‘Let me help you.’
‘You cannot help me … yet,’ she thought to add and, suppressing her urge to start crying again, she found a more determined resolve. ‘But tell the governor I have his solution, and not to worry, as we have all the time we need.’
‘You just need time to come to terms with the solution?’ he asked gently and Taren nodded, unthinking, whereupon Lucian began to panic. ‘Won’t you please tell me what dire scenario you have foreseen, to come to terms with accepting it?’
‘It’s more than what I have to do, it’s what I have done, what I started out to do, long ago. It’s … it’s …’ She became so frustrated she couldn’t speak any more. ‘Please, just let me go and sort my head out. Please.’ She looked to him calmly to appeal. ‘I need space.’
‘Was there a man in your past?’ Lucian assumed.
Taren’s eyes welled with tears, and Lucian got his answer. ‘He’s dead,’ she advised, ‘feels like yesterday.’ Her voice went hoarse with hurt. ‘And I know I have had all this history between now and then, but now the memory I lost is fresher than my memory of the present, and it just feels weird.’
Now Lucian appeared a little more understanding. ‘I’ll let the governor know you’re going to the lake house.’
‘Many thanks,’ Taren replied, making no move towards him, nor he towards her.
‘I love you,’ he said.
‘And I you,’ Taren gasped, clutching her heart as she vanished.
En Noah was just bringing down the blinds at the lake house — Rebecca’s surprise visit had held him over a few extra days — and he was expected on campus within the hour for the commencement of the school year.
That was until Dr Lennox appeared before him in a hysterical mess. ‘Goodness, what’s the matter?’ He embraced the sobbing woman to try and calm her, and was surprised by how tightly she gripped him in response.
‘I know the Grigori solution.’ She pulled back to look at the historian.
‘Well, why the distress if we achieved our goal?’ Noah wondered, as he led her to a seat on the lounge.
‘The solution means I’ll lose everything I’ve achieved.’ She brushed the tears from her face, but they were quickly replaced. ‘And I must relinquish my love or see him perish like the others!’
Noah was startled a moment; it was one of the visions from the Tablet of Destinies — it had appeared in the segment depicting the worst that could happen. He’d never seen the worst that could happen manifest before. The Chosen always altered the course of events to avoid a worst-case scenario unfolding, but perhaps in this case it had manifested to let him know that this was as bad as it would get — it was all up from here. He certainly hoped that it did not indicate that they had failed. ‘What others?’ he asked at last; he’d never known this soul-mind to be with anyone but the man she was with.
‘I am a trained killer,’ Taren stressed, ‘an assassin!’
Noah’s eyes parted wide in shock.
‘At least, that’s how I started out, before my precognition kicked in and I began to figure out ways around the killing.’ Her gaze, which had drifted off across the floor, turned back to him. ‘I had many lovers in the course of my work for the MSS and they all died, murdered all.’
‘You think the MSS will try and kill Lucian?’ Noah couldn’t see them getting to him while he was under Kila’s protection.
‘If he becomes involved with me, they will,’ she replied.
Noah was bemused by her answer. ‘But he is involved with you.’
The look on Taren’s face was utter devastation. ‘When I awoke after regaining my memory, I killed Jazmay Cordea believing that she was Chief Ronan.’
‘Your team mate is dead?’ Noah was doubly shocked.
‘Not any more,’ Taren advised, ‘as I went back five minutes into the past and stopped myself from attacking her.’
‘You remembered not to attack?’ Noah was immediately intrigued.
‘That’s right.’ Taren nodded to confirm the good news. ‘I took my memory back in time with me.’
Noah gasped upon realising what her solution for the Maladaan dilemma was, and his heart went out to her.
‘I have to go back to when I first arrived on AMIE and prevent the project from taking the sample from Oceane in the first place … and thus all that I have accomplished since setting foot on AMIE will be undone.’ Taren’s emotions became unstable once again. ‘None of AMIE’s crew will know or support me as they do now … I’ll be alone, again. And worst of all, Lucian will still be happily married to his treacherous wife! And I can hardly attempt to seduce him away from her, so that he can be murdered by the MSS for his association with me!’ Taren held her stomach. ‘I think I’m going to be sick.’ She drew deep breaths in an attempt to stop her stomach churning.
‘I have been a time traveller, many times.’ Noah attempted to give her a positive view of things. ‘And in my experience it has always been a grand adventure, the grandest! It is painful to consider having to start over, but it is an opportunity to make things better than before, a chance to get it right from the start.’
Taren was nodding to concede his point. ‘Were it not for Lucian, I would feel that way.’ Taren calmed a little. ‘In a way, it would be easier if we’d never met … I wouldn’t miss his love if I’d never known it.’
‘You need to get in touch with the spiritual warrior within,’ Noah suggested, ‘who knows that you will never truly be separated from him.’
‘But I cannot wish to be with him in the future, knowing what a danger I’d pose to his life. I’d rather see him happily ignorant with Amie.’ Taren’s eyes began to well with tears once more and she shuddered at the thought.
‘The universe will bring him back to you, whether you wish it or not,’ Noah assured her, ‘it always has, and it always will. The same goes for the rest of the crew … I promise you, I will always be disposed towards helping you, as will the others — it is our spiritual imperative.’
Taren was still appearing uncertain.
‘You still don’t seem to understand.’ Noah considered how best to explain this to her; coming from a universe with no concept of spirituality, it might be rather difficult to fathom how a soul-mind worked — and then the means to explain struck him. ‘You are a quantum physicist,’ he said and she nodded. ‘Well, the macrocosm that is our soul group operates in very much the same manner as the elementary particles of the quantum world do.’
‘Quanta,’ she referred to quantum in the plural to simplify matters and Noah nodded to confirm. ‘How so?’
‘Well,’ Noah began, ‘once quanta have been connected —’
‘They remain linked,’ Taren guessed the punchline.
‘And if one quanta in a system is measured?’ Noah prompted.
‘All the quanta of that system will shift from a virtual to a real state as well.’
‘Much like the other members of your soul group,’ Noah concluded. ‘And as you are certainly being measured at present, no matter what, all your soul group will come into reality to support you.’
Taren was actually rather mind-blown by the premise and would consider it more when she was at liberty to muse the wonders of the universe.
‘Why couldn’t I just be a normal person!’ she groaned, frustrated.
‘Because you don’t know how to be anything less than extraordinary,’ he said, inspired by her ambition, as always. ‘You are the master of your reality, you taught me that! It is the simplest universal truth there is. This challenge is a test of your character that you have presented yourself with … and for good reason! Dr Lennox, you have been denied the ability to fully judge anything that transpired in the past ten years of your life! This is the universe’s way of giving you back the time you lost, and the only thing you really need for your success you get to take with you.’
‘My memory,’ Taren concluded, deeply calmed and inspired by his words, but still not thrilled by any means.
‘Would this be a good time fo
r tea?’ Noah asked, and Taren melted into a smile.
‘The perfect time,’ she replied, whereupon Noah nearly had a fit.
‘What is the time?’ He glanced to the clock and was not surprised to find he was running late.
‘Am I detaining you from something?’ Taren rose, apologetic.
‘No, no,’ he insisted. ‘Well, yes, induction day at the institute,’ he admitted. ‘But I am sure they’ll survive it without me for once, just let me call my —’
‘No, En Noah, you’re the dean of the institute!’ Taren exclaimed light-heartedly. ‘You go … but would you mind if I stayed on here for a bit?’
‘As long as you desire,’ he agreed, as he moved to collect his personal effects and shove them into a bag. ‘You know where everything is, and I’ll return as soon as I have my new students settled in.’ He was so sorry to leave right in the middle of such a riveting discussion, but duty really was screaming at him at present.
‘I’ll be fine … thank you.’ Taren waved him farewell.
‘Just remember, when you start to feel low, think exactly the opposite of what you’ve been thinking and you’ll feel much better,’ he suggested with a smile, as he directed his thoughts and presence to his office at the institute.
For the first time in a long time Taren found herself alone. She might have spent much of her life by herself, but she hadn’t had much alone time lately, and after the morning she’d just had, it felt rather liberating to be able to think without having to answer to anyone.
Upon pressing her palm onto the house’s telepathic control panel, the blinds retracted to let the sunshine in, and the door to the back deck unlocked and vanished.
Taren stepped into the sunshine and moved outside to take a deep whiff of the fresh warm breeze that was blowing directly across the lake at her. With her first deep breath she felt exhilarated, by the next deep breath bereaved — for the man she had lost and the one she was about to lose. All those beautiful dreams she’d had just last night lay in tatters, for if she really loved Lucian she must ensure her dream of being his wife was never realised, as all she would bring him was trouble.
Taren gripped onto an upright support pole, hung her head and wept for a moment. But as she plunged into that pit of despair, she considered Noah’s advice and tried turning her sad thoughts around.
If changing the past is the only way I can right this, then I will stop AMIE from taking that sample! I will expose Lucian’s wife, brother, and my mad uncle, for the liars and cheats they are. And once Lucian and the AMIE project are safe from them, I will go back and save Yasper, just as I said I would. Taren felt her resolve harden briefly. And then what? She shot holes in her own ambition, realising she would then have saved the two men she loved, and couldn’t live happily ever after with either without risking their lives again!
‘Damn,’ she said, breathing steadily once more. ‘Then there is my conniving father to deal with, my dear possessed mother, and the entire secret service network of persecution!’ Taren threw her arms up over her head in a subconscious attempt to hide from her own destiny. Then something snapped inside her, and the warrior in her emerged. ‘Own it, Taren.’ She knew if she stopped fighting off the inevitable, half her battle would be over. ‘As the Timekeeper you always wanted to go backwards and prevent disasters before they happened!’ Her past convictions fuelled her determination. ‘Well, you got your wish …’ She choked back her regret. ‘Now make it work.’
PART 3
CROSSROADS ‘OF TIME AND PLACE’
14
LIMBO
To wake in the upstairs bedroom of the lake house was like a beautiful dream, and a little surprising considering that Taren was certain she’d fallen asleep downstairs on the lounge. Noah must be back, she concluded, as judging from the light it was early evening.
Downstairs she found the governor sitting at the breakfast bar while En Noah mixed drinks in his kitchen.
‘Talking about me, gentlemen?’ Taren announced herself and both men looked her way, seemingly pleased to see her awake.
‘Only to say that we have spoken, and that you have a possible solution to the Maladaan problem,’ Noah answered.
Taren cringed. ‘Well, I’m not too sure if I do have the answer any more.’
‘What?’ Both men were shocked.
‘I’ve been trying to shift backwards in time all day, and it hasn’t worked.’ Taren was sorry and perplexed.
‘Oh dear,’ mumbled Noah.
‘You moved backwards in time?’ Rhun was stunned.
The Chosen usually employed outside devices to move through time, although his mother had managed to employ such willpower once, under guidance from a spiritual master.
‘All by yourself, no Otherworldly aid, no technology?’ Rhun was completely envious.
Taren nodded, and finally gave Rhun his debrief of the mission. She told him everything she’d learnt about her past, of the fatal blow she’d dealt Jazmay upon waking, and of how she’d combined her past conviction and her present talents to transport herself back five minutes and refrain from killing her team mate.
‘So you didn’t go back to your past consciousness, you took your present understanding back into your past with you.’ Rhun was fascinated.
‘Exactly,’ Taren acknowledged, ‘but as a scientist I know the first thing to do when you have a breakthrough is repeat the experiment, and now I don’t seem to be able to do it.’
‘Maybe it only works under extreme duress?’ Rhun offered.
‘Or,’ Noah said, ‘the fact that your destiny is adverse to your true desire could be stifling your willpower in this endeavour. You really wanted to save Jazmay’s life, but you do not wish to leave your friends and loved ones to save Maladaan and Kila alone.’
Rhun finally realised the full implications for her if they followed her suggested course of action. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘It’s karmic.’ Taren shrugged, there was nothing anyone could really do about it — she’d accepted that.
‘But it will all come out better in the end,’ Noah said surely, as if the life she were fighting to save was nothing compared to the life she stood to gain.
‘How can you be so sure?’ Taren wondered, wanting to believe he was right.
‘Because I have foreseen your victory.’ He smiled to reassure her.
‘In the Tablet of Destinies, of course …’ Rhun remembered the day he’d asked the historian to consult the tool.
Taren frowned; she knew what the Tablet was from viewing the chronicles, but she did not realise they had consulted it regarding her. ‘You asked the Tablet about me?’
‘No.’ Noah waved off her worry and reassured her. ‘We asked it about Maladaan. But it seems that planet’s fate and yours are very closely intertwined as both the worst that could happen, and the best that could happen to that planet, involve you.’
Taren gasped, although it was more her inner knowing than the claims that shocked her. ‘What did you see?’
‘I believe the worst thing that could happen is for Maladaan to stay where it is, for I saw the worst that could come of the Maladaan crisis yesterday when you spoke of losing everything you held dear in order to set things to rights,’ he told her, and handed her a drink.
Taren had a large gulp; something told her she was going to need it. ‘And the best thing that could happen?’
Noah smiled broadly, knowing the information was going to be overwhelming. ‘You are going to be revered by a vast number of people. In fact, in all my experience I have never seen such a vast crowd gathered to pay homage to one person. I believe this comes to pass if you follow your destiny and go back to prevent the Maladaan displacement.’
‘No.’ Taren stepped back to refuse the destiny, even in the knowledge that she was a Princess of Phemoria, however estranged. ‘Even if I do go back, no one will ever realise what I prevented,’ Taren argued.
‘You asked what I saw.’ Noah shrugged. ‘And that is really only my interpr
etation, I could be way off the mark,’ he conceded.
Taren looked at the historian with irony on her face. ‘Have you ever been wrong before?’ From what Taren had seen in the chronicles, she suspected not.
‘To my credit, no,’ Noah admitted with a twisted smile.
‘Okay.’ Taren attempted to stop fighting the tide. ‘Say I am resigned to doing this —’
‘Are you?’ Noah asked. ‘Or is this just a hypothetical?’
‘Not sure.’ Taren frowned. ‘But —’
‘I think it’s your will preventing your success to travel back, and that won’t change until your attitude does,’ he advised.
Taren frowned. ‘En Noah, could I please ask my questions before you answer them?’
‘Did I?’ Noah cringed; Taliesin used to annoy Tory by doing the same thing. ‘Sorry.’
‘Could there be other factors that might interfere with your moving backwards in time?’ Rhun voiced what he thought Taren was driving at. ‘I could get a bit of a think-tank formed to discuss the subject if you like?’
‘You’re doing it too!’ Taren pointed her finger at Rhun. ‘But yes, exactly, and that would be appreciated.’
Rhun merely grinned and Taren couldn’t help but consider how very attractive and responsible he was; he’d make any mother proud. She wondered, if Lucian and she ever had a son, would he look like Rhun, or even be him? No, it’s not going to happen. She told herself to be realistic. But then, if Lucian and she were destined to be together and have children, would it be fair to those children for her to avoid their potential father? ‘Ah!’ She gripped her head suddenly; she couldn’t take the weight of all the repercussions there were to consider.
‘Stop trying to fathom the big picture,’ Noah insisted. ‘Just take one step at a time as you have been doing. Trust that when you decide what the right thing is to do, you will attract whatever you need to achieve what you desire. Right now your desire is to return Maladaan to its rightful place, and you have been given the means to do that —’