That's when she noticed the frozen yogurt machine. “Oh my god,” she said. “You can have as much frozen yogurt as you want—at every meal? This is some kind of diabolical plot to turn me into a blimp.”
“Here's the plan,” Piper said. “Naomi and I are making the rounds of the frat parties tonight.” She paused. Holly, Mads, and Lina perked up like puppies at a pound hoping to be adopted. Britta picked at her chicken potpie.
“Try not to embarrass me,” Piper added. “Just stand in the corner and keep your mouths shut.”
“That sounds like a blast,” Britta said.
“Or you could spend the whole weekend in the suite,” Piper warned. “And we don't have cable.”
“Frat party! Frat party!” Mads said.
“Which frat was that again?” Lina asked as they trooped out of one dark, crowded, noisy house and headed into the next one. They were on their fourth party of the night, and all the frat houses looked the same to them.
“I think it was Sigma Chi,” Mads said. “That's what some guy told me, anyway.”
Britta touched her head. Her curls were limp and damp. “I have beer in my hair,” she said.
“Yee haw!” Mads said. “That means you're partying hard.”
“No, it means some jerk sprayed beer on me,” Britta said.
“Maybe I should drop you guys back at the suite,” Piper said. “It's getting late.” She glanced at Ben, a friend of hers who'd been hanging around with them most of the night. Holly knew Piper liked him, and it looked like things were heating up between them. No wonder Piper wanted to ditch them.
“No!” Mads protested. “We're having our crazy college weekend!”
“But there are more parties tomorrow,” Piper said. “You need to get your beauty sleep, save up your energy, all that stuff.”
“I'm ready for bed,” Britta said.
“Hey, Piper, you coming?” Ben stood at the threshold of another party, beckoning her.
“I think Piper needs some Ben time,” Holly said. “We can find our way back,” she told Piper.
“Thanks, Holls,” Piper said. “I'll see you girls later. Much later.”
Holly, Lina, Mads, and Britta walked back to the suite. It was after midnight, but most of the campus was still wide awake.
“All those houses smelled the same,” Britta said. “Like stale beer and smoke. And the floors were sticky.”
“And it was so dark I could hardly see anyone's face,” Lina said.
“But I still had fun,” Mads said. “Even though no one really talked to us or anything.”
“That one boy talked to you,” Lina said. “The one with the nose ring?”
“He was cute, but I can't get past nose rings,” Mads said. “What happens when you have a cold? How do you blow your nose? If I were with a nose ring guy I would never stop thinking about snot.”
Lina laughed, and she and Mads chattered away. Holly and Britta fell behind a bit.
“Are you okay, Britta?” Holly asked. “I mean, I know you're upset …”
“I'm sorry,” Britta said. “I know I'm being a bummer, but I can't help it. I can't stop thinking about my parents. That's what bothers me most of all. How did they find out about my plans with Ed? It's driving me crazy!”
Holly's stomach knotted. The guilt was getting to her.
“I go over and over it in my mind,” Britta said. “And the only answer is they totally invaded my privacy. Like, on a criminal level. How could they do that to me? My own parents?”
I should tell her the truth, Holly thought. “They love you,” she said. “They care about you. Wouldn't you do the same if you were worried about them?”
“No, I wouldn't,” Britta insisted. “It's wrong. Period.”
The knot in Holly's stomach tightened. Face it, a voice in Holly's head said. You're chicken.
Holly couldn't deny it. The truth was going to have to wait.
22
What's He Doing Here?
To: linaonme
From: your daily horoscope
HERE IS TODAY'S HOROSCOPE: CANCER: You're waking up, you're smelling the coffee. Finally.
* * *
You know what I like about this place?” Lina said. She lounged on a blanket on the shore of Lake Lagunita after lunch on Saturday. Mads and Lina sat beside her, watching Piper play volleyball with some friends. The sun, warm and yellow, beat down on their faces. The blue water sparkled, and windsurfers and sailboats darted like dragonflies over the lake. “The weather?” Holly guessed. “The hotties?” Mads said.
“No,” Lina said. “Those things are good, though.”
“The architecture?” Holly asked.
“The freedom?” Mads said.
“There's no Ramona here,” Lina said. “And no Dan. No reminders of all that.” Her obsession was fading, and this weekend was helping it melt further and further away. Lina could feel her spirits lifting. She felt as if she'd been living under a damp blanket for the past few months.
“That is a good thing,” Holly said.
“You know what I like best?” Mads asked. “Besides the boys and the fact that my parents and Audrey are a hundred miles away?”
“The frozen yogurt?” Lina said.
“No,” Mads said. “Being with you guys. All three of us together. And not being in constant crisis mode.”
“I like that, too,” Holly said.
Their eyes traveled over to Britta, who was sitting under a tree, furiously scribbling on a pad of paper. “I wonder what she's writing,” Mads said. “A letter to Ed?”
“I guess,” Holly said. “Or an angry rant.”
“I wish she'd relax and have fun,” Lina said. “She's making me nervous.”
“I think she'll calm down soon,” Holly said.
Lina and Mads looked doubtful. Lina closed her eyes and lay back, letting the sun warm her face.
A cell phone buzzed. “Yours, Lina,” Mads said. She had a good ear for cell phone rings.
Lina opened her eyes and pulled her cell phone out of her jacket pocket. She read the caller ID and groaned. “Guess who.”
“Dr. Syl,” Holly guessed. She'd already called three times: once in the car on the way to Palo Alto and twice the night before.
“You win a free trip to Nagsville,” Lina said, clicking on her phone. “Hello Mom, everything's fine, don't worry, I haven't become a drug-crazed nymphomaniac yet.”
“Lina? I don't like your tone,” Sylvia said.
Lina sighed. It was no use upsetting Sylvia; that would only make her call more often. “I'm sorry, Mom. We're sitting outside in the sun. Piper's taking good care of us, and I ate a healthy breakfast and lunch. Okay?”
“I don't mean to bother you, Lina,” Sylvia said. “I just like to make sure you're all right. Do you have sunscreen on?”
“Yes,” Lina lied. “Of course. Do you think I'd leave town without sunscreen?”
“You're getting sassy,” Sylvia said. “I don't like that—”
Mads suddenly straightened up. Sylvia talked on while Lina tuned her out.
“Oh my god,” Mads said. “That looks just like—”
“I think it is him,” Holly said. “That's funny. What would he be doing here?”
“Lina, hang up,” Mads said.
“Got to go, Mom. Bye.” Lina clicked her phone off and sat up. Across the field a lanky boy with short spiky hair and burnt-butter skin loped toward the lake. Walker. The irritation of talking to her mother faded, replaced by a sudden warm feeling. Lina was glad to see him.
She jumped to her feet. “That's so weird. What's he doing here?”
Without waiting for an answer—and knowing that Mads and Holly didn't have one, anyway—she ran across the grass and intercepted him. “Walker! Hi!” she called.
He stared at her for a second as if trying to remember who she was. He was probably as shocked to see her as she was to see him.
“Lina, hey,” he said. “What—are you here for the PSW?”
“The what?” Lina asked. “I'm visiting Holly's sister. Look! Holly and Mads are here, too! And Britta.”
Holly and Mads waved.
“That's a funny coincidence,” Walker said. “I'm here for a Prospective Students Weekend. It's kind of an early-application thing.” Walker was a junior and would be applying to college in the fall. “The university invites some kids to visit for a weekend to see how they like it. I'm staying with a sophomore in East FloMo.” At Lina's blank look he added, “It's a dorm on the other side of the Main Quad.”
“Oh. Well, listen, what are you doing later?” Lina asked. “Piper's dorm is having a huge party tonight, with a new wave band and everything. It's in Sterling Quad. Want to come?”
Walker stared over her shoulder, toward the lake. “Um, I'm not sure. I've got to see what Kent is doing. That's the guy I'm staying with.”
“He can come, too,” Lina said. “And bring his friends.”
“I'll have to see,” Walker said. His voice was cool. Lina suddenly had the feeling he was only being polite to her. He had no intention of coming to the party. “Kent might have other plans.”
“Okay. Well, come if you can. It'll be fun.”
“All right. See you.”
He walked away and joined a group of guys playing Frisbee by the water. Lina returned to the beach blanket. Her warm, happy feeling was gone.
“That was weird,” Lina said.
“What did he say?” Mads asked.
“It wasn't what he said, so much,” Lina said. “He just acted as if he didn't want to talk to me. As if he didn't like me.”
“What?” Holly said.
“It was almost like he was too cool for me,” Lina said. “Like he didn't want to be seen with me.”
“That's crazy,” Holly said. “Walker's not a snob.”
“I didn't think so,” Lina said.
“Maybe he's just acting weird because he's at a college, with all these older kids,” Mads said. “Maybe he doesn't feel comfortable or he's trying to be cool.”
“Maybe he's nervous,” Holly added.
Lina watched as Walker leaped into the air, caught the Frisbee, and tossed it smoothly to another guy, laughing. “He doesn't look nervous. He looks like he belongs here.”
“Maybe he's protecting himself,” Holly said.
“From what?” Lina asked.
“From you,” Holly said.
“From me? But I'm his friend.”
“You've been pretty cold to him, though,” Mads said. “You're always blowing him off.”
“I am? But we're friends! He understands,” Lina said. Then she thought back to that night at Mads' house, making cookies. After the Cleansing Ceremony with Ramona. How she and Mads had missed Holly. The empty feeling she'd had. It was just as easy to hurt a friend as a boyfriend.
Giving up Dan had left a hole in her life. But Walker meant something to her, too. She didn't want to lose his friendship. Why hadn't she seen that before?
If she lost his friendship … well, that would make another hole. And how much emptiness could one person take?
23
Declaration of Independence
To: hollygolitely
From: your daily horoscope
HERE IS TODAY'S HOROSCOPE: CAPRICORN: The fallout from all your recent actions settles on your shoulders like dandruff today. I told you to try that shampoo.
* * *
Read this,” Britta said, handing Holly a piece of paper covered with ink. “I'll show my parents they can't run my life!”
The girls had gone back to the suite after the beach barbecue to rest and change. Lina and Mads were napping in one of the bedrooms. Holly sprawled on the couch, and Britta had been sitting at a desk, still furiously working on whatever it was she was writing. Holly took the paper.
Dear Mother and Father,
Yo u have tried to control me my whole life. And I let you. I can't blame myself for this too much—after all, I was just a kid. But now that I am a woman I see how little freedom you've allowed me. After I met Ed, I finally understood who I really am. And that is not just a bookish grind who works like a machine, without emotion, for the empty, soulless goal of getting into a good college. Under your ever-watchful eyes I can't be myself. And I see how corrupt you are. How can I live with people who stoop so low as to read my diary or break into my private e-mail? It's like living in a police state! I have rights just like everybody else—and if you won't respect them, then I must cut my ties with you.
I hereby declare myself independent of you. I plan to file for a legal separation from you. I've already talked to a lawyer about this— maybe you already know that, since you listen in on all my calls. I will be an independent minor, and then you can't stop me from doing whatever I want! Which in this case is being with Ed. Once I'm independent I can go to England and be with him, whether you like it or not.
I know this hurts you and I'm glad. You brought this on yourselves.
Your former daughter,
Britta
A wave of nausea washed over Holly. She couldn't speak. Britta was cutting off her parents forever—because of the terrible things she thought they'd done. But Holly knew they hadn't done anything wrong. Holly had.
She was wracked with guilt. This had gotten way out of control.
Holly found her voice at last. “Britta, you can't do this.”
“It's what they deserve,” Britta said.
“No, it isn't,” Holly said. “You'll break their hearts. And all they've done is love you and worry about you.”
“If they really loved me they would let me do what I need to do to be happy,” Britta said. “Ed and I are getting married. And nobody can stop us.”
This can't go on any longer, Holly thought. I've got to tell Britta the truth.
“Britta, your parents never spied on you,” Holly said.
“Then how did they know where to find me?” Britta stared at her, eyes blazing, waiting to hear what Holly would say next. “How?”
Holly's hands shook. “I told them.”
Britta gasped. She said nothing for a whole minute. Holly clutched her stomach, it hurt so much.
“You told them? After I trusted you?” Britta's eyes filled with tears. “After you promised you wouldn't?”
“You don't understand,” Holly said. “Your mother called me and she was so worried. She was crying! She loves you so much, and she was going to call the police…. She was afraid you'd been kidnapped, or dead, and I couldn't let her suffer that way—”
“You couldn't let HER suffer? What about me? I'm the one who's suffered here! Because of you I can't see Ed! Because of you I lost the love of my life! My life is ruined! I have to live like a prisoner at home, my parents monitoring my every move, because of YOU!”
She stood and stomped around the room in rage and frustration. Holly cowered on the couch.
“I thought I could trust you, Holly, but no! Ed is the only person in the whole world I can trust. I never should have left him this weekend to come with you!”
“Britta, I'm sorry!” Holly cried. “I'm so sorry. I was trying to help you!”
“Some friend,” Britta snapped. “You're such a hypocrite. A fake! You ask if true love can survive high school? What about this: Can true love survive your so-called friends?”
Britta ran out of the suite, slamming the door. Holly sank her head into her hands. She felt guilty, confused…. She had tried so hard to do the right thing. To help Britta. But now Britta was so unhappy…. Maybe Holly was wrong. She should have stayed out of it. Never gotten involved. If Britta wanted to be Mrs. Ed Whatever-his-name-was, maybe Holly should have let her. It was Britta's life, after all.
“It's nine o'clock,” Holly said. “Where is she?”
Holly, Lina, Mads, and Piper had spent the past hour dressing for the party. Piper immediately vetoed what the younger girls had brought to wear and let them borrow her clothes and makeup. It would have been fun, normally, but Holly couldn't enjoy it. S
he'd walked all over the campus looking for Britta, but there was no sign of her. Britta had been gone for four hours now. This was getting serious.
“Holly, you're such a prig,” Piper said. “Let's go down to the party. I'll bet she's down there already and she's forgotten all about your stupid fight.”
Holly stuck her head out the window and looked down into the quad. Music from two competing stereos blasted from windows somewhere in the dorms. Japanese lanterns rimmed the square, the band was setting up on the platform, and people were pouring in through the entrance gate. It was filling up quickly. She couldn't see Britta, but it was dark out there.
Piper put an arm around her. “Stop worrying. This is college. People come and go, they don't tell anyone, they do what they want, they get caught up in a party or a game or something…. I mean, what could have happened to her?” It hit Holly like a thunderbolt. Britta wasn't interested in games and parties. She was interested in one thing: Ed. “I know what happened to her,” Holly said. “She ran off to find Ed. She's going to try to elope again!”
24
Blond Brushcut
To: mad4u
From: your daily horoscope
HERE IS TODAY'S HOROSCOPE: VIRGO: Feeling lightheaded and dizzy? Hate to break it to you, but it's not love. It's not even a crush. It's your diet.
* * *
Mads and Lina held hands and pogoed up and down while the band covered a B-52's song. The quad was mobbed with people dancing under the moon and the Japanese lanterns. Lina kept scanning the crowd.
“Do you see him yet?” Mads asked. She knew Lina was hoping Walker would come to the party. “No,” Lina said.
“What about Holly?” Mads asked.
Lina and Mads jumped up together, calling, “Holly!” At the peak of their jump, in the split-second when they could almost see over the heads of the crowd, Mads tried to glimpse Holly or Walker. Too quick. They tried it again. “Holly!”
This time she saw a flash of blond and a hand waving. In a second Holly was at their side. “Dance with us,” Mads said.
The song ended and the crowd cheered. “Thank you. We're the Crash,” the lead singer announced. “Here comes another B-52's classic, ‘Rock Lobster.’”