My lungs felt hollow. Heart withering from the truth. He was right. On all accounts. It was fun. I did want to stay, and that was a problem.
Steeling myself, I turned. “That reason isn’t good enough.” Back straight, but my head swimming, I headed to the bathroom to get dressed.
Chapter 10
Corinne
Ever since our Thursdays apart, Jack had grown more affectionate toward me.
“The company’s annual holiday celebration party is coming up,” Jack said from the couch. It was Sunday, his day off, and the day we devoted time solely to one another.
I finished putting the last load of laundry in the dryer before peering around the corner. “Oh yeah?” I already knew. Cole had told me. It was his favorite part of the year, as well as the most stressful, because every party could be nothing short of perfection for his peers.
“Yeah. What do you think about going?”
My stomach stirred. Jack never asked me to go with him. He hated parties. He’d always say he’d just pop in, and then come home.
“You sure? I thought you hated those things,” I said. I bit my lip, waiting.
“Yeah. It will be good for us. You can meet who I work with. I can socialize.”
“Okay,” I said, knowing it wasn’t a good idea. Cole would be there. Both men under the same roof and in the same room, while I was there? Those worlds shouldn’t mix.
“Good,” he said, changing the channel. “It’s old Hollywood theme this year. You should have fun picking out what we’ll wear.”
“Yeah,” I said, thoughts buzzing. “Sure.”
He knew I hated shopping. I wasn’t one of those women who spent hours in a store. Most of the time, I ordered groceries online just so I wouldn’t have to interact with people. I didn’t even know where to begin with picking out something to wear. I could call Macy, though. She’d know.
Besides, I missed her dearly.
“I was thinking…” I said, moving to sit next to him. He was in a good mood today. Better than normal.
“About?” he asked, eyes on the TV.
“A cat.”
He chuckled.
“I’m serious. I’ve always wanted one. And now that I’m home full time, it gets lonely.”
“You know I hate cats.”
“I know,” I said, playing with the frayed ends of the pillow on my lap. “But it would make me happy. I’d make sure you’d barely even know it was here.”
“Come here,” he said.
I curled up next to him, snuggling my face into his neck. For a moment, everything disappeared. All the mess. The confusion. It was just us, like we used to be.
“I miss this,” he said into my hair. Not answering me about the cat. But I didn’t care. I’d take every bit of his love he’d give me.
“Me too.”
He held me tighter. “I love you, Corinne.”
“I love you, too,” I said, kissing the side of his face.
When he finally pressed his lips against mine, I felt my heart sigh. My lungs expanding with hope. There was the familiarity I’d been missing. The taste of his mouth I’d nearly forgotten. The soft feel of his tongue. His hand smoothed through the back of my hair as he leaned forward, offering his weight, testing me. Laying me back.
Within seconds, our shirts were off, and we were laughing, eyes dancing, mouths retracing forgotten steps. My heart thundered against my chest, crying for his to find me.
His hand slid behind my back, unclasping my bra, and then his lips devoured my nipples, one by painstaking one as liquid heat soaked my panties.
I missed him. Needed him.
And then his phone rang.
It was a ringtone I hadn’t heard before. Not his usual standard tone. It was a feminine song. Sultry.
He tensed above me, and I knew.
He continued kissing me, and I let him. Grateful he chose me instead.
I wrapped my arms and legs around him, a territorial feeling kicking in. She couldn’t have him. Not today.
The phone stopped ringing. I reached for the button of his pants, desperate to feel him inside me. Desperate to reclaim what was mine.
His hands were on my pants, pulling them down the moment his phone started ringing again.
“Shit,” he said, his hands and mouth and love disappearing. He ruffled a hand through his hair, and then stood. “Give me a second, okay?”
I nodded, numb. Broken. Pained as I watched him press the phone against his ear.
“Hello?” he said, disappearing into our bedroom.
Humiliation was an ugly thing. A monster whispering in my ear, telling me all the ways I wasn’t good enough. It spread like a virus through my veins, infecting my confidence. I wanted to scream as I pulled my pants up. Put my bra, and then my shirt back on.
A second later, he appeared from our room, fully dressed. Shoes and all.
“Where are you going?” I asked, shaking with anger.
When he wouldn’t face me, I swear my heart rippled with a rage unlike anything I ever felt before.
“I need an hour, Corinne. I have to meet someone.”
“Her?”
His eyes flicked to mine before skittering away. “No, of course not,” he said, scratching at his chin.
He always scratched his chin when he lied.
I should call him on his bullshit. Force him to be honest.
But how many fights can one win when up against a lie?
“Fine.” I picked up the remote, praying he’d see how upset I was and decide I was more important. Every second that passed felt like an arrow piercing through my heart, the fiery sting expanding.
But then I heard the click from the front door closing behind him.
I wasn’t sure how long I sat there staring at the wall, internally writhing as I fought to keep the tears in. I wouldn’t cry for him. I wouldn’t.
What were we doing? Clinging to what was? Afraid to let go of something we might never get back? Divorce wasn’t a word I’d ever gave time to. I loved Jack. To my core.
But did he still love me?
When he returned fifteen minutes before the hour he asked for, he found me in bed, my pillow stained with salt. He didn’t say anything, just crawled in behind me and pulled me against him. I was too cowardly to tell him to leave me alone, because honestly, I didn’t know what I wanted anymore. My grip on him was slipping. I felt a divide forming between us that I didn’t think he was aware of.
“I’m sorry,” he said against my ear, kissing the edges.
I didn’t say anything. What could I say?
“It won’t happen again, okay?”
My blood was sludge, slowing my heart.
“She just… I know you said no details, but I don’t want you to think something happened that didn’t. She’s also married. Her husband, he’s… he hit her. She just needed a friend.”
All I saw was white-hot rage. I didn’t want to know. Didn’t need to.
I slid out from under his arm, slamming the bathroom door shut before locking it.
After turning on the faucet, I put the plug in and opened the messages on my phone. I found Macy’s thread and texted her.
Do you think you could come for a visit? I need to see you. I know it’s late notice so if you can’t, don’t worry. I just… I miss my best friend.
A minute passed, and then the rolling dots appeared. Girl, I’ve got so much vacation time to take or I’m going to lose it. I’ve just been waiting for you to ask. Why don’t I come for a few days? You can show me around.
Tears welled up. That would be perfect. I’ll send you the address.
Yay! Girl time!
Setting my phone down, I turned the water off and got into the large soaking tub. Macy would help me sort everything out. I tried not to think about what Jack had said, but his words were there, circling around my mind like vultures. Waiting to prey on my kindness.
I didn’t want to feel bad for her, but I couldn’t imagine Jack hitting me. Jack did
n’t have a violent bone in his body. He was always so tender and loving. We just… we lost sight of each other.
Maybe… maybe I was overreacting. How could Jack deny a woman in need of help from her husband? I didn’t know anything about her. Maybe she didn’t have any friends. Maybe she just needed an ear. If something happened to Cole and he called me… I didn’t know what I’d do. I cared for him. That much I couldn’t deny. I couldn’t spend so much time with someone and not develop some type of feelings.
I wouldn’t admit that to Jack, though. Not yet at least. I wanted him to suffer a little. To feel my absence.
Macy arrived the next day with bag in hand.
We ran to each other, squealing like young girls as we embraced, rocking each other back and forth.
“It’s been forever,” she said, squeezing me even tighter.
“I know.” I took her hand in mine, and then we headed toward the elevator.
“Fancy,” she said, grabbing a mint off the front desk before stepping into the lift.
“Man, I’ve missed you,” I said as the doors closed, feeling that old part of myself waking up.
“You have no idea. Dickhead has been on my ass since you left. The department is in a frazzle trying to keep up with the amount of work you did for him.”
“He never did appreciate me.”
She smirked. “No. He certainly didn’t.” With a sigh, she added, “So… tell me everything! I haven’t talked to you in weeks. How’s Cole?”
She dragged his name out with a mischievous smile.
My stomach stirred at the mention of him. How could four letters hold so much power over me?
“He’s… different,” I said, beaming from the inside out.
“Yeah?”
I nodded. “He’s not… not a jerk like I expected. He’s kind. Funny.” I leaned in, lowering my voice. “Amazing in bed.”
She giggled, clapping her hands together. “I want all the spicy details.” Her need to know was soon replaced with a desire to explore. “Wow,” Macy said, dropping her bag once we stepped into my apartment, jaw on the floor.
“Yeah,” I mirrored. I’d felt the same way the first time I stepped foot inside. It was everything I wasn’t. Over the top. Loud. Grand. Refined.
I followed her as she walked through the place, commenting on it all. Her reaction was the same as mine. It was all so much. Extra.
When the shock wore off, we spent the next hour discussing Cole. The conversations we had. The way he kissed. How he was in bed. Even how big he was.
“I’ll admit, I didn’t think you had it in you,” she said, lounging across from me on the couch, snacking on a bag of popcorn. It was as if I’d never left.
“I didn’t think so either,” I admitted, thinking about the way his hands felt on my skin.
She was studying my face, a telling grin tugging at the corners of her lips. “I just have one last important question.”
“Shoot.”
She sat up on her elbow. “Does Cole have a brother?”
Laughing, I stood and headed to the kitchen. Grabbing wineglasses, I uncorked a bottle, and then poured us each a glass. “Sadly, no.”
“Damn.” Moving from the couch to the kitchen, she took hers from me, then sat across the bar. “I need a little luxury in my life.”
“Not all that glitters is gold.” The words were sadder than I intended.
She set her glass down. Reached for my hand. “What’s wrong, hun?”
Heat invaded my eyes. “Jack, he…” I couldn’t find the words. Maybe I didn’t want to.
She got up and came around the bar, pulling me into her arms. “Tell me,” she said, running her fingers through my hair. This was what I needed. Someone who knew me. Who saw past the fake smiles and heard the pain in the silence.
“We made rules in the beginning. Only Thursdays,” I explained, a tear slipping past. “Sundays were our days. And they’ve been good. He’s been so much more attentive and affectionate. Until…”
“Until?”
“Yesterday… we were about to make love. It would have been the first time since we moved here.” I paused as the bitterness I’d been choking on seared the edge of my tongue. “And then she called.”
She stood back, disbelief swirling around her features, deepening into anger. “Oh, hell no.” The words were clipped and heavy, weighted by all the ugly emotions I didn’t want to feel. That was the thing about best friends, no burden was ever carried alone. The pain I felt, she felt.
I swiped the tears from my cheeks, feeling flush and hollow. “He even gave her a different ringtone. A song.”
“The motherfu—”
I continued over her, needing to purge the muddy hurt from my veins. “He let it go to voice mail at first. I was glad he chose me.” I sniffled. “That he was still anchored in this with me, but then she called back and he answered. Said I needed to give him an hour.”
Her eyes widened, fists balling up at her sides. “You’re fucking kidding me.”
I gave her an empty smile. “I wish I was.”
Her hands rested on my shoulders, forcing me to look at her as she delved into my eyes. “Corinne… I know you won’t like hearing this, but you have to know this isn’t right. This whole situation… it isn’t you.”
I let my gaze fall, my shoulders moving with it. “I know.”
She shook me a little, desperation pleading in her gaze. “This isn’t… you don’t deserve this. Are you even happy anymore?”
I shrugged sadly. My heart had curled in on itself, away from the sun. I felt like I was a zombie, going through the motions. One minute, things were looking up. The next, I was falling on my ass with no hand extended to help me up.
“Leave him.”
I glanced up. Blinked, my mother’s words trailing through my mind. “I can’t.”
She crossed her arms, lips pursed. “Why not?”
I rubbed at my temples, walking past her for the couch. “Because I still love him. He’s all I’ve ever known, Macy. He’s my… he’s my husband. My parents… my mother would be so distraught if I got divorced.”
She plopped down next to me, not relenting. Her do-good attitude trying its best to push past my walls. “Yeah, a husband who is fucking other women.”
I winced. “I made my terms.”
“And he broke them by going to her.”
“It’s complicated,” I said, hearing how pathetic I sounded. “She’s in an abusive relationship. She needed an ear.” Why did I feel the need to defend him?
“Then she needs to get a goddamn friend.”
My heart splintered. “He… he is her friend.”
She sighed, shaking her head. Took a big swallow from her glass. “Corinne… it’s only going to get more complicated. You have to know that.”
I gave her another sad smile. “I do. I’m just doing my best to hang on to what we had.”
There was a long moment of silence, and then I watched as her shoulders caved. She knew me well enough to know I wouldn’t walk away. The truth was, imagining my life without Jack in it scared me more than living a life that was rocky with him. He was all I’d ever known.
There wasn’t a thing she could say otherwise.
I just needed her. Her unconditional friendship and support. Her understanding.
She hugged me tight. Let me cry on her shoulder, keeping her thoughts and her words to herself.
When the tears were drained, I pulled away, laughing at how ridiculous I must seem. “I needed that,” I said. “Sorry I dumped it all on you.”
“Don’t ever be sorry,” she said, squeezing my hand. “That’s what we do. We dump our shit onto each other, so the load isn’t as heavy.”
I nodded, grateful she could come. Swiped up the load of tissues I’d used, dropping them into the garbage can. “So what do you want to do?” I said, feeling a little renewed. Wanting to give back the love she’d just given me. “Explore? Grab lunch?”
“All the above,” she
said with a laugh.
“Good, because I need your help.”
Her eyebrows lifted.
“There’s a company party coming up. It’s old Hollywood glam. I need to pick an outfit for Jack and me.”
Her grin widened. “That, I can help you with.”
By the time Macy went home, I had a vintage red chiffon cocktail dress hanging in my closet. Even I was excited about wearing it, and dresses never mattered to me. It was wrapped in tulle, belled at the waist.
I didn’t tell Macy that red was Cole’s favorite color on me. I’d keep that secret for myself.
I didn’t want her to go when I walked her to her car. Two days wasn’t enough time. But I felt immensely better about everything by having spent time with her. Things were complicated with Jack, but didn’t every marriage have its complications?
“Next time reach out when you’re hurting, okay?” Macy said as I hugged her to me. I didn’t want to let her go.
“I promise.”
“And I want pictures of you in that dress. And of Cole,” she added, squeezing me back as people shuffled around us.
“Okay,” I said, laughing. A swell of tears formed.
Her voice dropped flat. “And tell Jack he can suck it.”
I shook my head, grinning. “Will do.”
She pulled back. Held my hand, the love she felt swirling within unshed tears. “Love you.”
“Love you.”
She waited a moment more, and then got into the car, disappearing within the mix of vehicles.
I stood there, smiling as the buzz of the city moved around me.
Everyone needed one of her in their life.
Chapter 11
Cole
“You’ve been bitten by the love bug,” Gary, my financial adviser, said as I gazed out my window.
I turned. “Huh?”
He grinned. “Who is she?”
That was such a loaded question. With an equally loaded answer. There was something kindred between us I’d never felt with anyone before. She was so real, open, and honest. So delicate, yet tough as nails. Always trying to take care of others. Like last Thursday, when we were eating lunch on the terrace. She kept an eye on my beer. Grabbed it when it was empty, and headed into my kitchen like she belonged there to grab me another. Or how she’d fold various articles of clothing she found lying around. She was a nervous creature, always moving, always going.