Ana primly folded her napkin and poured herself a glass of merlot. I felt like I was in the middle of a movie scene, with her on one end of the long, elegant table and me on the other. It would have been far less awkward had I sat to her side so I didn’t have to make eye contact with her every time I glanced up. I felt like I was under a microscope. And even though I couldn’t really feel her emotions anymore, I wasn’t a hundred percent convinced she couldn’t feel mine.
I busied myself with spreading some of the jelly on a chop, and took a bite. The succulent meat was as soft as butter. Suddenly, I was so ravenous I felt like I could eat all night long. I hoped she wasn’t going to ruin this amazing meal with talk.
Fortunately, she waited until I’d stuffed myself silly, and Henri had brought us our tea. “Shall we take it in the living room? A nice fire sounds good right about now, don’t you agree?”
I nodded. “Sure.”
I followed her from the massive parlor, through the hallway, and down three steps to the living room. This was one of my favorite places in the whole house, but I rarely came in here. Four enormous Greek columns made a perfect square around the circular rug, and everything was decorated in a bright, pristine white, from the carpet to the leather couch and chairs, to the statues and bouquets of flowers. A fire was already roaring in the corner, and as Ana made herself comfortable on one of the overstuffed chairs, I nestled into a love seat and pulled a blanket over me. Despite the roaring flames less than ten feet away, I felt a sharp chill.
“Are you cold, dear?” Ana asked.
“I’m fine, just getting cozy.” I smiled and tried to relax. Things had felt so awkward during dinner, and now everything felt even weirder. It was almost as if we’d forgotten how to talk to each other.
“Mmm, this smells so good. What is it?” I asked, as I took a sniff of the fragrant plant beside me.
“It’s jasmine.”
“It is? I mean, it smells different…sweeter, almost, if that’s possible.”
“It’s a special hybrid. I use it for my tea, and also use the petals while taking a bath. It helps to keep my old skin young.” She glanced at me briefly, then smiled and sipped from her cup.
Okay, so much for small talk. Even though it was making me crazy, I knew I had to be the one to break the ice and make the first move. Clearly she had no intention of apologizing for the other night, and if I wanted to get anywhere with her I’d have to play by her rules.
I got up and sat closer to the fire. I felt frozen to my bones, and it was all I could do to keep my teeth from chattering. Even sipping the steaming tea wasn’t making a difference. I wrapped the blanket tighter.
Ana looked at me, concern in her eyes. “Are you sure you’re all right? Do you think you might be coming down with something? I wouldn’t be surprised after all the excitement of the past few days.”
Excitement? Nice euphemism.
“I’m fine, really,” I replied as my teeth actually rattled a bit. Ana seemed perfectly comfortable as she sat there in her plush chair, sipping daintily from her teacup. Whatever was going on was only my problem…as usual.
“So, I guess we need to talk,” I said.
She set her cup and saucer on a glass table beside her. It looked eerily similar to the one I’d slammed my head through just a few hours earlier.
I took a deep breath. I’d had all afternoon to compose my thoughts, but none of them seemed to make sense. But I had to speak my peace. It was now or never.
“I’ll go first, if that’s okay with you.”
She gave a small nod. “Certainly.”
I bit my lip. “Okay, first things first. I love you, and I’m very sorry I left and made you worry. But I was angry and scared, and I didn’t know what else to do—”
“Oh, Calista!” she cried and sprang from her chair, surprisingly nimble for someone her age. She kneeled beside me on the floor, and I was shocked to see her eyes fill with tears. He mouth quivered as she gave a wobbly smile. “I love you, too! It is I who am sorry! You didn’t do anything wrong!” She wrapped me in an enthusiastic hug, and immediately I felt my insides warm up again. I let the blanket fall and hugged her back, a big smile on my face.
My heart felt a thousand times lighter as she pulled back and beamed at me. The light from the fire reflected off the tears on her cheeks. “Why are you crying?” I whispered, wondering if I’d soon be doing the same. But I felt so happy, I didn’t think I would.
She shook her head as she clasped my hand. “I thought I’d lost you. The way I lost Gabriella,” she whispered hoarsely. “I thought I’d driven you away the way I did her. And even though you came back, I thought you hated me and were going to tell me that you wanted to leave here.” She paused and sniffed, and wiped away a stray tear with her fist. “And it has been breaking my heart. And then this morning…”
Fresh pain flashed across her face, and instantly my chest clenched and my stomach twisted.
“It’s okay, it’s okay,” I whispered and squeezed her hand. I looked deep into her eyes, and at that moment I felt a connection with her that I’d never felt before. I realized that while I cared for her immensely, I’d always kept her somewhat at a distance. Even though she was my blood, it had never really felt like it the way it did right now.
I’d never told her that I loved her. Not until just then. And muting charm or not, I’d never felt her heart so full… as if it was finally beginning to heal after all this time. Once again, I was happy I’d made the decision to keep my Empath powers. As hard as they were to deal with at times, it was this connection with others that made me stronger. More alive. Sure, I felt the bad stuff. But it was so worth it to feel the good.
“Calista, you don’t know how happy you’ve made me.” Ana’s voice was quiet, but strong.
I gave her a small grin. “I think I have some idea.”
She shook her head and repositioned herself on the floor with her legs folded back to one side, and braced herself with her hands. For a brief moment she looked like a young girl, not somebody’s grandmother.
“You don’t know,” she continued. “Until you came here… for so many years… I felt dead inside. Empty. True, I had great friends and the wonderful blessings of the world of magic. But I was so alone. I’d felt like I was being punished for something and was trapped in my own hell.”
She gulped and gazed into the fire. Her eyes sparkled with a depth of sadness I’d never seen before.
“But when I found you… when you came here… for the first time in many years, I felt like I was alive again. I had a reason to live. I hadn’t realized how far I’d sunk until you helped pull me out of it.”
I rested my hand on hers and hoped she could feel my love. Something told me not to speak just yet, so I held my tongue and watched the flames twist their sinewy dance.
“So many times I was afraid I would lose you. Afraid you would turn on me and run away—when I told you the truth of who I was, when I told you the truth about what you were, when I told you about the Hunters, and then the problems with your friend Justin. Every step of the way I was terrified I’d say something that would be too much for you, something that would set you off and make you decide you couldn’t take it anymore, or not want to be a part of this world. I went to bed every night afraid that when I awoke, I would find you’d left me. That you and your father had returned to a simpler life, without all of this…”
She shook her head again. “But you continued to surprise me. You were always so strong… stronger than I gave you credit for.” Her eyes filled with pride, then with shame. “And then I did it—I managed to run you off, just like I did with Gabby.”
“But I came back,” I said. “I’m not going to pretend that what happened didn’t upset me. It did, a lot. You have to know that I love Nicholas, and I want to be with him. I want him in my life.”
Her shoulders slumped. “Even after knowing who he is?”
“Especially knowing who he is. He is wonderful. Kind. Loving. And
good. He’s exactly the kind of guy you should want me to be with…he’s the kind of guy I would want my daughter to be with.”
“But there is much you don’t know—”
“Ana,” I chuckled. “Who are you talking to? Don’t you think if someone was evil or harboring ill intentions toward me or anyone I loved, don’t you think I, of all people, would be able to tell?”
He mouth twitched a bit, and I felt her relax somewhat. There was a great conflict in her eyes as she struggled to reconcile this new truth with the lies she’d told herself for years.
I knew I was dancing on dangerous territory, and the expression “quit while you’re ahead” sprang to mind, but I had to get it off my chest. I took a deep breath and lowered my voice. “And as far as someone from his coven killing Grandpa Arthur, he had no idea about that happening, or why. He is one of them, yes, but it doesn’t mean he is them. You can’t blame him or hate him for the actions of others. You know that. Deep in your heart you know. Just as I know that what happened nearly destroyed you. And it’s understandable to blame those responsible. But you have to find a way to forgive them. You have to find a way to move on—”
“That’s just it. I can’t forgive and I can’t move on,” she interrupted, her voice cracking. She looked away. “Because the person responsible for everything that happened, for Arthur’s death and for Gabby leaving…is me.”
Chapter 12. Sadness
I leaned against my locker and smiled, ignoring the appreciative glances from some upper-class jocks as they swaggered on by. They’d suddenly seemed to find me more attractive these days, with my newly scarlet mane and without the awkward glasses that covered up half my face. And they made the rude noises to show it.
But I couldn’t care less about them. I only had eyes for one guy—the beautiful creature walking towards me right now, looking like a prince in his new St. Morgan’s sweater and his black fitted jeans. It was all I could do not to run across the quad and jump into his arms, then pin him down on the grass and kiss him for all the world to see.
He hadn’t spotted me yet, and I enjoyed my candid view as Nicholas confidently glanced around as if he’d been at this school for the past four years rather than just one day. A smile tugged at my lips as he ran his hands through his thick, tousled hair and stopped to tie his shoe.
“My God, could those girls be any more obviously desperate and pathetic?” a voice whispered loudly in my ear. “They’re going to drown in their own drool!” I’d been so fixated on watching Nicholas stroll across the quad, I was oblivious to Sophie and Lily’s arrival.
Sophie was rolling her eyes and smirking at a group of sophomores. I had to laugh when I saw how they were all openly gawking at him, some with their mouths actually hanging open, while a few others grabbed each other dramatically and giggled.
It was a little weird, and a tad unnerving. Except for Sophie and Lily, I had never been with Nicholas around other girls in public, where there’d be… competition. Occasionally, I’d wondered how they’d act around him if I wasn’t there.
And now as I scanned the area and saw more and more girls craning their necks and staring with excitement, I started to get really nervous. Would he still want me when he realized he had so many other options?
At that precise moment his eyes found mine. A slow smile spread over his face, and he made a direct line to where the three of us stood.
“And you’ve just officially become the most hated girl in school,” Sophie chuckled as Nicholas wrapped his arms around my waist and planted his lips on mine.
I knew just about everyone was staring at us right now, but I didn’t care. It was the first time I’d actually held him, actually physically touched him since we’d parted ways at the pier the night of our return. Although that was just a few days ago, it felt like forever.
I’d spoken briefly with Sophie and Lily about Nicholas starting school here, and had been worried that they might still be harboring some animosity towards him. I’d had to reassure them that even Ana had relaxed her stance and was allowing us to see each other on a limited basis for now, so long as we didn’t rub it in her face. She needed time to get used to the idea of us together, and I could accept that.
Happily, it seemed that Lily and Sophie didn’t need any time at all and they both greeted Nicholas with smiles.
“Hey, Nicholas. Sorry about… you know,” Sophie offered casually and held out her hand. He shook it and gave her a quick grin.
“It’s all good. How’s it going, Lily?”
“Fine, thanks,” she murmured as her boyfriend, Roman Banks, joined us. He eyed Nicholas with a friendly curiosity.
Lily introduced them, and Nicholas briefly let go of me to shake Roman’s hand.
As he did, without warning, a sudden deep wave of sadness washed over me. It was all I could do to stop the tears from building and spilling down my cheeks. I took several big gulps and blinked rapidly, my eyes wide.
“What’s wrong?” Lily asked, seeing my sudden discomfort.
I shook my head. “Nothing.”
She frowned and eyed me warily, but let it drop. Fortunately, no one else seemed to have noticed. Nicholas and Roman were talking about the soccer team, and Sophie had been distracted by the arrival of her boyfriend, Brady Cafferty.
The six of us stood around in a close circle talking, but even though his hand was again wrapped around mine, I still couldn’t shake the inexplicable sadness that came over me every time I looked at Nicholas. Like I was missing him, even though he was right here beside me.
A warning sounded in my brain that this could be another Empath ‘episode’. Ana had been concerned about me going back to school, but I’d assured her I had it all under control. Now that I knew the signs to look for, I’d be much more careful. Besides, my blocking bracelet usually did the trick and was enough to keep the casual emotions at bay. And it wasn’t like I felt everyone’s energy all the time… just those I was closest to. Usually.
But this was so weird right now. I felt almost… desperate. Definitely confused. Even a little ashamed. So many feelings, yet none made sense to me.
I glanced around at my circle of friends and tapped in to what they were feeling. None of them were harboring any secret, dark emotions; their moods all matched their expressions—happy and carefree.
“I have to stop at the admin office before the first class,” Nicholas said. He leaned down to give me a quick kiss on the top of my head. “See you at lunch?”
I nodded and gave a slight pout. “I wish we had at least one class together.”
He moved his lips to my ear. “I’d flunk it for sure if we did,” he whispered before giving my cheek a soft peck.
“Ha, right.” I’d seen his schedule. All the most advanced levels of classes, even for a senior. He was even higher than me in math. Who knew he was such the brainiac?
It was sort of surreal watching him amble down the walkway. Almost as odd as it was to be standing here clutching my book bag and waiting for first period English to begin, as if I were a regular high school student and this was just another typical day. But—at least for now—Ana wasn’t trying to ruin my life, and Sophie and Lily weren’t giving me a hard time about Nicholas.
I’d seen my mom, but until I could figure out a way to actually find her, that plan had a few kinks to work out. Justin was away with the Council, and we still hadn’t heard anything. I didn’t know if no news was good or bad, but there wasn’t much I could do about it either way.
So as weird as it felt to be here doing something so mundane as hanging out by the lockers and chatting with friends, at the same time it was kind of a relief.
I stared at Nicholas’s back as he walked away. Lily was focused on Roman, and Sophie was talking with Brady. The minute Nicholas turned the corner and was out of my sight, I felt like my heart was literally breaking in two.
I gasped and leaned against the locker for support so I wouldn’t fall. This time I couldn’t stop the tears from welling u
p and spilling over.
“Hey, hey!” Sophie darted to my side. Lily turned around, alarmed.
“What happened, she okay?” Roman asked.
I just shook my head, not trusting myself to speak. I was so confused, sad, and angry. Like I’d just been cruelly and callously abandoned. But why? He and I had such a great thing going on…I’d thought we’d really made a connection. Finally, someone who saw beneath the surface and liked me for me. I’d opened up to him in ways I’d never done with anyone, told him things I’d never told anyone. And for what? Just so he could up and disappear on me. Like I hadn’t been anything special after all. He was probably going after another girl. Someone prettier than me. Someone new, probably with a lame accent.
“Is this an Empath thing?” Lily asked silently, as Roman and Brady stood nearby.
“I… I think so… It’s got to be,” I thought back. But it didn’t feel like an ‘Emapth thing’. It felt real. Nicholas was breaking my heart. But why?
“Why don’t you guys give us a minute here,” Sophie cooed, gently brushing the boys away. I barely noticed their concerned expressions as they wandered off, leaving Lily and Sophie to hover around me.
“What can we do to help?” Lily asked.
I just shook my head again, as the tears continued to slide unchecked down my face.
“Come on, let’s go into the ladies’ room,” Sophie urged. “Let’s not make a scene out here.” She grabbed my arm and started escorting me down the hallway, rudely pushing people out of our way. I had taken several steps when I glanced up, and my breath caught in my throat.
Almost totally obscured between two tall planters, the sad face of Savannah Banyan stared back at me.
Chapter 13. Unrequited
Well, that just figures. Savannah always did have a special knack for getting under my skin. And now I get to feel her crap on overdrive? Great.
But even though I was a hundred percent sure it’d been her crazy feelings I was reacting to, I kept this information to myself. I still needed to freshen up before first period, and I wanted to get as far away from her as I possibly could. I hurried down the crowded hallway with Sophie and Lily, and made a beeline for the nearest restroom. Surprisingly, and fortunately, it was empty.