Once the waitress took our drink orders, she gave us the lowdown on the brunch buffet before inviting us to help ourselves. Greg took the opportunity to saddle up to my side as I was spooning breakfast potatoes onto my plate.
"Morning," he said, picking up the spoon after I placed it back down.
"Hey." I shuffled sideways to add space between us. I tried not to be obvious, but I could tell by his puzzled expression that I wasn't fooling him.
"Do I smell bad?" He laughed, lifting the hem of his shirt for a quick whiff. I didn't mean to look, but my eyes seemed to move instinctively to peek at his well-toned abs. He smirked, catching me in the act as I shuffled sideways again. The back of my neck was becoming warmer by the second. My face was sure to follow. I ducked my head, absentmindedly spooning grits on my plate even though I absolutely detested them. I dropped the spoon, feeling ridiculous. Yesterday Greg could have shown me his abs and I would have thought nothing of it, but something had changed.
"Did you see they were having a Walking Dead marathon last night?" he asked, following me around the buffet station. During a long stretch of driving through Georgia we discovered our shared appreciation of zombie movies. Greg's tastes leaned more toward the humorous movies, while I preferred the gorier classics.
It was becoming more difficult not to answer him without raising his suspicions that something was wrong. The problem was Greg was easy to talk to. He just had a way about him. I wasn't ready to confront him, but I also didn't want the awkwardness to continue in front of everyone at the table. "Oh yeah? Damn. Olivia and I sat around watching infomercials."
"Informercials? What a waste. You missed the classic episode where the walkers overrun Hershel's farm."
"Rub it in even more why don't you," I said, sticking out my tongue at him as I dropped a couple pancakes on my plate. His eyes narrowed and focused on my mouth, making my stomach drop like a ton of bricks. There was no mistaking the look in his eyes. It made me wonder how long I had been missing the signals. Maybe I was subconsciously flattered and just didn't want to stop a little harmless flattery. If that was the case, I had been foolishly naïve. I left him at the buffet station without saying another word, still uncertain of how to handle my dilemma.
I sat quiet as a mouse at the table, barely touching my food. My dad surprised me by gently squeezing my hand. "You okay, sweetheart?" My mind had been so preoccupied with thoughts of Alec and Greg that the conversation going around the table sounded like a muffled hum.
"What's that, Daddy?" I asked, jumping slightly in my chair.
"I said, are you okay? You haven't touched a thing on your plate there."
Mom leaned across my body to whisper something in his ear. "Oh, I hope you feel better," Dad whispered, giving me a tender hug.
I looked at Mom who winked and squeezed my hand under the table before changing the subject to her plans to turn Zachary's old bedroom into a library. She had accumulated a sizable collection of books, mostly from me since I collected them from the many book events I had attended during the past year.
As brunch began to wind down, I found myself already missing the sanctuary of the buffer my family provided. Soon my tour mates and I would be back on the bus that just a day ago seemed so large, but now felt like a cramped elevator.
Greg left the restaurant before the rest of the group to check us out of the hotel and to get our belongings loaded onto the Love Bus. I needed to stop calling it that. Love Bus suddenly sounded misleading and definitely wrong.
My family and I walked slowly to the lobby, not quite ready to say our goodbyes. Mom hung back with me, waiting for everyone to move ahead of us.
"You okay, sweetie?"
I returned a wry smile. "Besides wishing that my mom wasn't the smartest person in world, I'm fine. I feel like an idiot for missing something that was pretty obvious to everyone else."
"Well, sometimes it's easy to miss what's right in front of you. I'm confident you'll do the right thing. Contrary to what you believe, you're not an idiot. Your brother Zachary though—" We watched as Zachary was in the process of trying to jump over one of the small couches in the hotel lobby before Ashley quickly grabbed his arm and chastised him.
"I'm still shocked she said yes when he proposed," I said, shaking my head. "I guess she's been around long enough now to know what she's in for."
Greg already had the Beast idling at the curb when we walked out into the bright sunlight. One of the craziest things about the tour was the change in temperature from one state to the next. We'd left frigid temperatures behind in New York. Tennessee was a little warmer. Of course, Florida was a mild seventy degrees when we rolled in, which was what I was used to.
Mom hugged Tina and Monica before they climbed aboard the RV, giving me a chance to say my own goodbyes. Michelle and Riley spent a few extra minutes speaking before she climbed on board. Curiously, I wondered if they would stay in touch. I would keep my fingers crossed.
"Be careful, baby," Dad said, pulling me in for a bear hug.
I inhaled deeply, loving the fact that he'd been wearing the same cologne all my life. "I will, Daddy," I said, snuggling close.
"No walking anywhere by yourself and keep your pepper spray on you at all times."
"I will," I reassured him.
Tony, Riley, and Zachary decided it would be funny to squish Ashley and me as we hugged. "Your brothers," Ashley said, rolling her eyes when we could breathe again.
I agreed as they all chest-bumped. "Don't keep me out of the wedding plans," I added. "And no puffy dresses."
"You mean you don't want a dress that requires six petticoats and endless layers of tulle?"
"Please no."
She laughed, giving me another quick hug now that we weren't being squished by Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest.
Olivia lightly socked my arm. "I'll text you later, slutbag. I'll be expecting details," she said, nodding toward the RV.
"As will I." My eyes cut to Tony. "It's time to jump."
"I don't like to jump," she muttered.
I smiled and gave her an impulsive hug. She stiffened in my arms, but I didn't take it personally. That was my Olivia.
Mom was my final and hardest goodbye. We would be seeing each other soon enough on the West Coast, but I missed her already. "I'll see you soon, sweetie," she said, cupping my face. "I know you'll be responsible and handle what we talked about. You've always had a solid head on your shoulders."
I nodded even though she was still holding my face. "Thank you."
"I love you," she said, giving me a hug.
I threw one last wave over my shoulder as I stepped aboard the RV. Greg closed the door and I sat down on the couch, digging through my bag.
Greg turned to walk to the driver's seat, looking confused. "What are you doing?"
"I didn't get much sleep last night, so I thought I'd take a nap," I lied, palming the Dramamine I had pulled from my bag. I chased the small pill down with a sip of Sprite, hoping that would help any nausea.
"The seat up here reclines."
"That's okay. This is better. I can stretch out more." I yawned dramatically, expecting him to take the hint. Feeling like the world's biggest ass-face, I laid back with my sweater over my face to avoid his eyes that I felt probing me for an answer for my sudden one-hundred-eighty-degree behavior.
"Hey, Greg, eventually you're going to have to actually pull away from the hotel, or are you waiting for the RV to teleport to our next destination?" Tina called out from her recliner. Michelle and Monica snorted with laughter.
"All right. I guess we're all settled then," he responded. I heard the click of his seatbelt before the RV began to move. Thankful to have his attention off me, I opened my eyes and peered out the long set of windows to watch the passing landscape. After a moment the small amount of brunch I had consumed began to churn uncomfortably in my stomach. I closed my eyes again, giving the Dramamine a chance to work before I entered puking death mode.
As I lay on the couc
h trying to relax, I took the opportunity to be productive and plot out the next few chapters of my current manuscript in my head. Usually I preferred to plan out my books while I was alone, but I had nothing else to work on that wouldn't make me nauseous during the drive.
Monica, Tina, and Michelle chattered on about different bits of gossip in the book world. I wanted to sit up and join in the conversation for the first time during the trip. After what transpired during the Gainesville stop, I couldn't help wondering if they had noticed the same thing about Greg that Mom and Olivia had. Maybe the three of them had even talked about it in private, and I had turned into their inside joke without even realizing it. They may have even suspected that Greg and I were having some sort of affair.
I continued lying on the couch, pretending to try to sleep for what felt like hours. The few times I peeked at my phone, I discovered only small increments of time had passed. It felt like beach time. Anyone who regularly visited the beach had probably experienced one of those days when you lie out on the beach, soaking in the sun and listening to the waves. You could lose yourself and feel as though an entire afternoon had passed only to find it had only been a few hours. It's like the beach was some sort of time warp.
If I would have already handled the situation like an adult, I wouldn't be hiding out like some child, hoping to avoid confrontation. Or worse yet, torturing myself by thinking my friends were persecuting me for something I hadn't done. The sad thing was my family and friends only had half the story. They had no idea that my boyfriend was at home having dinner every night with the mother of his child. Would anyone care to know what my feelings were about that?
My insecurities over Alec, combined with dealing with the Greg situation, were driving me to the brink of tears. And that wasn't even taking into consideration the pressure of making sure the publisher was getting its money's worth on the tour.
Thankfully, I felt the RV merge off the highway. We pulled into a gas station, giving me the opportunity to end my sleeping ruse. Greg jumped out to fill the Beast with gas while the rest of us piled out to hit the bathroom and load up with snacks for the next leg of the trip. We had opted out of stopping for lunch, choosing to power forward to our next stop in time for an early dinner.
I followed behind Tina when Greg called out my name. I tried ignoring him, hoping that he would allow me to continue inside the store, but he called my name again, making Tina pause and turn around to see if I'd heard him. Biting back a sigh and a few choice words, I turned around and shuffled back to the RV.
Greg stood on the opposite side of the RV, checking his phone while he waited for the gas tank of the Beast to fill. "Hey," I said, stepping up on the cement platform where the gas pumps sat.
"Hey yourself. What's going on?" he asked bluntly.
I offered up a look of confusion, but I was never the best liar. "With?"
His looked up sarcastically from his phone.
Sighing, I used the toe of my shoe to push a cigarette butt with bright red lip prints off the cement embankment. Silence stretched uncomfortably between us. I knew I was making the situation much worse than it should have been. We were both adults. Confrontations shouldn't have to be this difficult.
I waited to see if he would break it, but he seemed to be waiting for me. "Look. Something was brought to my attention last night, and I've been trying to figure out how to deal with it," I said, looking up to gauge his reaction.
He remained silent, not offering any questions or comments.
Gritting my teeth, I took a deep breath before continuing. The words felt like they were stuck in my throat. "There are some who seem to think that maybe you're harboring certain feelings for me." Oh my god. Considering the amount of confidence I was displaying, I might as well have been back in high school with a mouth full of braces.
"Well, whoever the some are, they're right," he answered.
I shuffled my feet, forgetting I was standing on the narrow edge of the embankment. My arms flared in a windmill motion until Greg's hand reached out and closed around my bicep. He pulled me close to him, causing my breath to hitch. Greg must have taken my reaction as a sign because he leaned in and placed a passionate kiss on my lips.
I stepped back, yanking my arm away. "I'm involved with someone." I used my sleeve to wipe my mouth, which suddenly felt dirty.
"I know. Alec. I met him." The way Alec's name fell off his tongue showed Greg had already dismissed him from the equation.
"Then you should know I love him," I said quietly, not wanting to cause a scene in case the girls were returning to the RV. "This isn't going to happen."
Greg sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "I know that—maybe. I mean, are you going to deny that there's something between us? " He sounded frighteningly resigned, like he already thought we were a couple.
"Yes, Greg. I am. If I misled you in some way, I apologize, but it was never my intention to be more than friends." I could no longer deny that Mom and Olivia had been right. I felt like such an idiot for not seeing it for myself.
He laughed harshly, sounding different from his normal jovial tone. "Friends? You don't think I've already considered that? That I've tried to focus on your flaws to see past the part of you that keeps dragging me in?"
"Flaws? What is that supposed to mean?"
"You have a shitload of flaws," he said, stepping close to me again. Instinctively, I raised my hands to stop him and stepped back, encountering the cement curb with the heel of my shoe. "The bitch of it is I like every single one of those flaws. They make you the person you are." He reached up to brush the hair away from my face, but I batted him away.
"Stop. I love Alec," I said forcefully.
He nodded, stepping back and turning to face the RV. "I know."
Feeling defeated and responsible, I turned to leave as my emotions got the best of me.
"I can control my feelings. There's no reason to punish yourself," he called out, but I didn't turn around.
Monica, Tina, and Michelle were coming out of the convenience store as I approached. It didn't look like any of them had bought anything, but they were laughing like hyenas.
"Are you okay?" Michelle asked, seeing the look of frustration on my face.
"Huh? Oh yeah. I just couldn't find my wristlet with my driver's license and all my cards. I thought maybe I left it in Florida, but I found it in my purse. It's all good."
"Well, wait until you get a look at the sales clerk," Monica said, clutching her side. "Tina may have tried to get his number."
"For sure. He's so my type," Tina groaned, taking a swipe at her arm.
"Just put it this way, you're going to want some of this," Michelle said, reacting to my utter look of confusion. She held up a mini bottle of lilac-scented hand sanitizer.
Monica snorted with laughter.
Curiously, I entered the store and glanced toward the checkout counter where I saw their source of entertainment. A large man with a beard Santa would have envied sat on a small stool cleaning out his nose with his pinkie. He pulled out his finger and wiped it on the front of his shirt. Judging by the trail of dried crusties stuck to his chest, he had been working on it for a while.
I nearly gagged and without pausing, turned back around and left the store. I was no longer hungry anyway, especially after witnessing that spectacle, and I would force my bladder to wait.
The others were still waiting outside when I pushed through the door. Michelle already had the bottle of hand sanitizer open and squirted a generous amount on my palm, even though I'd only touched the door handle. "Told you," she said.
I grimaced, rubbing my hands vigorously."Bless you. That was just wrong."
"True story. Was he digging in his nose or his ear while you were in there? We were lucky enough to see both." She threw an arm across my shoulders as we walked back to the RV. "We voted to make Greg hit the Dairy Queen across the street before we get back on the highway."
"I'm in," I said, pausing in front of
the RV door. If I was going to eat ice cream there was no way I could sit in back. On the other hand, I was desperate for some comfort food for my frazzled nerves and a Blizzard was worth the risk. I climbed aboard and took my place on the couch. Greg's eyes remained forward and he didn't say a word. Welcome to Awkwardville—the place where uncomfortable silences and suppressed words thrived.
Chapter 15
Our visit to Awkwardville persisted through the afternoon. There was a thick cloud of tension in the air. Thankfully, either the girls didn't notice or they chose not to ask. I was happy that at least I was able to keep my frozen treat down in spite of sitting on the couch. Greg flipped on the radio to tune out the conversation in the back. He was obviously still protesting our conversation from earlier. I pulled my knees up, peering out the window at a light drizzle of rain.
We were an hour outside of Atlanta when my phone rang. I debated not answering when I saw that it was Alec. Things were already awkward enough. I realized, though, that maybe I was punishing Alec for something he hadn't done, just like I thought Mom and Olivia had done to me.
"Hey," I answered, cradling the phone against my ear. At least with the music on I had some semblance of privacy.
"Hey, sweetheart. How's it going?"
"Okay," I answered casually. I could practically feel Greg's eyes from the rearview mirror.
"You sound down, love. What's the matter?"
"I'm sad that the distance between us is once again growing. Every mile takes me farther away from you."
"Don't I know it, babe. It drove me nuts knowing you were so close last night and I still couldn't see you."