the first time Drake was alone with me played before my eyes...he said he had seen me love him; I thought he meant in his mind, not in real life. I sighed, remembering his warm, mesmerizing touch, and a chill ran down my spine as the dark images he showed me came to life again.
“Willow, you better calm down...Landen will come in here,” Olivia said.
I looked to the window; Landen and Chrispin were playing football with little Preston, and Libby was cheering them on from our porch. Landen and I can now use each other’s gifts as our own, and he was sure to feel my panic, my fear. As my eyes landed on him, he froze in mid-play and looked in my direction. I walked over to the window, smiled, and pushed my fears away so he would think I was OK. As he fought with his natural instinct to protect me, he hesitated at first, then finally nodded and resumed playing the game.
I turned and walked slowly back to the table and looked down at the photo. An eerie sense of déjà vu haunted me as I stared at the images from long ago. I could have never loved him - could I? The past months came rushing through my mind: the day Drake had found me at the lake, our fight in the string, and finally, the moments he held me, shielded by a white glow. Until now, I had let myself relish in victory – but I was a fool...this was not over.
I felt Clarissa’s intent to see me, her emotion moving closer to my front door. In a panic – wanting to hide any evidence that connected me to Drake Blakeshire - I grabbed the photo and ran to the stairs. Stunned by my sudden outburst, Olivia chased after me.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
I nodded my head to the open door that Clarissa was about to walk through. Olivia then turned and saw her walking toward my front porch. “Wait,” Olivia yelled. “Clarissa was with me when I found the photo; she already knows.” By the time she finished her vain attempt to comfort me, though, I was already at the top of the stairs. I then turned, looked down at Olivia, and swallowed hard, assuming they had told Chrispin and Dane.
“Just us,” Olivia said, cautiously climbing the stairs, not trusting any reaction I may have.
Hearing Olivia’s promise, Clarissa stepped shyly through the threshold. She gave Clarissa a guilty glance, then motioned for her to follow us. I turned and crossed the open hall to the room I’d turned into my studio; two walls were all windows, large doorways led to the second story porch, and blank canvases lined the white walls. I shuffled my feet across the floor and opened the doors to let the fresh air in; I needed to breathe...it felt like the world was closing in around me.
“I guess you showed her,” Clarissa said as they caught up to me. Olivia nodded; I could feel her regret.
“Where did you find it?” I said under my breath.
Clarissa walked over to me and put her hand on my shoulder. “We told your mother we would bring back things that were salvaged each time we went to Franklin. We were packing boxes up when an envelope fell over. That photo fell out.”
“It doesn’t mean anything,” Olivia said, walking to my side.
“I just don’t see how it’s possible...how this could be real?” I said, looking down at the photo in my hand. Drake’s image was breathtaking - perfect in every way - and my image could not be happier to be at his side. A sick feeling rose and settled in the back of my throat, and I struggled to remain calm – to fight back the emotions that would send Landen to my side.
“It’s a photo; it doesn’t represent a life with someone. It...it could have been taken before you found Landen,” Clarissa said, rubbing my back while trying to hide the lie in her voice. She knew, like I did, that somewhere in time...I loved Drake.
I wanted to hide behind her lie and believe that I’d only loved Landen, but the sickening feeling was growing more unbearable...I knew that it wasn’t true. I nodded to give them peace, even smiling a little to hide my raging emotions beneath a calm surface.
“You haven’t told Dane and Chrispin, have you?” I questioned.
They both said no at once. They knew that lying to me was useless; I had almost mastered Landen’s insight, and I could only see truth as they spoke.
“Chrispin doesn’t need another reason to hate Drake,” Olivia said, feeling remorseful.
Chrispin had lost his father, Livingston, by Drake’s hand. The salt in the wound was when we all learned that Drake was one of Livingston’s sons, tying Drake to all of us by blood.
“And Dane is just as eager to hate Drake,” Clarissa added.
Dane’s vengefulness was for the nightmares I’d endured. Honestly, everyone yearned for retaliation for the painful images that had haunted me through childhood.
“So what do I do with this?” I asked.
“Forget it,” Olivia said, taking the photo from me and ripping it into small pieces. “Look, we all think Drake is going to come back one day - we just didn’t want him showing up and throwing this in your face,” Olivia finished.
“We thought if you knew in advance, he wouldn’t be able to play with your mind...we were only trying to give you an advantage.” Clarissa added
“I’m glad I did show you. Downstairs, you looked weak when you saw it,” Olivia said, putting the small pieces of the photo in her pocket.
Their twisted logic almost made sense. My only problem now was finding a way to forget before Landen read it all over my face.
“I brought some stuff from my house, too; there are some photos of Monica. Do you want any?” Olivia asked.
I nodded and followed them downstairs. Through the window, I could see the guys still playing a demanding game of touch football. Olivia opened the box she had brought with her, then handed me a photo of me and Monica at the lake last summer. She was so full of life; I didn’t think I would ever move past the grief I felt when her memory surfaced. Olivia laid out a few other photos from our senior year, then walked over and hugged me.
“I have to go. I promised your mom I would drop these boxes by before dinner,” she said.
“Wait, I’ll help you,” Clarissa said. Before she left, she looked at me and said, “Willow, really, forget the past; don’t let it hurt your present.”
I nodded as they left, then slid further down into the chair. As I stared at Monica’s photo, everything I’d faced over the past few months – all the emotions I’d felt as my world was turned inside out – consumed me. The walls seemed to close in around me. I imagined my future: another huge ordeal, my family and friends put in harm’s way...my mind spun as I took in the awe of a past I couldn’t remember. I needed to get away. I abruptly sat up in my seat and pushed back from the table, then went to the hall closet and pulled out mine and Landen’s travel bags, which carried four changes of clothes and currency for different dimensions. I was setting them by the front door when I felt Landen walking in the back door. I then looked down the hall and saw him hesitating at the table as he looked over the photos. I felt his remorse as he saw Monica’s face. In a way, I was glad I had left those photos out; I knew that he would not ask me why I was upset earlier - he would just assume it was over her.
Landen walked slowly up the hall,
tossing the football casually from hand to hand. His intense blue eyes landed on the travel bags at my feet, and I knew he could feel my intent to run. Seeing how certain my intent was, he tucked the ball under his arm. I felt him fighting with the urge to ask me what Olivia and Clarissa had told me. He forced a calm smile, bringing his perfect dimples to life.
“Are we going somewhere?” he asked playfully. I sighed and nodded, looking down and knowing that if I looked into his eyes, his calm would take me over and I would find a way to stay. I wanted to run – to run away with him.
“I don’t care where. I just need to get away, just me and you” I said in a pleading whisper.
He stepped closer and leaned his forehead to mine. He then reached carefully for my wrist and traced my Ankh tattoo – avoiding the brand of the star. We had not been anywhere alone since we had learned that this star was a marker placed on me by Drake. Chara was the only dimension in which I was safe.
“Landen, we don’t even know if he is alive. We can’t be prisoners here,” I pleaded as tears came to the corners of my eyes.
He let my hand fall, then reached for my face and wiped away the tears before they had a chance to escape.
“I would hardly call this a prison,” he whispered, trying to make me smile.
“You know what I mean,” I said, trying to remain serious.
Landen tilted his head toward the phone in the kitchen. “Can I at least call someone and tell them that we’re leaving so they don’t think we’ve been kidnapped by scary monkeys?” he said light-heartedly.
I held up one finger; we would be here all night if he called everyone in our family, and all of them would either tell us not to go or find a way to follow us. He smiled and nodded, then walked to the phone. I ran upstairs to close the balcony doors and all the windows. When I came back downstairs, Landen was closing up the last window. When he saw me, he walked over to the bags, picked them up, and opened the door.
“How long do we have before the Calvary comes?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.
“Not long,” he said with a wink.
I grinned, then took off in a sprint - and he was right behind me. We raced through the field of flowers to the large windmill that led to an opening in the string. Breathless, I stepped in. As the hum of energy pushed through me, I felt renewed. The white light, gently lined in colors, was so beautiful to me, and when I was in the string I felt like I melted into the energy of the universe. Landen took my hand and began to lead us away from Chara.
“So who did you call?” I thought
Landen smiled down at me. “Brady. Just so you know, I had to promise him we’d be home the day the baby is due,” he thought.
I immediately felt guilty; I’d promised Felicity that I’d help her, that I’d calm her through the pain.
Landen wrapped his arm around me. “They think we deserve the time alone, too,” he thought, washing my guilt away.
I leaned into him, and a few feet later he stopped at a bright yellow light. We then stepped through, out onto the summit of a large mountain. Behind us, a home was built perfectly into the peak. It was made of a deep red wood, and the entire front of the house was glass, which mirrored the sunset back at us as we looked into it.
“I think this will do for tonight,” Landen said, guiding me up the stone steps. He moved a piece of wood from the front steps, reached in, and retrieved a key.“Wait here; I need to go turn on the generator,” he said, setting the bags down on the steps.
I watched him walk around the side of the house, then slowly sat down and gazed at the last moments of the sunset, taking in its beauty. Suddenly, my guilt came back over me; I had left without saying goodbye to my mother, Grace, or my father, Jason. I wondered for a moment if Libby had told them that I had left, if they would understand. Behind me, lights came on and shined through the glass front of the house. Landen then casually walked around the house, smiling at me.
“So who does this house belong to?” I asked him when he got closer.
“All of us. When we take people to different dimensions, it’s just easier to have a place that you can call home while you teach them,” Landen said, picking up our bags, climbing the stairs, and unlocking the front door.
“I bet Clarissa has some clothes in here that would fit you,” he said with a bit of a laugh.
“I have clothes,” I protested.
“Yeah, but if we leave here and go into town, you’re going to have to wear clothes that match this dimension,” Landen said, raising his eyebrows.
“And what might they be here?” I asked, seeing he was amused.
“They only wear yellow. They see the sun as a god and honor him by wearing only a very bright yellow,” he explained, holding his hand out for me to go in.
The house was beautiful, wide open. The ceiling arched into a frame, the living room had over-sized leather couches centering it, a fire place was in the center of the couches, and there was a bar that separated the living room and the kitchen. I walked slowly to the couch and collapsed; it was so soft, framing me as I rested there. I heard Landen going through the kitchen, looking in all the cabinets. I knew he was looking for food.
“I’m not hungry,” I thought.
I closed my eyes and saw the photo of me and Drake again. I debated on just telling Landen; the last thing I wanted to do was stir up a conflict that had barely rested. Neither of us understood why we, of all people, were tossed into a conflict that began over four million years ago. It didn’t matter that we supposedly chose this or that we were the ones who lived four million years ago; we just wanted to live our lives without conflict. I ultimately decided that I’d be protecting Landen from unnecessary pain if I just forgot, like Olivia had told me.
“Are you sure you’re not hungry? Marc was just here. The entire house is stocked,” Landen said, pouring himself a bowl of cereal.
I turned my head from side to side against the couch. Marc had traveled relentlessly since the day we laid Livingston in the ground. He used the excuse that Landen needed to spend time with me, and people still needed to find their soul mates. Landen and I knew it was his way to grieve. We all wanted Marc to find his soulmate, but he insisted it wasn’t his time. My father had started to travel again, too; it was easy to see that he loved it more than he ever loved being a doctor in Franklin.
I moved my legs to the couch and stretched out. I then closed my eyes and tried to clear my mind. A few moments later, I felt Landen crawl next to me.
“Wait for me,” he thought. I opened my eyes quickly to see that he had turned off the lights and was covering us with a blanket. As I felt him nestle against me, I let my heavy eyelids fall.
When my eyes opened, I realized that I didn’t focus on anywhere the way Landen and I always did as we fell asleep; it was our way of assuring ourselves that we’d be in the same place.
I was standing in the center of a gray street with gray buildings. I then took in a deep breath, realizing that this was Esterious. The weight that was always on my chest when I came here in my nightmares was absent. I could feel almost everyone around me, whereas in the past I could only feel the one that had called me here - and after that I would always face Drake. As panic came over me, I could hear my heart beating in my ears. Then I felt my peace as Landen placed his hands on my shoulders. I turned to look up at him; I could feel his fear as well.
“How did we do this?” I thought.
“I don’t know. Are you in pain? Is this nightmare?” Landen thought.
I shook my head no. “I can feel all of them,” I thought, watching all the people in long black coats go about their mundane day; their faces were as solemn as they felt.
“I can, too,” Landen thought.
At that moment, a small child was walking at her mother’s side down the street. Landen was in their path, but before he could move, the little girl passed through him. A tantalizing rush soared through the two of us. I could feel his emotion intensify; for a moment, he felt just as sad as the lit
tle girl. After she passed through him, shock came over him, and I felt the little girl fill with peace and love. Landen’s eyes widened, then he quickly ushered me out of the street. There was a small opening between the buildings, and we slid inside it and looked out at the passing people.
“How did you do that?” I thought.
“Me? How did she do that?” Landen thought.
“I don’t know - but you helped her.”
A man leaned against the wall next to us. Landen looked at me, then cautiously raised his hand and placed it on the man’s shoulder. He was solid. I felt Landen give the man the same peace he had unknowingly given the girl, and a rush came through us again. The man stood up straighter; you could tell he wanted to smile, but he hid it as others walked by.
“That doesn’t make any sense,” Landen thought.
“I think we should help them all,” I thought, looking at the river of people walking by.
“Willow, we have to be careful. They are not supposed to smile or act different. I don’t want them to be executed because we made them feel better. I don’t even know where we are in this Esterious.”
I nodded, smiling at the chance to help more than one person. Landen and I then took each other’s hand and stepped out of the alley. As the people walked by, we touched them lightly, and with each touch the rush we felt intensified; it was mind numbing, blissful. The emotions around us shifted immediately to peace. At the end of the street, we stopped and looked back; the people were looking at each other curiously, and some of them were whispering to one another as they looked back to where we had walked. This was the first time I really appreciated my gift of emotion.
Two men with hoods – whom I could not feel – walked out of the gray building we were standing next to, and Landen pulled me back before they could pass through me. The people on the street noticed them immediately, and fear came through them all; only a few of them were strong enough to hold on to the peace we had given them. We leaned against the wall and watched as the dark men walked through the center of the street. Once we were sure that none of the people were in danger, we looked at each other and nodded.